Team Jon: All is Fair in Love and War [4/7]
The Strip



* * *

Jon didn’t catch up with Brendon until it was almost time for the cast to start shooting their scenes for the day. He ran up to Brendon and rushed him back into his dressing room from the hallway. One look at Jon’s face let Brendon know that he had seen the pictures.

“Perez?” he guessed.

“It’s my homepage,” Jon said, and Brendon laughed. Of course it was. “The first thing I saw when I turned on my computer was your lovely face. Well, half of it anyway. The part that wasn’t connected to Keltie.”

His words stirred up the now familiar feeling of guilt and nausea within Brendon. “I don’t really want to talk about, Jon.”

“Hey. Brendon, come on,” he said, taking in Brendon’s appearance. “Don’t feel bad about this. Remember? We talked about this earlier. You’re doing both yourself and Keltie a favor. I know that at first I wasn’t on board with this whole thing, but Pete was right. You need to be proactive, take control of your own future. This is your way of making sure that you still have a future.”

Brendon sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know. I know. You’re right. But still, it seems pretty shitty. And, man, Jon, you should have seen Ryan’s face when he showed me the pictures. I can’t help but feel bad.”

Jon shook his head. “Forget Ryan. Fuck him. Think of all that he’s put you through. Don’t worry about Ryan.”

Each word out of Jon’s mouth was forceful, and though a part of Brendon was still clinging desperately to Ryan, he nodded and agreed. “You’re right.”

“Plus, we can’t have you moping around all day,” Jon said. “If you want to make this whole Keltie thing convincing, then you’re going to have to sell it. I’m sure that everyone on set has seen those pictures by now, heard the rumors, and now all you need to do is make them believe it for real and you’re golden.”

“How am I supposed to make them believe it?” Brendon asked, and Jon just grinned and slapped the back of Brendon’s shoulders good-naturedly.

“It’s easy. First off, you need to get Ryan out of your head. Completely. Just focus all that energy towards Keltie. She’s the one who can get you places,” Jon reminded Brendon. “The only thing that Ryan can do is hurt you. Remember that. Forget him. It’s all about Keltie now.”

Brendon wasn’t too sure about what Jon was saying, but Jon had been in the business far longer than he had and had never led Brendon astray before.

After all, becoming a producer of one of Hollywood’s hottest shows (or at least formally hottest) was quite an achievement to reach before one’s thirtieth birthday. Brendon figured he was lucky to have Jon’s experience on his side.

“It’s all about Keltie,” Brendon repeated, but even that simple sentence seemed so unexplainably wrong, and he stuttered over the words. Off of Jon’s look, Brendon said it again and again until Jon was satisfied. “It’s all about Keltie.”

“Good, now you sound like you mean it,” Jon said. “You’re a hell of an actor, Bren. Shit, even I almost believe it.”

Brendon gave a half-smile, taking in the compliment, but still feeling a little bit terrible about the whole situation. “I don’t even know how to really do this,” Brendon confided to Jon. “What am I supposed to do?”

He felt vaguely ridiculous asking Jon, but Brendon was pretty much clueless. The night before had been easy enough, the casual, easy flirting, putting on a show for the cameras, but Brendon didn’t really know how to act in a relationship. He never had to worry about how to act towards Ryan in public since between the two of them it was always hidden, longing glances and whispered promises.

The last time that Brendon had actually been in a relationship was when he was back in high school, and Kayla Moore had actually broken up with him because he was such a shitty boyfriend. Kind of like Ryan did. Yeah, Brendon could use all the help he could get.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jon said reassuringly. “Just be flirtatious. I know you know how to do this, Brendon. All you have to do is pay attention to her. Make her feel like she’s the most important thing in your life. Because right now, she should be.”

Brendon nodded just as someone knocked on the door to his dressing room. The person didn’t wait for Brendon to reply, and when the door opened, Spencer was standing on the other side.

He glared over disapprovingly at Brendon, and his voice was sharp when he said, “You’re needed on set. They’re ready to begin filming.”

Again, Spencer didn’t wait for Brendon to respond, and he simply turned on his heels and left, his face still firmly holding onto his annoyed look.

Jon glanced at Brendon. “What’s his problem?”

Brendon sighed. “Apparently he’s Ryan’s new best friend, and therefore, a giant bitch to me.” He shrugged and stood up. “Come on. You’re staying for filming today, right?”

“Sure.” Jon followed Brendon out of his dressing room and down the hall. “I don’t really have anything better to do.”

By the time that Jon and Brendon reached the soundstage, the rest of the cast were already there gathered around Shane.

