mander3_swish (mander3_swish) wrote in qaf_giftxchnge, @ 2015-01-02 14:15:00 |
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”And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
The Beatles, Abbey Road
“The time has come! The time has come!” Jerry danced around the coffee table separating the couch from the small dining area of the cramped Manhattan apartment he shared with his boyfriend.
Justin tried not to flinch. The time had come… and passed. Justin has been trying to think of a nice way to break it off with Jerry, but he just couldn’t take a hint. Everything Jerry did these days got on his nerves. And sex with Jerry? It was beginning to make his skin crawl.
Justin pasted on a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and asked the question Jerry was desperately waiting for him to utter. “The time has come for what?”
“We can finally do it! We can get married!”
What the fuck? Where the hell had Jerry gotten the idea they were ever going to get married? Out loud he only uttered “huh?”
Jerry stopped dancing and looked hard at Justin. “Married! Remember, you said we couldn’t get married until it was legal in Pennsylvania.”
Justin searched his memory. Was he foolish enough to have promised something to Jerry in a fit of passion? Fuck no.
“You don’t remember, do you? When it became legal to marry in New York, we went to the Pride parade and I proposed and you said…”
“I said I wouldn’t marry until it was legal in Pennsylvania.” It was all coming back to Justin. He didn’t promise to marry Jerry – he cringed, marry Jerry. Fuck, there was no way he was going to “marry Jerry”. No he didn’t promise to marry Jerry, he had actually been thinking about Brian and once legal in Pennsylvania, there might actually be a time for them to make a formal commitment – in some delusional dream. Marrying Brian was as far off the radar as marrying Jerry.
“You do remember!” Jerry’s smile brightened.
“Yes.” Jerry hugged him. “NO!” Justin grabbed Jerry by the shoulders pushing distance between them. Jerry frowned, hurt showing on his face. “Jerry… fuck… there’s no way to say this nicely.” Justin sucked in a deep breath, and let it out. “When I said I wouldn’t marry until it was legal in Pennsylvania, I wasn’t talking about you… about us.”
“Huh?” Now it was Jerry’s turn to be perplexed. Sure, they weren’t one hundred percent anonymous. Justin still liked to occasionally go out and pick up guys. Jerry never understood it, but he tolerated it. After all Justin always came home to him. He threw his shoulder’s back. “You never intended to marry me, did you?” The hurt turned to anger. “You strung me along, making me think one day we’d really be together.”
“I never promised…” Justin began to point out.
“No. You never could fully commit. I’m the one who committed. I found the apartment for us to move into. I organized all the utilities. I buy all the groceries. I adopted the cat.” Anger turned to nastiness. Jerry’s voice was rising and his face was turning red. “I’m the one who should be committed… to a fucking hospital for the insane. Because I have to be insane to think you ever were going to commit to me… to us. Fuck, I’ve been stupid – but no more. You can fucking pack up and go back to Pennsylvania… and whatever is there that has held you back from making a commitment and marrying me! GET THE FUCK OUT!”
Jerry grabbed his coat and looked at the clock in the living room – six p.m. “I’m going over to Dave’s. He’ll put me up for the night. When I come home from work tomorrow, I want you and anything of yours gone. Leave the keys with the super – I never want to see you again!” Jerry stomped out the door, leaving a stunned Justin standing in the small apartment.
“Well, that went well.” Justin said to the empty apartment.
“I must say, Sunshine, drama does seem to follow you wherever you go.”
Justin’s head swung around so fast he could hear his neck crack. He raised a hand to the back of his head. “OW! What the fuck Brian? What are you doing here?” He hadn’t seen Brian in two years. Brian always seemed to be missing whenever he visited family and friends back in Pittsburgh. The last time he’d seen Brian was Daphne’s wedding.
Justin looked at Brian now, framed in the doorway, taking him back to that boutique hotel in Chelsea nearly fifteen years ago. Fuck he looks hot. Justin flinched realizing he spoken the words.
A slow smirk curled the edges of Brian’s lips. “Why thank you, Sunshine. I can say the same for you. I see you’re still breaking the hearts of the unwashed and uninspiring.”
Justin frowned, a line forming between his eyebrows. “Huh?”
“Cat got your tongue? Speaking of which,” Brian stepped inside the door frame and closed the door behind him. “I think that thing is trying to figure out whether now is a good time to make a break for it.” Brian pointed to the large orange tabby cat stretching on the couch, staring at the door.
Justin ignored the cat. “Seriously Brian, what are you doing here?”
“I was in Manhattan on business and your mother and Debbie badgered me into looking you up.” Brian pursed his lips and raised his voice an octave to a falsetto. “We haven’t heard from him in a month! Brian, you’re going to be in New York. You need to look him up – make sure he’s eating right, make sure he’s warm enough.”
Brian dropped the falsetto and crossed the room. He placed his hands on Justin’s shoulders, then proceeded to run them down his torso and around to his ass before grabbing Justin by his butt cheeks. Brian bent near to Justin’s ear. “I’d say you’re eating right. You seem to be filled out in all the right places...”
Justin sucked in air as he felt Brian’s breath on his lips. “… and you seem to be warm enough… hot even.” Brian bent and captured his lips.
In ten seconds, ten years melted away. Mouths opened, heads shifted angle, tongues dueled and hands tugged at clothing in the way. Brian walked Justin backwards toward the couch until the edge caught Justin in the back of his knees and he fell back, nearly crushing the cat, who startled across the room to hide in the bedroom. Still holding onto Brian, Justin tumbled, pulling Brian down beside him. Brian grunted, but settled in between Justin’s splayed legs. Brian smiled and rutted against Justin’s growing hard on.
Justin reluctantly shifted and moved his mouth away. “Brian… Wait! We can’t…”
Brian leaned up on his elbows and looked down into Justin’s blue eyes. “… can’t what?”
Justin gestured to the couch, each of them, “this… us… here… like this…”
“Would you rather go back to my hotel? The décor is a lot more appealing and the bed is quite comfortable. And really, if we’re making a night of it, it probably would be a better idea. If we start here, we’d only to have to get dressed again and catch a cab cross-town. Kind of kills the mood.”
Justin laughed. “You haven’t changed one bit.”
Brian sobered. “I assure you Justin, I have.”
