Kind to the point of doormat. (primlyrose) wrote in reduxpitch, @ 2016-09-13 07:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, character: lucas flint, character: primrose dursley |
WHO: Primrose Dursley and Lucas Flint
WHEN: 13 September 2002, Evening
WHERE: London, Lucas' Vardo
WHAT: Prim has something to tell Lucas
RATING: Low (pregnancy)
STATUS: Completed in Docs (Part2, Part3)
Primrose Dursley walked out of St. Mungo's hospital, her test results tucked securely in her purse. She was physically numb though her mind reeled with conflicting emotions. The overwhelming excitement at the romanticized idea that she and Lucas were meant to come here was overpowered by the fear that they might, somehow, turn into their parents; that he might leave her or blame her or not want the baby; that her aunt, uncle, and cousins would disown her. She wanted to laugh and cry and scream in frustration. She wouldn't ask how it had happened. She knew how. That first time, after the picnic, they weren't thinking. If they had been thinking, they would have used protection like the other times since.
Because Lucas and Prim were in love. She was certain of that. It wasn't the mad, passionate loves that she and other romance novelists wrote about, but it was love, and she felt it deeply. After that first time, they'd been more careful. They talked and learned together, and they were safe. But there had been an urgency that first time. It made them reckless, though they regretted nothing about it.
She still regretted nothing, even though she was scared beyond words. Seven weeks. She was seven weeks pregnant. She had missed her cycles the previous month, but she thought that was to do with the stress of seeing and interacting with her brother. When she had missed again this month, though, she didn't have stress as an excuse. She didn't go directly to the healers at St. Mungo's. Prim went to the pharmacy and, as surreptitiously as possible, purchased three different pregnancy tests. It was only after they all came back positive that she made an appointment to see a healer.
She had gone on her own. It would have been more difficult for her to face the healer with anyone there with her, even Daisy. She couldn't bear the thought of anyone being disappointed in her, or seeing their worry written plainly on their faces. Now, as she walked towards the Tube station that would take her closer to Diagon Alley and a floo home, she wished she had. She had to tell everyone. She had to tell Lucas. He should hear it first. He should be the first person she told. He had a right to have a say in what decision she made.
Though she had already made it. She knew her options. She'd actually done her research before seeing the healer so that she was prepared for them when they were brought up in the appointment. She knew it was a big decision, that no matter what she chose, she would be altering her and Lucas' lives forever. But two of the options were not for her. The only thing she could imagine doing was having and raising the child. It would be loved. It would be hugged and cared for, and it would never know what it felt like to be unwanted.
But she had to give Lucas a chance to say whether he wanted in or not. Prim didn't expect him to do anything less than the honourable thing, but she still needed to tell him, to give him an out, because she would not force him to stay with her if he was not ready for this. She loved him, she really, truly did, and she would not lie and say that she wouldn't be heartbroken if his answer was no, but she would hate herself if she trapped him in a life he didn't want.
Her feet knew the way to the train. Her subconscious knew the stop she needed. Prim allowed muscle memory to get her off the train, out of the underground, and to the Leaky Cauldron. She stood, facing the fireplace for several moments. She could go home. She could crawl into her bed and ignore her situation for the rest of the day, but she knew if she put off telling people it would become harder for her to do so. Lucas first, she thought, turning away from the hearth and towards the door to Diagon. The healer had assured her that apparation while pregnant, especially this early, was fine, so that's what she did, landing just outside Lucas' vardo.
Climbing the short stairs, Prim clutched her purse like it was a shield and, for the first time since Lucas had moved to the reserve, knocked on his front door.
--
Lucas was feeling good. Despite the change in direction that his friendship with Prim had taken, it was still a good change. He now knew the meaning of ‘loving your best friend’ and couldn’t imagine life any other way. Freshly showered after his shift, he was just tucking into a sandwich when the knock on his door sounded. His brow furrowed slightly, a knock was unusual, unless it was someone who was now worried that they might catch him with Prim at an inopportune moment. More fool them, Lucas had been very careful about locking his door when Prim came over, if only to save her from the embarrassment of someone discovering them sans clothing.
He left his sandwich and went to open the door, his confusion only grow as he saw Prim standing there. “Prim?” He practically flew down the steps to check to see if she was alright. Something, some intuition in his gut, told him something was wrong. “Is everything okay? I just made myself a sandwich. You’re welcome to half. Unless you’re not feeling well. Then I think you left soup here at some point. Maybe. Probably.”
