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Christy (fun_demented) wrote in qaf_coffeeclub,
@ 2009-07-18 21:04:00

It's Only Time
What does "It's only time" mean? Does it mean that time continuing to move forward doesn't change the times they have shared in the past? It's another one of Brian's ambiguous slogans. Time is *everything* or the only thing. When you run out of time you don't exist. So, if time goes on whether they see each other next week, next month, never again, how does it not matter which one it is.

What did Brian mean?

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	maxymama 2009-07-19 04:21 am UTC (link)
	At first I thought Brian meant "it's only time [that we broke up and you moved on to better things and people]." But now I think that "it's only time" means that time apart will never change what they HAVE (present tense). The distance is meaningless. It might also mean that "it's only a [a set amount of time] until we are back together for good again. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:40 am UTC (link)
	"it's only a [a set amount of time] until we are back together for good again. But he says, even if they never see each other again it doesn't matter, it's only time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maxymama 2009-07-19 05:01 am UTC (link)
	Well, if they were going their separate ways, then it wouldn't matter again if they never saw each other again. Not that I want to explain my erroneous thoughts, heh. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	maxymama 2009-07-19 05:41 am UTC (link)
	What did you think it meant when you first watched it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fun_demented 2009-07-19 05:47 am UTC (link)
	The first time I watched it, I thought it was Brian trying to be brave. I guess I still think that's what it is. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maxymama 2009-07-19 05:52 am UTC (link)
	Yea, and uncharacteristically romantic. The issues that broke up Justin and Brian earlier in S5 didn't go away, so sometimes I wonder about their future. Just wanting to be together isn't enough. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

arcady
2009-07-19 06:09 am UTC (link)

I really see it as a "right people, wrong time" situation. Justin is so young, and he's been in love with Brian since he was 17. I know some people hated the Ethan arc, but I thought it was important for Justin to have a relationship with someone else, to explore monogamy, because relationships based on a lack of other alternatives/experience are precarious at best. IMO, Brian and Justin were much stronger for Justin's exploration in that regard. I also thought it was important for him to go to Hollywood. I know it put stress on their relationship, but committing to someone forever without knowing whether you can deal with distance is problematic, because most of us will have to be physically away from our partner at some point in time for one reason or another. And, continuing in that vein, I think it's equally crucial that Justin try living somewhere else. It's sort of a triad; dating someone else/trying a different kind of relationship, being separated by thousands of miles, and pursuing his career/living somewhere else. Without those tests, I think B/J would be much less viable, because their survival would depend on Justin never leaving the Brian bubble. They would always wonder what would happen if he stepped out of it, and they might very well fail if they maintained the status quo until life forced Justin out of it. That's why I think post-513 is the true avenue for a (more) mature, long-lasting relationship. Because until that point, until Justin set out on his own to fulfill a dream without Brian tethered to his leg, he could never commit himself completely and wholeheartedly to him. Not because he didn't want to, not because he didn't try, but because you have to LIVE before you can make that decision. It's a much longer journey than the show has time to tell, and I see 513 as the end of the beginning chapter.

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maxymama
2009-07-19 02:50 pm UTC (link)

Understanding BJ, to me, is like one of those 3-D optical illusion pictures that were popular in the '90s. You'd look at the picture and just see blue lines, when suddenly a horse would pop out at you. But then sometimes you'd lose the horse and have to start all over again. So, sometimes I clearly see BJ's future, and other times I lose the vision.

Did Justin really want kids, suburban life, monogamy- or just have that as a possibility someday? Now that Brian's emotional walls are down, is he willing to be monogamous if that is what Justin wants? (Brian seemed willing, with the whole marriage and lack of fucking at the bachelor party.) The break up speech Justin have Brian was about not wanting the same things. Has that fundamentally changed? I feel like Justin being in NY is just a small inconvenience compared to the other potential issues from the previous breakup. I do think going to NY was the right decision though.