Justin saw he was serious. Wow, who’d have thought it? Justin looked more closely. Still devilishly handsome; perhaps there was a touch of silver in his wonderful, thick auburn hair. A few laugh lines the ridiculously expensive French anti-aging shit hadn’t been able to battle. His eyes were merry with lustful laughter and happiness. Brian Kinney happy? Justin never really put those two things together.
“You look… happy.”
“I should be. I come to New York to track down my errant blond only to find out I don’t have to wrest you from the arms of your beloved. In fact, you’ve made it almost entirely too easy for me – he’s thrown you out. It’s all easier than I could have planned.”
Justin listened, all the while feeling his blood pressure rising. He gave Brian a shove, which resounded in an inelegant “whumph!” as Brian tumbled off the couch and onto the floor, almost hitting his head on the coffee table.
“Justin, what the fuck?”
“Brian. Thanks for stopping by to check on me for Debbie and Mom – though why they didn’t pickup the damn phone and just call me is beyond my cognition. Yes, I had a fight with my boyfriend. And yes, in a total drama queen moment he threw my ass out, but I don’t need Brian Kinney to come in like some shining knight to rescue me. I can make do just fine.”
“Justin…”
“Brian, please. Just go back to your hotel.” Justin waived Brian away before he jumped Brian’s bones. “Call my mother and yours and let them know you saw me and I’m doing fine. I’d appreciate if you left out the part where Jerry and I had a fight.”
“So you’re going to stay here?”
Justin thought about it. It would be easy to lie and tell Brian they had these kinds of skirmishes all the time – it was no big deal. But it didn’t sit well with him to lie. Justin looked across the room where Brian stood.
“No, I’m not going to stay here. The truth is I have been looking for an excuse to break things off with Jerry. I know I could never commit to him like he wants me to.” He looked into Brian’s eyes. They both knew there was only one man either of them could ever commit to and they were each staring at him.
Justin squared his shoulders and took in a deep breath. “I’m going to call and see about renting a van, then I’m going to pack up my stuff and move out. I can crash at my studio space tonight and look for another apartment tomorrow.”
“Or…”
“Or?”
“Or you can pack up your shit and I can call around and see about renting a van. Then we can pack up the van. You can crash in my hotel room – on the couch if you don’t think you can share a bed with me without risking my virtue.”
That brought a smile to Justin’s lips. “Your… virtue?”
Brian batted his eyes. “And after a good night’s sleep, we can go to your studio and pack it up as well.”
“What? Why the fuck would I want to do that?”
“It will save time. This way, we only have to make one trip to move you back to Pittsburgh.”
“Who said anything about moving back to the Pitts?”
Brian gave Justin a stare as if to say, “Bitch, please!”
“Fuck! I’m going to kill her. I cannot believe Daphne told you I’ve been thinking about moving back to Pittsburgh.”
“Why the fuck else would I have bothered to stop by? I’m in New York at least once a month.”
“And you didn’t bother to visit!?” Justin was unable to keep the outrage and offense out of his voice.
“Don’t get your panties in a wad! You’ve been merrily co-habiting with Toby, Hans, Terry, Gary, Barry and Jerry – what the fuck is it with you and guy’s whose names rhyme with “Marry”. Oh yes, and let’s not forget Elmer – really? Glue boy?”
Justin gave Brian a perturbed look, but shook his head. “My iPad’s on the table – you can use it to find a rental car agency.”
Brian glanced at the tablet before pulling out his phone. He dialed a number. “Concierge, please.”
Justin rolled his eyes and moved to the bedroom.
Brian followed him into the bedroom, while keeping up a steady stream of conversation on the phone. “Hold on.” He muted the phone. “Do you need packing boxes?”
Justin looked around. “Probably not a bad idea.” He had two suitcases and a duffle. The apartment didn’t have room for storage.
Brian nodded his head. “Yeah, a standard packing package – tape, boxes. Yes, just use the card on file at the desk…” Brian walked out of the room reeling off instructions to the concierge, including Justin’s address.
Justin looked around. It was the first time in a long while he was looking forward to the next day. New York was a hard city. Never enough money, everything was so expensive. Even when his paintings sold, there wasn’t enough to last very long. He wasn’t living hand to mouth, but he wasn’t investing for his retirement either. He pulled his clothes from the closet and dresser and assembled them on the bed.
Brian came in and looked at the clothes. He bit his tongue – he could buy Justin new clothes when they returned to the Pitts.
Justin looked up and Brian smiled. “The van should be here in about 90 minutes. Depending on how much you need to take with you from here and the studio, you can upgrade to a larger van in the morning.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“Thanks.”
“That’s what friends are for.” Brian simply said. “Look, I know how to pack a suitcase, if this is everything, why don’t you gather up your stuff from the other room and let me pack this stuff?”
Justin bit his lip. He looked at the cases and the pile of clothes on the bed, then to the other room. It made sense. “Sure, let me pull out my shoes from the closet and get my winter stuff from the hall closet.”
“You can pack all your shoes in one of the boxes when the van comes.”
“Good idea.” Justin pulled out a pair of particularly beat up sneakers. “I guess I can take the opportunity to get rid of some stuff too.”
Brian smiled, but wisely kept his mouth shut. His boy had grown up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brian signed the contract for the van and tipped the delivery man, before picking up the box of supplies including packing boxes and tape. Justin hadn’t wasted any time amassing his stuff on any clear surface. Brian dutifully packed up shoes, toiletries and bathroom items, and a few high end kitchen items. When he found Justin in the kitchen debating whether or not to take some cheap ass pots and pans he spoke up. “Leave them. Unless it costs more than a hundred bucks you can replace it just as easy at home.”
“But…”
“Justin, you aren’t broke. You have money from your paintings, your Rage income and residuals, you can get free-lance work doing web and graphic design…”
“How’d you…?” Justin stopped. “Daphne.”
“Take this opportunity to free yourself of the cheap and mundane. Your cost of living in the Pitts will be a quarter of what it is here.”
Brian was right. There were only a handful of kitchen items Justin cared about, and they were things he’d invested in – a good chef’s knife, and All-Clad pot, a Cuisinart food processor. Everything else Jerry could have.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Anything else?” Brian had returned from his fifth trip to the van.