--
His concern and sweetness almost undid Prim, but she knew that it would panic him if she began to cry. So she kissed him, and smiled, and led him into the Vardo. "I'm well," she said, hoping her tone was reassuring. She felt disconnected from everything, but the longer she looked at Lucas, the more she returned to herself. "Finish your sandwich. I'll make some tea."
The task gave her something to do, to keep her hands busy and her mind focused. She had removed her shoes when she entered, as was habit, but she didn't put her purse down. In her imagination, it was a bomb, and if she put it down, her world would explode. She searched through the tea, looking for one without caffeine that wasn't chamomile. She had a list of things she shouldn't have while pregnant, and caffeine was one of them. It was fine, she was told, in small amounts, but she would have to drink less black tea.
"Remind me to get mint tea," she said, almost absently, when she finally found the nearly empty box. The kettle whistled, and she took it off the heat, but her hand shook too much for her to pour. She set it down again before she could burn herself. She didn't really want tea anyway. Prim gripped the edge of the counter and stared out of the window over the sink. She wasn't really seeing anything. "Lucas," she began, not turning to face him. "I need you to remember that you can always tell me no. That you're not obligated to do anything for me or to go along with things because of a noble need to protect me."
Prim took the envelope with her test results out of her bag and turned to face her best friend. Her hand shook as she held it out to him. "After you read this, please don't respond right away. Move past the emotional response, because I know what you'll say, and I need you to be completely sure. I need you to think with your head and not react with your heart."
--
Lucas was confused, but remained quiet as Prim went about her business bustling around his vardo. At least she was still comfortable there, he realized. Snitching now could be too terribly wrong if she was still comfortable in his presence. He barely touched his sandwich as she fixed her tea, trying not to bounce out of his seat in impatience to find out what was bothering Prim.
“Alright,” he said slowly, unsure of where this was going, but not ready to run yet.
He took the envelope from Prim as she held it out to him. It had to be important. Prim wouldn't be acting like this if it wasn't important. “Did you want to tell me what this is? Or should I read it for myself?”
--
When he had the envelope, Prim retreated, pressing her back against the counter and wrapping her arms around her middle. She worried her lower lip between her teeth. Making him read the papers would be the cowardly thing. The easy thing, yes, but he should hear the words from her. He deserved to hear the words.
"I went to see a healer today, to get some tests done." She had to pause, swallowing hard to clear the lump in her throat. Her eyes were on her feet, but she made herself look at the man whose life she was about to change forever.
"I'm..I'm not sick or hurt. The healer said I am in perfect health." Her voice and lip trembled, and she paused to take a deep breath. "Lucas, I'm pr--" Prim choked on the words as her eyes filled with tears. She had to look away from him. She couldn't see his face as she said this, and she didn't want him to see her fear and hope. "I'm pregnant," she breathed. If they had any more space between them, she knew he wouldn't have been able to hear her, but the Vardo was small, and she hoped he wouldn't need her to repeat it.
--
“If you’re not--” Lucas cut himself off as Prim began to speak and explain herself. When her words finally hit him, he blinked and tried to process their meaning. Pregnant? Pregnant! Pregnant. Babies. Family. Fatherhood.
He looked at her, eyes automatically dropping to her torso as if there would already be a pregnancy bump, but they quickly returned to her face where he caught sight of her tears. He wasn’t sure about how he felt about her news, but he knew he could not sit idly by as she cried. Pushing back away from the table, Lucas went to Prim, wrapping his arms around her. He couldn’t say anything right away, but he couldn’t ignore her either.
“Okay.” He said finally, leaning his forehead against hers. “Okay. We can figure this out, but you are wrong you know. I do have an obligation.”
Lucas wasn’t quite sure what the right words were, but he knew what the right thing to do was. What would Marcus do if he were in this situation? That at least he could answer. “You didn’t become pregnant by some miracle. I had a hand in that and that means I have a responsibility.”
--
"You don't have to," she argued, even as she clung to him. "You don't have to derail your life for this. I don't want to be a burden or an obligation. This can be my responsibility. That's what I'm trying to say. You have a choice, Lucas. I've made mine, but I don't want you feeling trapped by it. By me."
Gently, Prim pushed him back by his shoulders, but she couldn't let go of him. She was saying one thing and doing another because she knew what she wanted even while she did and said what she had to. "You have a choice, and I need you to do what's right for you. Not what's right for m--" Prim's words caught, and she moved her right hand from Lucas' arm and pressed it over her lower stomach. "Not what's right for us. What's right for you."