“Brendon!” Shane yelled, and he ruffled Brendon’s hair. Apparently, all was forgiven from their disagreement from the day before, but Brendon knew that Shane had no doubt seen the picture of him and Keltie.

The news was certainly all around town by now. Pete had called Brendon earlier, congratulating him on his clever strategy, and then threw in a couple of his own suggestions on how to make the news of their new-found coupledom even more public. Brendon thought that it was probably public enough already. In fact, most of the cast was looking at him with a certain edge of curiosity. Except, of course, Ryan, who was avoiding eye contact all together, and Keltie, who was grinning at him.

“Hey, Shane,” Brendon said, trying to get into character. Not the one for the show, but the one that he had started developing the night before. He slid up close next to Keltie and kissed her cheek. “Hey, gorgeous.”

He pretended that he didn’t see the shocked and somewhat skeptical looks of his fellow cast mates or the harsh glare from Spencer, faithfully at Ryan’s side, but it was harder, much harder, to ignore the broken look that crumbled on Ryan’s face.

Brendon snapped himself back into reality and whispered, “I missed you,” in Keltie’s ear, and tried to concentrate on her light giggle and not on the pained expression in Ryan’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Shane said, glancing between Ryan and the tangled mess that was Brendon and Keltie. “Let’s get started then. I was thinking about starting with the scene between Ryan and Zack.”

Ryan looked up startled, as if he just realized where he was. He took a moment, but then headed to the set without a word.

Zack watched Ryan walk by and frowned. “Is he alright?”

Brendon was about to answer, but Spencer beat him to it, his glare at Brendon only getting worse. “He will be.”

Zack nodded and followed Ryan’s steps towards what was supposed to be the back of the local hangout. Brendon watched as Zack bent down a little and laid his hand on Ryan’s shoulder, tilting his head and obviously asking Ryan if he was okay.

Brendon genuinely liked Zack. He played rival quarterback Chad McLure, but he couldn’t be more different from his asshole character even if he was a twelve year old girl. Despite his rather intimidating size, Brendon knew that Zack was a big softie, and sometimes, if Brendon bugged him enough, Zack would give Brendon piggy back rides. Zack gave the best piggy back rides as far as Brendon was concerned.

After a couple of minutes, Zack and Ryan broke apart and each of them walked to their initial marks. The lights were fixed into place and Shane yelled “Action!” starting the scene.

Brendon watched as Ryan met up with Zack at the bar that was set up, looking around to see if anyone else was there besides him, Zack, and a kind of scary-looking bartender. On the show, Zack and Ryan were best friends before Ryan transferred schools. Brendon wondered if maybe the writers would just say that Ryan transferred back when he left the show. It would work out perfectly.

“I had fun last night,” Keltie whispered in Brendon’s ear, and he pulled himself out of his thoughts. He remembered Jon’s words, could actually feel Jon’s gaze on the back of his head, and he gave Keltie a dazzling smile.

“I did too,” he promised, and he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. Keltie relaxed immediately against his side and rested her head on his shoulder.

Brendon glanced behind him at Jon, and after a very pointed look, he rested his own head against Keltie’s. She, in turn, wrapped her own arm around Brendon’s waist. Brendon figured that if he was going to do this, he might as well put his all into it. He lifted his head off of Keltie’s, and when she looked up questioningly at him, he bent down and gave her a quick kiss.

“Ryan?”

Brendon pulled himself away from the light contact of Keltie’s lips when he heard Shane’s confused voice. Ryan was staring at Brendon and Keltie, lines obviously forgotten. Even though he had seen pictures of the two of them together, even showed them to Brendon himself, Ryan obviously wasn’t prepared to see the live show.

“You okay?” Shane asked, and Ryan wrenched his eyes away from Brendon and gave Shane a hesitant nod. “Great,” Shane said, but he was looking again between Ryan and Brendon with a worried expression on his face. “Let’s take it from the top again, shall we?” he said, and he called off once more for the scene to begin.

Brendon’s arm around Keltie’s waist subconsciously loosened, though when he realized, he tightened his grip and managed to pull her closer to him. Sure, Ryan was obviously hurting from this, but Brendon knew that that too could only work to his advantage. The only thing that mattered now was making sure that he had a spot on The Strip for the next season.

“What are you doing later?” Brendon asked Keltie, turning her in his arms until they were practically forehead to forehead.

Keltie’s eyelashes fluttered and she smiled. “Hopefully something with you,” she replied. She leaned up expectantly and Brendon hesitated for a moment, but obliged, and leaned down to join their lips together.