Justin surveyed the tiny apartment. He started to realize just how little of himself was actually there. Only one painting, and a few items he’d collected. He actually had more at the studio space he shared with two other artists.
Justin dropped his keys on the table and picked up the last box. “This is it.”
Brian nodded and held the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brian opened the door to the hotel suite. By New York standards it was actually quite large. A simple room divider built into the wall separated a small couch and work area from the obvious bedroom. A bath was tucked away across from the bedroom, a small entertainment center and mini-bar was opposite the couch.
Justin took in the room.
“Well?” Brian stood, his arms held out from his body, his palms raised up to the ceiling. “Are you coming… or going? Or coming then going? Or coming and staying?”
Justin shook his head. “I could be uncomfortable on the couch and not sleep well, and you can go to bed with a hard on and not sleep well. Or we can just get it over with and rid ourselves of our hard-ons, tension, and probably sleep like the dead.”
“You always slept like the dead.”
“A clear conscience.”
“So I guess you don’t sleep like the dead anymore.”
“Fuck you!”
“And here I thought I’d have to be the one to ask you. One bed, two bodies…”
“Condoms?”
“At least enough for tonight…”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brian tied off the third condom and threw it into the bedside wastebasket. He rolled his shoulders and stretched before spooning up behind Justin and his fabulous ass. He slung his arm over the younger man. Even in his sleep Justin snuggled back and close to Brian. Brian let his heavy lids shut, a slight smile gracing his beautiful face.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It took a surprisingly short amount of time to pack up ten years of one’s life, Justin mused as Brian closed and taped the lid on the final box of art supplies. Justin would miss the people who he’d shared the studio with for the last three years. He was confident they’d be able to replace him quickly with another artist looking for inexpensive studio space in Manhattan – a rarity to be sure.
Justin had been impressed with Brian’s patience and precision in helping to crate up the canvases. Justin had spoken to his agent earlier in the day and she didn’t expect there to be an issue with Justin working out of Pittsburgh instead of Manhattan. It was a short flight away.
As Justin closed the door, he realized he really was shutting the door on a chapter of his life. Kind of sad.
Brian gave him some room and headed down to the rented van. For the first time in the years since he quit, he longed for a cigarette. He felt foolish staring at the curb trying to figure out if Justin needed him, and if he did, how he might need him.
He felt Justin before he saw him standing next to him by the van. “All ready?”
“Yeah. When’s your flight? I can drop you off before I head out.”
“What flight?” Brian banged on the side of the rental. “Our chariot awaits!”
“You’re driving back with me?”
“Sure, Justin and Brian’s big adventure.”
“I guess we can trade off driving and sleeping.”
“Oh no, if I have to drive, I expect you to keep me awake with stories of your life in the big city.”
“I thought you said you didn’t want to sleep.”
Brian snorted a laugh and opened the driver’s side door. “Say goodbye to the big, bad apple, Sunshine. Next stop, the Pitts.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brian beat the estimation of his phone’s GPS by 40 minutes. In less than six hours, he and Justin had crossed the wilds of Pennsylvania. Justin had finally conked out just past Breezewood. Brian debated stopping and dropping Justin at his mother’s but with all they did talk about in the four hours Justin was awake, Justin didn’t bring up what his plans were once he hit Pittsburgh.
Exiting the turnpike for 376, Justin hardly moved as Brian shifted the truck to slow down and pay the toll. Passing through the Pittsburgh city center Brian considered stopping by the loft. Justin could stay there – at least temporarily. It really wasn’t used much these days, unless he counted the times Gus would hide out when the estrogen got too strong at home. Eventually he’d have to confront Gus about his avoidance maneuvers, but so far he hadn’t abused his privileges.
With a shake of his head, Brian accelerated past the exit that would take him to Tremont and forged ahead to the exit for 22 West.
The shift from the steady rhythm of the highway to the local roads was enough to alert Justin to something different. Eyes still shut against the fading sun, Justin shuffled from one butt cheek to the other in an effort to exorcise the stiffness in his seat. He stretched his arms out as much as the van would allow. “I think my butt fell asleep.”
“Not only your butt.”
Justin shook his head and shoulders trying to wake up. “Is it my turn to drive?”
Brian gave a bark of laughter, as he engaged the turn signal and turned into the driveway. “I think I can manage the last forty feet.”
Justin looked around. He’d been looking out the side of his window at the trees and entirely missed the house filling the view out the windshield. His brows furrowed and he looked at Brian. “What? What are we doing here?”
“Well, we hadn’t really discussed where you planned to go once you got to town. If nothing else, you can unload your canvases and supplies – they’ll be safe here. You can stow your gear here as well. It isn’t as if there isn’t enough space.”
“Won’t … someone… object?”
“Well, since there isn’t anyone else to object – except perhaps Gus – I’d say it’s my call and yours. I had thought about dropping you off at the loft. That’s still an option, until you decide what you’re doing.”
“What do you mean – aren’t you living at the loft?”
“Sometimes I crash there if I work late. But I live here.” Brian opened his door. “I’d love to stay here and chat, but after 6 hours in this tin can, I need to stretch.” Brian rubbed his neck as he unfolded his legs and exited the van. Justin was still staring at him as the door closed in his astonished face. At least Brian hadn’t slammed it.
The sound of the back door of the van rolling up rousted Justin and he exited the cab quickly. Brian was pulling his bags and Justin’s duffle from the back. “That’s enough for tonight. We can deal with the rest in the morning.” Once you figure out what you are going to do.
Brian headed to the door, leaving Justin to grab his bag and follow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brian left his bag at the foot of the staircase and headed to the back of the house. Justin followed suit. Brian had rolled up his sleeves and was washing his hands and forearms. “Are you hungry? I usually eat salad and soup or something light in the evening. There’s probably some crackers or a roll and some cheese and turkey, if you want a sandwich.”
Justin didn’t know what to say, so he followed along – washing the grime of the road away, then helping Brian to get items from the fridge. Brian handed him some plates and nodded to a drawer Justin assumed held silverware. Brian measured out two bowls of soup and put them in the microwave to heat. Justin took it upon himself to assemble small salads and some crackers with cheese and meat.
Both parties held their tongues until they were seated eating before broaching the subject of what might come next.
“Brian…” Justin started.
