Pax Letale

Here's a story about a man named Mirza who came home from work to be horrified. I was on the first floor and I noticed 'well hell, looks a lot like a dig site from before my father retired from being an Egyptologist, only brand new.' And then I opened up a Qebehsenuef canopic jar that I saw laying about. THERE REALLY WERE INTESTINES IN THERE.

Thankfully, I made it up to my apartment (in a fucking... I don't even know!) before vomiting.

The end.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS BUILDING

Does anybody have some tweezers I can borrow?

And maybe a first aid kit?

Hello All,

There was an error in the order I placed and the bakery sent me 13 orders of a bakers-dozen cup cakes. They are all red velvet and to die for!

Would anyone like any or could any one please suggest a place I can donate them to? They did not charge for the error and I would hate to see them go to waste.

Please let me know as soon as possible,

With best wishes,
Honey Skye Griffin-Laurent of P3

Yo neighbors.

I decided I'm going to marathon the absolute most fucked up horror movies ever. Except I need some practical advice on which to add to my list.

List so far:

- Cannibal Holocaust
- Salo
- Last House on the Left (original, obviously)
- August Undergrounds Mordum
- Audition

So, what am I missing?

To the owner of a silver Honda Civic in the parking lot,

my dog might have pissed on your tires. sry.

But they look pretty clean now.

Okay. You know how I said we needed to have a barbecue? And then didn't have it? I got my schedule so we're doing it this week. Saturday. Starts at 7, ends whenever the fuck we all get off the beach. The next Sunday is the 4th so we'll be beating all the douchebags to the good spots and if you want to bring fireworks, be my goddamn guest. If everybody is going to be missing that weekend to go home and do family shit I GUESS we can fix a new date. Otherwise this is how I'm celebrating the 4th. And also not working.

Hey, person who said they'd bring the food. You still up for that? And person who said you'd cook only if I was NICE and SMILED, you still gonna cook if I play nice?

Hey, Pax pals! So you've probably noticed that I haven't been blasting my music as much lately. That's because I haven't been around. I've been at the gym, training!

On July 8, I'll be fighting Harry Barnard (or Bee-Sting Barnard, if you follow boxing) just a few blocks from the building. If anybody wants to come, I can snag free tickets for great seats, as well as entrance to the VIP rooms right before the fight. If you've never been to a boxing match and want to see what it's like, let me know! I promise it'll be a lot of fun and you'll get to see me pound Harry's ass until it's a wad of cookie dough and hey, the VIP rooms have free food. ;)

So I've been watching the World Cup.

And I think I need you to hear the song of my people

( Haters gonna BZZZZZZZ )

Dude

DUDE

DUDE WTF IS THIS SHIT: [Here is posted a link to a fan website dedicated to lead guitarist Merc Page of South Portal. More specifically, dedicated to his hands. There are picture galleries, forum discussions, even animated gifs. The website's name, in honor of his Hispanic background is Senor Maños, Spanish for Mr. Hands.]

FUCK THE WEEKEND. JESUS CHRIST. I should never hate Saturday and Sunday as much as I hate Monday, for fuck's sake.

How many of you here work at the parks? I know there's at least a few of you. We need to have like a barbecue or something on the beach sometime, chill with beer, bitch about how much we hate our jobs, throw rocks at seagulls. I'm not bringing any food, though, and somebody else has to cook because giving me a hand at a barbecue is a bad fucking idea, trust me. I've got a couple spare six packs around to donate. Who's with me?

And just when I'd started to wonder how I was going to manage an entire summer of classes, life just throws herself at me.

Now if only that were literal. Hmm...I wonder what Life would look li--

OH RIGHT. Hello to what I'm sure are my very charming not-so-roommates. Floormates? Building-mates? Needs a new word there, "neighbor" sounds far too...Sesame Street. Whatever. I'm Dorian, I just moved in on the third floor, and I might have been tempted to say I wanted to apologize in advance for the noise...

But I'm really not sorry. In any case, you'll learn to love it~

( Stuck to 308's door )

Okay, I didn't get a chance to do this yesterday, so I'm Chris. I like loud movies, loud music, and not being woken up early on my very fucking rare days off, so if you've got a problem with any of that, buy earplugs and don't drop shit on my ceiling.

okay now what the fuck else do i say OH YEAH The rusted silver piece of shit Civic out in the parking lot? Mine. Scratch it, dent it, shove it into the street, whatever, and I run you over. Got it? Good.

Sup y'all.

I'm Dev Ng in 201. I'm moving in. Yes, that's my hatchback with the Alliance sticker on the rear window. I understand I am double parked, but idgaf cause I'm moving milk crates filled with crap.

I'm not a quiet neighbor, sry2say. But I have more copies of various versions of Star Wars than anyone in a tri-state area.

Hello, new neighbors. My name is Moana, and I live [...] upstairs from all of you, I think. I will do my best to be a quiet neighbor, but in the next couple of weeks I will start getting some visitors. Don't concern yourselves with them, it's a business matter and it's best to just not worry about it. I'm sure I will meet some of you over the next few days, as I'm overseeing the moving of my furniture, so feel free to say hello, if you'd like.

I'm afraid I've come off as being unfriendly. I promise that's untrue, it's just so hard to be anything but impersonal over the internet. Face to face, I promise I'm much, much nicer.

Hi, everybody! Why is talking to people on the internet more intimidating than talking to them in real life? I'm Riley Hollow and I just got here. If you hear a lot of noise on the third floor, don't worry. The building isn't coming down. I'm just trying to rearrange my furniture, and it's being really stubborn.

Oh, that reminds me! Does anybody know what the policy is about putting in fixtures here? Because I have this great hanging punching bag that I'd love to install in my place, but it would need to be bolted in and I don't know if that's considered to be some kind of vandalism or not. If I have to I'll get one of the standing kind, but they don't move the right way.

Anyway, if anybody needs any help moving in - I've seen so many cars and trucks outside, it's crazy - just give me a shout out in 303! I'm happy to help out my new neighbors. :)