Once again, they were interrupted, but this time it was a crashing sound that pulled Brendon away from Keltie. When he looked up and over towards the set, he could see haphazardly fallen cups circling around Ryan which he kicked out of his way as he stormed off-stage.

“I need a fucking break,” he muttered to Shane, and he didn’t even glance at Brendon as he made his way through the stage door to the outside lot.

Brendon saw Spencer move to follow him, but unlike Ryan, Spencer walked up to Brendon and pulled him roughly by the arm away from Keltie.

“Do you have to rub it in?” Spencer asked viciously.

“Like he cares,” Brendon whispered back, fully aware that all eyes were staring at him.

Spencer scoffed. “Of course he does. I can’t figure out why, but he does. So stop being such a fucking asshole.” He turned and went to follow after Ryan, banging the stage door open as he left.

Brendon watched him go and suppressed the urge to follow and find Ryan. Instead, he wrapped himself up in Keltie again.

“What’s his problem?” she asked. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Brendon said, and Keltie hugged him, leaning against his chest. Brendon rested his chin against the top of her head. “I don’t know.”

* * *

Brendon really, really hated these stupid business dinners with Jon and Pete. No matter how much he loved them both, their business meetings always left Brendon feeling drained, and recently, supremely anxious. There was something about the way that they sat, with their backs straight up and their eyes determinedly focused, that made Brendon all the more aware that he was having dinner with his manager and producer, not his friends.

The meal always started with small talk, but now, the small talk was also suddenly business.

“So,” Pete said as soon as he placed his order with the waitress and sent her off with a wink and a possible caress to her ass that everyone at the table ignored, “how are things going with Keltie? Still good, I hope. What is it, your three week anniversary now?”

“It’s been two and a half,” Brendon grumbled in correction.

Not that those two and a half weeks with Keltie had been horrible, it was just getting harder and harder for Brendon to find excuses not to join her back at her apartment every time that she pleaded and batted her eyelashes at him. Sooner or later, he knew that she would figure out that the only time that he was willing to be affectionate was when someone was watching. Especially when there were cameras around.

But so far, their relationship, if you could call it that, seemed to be going well. Brendon still made sure to lavish Keltie with affection around paparazzi and the cast and crew of The Strip. Brendon and Jon had even perfectly orchestrated a plan that ended with Patrick accidentally walking in on him and Keltie kissing, hoping that it would help change the producer’s mind.

Not much had change from their first day on set. There were still the interested looks from their fellow cast mates, and Spencer was still sending Brendon death glares. Ryan, on the other hand, had seemingly found refuge in himself, and Brendon rarely saw him outside of the scenes they had together. He didn’t really know what Ryan did with the rest of his time, but as Brendon reminded himself daily, Ryan was no longer any of his business.

“But things are going well, right?” Pete asked, and there was a little twinge of concern now evident in his voice due to Brendon’s less than enthusiastic response.

“Did you hear that we made People?” Brendon deflected, and Pete brightened up predictably at the news and congratulated Brendon like he had just won the Nobel Prize – in Pete’s eyes, it was almost that important.

“What about you, Jon, got any news to report on the producers’ front? What do they think about the new romantic development between their two leading stars?” Pete grinned.

Brendon took a second before he realized that Pete was talking about him and Keltie, not him and Ryan, and a sharp pang ran through him like it always did whenever he thought about Ryan.

“The news seems to be going over quite well,” Jon said. “It’s working out just like you thought it would, Pete. I gotta hand it to you. You certainly know how to manipulate.”

Pete just smiled and gave a little laugh at Jon’s comment. “So, we don’t have anything to worry about, right?”

Jon stalled a moment before he answered. “Well, Brendon’s ratings have certainly gone up, but Ryan’s haven’t necessarily fallen.”

Pete’s face, in contrast, fell at this news, but Jon continued on.

“And apparently, for the last two weeks, while Brendon has been playing tonsil hockey with Keltie, Ryan’s been out and about the town doing charity work. I even heard a rumor that People is going to do a two-page story on it for next week’s issue.” Jon sighed. “I don’t think that Ryan’s just going to let you win without a fight, Brendon.”

Pete narrowed his eyes. “What a sneaky little bitch!” he exclaimed, and Brendon tried to ignore the stares of the several people who looked over at Pete’s outburst. “I can’t believe that People is going to give him a fucking two-page spread.”

“What kind of charity work is he doing?” Brendon asked Jon.