At the same time Brian spoke up, “You’re going to have to…”
“Your house,” Justin conceded.
Brian smiled, “Actually, our house.”
“Huh?”
“Well, I did buy it for my prince.”
“Some prince, more like a pauper.”
“And I could say ‘it’s only time’ and we could spend the rest of the night trading clichés. But that’s not me. Have you given any thought about what you are going to do?”
Justin stared at his soup. “I haven’t really thought about much else, and yet not at all. Yes, I’d been hoping to end things with Jerry, and yes, I’d been thinking about moving home, but that’s all it was thoughts – no plans. At least nothing concrete. Now I’m here and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Well, sleep on it. You can figure things out in the morning.”
Justin stopped with his spoon halfway to his mouth. Where would he be sleeping? Brian and he shared a bed last night. But that was just one night – for old times sake, right? Well, there’d been a bit of awkwardness this morning with them both sporting hard-ons, but that was biology, right? It didn’t count, right? Right?
“Brian…”
“Look, the title on this place has both our names. I’ll make it easy for you. If you want to sleep with me, you know what room to find me in. If not, it’s not like there aren’t enough other bedrooms.” Brian pushed away from his seat at the island. “I think I’ve had enough to eat.” He crossed and put his dishes in the sink. “Please rinse your dishes and put away anything you’re not going to eat. I usually leave the light on over the sink.” And with that Brian padded away leaving Justin confused.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Justin wrapped up the leftover food and put it in the fridge. He filled the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen.
“Now what?”
As if on cue his phone rang.
“This is Justin.”
“Duh! Like it would be someone else.”
“Daphne?”
“Your grasp of the obvious is staggering.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Justin smiled as he hurled the insult.
“You know, I could hang up on you.”
“No! Wait! Don’t hang up. I need you.”
“That’s more like it. More Jerry issues?”
Actually, Justin hadn’t given Jerry a thought in 24 hours. That kind of summed up the better part of his last year. “Uh, no. You don’t have to worry on that front any more.”
“Hallelujah! Now maybe I can come and visit you.”
“Well, that might be a bit difficult…”
“Don’t tell me that sniveling little weasel threw you out!”
“Daphne, he found the apartment.”
“But where are you staying? Are you out on the street?”
“Yes, Daphne, that’s exactly it. I’ve taken up residence in the third refrigerator box under the West Side Highway overpass.”
“Oh please, stop with the drama. You’re probably shacked up at some hotel with room service, right?”
“Uh, not exactly.”
“Well, email me your new address once you get settled. If you’re a good Justin, I might just make a pilgrimage to New York and visit you.” Her tone went from playful to serious, “It’s really been too long.”
“You can come visit me tomorrow.”
“Not that I wouldn’t like to, but…”
“I’m back in town.”
“You bastard! How? When? Where?”
“Rental van. Tonight. Britan.”
“Britan? Wait! Are you and Brian?”
“NO!” Then Justin thought about it – it had been a crazy 24 hours. “I don’t know… I don’t think so… Oh hell… maybe?”
“I have the early shift at work tomorrow – done by 3pm. Can we meet? Should I come there? Do you think you can meet me in town? Omigod! Have you told your mother? She’s going to have a cow. She and Debbie have been plotting on how to get you home. Omigod! Debbie. We could meet at the Diner. You can see everyone – they’re all excited about the news with gay marriage being legal. Debbie’s been planning her wedding – personally, I think Emmett’s trying to put the reigns on it so it doesn’t resemble some drag queen extravaganza. Carl’s just happy they can finally make it legal.”
Justin’s head was spinning. He’d entirely forgotten the change in status of marriage equality in Pennsylvania had been the catalyst for the upheaval in his life.
“… you’ll be able to see everyone…”
“Let’s start small,” Justin interrupted. “Why don’t you come out here? I won’t have a car. We can visit, and I’ll have to figure out how to… what to… when to see everyone.” He was exhausted just thinking about it.
“Okay, I’ll call you when I get off shift.” Daphne agreed. “Jus – I’m really glad you’re back.”
Justin smiled. “Me too, Daph, me too.” And he meant it. They chatted a few minutes longer, then hung up. Justin looked around the cleaned up kitchen. “What next?” He headed for the stairs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Justin grabbed his bag and started to climb the stairs. Once at the top of the stairs he hesitated. Brian had made it clear the choice was his. What did he want?
On the one hand Justin was just getting out of a relationship – well as much of a relationship as he ever had with anyone other than Brian. There had been several men in Justin’s life over the last ten years. He preferred to have someone around, but they’d all been pretty interchangeable. Nice, steady, safe. And the relationships ran their course in twelve months or less, ending in exchanges not that dissimilar to his and Jerry’s break up. A bit of drama, but overall unmemorable.
Justin looked at the door at the end of the hall.
On the other hand, if he joined Brian in his bedroom, and more specifically in his bed, what was he saying? Did they just pick up where they left off? Was he over thinking things? Was it really only time? Justin snorted, Brian would accuse him of being maudlin.
“Fuck it.”
“About time.”
Justin looked up, Brian stood in the doorway, unabashedly naked. Justin slowly crossed the expanse of the hallway to the one true love of his life.
Brian grabbed the duffle from Justin’s hand and pulled him in for a kiss. “You always did overthink things.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To Justin, it was incredibly amazing how easy it was to fall back into the routine of sharing a life with Brian. From the small daily habits of brushing teeth and getting ready to sleep, to sharing a bed with the only man who was his equal between the sheets. As Justin padded, now naked himself, to the large bed dominating one wall of the bedroom, he realized it really was just time. Days, months, years – it didn’t matter with them, it always came back to this. Brian held up the sheet and Justin joined him. He snuggled back into the curve of Brian’s body and sighed in happiness as Brian draped an arm around his waist and hugged him closer.
Justin felt compelled to say something, “Brian…”
“Shh. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“’kay.” And with that, Justin closed his eyes and snuggled closer to the deliciously warm and firm – in all the right places – body behind him. It was good to be home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brian was gone when Justin woke up, lulled into a peaceful sleep by a warm comfortable bed and an equally warm comfortable bed companion. Of course, the three bouts of alternating explosive sex and tender lovemaking may have had something to do with it. When it came to sex – or was it still love making after all these years? – whatever it was, when it came to Brian, Justin’s response was instinctual. Though automatic, Justin’s reactions were deep seated, going to the very core of his being. Yes, they’d been apart for the better part of ten years, but it could have been ten days, ten hours, ten minutes. Like magnets seeking each other, they connected, and once connected the bond was unwavering.
