I’m on the cusp of being able to fully resurrect Giles; I can feel it, each hour that passes inching closer and closer to that goal. Eyghon holds the last (and largest) remnants of his soul. It won’t be easy…I wouldn’t have called Spike otherwise, but once the demon is dealt with, the hardest part will be over. Bringing him back doesn’t begin to right all my wrongs…it doesn’t even scratch the surface, but she deserves to have him in her life again. The world is a better place with Rupert Giles in it.
Alasdair’s is serving as our temporary base; I’m not sure how the former arch-mage truly feels about me, but he’s supplying us with his armory of magical weapons, maybe that’s enough to sway luck onto our side. And Faith…I don’t know what to say to her. Things seem more amiable between us but it doesn’t change what happened. She was right; after everything I’ve done, the pain I’ve caused…I owe her this. There’s no going back or stopping. The plan is set into motion and no matter what, I’m seeing it through.
I know, in all likelihood, it’s going to cost me my life. I…I don’t want to die, no-one does, but I need to be at peace with it. I promised I would either succeed or die trying. No other options; it’s the way that things are supposed to be. I feel like I should tell Buffy, not to make myself feel better or for some small measure of forgiveness…more because she has every right to know. Yet I already decided that I won’t. If I fail, knowing will only hurt her worse…and I’m done with that. Too many people carry scars on their heart because of me.
The house is mostly quiet; all the arguing died down a few hours ago, being around Nadira and the other slayers isn’t easy on Faith, I would have to be blind to miss that. She blames me, and she should. I don’t fault her. Alasdair was kind of enough to let me use his study; the cat has been in here for most of the night…right now he’s sleeping on one of the chairs. I never thought of myself as a ‘pet person’…anything with a pulse is too much temptation, and dogs are pack animals…I’ve never been good at bonding. But I’ll admit, I’ve come to like the little guy, the company has been nice, playing with him helps clear my mind.
I can hear Spike in the other room; watching some late night movie with the volume turned up too loud. Maybe I should practice with the magical sword that was given to me; it’s not the same as I’m used to…different weight, different length. It should do the job, though.