Pax Letale

( the great turtle heist pt 2 )

( the great turtle heist )

Some morning reading for you. I strongly recommend publishing a full retraction within the week.

I didn't start this, but you had better believe I will finish it.

( Local real estate magnate revealed for shady business practices )

Uh, so. Not sure how to go about this, but. Yeah. I'm new here. Like who isn't moving to California these days? My name's Augustus, but you can call me Gus. I go to UCLA. That's about it. Anyone hiring? I need cash. Now.

My sister isn't answering her phone. So. That's a problem. She lives here? Her name's Brittany. If anyone knows her, tell her to call Gus.

Thanks.

Apologies to my brand new tenth floor neighbours who had to deal with the noise of two moves in one day, but at least it's over with now? I'm Simone, just moved here from the Bay Area to set up a private practice with a colleague. (Psychiatry, before anyone asks. Very awkward to drum up business for it, too, but that's why they pay me the big bucks.) Everything's still a bit skew-whiff in the apartment but on the plus side, the carpets have never been cleaner, so feel free to drop by and say hello. I have...espresso and Oreos, it's a very sophisticated joint here.

I'm new in the building and I was told this was a great way to network with my neighbours! I'm Lucas, I just moved in (still unpacking, boxes everywhere!) I'm definitely up to meeting some of my neighbours, though I may have to entertain with paper cups of instant coffee for now until I get settled. I'm up in 1003 with far more room than I need, but gosh it's a great view!

Oh wow that's cute, you gotta cry about me in your diary? Wasn't enough to just conceal it don't feel it, you had to spread it around in the lobby for some attention?

You guys, I have a confession :(

( confession bear time )

Hi everyone!

I wanted to introduce myself. :) I'm Alice and I just moved into 405. I own Rosemary & Thyme Bakery over on the Balboa Peninsula. It's primarily a cupcake shop but I also serve coffee, tea, hot cocoa, breakfast baked goods, cakes and pies. This isn't entirely a moment to self promote, I just wanted to let you all know that sometimes I over-bake at my apartment and I might drop extra treats off at your doorsteps if any of you are interested. Hopefully none of you are gluten intolerant. Otherwise, stop in and say hi! I'm excited to meet you all.

Oh, and if you're interested, ( here's some of the odds and ends I've baked thus far. )

I am dying. I blame the new infestation of most likely mangy animals in and near our building, one of them was in the elevator yesterday and surely everything in it's fur (including it's fur!) is in the ventilation and I am dying.

I called my mother and tried to get her to mail me her nine bean soup (more stew like really) and she refused, giving me a lecture about being spoiled which my father joined in and they felt the need to lecture me in three languages.

Why.

I am dying I swear. Someone make sure my makeup is still flawless when they carry my corpse downstairs.

WHO THE FUCK IS LEAVING TUNA IN THE DUMPSTERS? IS THAT WHAT'S ATTRACTING ALL THESE FUCKING CATS? THE FUCK IS GOING ON I NEED TO *SLEEP*.

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THE WORLD IS ENDING

[ each will be found in their respective recipient's mailbox, inside a red envelope scribbled with a barely legible name. ]

( private to daniel )

( private to aurora )

[ After much snooping around online, BB manages to find Obed's number. She dials it into her own personal cell, not expecting much of a response, if any. But due diligence, thy name is Brittany Bernard. ]

Hey, I didn't find Bear, but here's a potential replacement? Watch out for splinters ;]

So my cat slipped out of my apartment as I was getting in today and somehow got off the floor. I've been trying to search every floor but so far no luck. Has anyone seen a friendly pure white cat around? He's kinda a scaredy cat, but he likes people. He answers to...well, he answers to nothing, he's a cat, but his tag says Bear.

( Photo for identification )

Thanks so much in advance!!

Does anyone have, like, a cup of sugar I can...can you really borrow a cup of sugar? I guess one I could have? Obviously don't expect it back, and if you did, uh, gross.

Also, hi, I'm BB, I'm in 207 if you just wanna drop by. You know. With the sugar.

As some of you already know, I'll be deploying at the end of the month.

I'll be gone for about a year and should return next December so long as everything works out fine! Which it should. I'm keeping the apartment and my girlfriend, Charlie, will probably come and go from it so if you happen to see her entering or leaving, please don't think she is breaking in. It would also be wonderful if you could just make sure she's okay because I'm a bit worried about her.

For those of you who I haven't been able to tell this news to face to face, I'm sorry. It's been a rather busy couple of weeks! I hope y'all have a nice Christmas. Maybe I'll see you before I leave but if not, happy new year as well!

Where the hell are you? I left work to see if you were okay and the fire department is here and you aren't.