Justin lay in the wide bed, the smell of Brian and sex an intoxicating mix on the sheets. “You’re overthinking things.” He spoke to the room. Justin rose from the bed, stripped the sheets and headed to the bathroom.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Shit! Voicemail again.
Justin looked at the phone. “You know, someone once told me the purpose of having a phone was to answer it, or some such bullshit. If you haven’t picked up my other seven voicemails, I dropped off the rental van and now I’m stuck in downtown Pittsburgh without a way to get back to West Virginia. I guess, I’ll just make my way over to Kinnetik to see about getting a ride back to Britin. I may stop by the diner for some food – but I’m not sure if I’m up to seeing Debbie. Right now, I’m trying to avoid my mother, and if I see Debbie before my mother…”
“To continue your message from here press star five, to delete and re-record, press star three.” Brian’s voicemail interrupted.
“Fucking hell! Call me.”
Luckily the rental office for the van was on a major road, so Justin was able to pick up a bus fairly easily. He supposed he could have taken a cab, but he was getting to the point where he thought he might need to the cash to get back to Britin. Three busses and an hour later, Justin entered the hallowed halls of Kinnetik only to be stopped by a receptionist he didn’t know.
“May I help you?” The snotty voice belied her actual want to help anyone. She looked down her nose at Justin. No mean feat seeing she was seated behind a round entry desk and was lower than him.
“I’m here to see Brian… Kinney.”
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No, I…”
“Mr. Kinney’s schedule is full today. I’d be happy to make an appointment for you.” Again the snotty attitude implied the exact opposite, Justin couldn’t imagine her being happy to do anything.
“I don’t really need an appointment…” Justin moved toward the corridor leading to Brian’s office.
“Henry!” The receptionist called to the uniformed guard occupying a small desk discretely tucked into an alcove. The guard rose and joined the receptionist at the desk making for a formidable pair.
“Look, I just need to speak with Brian for a minute. I’ve been calling him all morning, but I keep getting his voicemail. I just need to arrange…”
“I’m afraid if you persist in wanting to pester Mr. Kinney, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Look,” Justin looked at the small but nicely designed nameplate, “Merrie.” There was nothing merry about her. “If Brian is busy, perhaps you can contact Cynthia.”
“Ms. Morgan is out of the office on business.”
Justin suppressed the want to roll his eyes, and make a sarcastic comment. Though circumstances didn’t make it easy. One last ditch effort. “How about Ted? Perhaps he’s available.”
“Mr. Schmidt is not…”
“Hey, Merrie, did you need to see me? I was just heading out to lunch. Can it wait until I return?” Ted had appeared from the hall leading from the accounting and operations area of Kinnetik. As his eyes swept the lobby he recognized a familiar face. “Justin!” Ted all but ran over to extend a hand and pull Justin into a hug. “Wow! It’s great to see you! Does Brian know you’re here? How long are you in town for? Are you visiting?” Ted turned to the receptionist. “Merrie, please buzz Brian and let him know Justin Taylor is here.”
Ted turned his back on the receptionist not seeing her frustrated reaction, which she quickly masked. She tried once more for control. “Mr. Kinney left strict instructions he was not to be disturbed.”
Ted gave her a glance. “I’m sure he did, he has a busy schedule today. But I’m sure Justin is on the all access list. And I’m positive Brian will want to see him immediately.” Ted turned back to Justin. “I was headed over to the diner for some lunch. If Brian isn’t available, you’re welcome to join me, and catch up with him later.”
“Thanks, Ted. But I really need to speak with Brian – perhaps we can grab a bite to eat later this week or early next?”
“Sure, sure.” Ted looked over Justin’s shoulder. “Merrie, have you had any luck raising Brian? Oh, don’t worry, I’ll take him in.”
It took every ounce of willpower and a lecture from the left half of his brain for Justin not to smile triumphantly as he and Ted left Merrie in the lobby.
Ted kept up a steady stream of small talk as he and Justin wound their way down the halls of Kinnetik to the executive area and Brian’s office. He knocked a couple times, opening the door when a “WHAT?!” was barked from the inner sanctum.
“Hey Bri – you’ll never guess who’s here!” Ted ushered Justin in before Brian could snark his response. “I was heading to lunch and Justin was in the lobby. I don’t think Merrie knew he was supposed to be on the all access list.”
Brian looked at Justin while Ted blithered on. When Ted stopped for a breath, Brian took the opportunity. “Thanks Ted, I’ll take care of things from here. Please let Merrie know Justin should be on the all access list either on your way out or when you get back from lunch.”
Ted understood the cue, and left with a “Great seeing you again, Justin. Let’s get together for lunch next week.”
As the door closed, Brian crossed the room and deftly locked it. Leaning back, he took in Justin, head to toe, red hoody, white tee, blue jeans, scraped up Converse. “So, Mr. Taylor, what brings you to my neck of the woods.”
Justin bestowed a bright smile on Brian, as he took in the tall, lean man in the fashionable Armani suit. A slight smirk tugged at Brian’s lips giving him a playful look. Justin marveled once again at this side of Brian – happy, playful. Sure, Justin knew Brian could be those things, but there was an air of joy and freedom about him.
“Why, what big… eyes you have, Mr. Kinney.”
“The better to see you with.”
“Too bad your ears are so small.”
“What the fuck?”
Justin smiled before advancing. “I’ve been calling you all friggin’ morning and keep getting dumped into voicemail. I returned the rental and need a ride back ho… to Britin.”
Brian reached out and pulled Justin into his arms. “I might be convinced to wrap things up early today and work from home later if needed.”
“Really? Because the bitch at reception had informed me you were not available and not to be disturbed. It seems you have a full schedule today.”
Brian slowly pulled the zipper of the hoody from chest to groin, lingering at the end of the sweatshirt where it met Justin’s growing interest. Brian gave a slight rub, smiling at Justin’s response. “She’s right about not wanting to be disturbed. I’ll kill anyone who dares interrupt.” Brian started to dispense with the button on Justin’s fly.
