Fic - Everything And Nothing At All ( Remus/Sirius, PG-13)
Title: Everything And Nothing At All Author: xx_kerriann_xx Prompt: (# 59 - Remus Lupin's first kiss) Pairing: Remus/Sirius Rating: PG-13 for adult type themes and M/M kissing. Summary: There must something wrong with him, Remus had concluded. Boys were not supposed to ever think about other boys like that, especially when the other boy was their best friend. Word Count:1,110 Warnings: None
Notes: I'm imagining that Remus and Sirius are somewhere between 14 and 15 in this fic.
Beta: Looked over by my RL friend Sarah.
Remus let out a small groan and threw the sheets and comforter off himself. He sat up at the middle of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. It was two days before the full moon and as sometimes happened, he couldn’t seem to stay asleep for more than a few hours at a time. His brain just didn’t seem to want to stop. He resigned himself to just staying awake, gathered his clothes together, went into the bathroom and got washed up and dressed. If nothing else he could use this time for something useful and study down in the common room.
Over in the bed to the left, Sirius stirred as Remus walked past to get his book bag, and for a moment he thought he’d woken him up. Sirius only rolled over onto the other side of his pillow though, ending up facing him. Involuntarily he found himself looking at Sirius a little too long. He took in the peaceful look on his friend’s face, the way his dark hair fell across his eyes, the nearly sinful curve of his lips, and felt the knot of anxiety in his stomach tighten. There must something wrong with him, Remus had concluded. Boys were not supposed to ever think about other boys like that, especially when the other boy was their best friend. It wasn’t right, it was…unnatural.
As if being a werewolf wasn’t unnatural enough.
He quickly grabbed the bag and went downstairs hoping that a bout with Ancient Runes would help him focus on something else for a while. He sat in his favorite spot on the couch opposite the fireplace and took out the book. The fire had been lit to ward off the morning chill and for a time the stillness of the room was broken only by the sounds of the crackling fire and of Remus turning pages.
Then there was another sound, of footsteps coming down the staircase. Remus looked up to see it was Sirius, in his dressing gown and pyjama bottoms. He flopped down next to Remus as bold as brass, apparently not caring at all that someone other than his dormmates might see him in his pyjamas. “Couldn’t sleep again?” he asked.
Remus shrugged. “You know how it gets sometimes. I probably won’t rest much at all until after the full.”
“Yeah, well, if anything would be dull enough to put a person to sleep, it would be this.” Sirius motioned towards the Ancient Runes text with a quiet snort.
“Unlike some people, I don’t drop classes just because the subject is intellectually challenging.”
“Intellectually challenging? More like mind - numbingly boring. And implying that I’m not smart? You wound me, Moony.” Sirius placed a hand over his heart in mock dramatic fashion. “You, on the other hand, are far too smart for this so early in the morning.” Before Remus could do anything he reached over and tried to grab the book.
“Must you always try and distract me when I‘m trying to study?” Remus sighed, swatting away Sirius’ hand and fighting back the little shiver that raced through his body at the contact.
Sirius grinned. “Can’t help it. It’s too much fun. Besides, aren‘t you already ahead in that class?”
“Yes, but I don’t know how long exactly my recovery time will be after Madame Pomfrey starts me on the new potion next month. It should make things after the transformations easier, but there’s always the chance it might make them worse until the combinations of some of the ingredients are adjusted specifically for me.”
“ Worse? “ Sirius asked, looking aghast. He moved closer and ran a finger over a scar on the back of Remus’ hand, and Remus had to remind himself to breathe. “You’re still not even properly healed from last time. God, I hate this! You don’t deserve this…”
“No one does, Padfoot” Remus said quietly. Sirius’ hand was still on his and his head was starting to spin. He desperately wanted him to just stop, yet the idea of actually asking Sirius not to touch him seemed totally absurd.
“ I swear I’d rip Fenrir Greyback apart with my bare hands if I could.” Sirius’ voice was a whisper and his eyes were locked on Remus’.
Remus also desperately wanted to ask him to stop looking at him like that, but again the idea was absurd. He tried to say something, anything to break the silence, but his mouth was dry and words died in his throat. He was as helpless against the look in those grey eyes as he was against the moon itself. The moment seemed interminable, but finally, seized by the craziest impulse he’d ever had, he moved closer, then tentatively and somewhat awkwardly brushed his lips against Sirius’. It took only a second for the rational side of his brain to return and process that he was actually kissing Sirius, but by then it was too late. Sirius deepened the kiss, tongue sliding just a little against Remus’ and his hand moving to the back of his neck. Remus moaned almost inaudibly, then broke away, filled with mortification and panic. What the hell had he just done? “ I’m so sorry…” he stammered quickly, not able to look at Sirius. He got to his feet, thinking only of fleeing. “Forgive me.”
“Remus, it’s okay. Really.”
Remus shoved the Ancient Runes text into his book bag with some force, furious with himself “No, it’s not.”
Sirius caught him by the arm as he turned to leave. “ I kissed you back. I wanted to.” he said firmly, and then slowly, with great effort, he continued . “I understand if you don‘t want to be friends anymore, though. If you can‘t -”
Remus took a deep breath and sat down on the couch again. He was just thankful and relieved that Sirius didn‘t hate him for this. “Of course I still want to be friends.“
“This doesn’t have to be a big deal, you know. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It just… happened.”
“Yes, and it’s best if we don’t dwell on it. Agreed?”
“Agreed,” Sirius nodded. “I’d better go get dressed., because it appears I’m not quite proper, and everyone will be awake and down here soon.”
No, Remus thought, it didn’t mean anything and it meant everything at the same time. Everything to know that whatever he’d been feeling, Sirius had been probably been feeling it also. Everything to know that Sirius had wanted to kiss him, too. Everything to know that he wasn’t alone.