She pushed him again, back towards the little table, and forced herself to breathe slowly, to keep the tears at bay. "I'm going to lie down, and give you space, and you let me know." Prim moved to the back of the vardo and curled up on the bed, hugging Hamish, who had made the move from her room at Potter Cottage to Lucas' vardo weeks ago.
--
He wanted to go after her, soothe her worries and fears, but he couldn’t help but feel like if he even attempted to he would be slapped back again. Lucas remained where he was, arms crossed over his chest as the silence grew between them, heavy and hard to bear.
“That’s unfair,” he said finally, anger coloring the edges of his voice. He took a deep breath, reigning in a quickly fraying temper. “You don’t get to choose what I do or how I feel. You said I have a choice, well I’m making it. I choose you. I choose the baby. I choose us. Together. However we decide to define together.”
Lucas went to sit at the edge of his bed, careful to keep a distance between them. “I’m not going anywhere, Prim, and I’m slightly insulted that you thought I would. I was raised better than that.”
--
"I knew you wouldn't," she whispered, her tears finally falling. "I wasn't trying to decide for you. That's why I was giving you an option to leave if this was too much." She put Hamish aside and sat up, tears streaming down her cheeks. She started to reach for him then hesitated, and let her hand rest on the bed between them.
"I can't do this on my own. More specifically, I can't do it without you, but Lucas I couldn't--I couldn't live with myself if I thought you felt trapped." Prim pressed her hands to her belly. "I want this baby. It was an accident, but not a mistake. I'm so sorry, Lucas. I'm sorry I made the decision to keep it before I told you. I don't want to do this without you, and I'm sorry."
--
No longer able to stay away, Lucas crawled across the bed and curled around Prim. His arms came up around her, pulling her close. “I can’t claim to know the right words or that I know what I’m doing. I barely know how to stay on a budget. Or cook for myself. Or any number of things, but I can promise you that I won’t let you do this on your own.”
He wasn’t thinking about all the responsibilities that came with babies or the impact a child would have on his life. He couldn’t think about it right now. If he did he would run the risk of becoming overwhelmed with it all. All he could do was take a deep breath and support Prim the best he could.
“So what do you want to do?” Lucas asked, balancing his chin on her shoulder. “I mean, we’re going to have to tell our families. Do you want me to be there? Do you want to be there when I tell mine?” He was talking about his siblings of course. He would deal with his parents when the time came and do his best to keep Prim out of it.
--
"Those are the right words," she breathed as she lay with him. She turned in his arms so she faced him. She wouldn't ask him if he was sure. She wouldn't offend him like that again. Ever again. "Yes, and yes. We should tell them together."
Prim kissed Lucas before sitting up again. "But first," she said, wiping her eyes and cheeks. "I need to try this again." She pushed her fear aside, and let only her hope and happiness shine. Prim tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled down at her best friend. "We're going to have a baby. Lucas, you're going to be a daddy. I'm about seven weeks along, and I'm due in May."
--
The words still didn’t make sense to him and it didn’t quite seem real that Prim was pregnant, that they were going to have a child, but as he looked at her and stared at her stomach, Lucas could almost imagine it. He wasn’t sure he knew if how to be a father.. A daddy, but he would try. Oh Merlin would he try.
Reaching out, he brushed a stray tear away from her cheek. “Well May isn’t very far away at all. I guess there’s a lot to do between now and then.” He looked around his vardo. It was really just big enough for one, barely two with the amount of time Prim spent there. A baby and all the things babies required wouldn’t fit. He would have to find a new place to live where there would be room for everyone. Hopefully it wouldn’t be far from the reserve.
--
Watching his face, she saw his wheels start to turn, and Prim lay down with him again, wrapping her arms around his middle and nuzzling her head under his chin. "We have plenty of time." She felt lighter now that someone else was carrying part of the burden, but she felt incredibly guilty for having laid it on Lucas' shoulders. She knew that thought was illogical, that Lucas would never have picked the option that served only him. She had hoped he would. It was that fear of being a burden on anyone that had made her hope it, though.
As if she'd been punched in the stomach, the air seemed to rush out of her. "I'm sorry," she whispered against his chest. "I just--I see now--" She blew a breath out of her nose and held him tighter. "In my attempt to not be a burden, I hurt you. I did take away your choice a little, and I'm sorry. I--I do it with everyone, and…"
Prim took deep, even breaths to calm her racing heart. "They'll want to help us. After we tell my aunt and uncle and your siblings, they'll want to help us, and we'll need to let them. To a point." She pulled away so she could look at his face. "Here and now--right in this very moment, I am breaking the habit of not asking for help when I need it because I am afraid of being a burden. I can't, for the sake of our baby and us, let my fear of the people I love no longer wanting me stop me from asking for help when I really need it. It's not fair to you or them or the baby." The determined look on her face faltered a little, and she worried her lower lip between her teeth in thought. "Will you help me with that?"