“I guess she may have her purposes. Perhaps she’s not a total bitch after all.” Justin amended his assessment of the receptionist.
“Oh, she’s a total bitch all right. That’s why she’s paid the big bucks. To be that warm and welcoming presence that says Kinnetik cares.”
Justin snorted a laugh. “I never thought I’d hear Kinnetik described as a Hallmark Card. Kinnetik doesn’t give fuck.” Justin moved to Brian’s desk. “You know, I don’t think we ever got around to christening this. Plus, I have this little fantasy that plays right into today’s wardrobe.”
Brian raised an eyebrow, as Justin grabbed his tie and pulled him closer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
They had christened the desk – twice, before making it over to the softer and much more comfortable couch. Justin marveled at Brian’s stamina. The older man certainly gave him a run for his money.
A cold, wet washcloth dropped onto his belly, and Justin looked up to see Brian in jeans and a long sleeved black tee. “Wakie-wakie, time for us to go. I thought you might want to clean up a bit before we head out.”
“Huh?” Justin looked up, a bit dazed. He must have blacked out or something. Or something. “Uh, sure. Give me a sec, okay.”
As Justin gave himself a quick wipe down, and headed to Brian’s executive rest room, Brian shifted over to his desk filling his briefcase with files, before undocking his laptop and adding it to the bag. He was giving his desk one last glance over, as Justin alighted from the bathroom looking put back together.
Brian tugged at the hood of the hoodie. “Well, Red, shall we go to Grandma’s for milk and cookies or back to the Big Bad Wolf’s?”
Justin laughed. “Even though it’s technically true, I don’t think Debbie would be happy to be characterized as Grandma. And I think I’m ready to go ho… back to the wolf’s lair...”
On their way out as they passed the reception desk, Brian – arm swung around Justin’s shoulders – made a point to stop and let Merrie know he would always be in for Mr. Taylor. As they headed toward the door, Justin finally gave in and looking over his shoulder, fluttered his eyelashes at Merrie.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
They were halfway to Britin, when Brian interrupted the comfortable silence. “So. No problems with the rental return?”
“Other than finding a way ho… back to Britin, no.” Justin smoothed his hand over the wood interior of the car. “When did you get the Mercedes?”
“Last year? The year before? It’s a Company Car – a lease. Ted worked out the deal. I love the ‘vette, but I was putting nearly 200 miles a week on it. And it was really limiting when entertaining clients – when there was more than one. I have a small pick up truck at the house, and a Jeep I’ve been using to teach Gus how to drive. Feel free to use either – you’re insured on both. I figure we can go out and look at cars for you this weekend or maybe next we…”
“What?! Gus is driving?”
Brian smiled. “Well, not exactly. But he gets his learner’s permit in a couple of months. Mostly, we’ve been practicing driving up and back on the driveway and parking. If the weather’s nice, we’ll go out to an empty lot and practice. I’m not sure he and the munchers are a great combination for this type of thing.”
Justin imagined a five-year old Gus trying to look over the steering wheel with Lindsay or Melanie directing him. He shuddered. Gus was far better off with his dad.
“Uh-huh.” Brian nodded and laughed. “My thoughts exactly. Besides, if he crashes the Jeep, I still have the other vehicles.”
As they exited off the highway, Justin looked around. “Things are beginning to be developed out here, it looks like. Should we stop and get some food?”
“I have a cleaning service that comes in three times a week. They generally stocks the basics and staples. But, I’m sure you’d rather have some of your own favorites. We can pull in up ahead – there’s a Whole Foods…”
“Out here?”
“It’s either that or Wal-Mart.”
“Whole Foods it is.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Oh shit!” Justin sunk low and against his seat as they pulled into the driveway at Britin.
“Forget something, Sunshine?”
“Daphne – she’s going to kill me.”
“Nah, she’ll just make your life miserable for a while.”
Daphne was leaning against her car miming anger, tapping her foot, pointing at a non-existent watch.
Justin quickly jumped out of the car with an apology on his lips. But Daphne just waived him down, before squealing and launching herself at him. Justin stumbled back into Brian who took the brunt of the force.
“Daphne, lovely as always.”
Daphne looked up from hugging Justin. “You too, Brian! Oh here, let us help you.”
Daphne turned to Justin and handed the four bags Brian was carrying to him. Brian grabbed his briefcase and closed the trunk of the Mercedes.
“Will you be joining us for dinner?”
“Not tonight, Brian. I promised Joe I’d be home by seven.”
“Then I’ll let you kiddies unload Justin’s haul.” Brian looked into Justin’s eyes. “I’ll be in my office.” And he disappeared down the hall.
Daphne gave a huge sigh. “I hope Joe looks at me like that in ten years.” She came over to the counter and punched Justin in the arm.
“Ouch!” Justin rubbed his arm in hopes of defraying the pain. “What was that for?”
“Some days, Justin, you’re so obtuse!”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Oh shit! Look at the time!” Daphne and Justin had spent the afternoon hanging out in the kitchen chatting. They hadn’t noticed the sun starting to set or the time on the clock. “I’ve got to get going. I’m on seven a.m. – three p.m. all week. You could come by the hospital and meet me for lunch – though I don’t advise it, and you probably don’t want to deal with the hospital either.”
“I was kind of hoping to keep a low profile – though I’m not sure that’s going to happen. I ran into Ted today at Kinnetik, so I’m sure the gang will know soon, if not already. Oh Fuck! I better call my mom. I’ll never hear the end of it if Debbie knows I’m back before she does.”
Daphne gave Justin a hug and they said their goodbyes. Justin was still in the drive waving at Daphne’s retreating car when his phone rang. “The Taylor Agency” Fuck!
“Justin Taylor!”
“Don’t you Justin Taylor me young man. When were you planning on telling your mother you were in Pittsburgh?”
“Well, technically, I’m not in Pitts…”
“You don’t even have the courtesy to call me. I have to hear it from Debbie! Do you know what three kinds of idiots I feel like when I don’t even know my son is in Pennsylvania?”
“Mom…”
“Where are you? Are you staying with Daphne and Joe?”
“Mom…”
“Why can’t you ever visit and stay with Tucker and I? You’re sister’s away at college, there’s plenty of room…”
“MOM!”