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arcady
2009-07-19 04:30 pm UTC (link)

This is just my take on it, but for me, personally, I feel like the monogamy/suburbia thing had a lot to do with Justin staying in Pittsburgh and Brian's bubble, so to speak. I think he felt like they weren't getting anywhere, that Brian had regressed and they weren't moving forward. I think he loves Brian with all of his heart, but he's young and he needs to feel like he's going forward, not back. I think, for Justin to stay in Pittsburgh and live with/very close to Brian at that point in his life, he needed more of a commitment, because his very presence - staying somewhere that wasn't the best place for his career - was a commitment. I think Justin being in NY is, in itself, moving forward. I don't think he would have said "We'll still see each other all the time" and referenced coming back/Brian coming there if he was dead-set on monogamy, since obviously they'll have sex with other people. I feel like his going to NY makes it a lot easier for him to accept their relationship as it is - because he's not being forced to put aside his dreams for someone who isn't ready to settle down. I don't think he has quite the same need to settle down if he has his freedom and his dreams to chase. I guess I've always felt like they could very plausibly have a long-distance, non-monogamous relationship with visits until Brian moved to NY or Justin came back to Pittsburgh. I think Justin moving forward in other aspects of his life makes it more plausible for him to accept things with Brian as they are - because he isn't stuck in place.

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	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:53 pm UTC (link)
	I think Justin moving forward in other aspects of his life makes it more plausible for him to accept things with Brian as they are - because he isn't stuck in place. THAT is VERY insightful. I think you are very right about that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

maxymama
2009-07-19 05:04 pm UTC (link)

That makes a ton of sense and I think it's true. I don't imagine them to be monogamous while apart. At some point they'll end up in the same city, and by then the decisions whether to have kids, move to the suburbs and take up gardening, or be monogamous will be decided without effecting whether they'll be together- because they will totally be together. :)

I appreciate your thoughts and the time you took to share them. Thanks!

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arcady
2009-07-19 05:17 pm UTC (link)

I definitely agree! I think it's just a matter of time, because it's clear to me from the last episode that Brian isn't going to be a club boy until he's 80, and he's been talking about New York forever anyway. They've definitely got issues to work out, but for me, it's "when" they figure it out/find the same page, rather than "if." They've gone through too much shit to fail now.

You're very welcome!

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	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:47 pm UTC (link)
	Really well said. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maxymama 2009-07-19 05:04 pm UTC (link)
	You mean arcady's reply? I agree. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	maxymama 2009-07-19 05:09 pm UTC (link)
	I completely misread what you wrote the first time, so ignore my reply. Boo to dumb me. (Reply to this) (Parent)

arcady
2009-07-19 04:22 am UTC (link)

Personally, I took it to mean that their love transcended time - that the time that passed before they saw each other again was secondary to the knowledge that they loved each other. A week? That's okay, it's just time, they'll still love each other. A month? Same thing. Never again? That's where some people get upset, but I think Brian was protecting himself with his speech. Justin assured him that they'd see each other and Brian, ever self-defensive, considered the worst case scenario and found a way to put a positive spin on it. Even if they never see each other again (which, again, I think was more Brian trying to accept the possibility to avoid disappointment), their love will transcend time.

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	maxymama 2009-07-19 04:25 am UTC (link)
	I agree! You explained it much better. :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:41 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I like that. This makes sense to me. (Reply to this) (Parent)

4cupcakes
2009-07-19 04:24 am UTC (link)

I think Brian means whether its next week, next month, or never again that he and Justin see each other it's irrelevant. Time is irrelevant to the depth of the love Brian and Justin have for each other. It won't change it. That regardless of how much time passes between the times they see each other it won't change how they feel about each other. Time, as monumental a concept it may be in theory or fact, pales in the face of the measure of their love.

That's how I see it.

