Re: Hannah & Jeremiah; Jester's Court
She didn't know he was holding onto anything, that there was any secret, and she didn't even consider that he was Si's Santa. The thought was nowhere in her head, even though she had wondered if someone out there knew, and someone out there knowing meant she needed to look over her shoulder more and more and more. But she didn't know, and she didn't suspect.
He said he didn't want something built on falsehoods, and she found that reassuring. Maybe he was listening, understanding, knowing that she was telling the truth about her own dark shadows and just how much of her they took up. Maybe that didn't seem important in the light of the fact that she wasn't "real," but it did matter to her. Still, still, still, she wasn't expecting him to say Amy's name, and she froze.
Froze, froze, like ice, and she stared and tried to understand what she was hearing, and she tried to convince herself she was hearing right. "But-," she began, but it was only that, a beginning, and he went on and on and on. Christmas, and months and months, and she stood there stock and still as he brushed hair back from her temple. "No, no, no, no... no." Because everything would be different now. It had to be, or maybe it already was, and she wasn't sure. She stepped back, back, hand to her temple, and she wanted to believe what he was saying, she did, but... no. It couldn't be, because it hadn't ever been, and everyone had changed. "Everyone changes," and that was muttered, and she stepped back again.
"I- Just- Let me..." And it was overload. It was too much and everything, and she'd seen it happen over and over and over, and the last time was with Si, and this was string tied to that and she was... no... Down the stairs, and she went as fast as her feet could carry her. She wasn't thinking. This was Cathy running wild on the moors and away from everyone and everything. She wound through the shades, lost herself in the, and she didn't look back. Alone, alone, alone, she wanted to be somewhere alone. And it was easy, getting lost, staying lost, it was easy. It was the only thing easy.