“Why are you yelling?”
“You won’t let me get in a fucking word…”
“Language, Justin. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be afforded the courtesy.”
Justin sighed, and headed back into the house. This was not going to be a short call. “Mom, will you let me speak for a second?”
“…”
“I’m sorry you had to hear from Debbie I was in town. I just got in last night and I haven’t had a chance to call you. It wasn’t intentional. I saw Ted at Kinnetik and he was headed to the diner for lunch. I’m sure Debbie found out through him.”
“What were you doing at Kinnetik?”
Great! No good way to avoid the interrogation. Justin closed the door and leaned on the hall wall, lightly knocking his head against the Venetian plaster.
“I needed to see Brian about something.” Justin equivocated.
“Well, where are you now? When are you coming to see me? When do you have to go back to New York?”
Justin tried not to sigh too loudly. Bite the bullet. “Mom, you have to give me a chance to answer a question before badgering me with seven others.”
“You’re right.” Jennifer relented. “But I miss not having you here in Pittsburgh. I know it’s expensive for you to travel home and miss work. I just wish we had more time together. I guess having Molly at college makes me feel like the nest is empty. Maybe you can come and stay with Tucker and I on your next trip. So where are you staying? With Daphne and Joe? Can we perhaps get together for a coffee or lunch while you’re in town?”
“Mo-o-o-om…” Justin chuckled a laugh. “I miss you as well. But you don’t have to worry. You’ll be seeing plenty of me. I’ve decided to move home.”
At Jennifer’s indrawn breath, Justin felt like kicking himself. He’d been so caught up in his own personal drama he forgot how his decisions effected others – his mother, Daphne… Brian.
“Do you need help finding a place?”
“Not at the moment. Thank you. If I do, I know the best realtor in Pittsburgh.”
“Well, I know Daphne and Joe would be happy to put you up indefinitely, but their place is a bit small, and their work schedules are pretty demanding.”
Justin swallowed. “I’m not staying with Daphne and Joe.”
“Then where are you staying?”
Justin slid down the wall and collapsed into a blob – kind of a metaphor for how he felt. “I’m staying with Brian…”
“Brian?!”
Justin laughed as he stretched out and lay on his back, looking up the two story entrance way to the wrought iron chandelier. “Yes, and before you ask, I’m at Britin, not the loft. I don’t have a car – so it may be a day or two before I can coordinate meeting you. You know, you sounded a lot like Debbie, just now – you may want to watch it.” Justin rolled his shoulders on the marble tile. Its coolness was actually soothing. This isn’t so bad, I could just lie here for a couple of days.
“Justin Taylor! I think you’d better be the one to watch it. I love you and Debbie both, but be happy you’re in West Virginia, because I do take exception to the comparison.”
Or not.
“And you don’t have to worry about coordinating travel. I can come out and see you tomorrow.”
Justin moaned slightly, he was at the wrong angle to really get a good bang going on his head. He put the phone on the floor near his ear and stretched out spread eagle. It was going to be a long call.
“Okay, tomorrow – but not too early.”
“What’s too early?”
Justin calculated mom time, “anything before ten thirty a.m.” That way she wouldn’t show up before nine thirty. Brian would be at work, and he’d be up and showered.
“Okay, I’ll see you at nine thirty tomorrow…”
“Ten thirty.”
“Ten.” And Jennifer hung up before Justin could respond.
Brian had watched the drama unfold from Justin’s pantomime outside the house to the total queen out in the hall. While he only heard half of the conversation, he could well imagine the Justin’s conversation with Mother Taylor. He moved silently down the hall and sat on the floor next to Justin’s limp body.
“Why is my life so complicated?”
“Well…”
Justin turned his head and encountered Brian’s knee. “It was a rhetorical question.”
Brian threaded his fingers through Justin’s hair. “Face it, Sunshine, the sun rises and sets around our lives. Our friends and family think it is their business to advise us on what is best for us. They spend half of their time trying to convince us we have to be together and the other half telling us why we’re wrong for each other and should be apart.”
“How come it’s so much easier when it’s just the two of us.”
“Rhetorical?”
Justin shook his head. “Yes… No… Oh... I don’t know.” Justin’s sigh was so loud it echoed in the hall.
“I have a theory. We’re kind of like magnets.”
“Mag-nets?” That’s really weird.
“Yeah, you know how they spin around and push away from one another when they’re not in alignment? But when they are aligned properly they connect, bond. And when they make that connection, they bond so tight you really have to work to pull them apart.”
Justin nodded. “So where do you think we are?”
Brian shrugged, but continued to stroke Justin’s hair. “Somewhere in between. We keep getting pushed apart, but keep coming back together. We never really break free of the magnetic field around us.”
“That’s kind of romantic in a weird, Dr. Science kind of way.” Justin lips turned up in a smile as Brian’s fingers soothed him.
“I’m more comfortable with science – there’s an explanation for why things happen.”
“And yet you make your living manipulating words and people’s emotions.”
Brian firmly planted his tongue in his cheek and continued to stroke Justin’s hair. As Justin’s eyes fluttered closed and his breathing evened out, Brian unfolded himself from the floor and rose. He bent down to firmly grasp Justin’s hands and pull the younger man up and into his arms.
“Food or bed?”
Justin’s stomach responded with a gurgling, whirling noise before he could speak.
“Food.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Once in the kitchen they quietly assembled a meal from the food they had picked up earlier in the day. Sitting at the kitchen table, conversation was light. Brian brought Justin up to speed on the timelines for their mutual friends and family. Eventually, conversation turned to Debbie and her upcoming wedding to Carl.
“I have to give it to Emmett, he’s been able to keep a lid on the sequins and rhinestones. I fully expect the day to be presented with elegance and class.”
Justin nearly did a spit take. “You have to warn me before I take a drink next time.”
Brian gave a quiet chuckle. “Okay, as much elegance and class as one can expect given the bride is Debbie. Truthfully, I think Carl is just anxious to get it all over and have it legal. He gets quite a bit of grief from his kids about living in sin and how difficult it is making their lives now that his grandchildren are teenagers.”
“Do you think Debbie will wear white?”
“Who knows? Though I think Emmett could earn some points and add some flair and drama if he dressed her in a garnet red or sapphire blue.”
