Massage House and Wilson laid on massage tables, towels around their waists, two Oriental women walking on their backs.
“This is-ugh-great!” Wilson said as the woman walked on his hips.
“No kidding!” House said. He looked up at the woman on his back and said, “Hey lady, get down and do the leg again!” The woman complied and began massaging his leg. He sighed. “Yeah, Wilson, I'm glad you thought of this romantic getaway.”
Wilson groaned as a loud crack came from his back. “But who would have thought a day spa would beat the Poconos, though!”
“I know. Complementary drinks, a leg massage wherever you turn, and no Cuddy a holiday makes!”
Hurt
House came home to a quiet apartment. He looked and saw Wilson curled up in a ball on the sofa.
“Hey, what's wrong?” House said quietly. He didn't know if he had a headache or what, so he tried to be on his best behavior.
“I was just thinking,” Wilson said. “About my life and how much a fuck-up I am!” He looked up and House could see tears on his face. “That stupid screwed up friendship turned into a stupid screwed up marriage and I don't know what to do!”
“But being screwed up is who we are!”
“I've been thinking about it so much that I've been getting pains all over my body. Oh, God, House, tell me I'm not a screw-up.”
House brushed back the hair on Wilson's forehead and said, “You're not a screw-up.” Wilson sniffed and curled into House's arms.
Nightmare He was there with Wilson. Wilson was flirting with Cuddy. House said, “Hey!” but no one noticed him. Then he saw Cuddy kissing Wilson deeply, him grabbing her ass. Once again, House shouted but no one took notice.
He then saw Wilson leaving his apartment with all his belongings. “Sorry,” Wilson said. “But it's just not working out.” The door closed and House screamed. He looked around and saw Wilson looking up at him from his side of the bed.
“What's wrong? Have a bad dream?” Wilson asked.
“No, I'm dreaming of rainbows and puppies.” He wiped the sweat of his face and scooted next to Wilson. “Please don't leave me.”
Wilson laughed. “Why would I leave you?”
House licked his lips and said, “Just don't.” He laid back down on Wilson's shoulder and went to sleep, this time without dreams.
Home
Wilson kicked the front door open, with House on his back, and said, “Home, sweet apartment!” House laughed, swinging his cane in the air.
House jumped off of Wilson's back, and kissed him. “Glad we're home. That hotel was snobby.”
“They were just upper class.”
“And we're peasants digging in the fields.”
“What? You didn't like the complementary champagne and caviar?”
“Caviar is overrated anyway.”
“Well, I happen to think it's delicious! I'll go get the luggage. I'll be right back.”
House sat on the sofa and looked around. Yes, this was their home now, just like it should be.
Birthday “I got you something,” Wilson said. He put a brightly wrapped box on House's desk.
House picked it and shook it, making Wilson smile. “For what?”
Wilson's smiled faded. “'For what?' For you birthday!”
House put the box down and said, “I don't have a birthday.”
“What? Are you too old to remember it or do you forget on purpose? I didn't. And even if you don't have a birthday, you're still going to open that present!”
“I told you: I don't have a birthday. Now take your present and go along your merry way. I have work to do.” House turned back to his computer. Wilson sighed. He picked up the box, looking at it, and set it back down.
“I don't care. I'm leaving the present.” Wilson walked out of the office.
House saw him leave, and picked up the box and shook it. He smiled. At least someone remembered this time.
Puppy/Kitten
Two days ago there was a kitten shoved in House's face. Now there was a kitten licking his face, and he can hear soft chuckles coming from Wilson beside him.
“Get the damn cat off my face!”
“She likes you. That's how she shows love.”
“Why doesn't she love you?” House picked the cat off of his chest and handed it to Wilson. Wilson moved his fingers under the covers making the kitten jump at them.
“She's already loved me this morning. It was your turn.”
“I don't like it.”
“Well, I do.” Wilson leaned over and kissed House on the lips. They continued kissing until they were both nuzzled by a little body that was purring
“Damn cat.” House said.
“She wants to join. Sorry, kitty, but this kind of love is for humans.” And the kitten was promptly shut outside the bedroom door.
Jealousy “Stop flirting with Cuddy.”
House looked up from his magazine and said, “What?”
“You flirt with her too much. Just...stop,” Wilson said.
“I flirt too much? Well, that's an understatement. Who has to help little old ladies and nurses across the street, eh? Besides, it's all in good fun.”
“I don't like it.” Wilson snatched the magazine from House's hands and said, “Just stop it okay?”
“Is someone jealous?”
“Maaaybe.” Wilson looked in the other direction when he said this.
House grinned. “Jealousy hurts. So, I'll stop it just so I don't see my little Jew hurt.”
“Thank you.”
“Whatever.”
Gift “Bought you something,” House said. He threw a bag on Wilson's lap. Wilson couldn't help but grin.
“Wonder what I got?” Wilson said as he played with the bag's strings.
House leaned in close and said, “I have an idea. Why don't you look in the bag and find out?”
Wilson nodded. He threw the tissue paper over his shoulder and reached inside. He was then speechless. It was now House's turn to grin.
“Best Porn Pics of the '80's!” Wilson exclaimed. He hugged House's neck and said, “You really shouldn't have.”
“Hey, every man's got to have a good collection and that man is you.”
Flowers
House and Wilson walked on the hospital grounds when Wilson stopped in his tracks.
“What is it?” House asked.
“Flowers.”
House looked briefly and said, “Yeah, so?”
“It's the dead of winter and there's a little group of flowers by that tree. I'm going to go get them.” Wilson walked over and carefully plucked the flowers from the ground.
“What are you going to do with them? Put them in your scrapbook?”
“No, I'm going to put them in water and put them on my desk.”
House rolled his eyes. “They were just fine in the ground.”
“Yeah, but it's supposed to snow tonight. They would have died.”
“They'll die on your desk in a matter of two days.”
A couple walked by and saw Wilson with the flowers. The couple laughed and walked on.
“Oh, that's just rich.” House said. “Real rich.”
Protection
Wilson sat at his desk crying and House lay on the sofa.
“You didn't have to yell at her to protect me!” Wilson said wiping his tears and smiling.
“I had to. That bitch didn't deserve to call you 'gay'. She's just jealous because I have you."
“Yeah.” Wilson sniffed. He got up and sat in the floor next to House. “Thank you again for standing up for me.”
“Don't mention it.”
“No, really. Those nurses have been persecuting me for days once they found out about us. They're just too afraid to say anything about you.”
“That's because they know I'll kick their asses just like I did today.” House kissed Wilson on the forehead and said, “You want some lunch?”