--
Lucas nodded, knowing what Prim said was true. His siblings would want to help, of that he was sure. At least after they got past what Lucas could only assume would be anger and disappointment. “To a point,” he agreed, though where that point stood Lucas didn’t know.
“Always.” Linking their hands, he brought them up to kiss the back of her hand. “Don’t think of asking for help for your sake, but for the baby’s. That should help right?” Leaning over his other hand hovered over her stomach for a moment, afraid to touch. Finally, he worked up the courage to place it, trying to imagine the feel of a baby’s foot or hand underneath and he couldn’t. That didn’t mean that the inevitable was any less likely to happen.
“We’ll figure it out. Together.” He didn’t have anything else to add after that. Only that he really hoped that Prim’s aunt and uncle didn’t curse him right on the spot, but he figured that probably wasn’t appropriate to say right then and there.
--
She smiled softly when he touched her stomach. Prim put her hands over his. Soon, they would be able to feel the baby when they lay like this. "Together," she whispered. She relaxed into the mattress, tangling her legs with his, and letting the silence wash over them. She didn't want to face the rest of the world yet.
But she knew they couldn't put it off forever. Sighing, she stirred herself from her near doze. Prim squeezed Lucas' hand affectionately, drawing strength from it. "Do you want to see your siblings or my aunt and uncle first?" Neither conversation was going to be particularly easy, but she would leave it up to him to decide.
--
Lucas was tempted to say ‘neither’ even though it wasn’t an option… and he knew that they could not hide Prim’s pregnancy forever. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to his siblings and if he avoided them for too long… well, at least one of them (if not both) would come looking for him. If they found out without him telling them immediately… well, Lucas didn’t want to imagine that.
“How likely is that either your aunt or uncle will kill me?” He tried to keep his voice light, but he knew that there was a very good chance that they would put the blame squarely on him. After all, this wasn’t typical Prim behavior. “Because I will want to make sure everything I have goes to you and the baby.”
Lucas paused to think it over further. “I mean, I suppose Marcus might kill me too. Or Pippa. But don’t worry, they’ll be very nice to you. But if Marcus gets a gleam in his eyes because he wants to ‘help’ I would run. Fast. Maybe cry. That should distract him long enough for you to get away.”
--
Prim laughed lightly before propping herself above Lucas so she could kiss him. "They aren't going to hex, harm, or murder you. Uncle James might glare, but, even if they did reach for their wands, I wouldn't let anything happen to you." Not that she believed they would. Her aunt and uncle were too logical to believe that it was all Lucas' fault. It was no one's fault. To blame anyone made the baby a mistake, and she didn't see it that way.
"I might be able to cry," she mused, moving to the edge of the bed and standing. "My emotions keep spiking." She held her hand out to Lucas. "I'll protect you from them, too. But will we see them first or my aunt and uncle?"
--
Again, Lucas would have preferred neither. Maybe they could get away with owls? No, that was a bad idea. Then all four could descend at once and that would be bad. Bad with a capital b.
“Who are you more comfortable talking to?” He asked. “My siblings because you don't know them that well? Or your aunt and uncle because you do?”
He took her hand, but pushed himself up. “If I turned into a puppy, would that help or hurt my cause?”
--
"My aunt and uncle because I do," she said quietly. She was familiar enough with Pippa at this point that she did feel comfortable talking with her, but she hadn't had much cause to interact with Marcus, especially recently. "I'm afraid it won't help your cause with either pair because they'll all want to ask questions."
She kissed him again. "They may be more frightening for you? They may make telling your brother and sister easier?" She had wanted him to decide. She didn't want it to seem like she was making a decision after asking for his. She thought that was duplicitous
--
Lucas expected questions. He could deal with them, even if he didn't have all the answers. He had faith however, that they could make this work. Even if he ended up losing whatever support the Flint name brought him, he and Prim would make this work.
“Then we talk to your aunt and uncle first.” He was okay with Prim making decisions as long as she consulted with him when it came to matters that would affect both their lives. Telling their loved ones was inevitable, but he would happily go through some discomfort if it made Prim feel better.
“Are you sure I can't distract them, though? Are there any topics we should shy away from? Except of course the obvious.” His gaze fell back to her stomach, yes, they would have to face the music on that one.
--
To Be Continued…