“What about the other guys. Debbie’s wedding kind of overshadows everything. Its weird, you lobby and advocate for the right to marry, but it seems almost anti-climactic the way it has all unfolded with the Supreme Court and all.” Justin’s brows drew together. “I mean, do you run out and get married because now you can? Does it mean the commitment you’ve made to the other person is of any less value now that marriage equality is a reality and you’re not married?”
“Well, Drew and Emmett had tied the knot in Vermont a few years back, so their wedding’s been legal all along, just not here in PA. And at the federal level, they’ve been covered for as well. So there’s no need for them to get married again. Mikey and the Professor have their Canadian marriage, and it’s acknowledged by the state now, so they just need to file the appropriate paperwork. I think Blake and Ted are planning to have a small ceremony once the Debbie and Carl storm passes.”
“What about the girls?”
Brian gave an over emphasized fake shudder. “I’m sure there will be some quasi-lezi-vegan-muncher ritual to be had. Quite frankly, I think they are better off just living together. Even after all these years, any time they try to define and confine their relationship it seems to fall apart. The less of a deal they make of it, the more stable it seems to be for Gus and JR.”
Justin nodded and quietly chewed on his dinner. Food for thought.
Brian watched him closely. “So that leaves us.” He timed the statement just as Justin took a large bite of his sandwich.
With bread filling his mouth, Justin was only able to manage a “huh?”
“Well, Sunshine, it’s been fifteen years. I can’t keep waiting to find you between co-habs. Who knows, you might actually go off and marry one of them.” There was a twinkle in Brian’s eye.
Justin swallowed hard trying to force the dry bread down his throat. “I can’t imagine why you think I’d marry one of them – it hasn’t happened yet.”
“True. But I was thinking we’d probably best not leave it to chance. Who knows when something might carry you off to L.A. or New York, Paris or Florence.”
“So what are you saying?”
“Let’s do it.”
Justin’s eyes were like saucers. Brian couldn’t possible mean…
“Let’s get married.”
I guess he could. “But you’ve never wanted to get married. You said it didn’t make a difference…”
“What I didn’t want was a meaningless rite where we were paraded in front of a bunch of people to satisfy someone else’s need for a fake version of a heterosexual ritual, that didn’t even include a state sanctioned piece of paper. The sort of thing designed to make others satisfied, when they couldn’t understand the existing commitment we already had to one another. It’s different now.” And Brian stated his case, hoping this pitch would win him what he truly wanted. “While it is no more legal than the papers that already exists binding our joint assets, marriage is legal now. And being married provides, affords and insures us certain legal rights in the state of Pennsylvania as well as federal services and privileges.”
“You want to marry me – have a ceremony with the whole nine yards? Cake, tuxedos, gift registries?”
“God, no!” Brian muttered the exclamation.
“You don’t want to get married?” Justin was totally confused.
“Yes! I want to get married – and tie us up legally with a bunch of red tape that will make us think twice before hiring lawyers to unravel it all. No! I don’t want a big ceremony or penguin suits or fake gifts we’ll just want to return because our friends have no taste. Shit, we don’t need any gifts from anyone.”
“What about cake.”
“A small one,” Brian relented. “But only big enough for two.”
“And how do you propose we do this?”
“I was thinking a short trip to City Hall. You could have Daphne stand up for you. I, of course will have to ask Mikey or I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“But what about my mom? And Debbie? Oh god, Brian, if you don’t have Debbie there we’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Let’s rewind. City Hall, Cynthia and Ted for witnesses – I can fire them if they can’t ke,,,,,,,= 0nnn0ep their mouths shut. We’ll hold a Welcome Back to Pittsburgh, Sunshine party and make the announcement when the caterers bring out the cake.”
Justin was smiling. “I like this idea. It could work. But…”
“But?” Brian’s patience was waning.
“You don’t think it’s too soon do you? I mean, I’ve only been back one day.”
“Justin! Look at me.”
Justin gave Brian his full attention.
“Do you love me?”
“Yes.” The answer was unhesitating and unwavering.
“Good. I love you. I’ve loved you for the better part of fifteen years – some of that being yanked around by my balls. But I’ve never once found anyone else I want to go to bed with and wake up with the next morning – every morning. And it seems to me, no matter how much you try with Gary, Barry, Larry, Jerry or Elmer you can’t seem to make it work with anyone other than me either.”
Justin felt his eyes well up with tears. God, he loved this man. “I really do love you, you know. I tried to make it work with the others, but it just underscored why it has always been you. There really never has been anyone but you.”
“Right. So we go down to City Hall tomorrow and get a marriage license. Jump through whatever hoops are required and get married on Friday when Cynthia returns from her business trip.”
“What about the party?”
Brian rolled his eyes. “We can have the party whenever you want to have it – next week, next month, next year. Whenever you feel the time is right.”
“And the cake?”
“I will personally take you out to lunch at Hyeholde and you can order everything on the dessert menu.”
“Oooo! I’ve always wanted to go there.”
“You’ll have to get a suit – they have a dress code.”
“Well, I didn’t think I’d be getting married in cargos pants and a hoody. I still have my tux from when we were…” Justin got quiet.
Brian reached across the table to grasp Justin’s hand. “I don’t think we need to get that fancy. But if you wouldn’t mind a visit to Ernesto, I’d very much like to see you in a suit properly tailored for you.”
“But if we’re talking this Friday…”
“I’ll call him in the morning.”
Justin nodded, content for a moment, then his brows furrowed.
“Now what?” Brian wasn’t sure if he was going to make it to Friday.
“What about rings?”
“I still have our rings.”
Justin smiled at Brian. “You do?”
“Of course I do.”
“Well… good… are you going to wear yours?”
Brian rolled his eyes. “That is the point of having rings when you get married, isn’t it?”
“Well, sure, but it’s going to be hard to keep it a secret if we have the rings on – I mean people will know.”
“I assure you, you will be amazed at how long it will take them to catch on. And with all the falderal around Debbie’s upcoming nuptials we may be well into the next century before anyone gets a clue.”
“You seem to have this all worked out.”
“Was there ever any doubt? I did go to New York for a reason, you know.”
“You said it was business.”
“Personal business… and pleasure. A lifetime of pleasure.”