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	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:42 am UTC (link)
	I LOVE IT. Thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	xie_xie_xie 2009-07-19 04:26 am UTC (link)
	Even on first viewing, I assumed (and still believe) it meant that their love would transcend time. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:41 am UTC (link)
	Put very simply and eloquently. I like that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

opal11
2009-07-19 05:37 am UTC (link)

the 1st time i watched that (when it aired) i absolutly fucking hated it..at the time brian was saying that they would not be together, but then after time, i realized..that cannot be..because brian kept the rings,he made love to justin.. you dont do that unless you love someone.and yes i believe that brian says that because he WILL be with justin again,that the time and distance is meaningless..their love will transcend time..

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fun_demented
2009-07-19 07:44 am UTC (link)

Yeah, I think it meant their love transcends time. I couldn't form a clear definition of the meaning, but after seeing those words written out that's what it mean. It's an abstract thought. Even love transcending time is not the clearest thing to understand.

I think it was Brian being brave and being romantic and assuring Justin that he knows it's right even if it works out in a way that they don't expect at that moment.

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vl_redreign
2009-07-19 07:30 am UTC (link)

I never thought that the "never again" part was all that relevant. That was Brian protecting himself in case they grew apart, which is a very real possibility.

Would that actually happen? Please. Justin left for Ethan, came back. Justin went to LA, came back. He could have stayed awhile, but he didn't. He wanted to go "home." And home is Brian. The whole "couple, house,family" thing? That was Justin wanting stability. Something that he hadn't had since he left home. Brian knew that, and at that time, he was dealing with the facts of life, ie, aging. By the time he figures that out, Justin is gone. Thing is, Justin was always the one waiting for Brian to catch up, grow up and own up. This time, it's Brian's turn, and he realizes it. Brian has already done the college, career and home/business owner thing. It's Justin's turn to do the same. And once he embraces his independence, able to make a living as an artist, he'll be ready to rejoin Brian as an equal partner, something that's very important to him.

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	fun_demented 2009-07-19 07:41 am UTC (link)
	I totally agree with everything you just said. Spot on. I really just had a question about the meaning of his words. I definitely think it's good for Justin to go to New York and I definitely think they stay together, for sure!!! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	arcady 2009-07-19 07:54 am UTC (link)
	I second this completely. As much as I love B/J in any form, they need to be equal partners. Justin can't be with him at the expense of exploring the world and his career. They'll be much better off together for that life experience, just like I think they're better off for Ethan and LA. Every storm you weather makes you stronger. Avoiding storms isn't the answer. (Reply to this) (Parent)

minuet9
2009-07-19 04:07 pm UTC (link)

I haven't read any of the comments yet, and it's really late and I shouldhave been asleep hours ago, but this thought jumped into my mind. ot sure how much sense it will make when I read it in the morning.

The passing of time is something that Brian refuses to celebrate. Birthdays are not achievements they are simply time marching on. So surviving time is not an achievemnt.
How this relates to 'its only time' my brain hasn't worked out yet ;)

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	fun_demented 2009-07-19 04:48 pm UTC (link)
	Interesting thoughts! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	maxymama 2009-07-19 05:05 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, that's interesting. Must ponder. :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

Finally!

cheerybomb
2009-07-23 03:49 pm UTC (link)

Even though through reading various fandom stuff I had an inkling they would go their separate ways, nothing prepared me for the final episode (I cried like a baby!)

Some really great comments here, couldn't have put it better myself. I agree that Brian was trying to make the best of it, but he does err towards the side of drama. So 'never again' was just a possibility - not for Brian and Justin though!

Watching the proposal, the seating plans, the suit fittings.. it almost felt like we had been building up to this from the first episodes, but it still didn't feel right for them.. When they hook up again it will be as equals and they will both be ready. And it will be beautiful!

Justin won't move on because, its Brian and he loves him, lets face it! And neither will Brian as the circumstances that led him to love Justin couldn't be repeated with anyone else. Its only time means that their love will still be there, let time do its thing and when they see eachother again, it will be right.

And lets face it, Brian has more money and time than he knows what to do with so you betcha he was over to NY at least once a month :)

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