He couldn’t really imagine Ryan running a clothing drive or working at a blood bank; Ryan was way too picky with his own clothing and would probably send back donations, and one time, when Brendon had given himself a paper cut from one of Ryan’s books, he had gotten nauseous and had thrown up. Brendon chuckled, almost nostalgically, at the memory. Ryan had played it up, and Brendon had spent the rest of the day catering to his every wish, more than happy to go along with it.

Jon shrugged. “Something to do with animals. I think he’s been volunteering at the Humane Society or something. Apparently, he’s a big dog person.”

Brendon smiled at that and remembered the time that he and Ryan had gone to the pet store. Ryan had climbed right over the tiny fence and started playing with the frolicking puppies, leaving Brendon to appease the very large, very angry employee who kept rapping loudly on the “Do not touch the animals” sign.

“Yeah,” Brendon said with that same smile, “he loves dogs. He was talking about getting one, you know.”

By the time Brendon pulled himself from his dreamy thoughts, he noticed that both Jon and Pete were staring at him, and his face began to burn red. He was used to attention; almost four years on a hit television show made you used to a lot of things, but the way that the two of them were looking at him made him suddenly overwhelmingly uncomfortable.

Jon took a deep breath. “Dude, no. Stop.”

“What?” Brendon asked in confusion and furrowed his eyebrows for a second, but off of Pete’s look, he stopped, mentally reminding himself of how such habits made for future unsightly wrinkles.

“You had this stupid smile on your face when you were talking about Ryan. Don’t do that. You and Ryan are over and he’s not your boyfriend anymore. He’s the enemy,” Jon said and Pete nodded in agreement.

“He was never my boyfriend,” Brendon corrected quietly, and Jon made an exasperated noise since Brendon’s tone could almost be characterized as pathetically sad.

“Brendon!” he exclaimed.

“I know, I know. Fuck! You know, you two can just get off my back about all this. Do you think that any of this has been easy for me?” Brendon asked.

“No,” Pete said frankly without much sympathy, “but it’s not supposed to be. You need to work hard in this town, make sacrifices. Look, Brendon, Ryan knows how to play this game. I bet you anything that when this supposed article comes out, there’s going to be some shit in it about how ‘it’s so sad that my other cast mates don’t take a greater interest in helping others’,” Pete said in a droll, monotonous voice that Brendon was sorry to admit sounded quite a bit like Ryan. “He’s going to make you seem like an asshole while still maintaining his own image.”

Brendon shook his head. “I really don’t think that he would do that.”

Pete and Jon exchanged a look that Brendon knew was mixed with pity, disbelief, and annoyance.

“I’ve been thinking about this whole thing lately,” Brendon continued. “This whole fake relationship with Keltie is going to blow up, I know it will, and I don’t want to hurt Keltie. In the end, it’s just going to make me look bad.”

While the words he spoke were true, deep down he knew that his reluctance had everything to do with Ryan. Brendon didn’t know how many more days he could put up with seeing Ryan’s face crumble with every forced kiss with Keltie. He just wanted the whole situation to disappear so he could hold Ryan in his arms again.

No matter what had happened, despite the harsh words, Brendon couldn’t get Ryan out of his mind.

“I have confidence that you can keep things under wraps for a couple more days, Brendon,” Pete said. “Contract renewals take place at the end of next week after the Emmys. And if you win there…” Pete zoned off for a second, lost in a world where his biggest client was an Emmy winner. “If you win there, and you and Keltie still manage to be together, then there’s no way that they won’t renew your contract.”

“I don’t know,” Jon butted in. “Ryan’s obviously trying to gain the upper hand again by doing all this charity work. He could have other ideas already formulating. I think that we have to think of something more to make sure that Brendon gets that renewal.”

“Jon, I don’t think that Ryan’s trying to outdo me or anything,” Brendon said. “He just really likes animals.”

“Brendon, wake the fuck up!” Jon yelled in frustration, and Brendon was taken aback with the force of his words. “Do you have any idea of how serious this is?”

Brendon nodded. “You know I do,” he said, but Jon ignored him.

“You think you do. Brendon, you’re about an inch away from loosing your job. One step away from throwing four years of hard work down the drain. You can bet your ass that Ryan is doing all this stuff because he wants to stay. Because he wants for you to get fired and not him. Stop thinking of him as some perfect angel in your head. Ryan Ross would do anything to make sure that he stayed and you didn’t. It’s Hollywood, Bren, not a fairytale.”

Brendon looked down hard at the table and away from Jon. Pete was looking between the two of them, clearly not used to Jon and Brendon fighting; normally, it was him and Jon.

Pete cleared his throat, and tried to lighten the mood. “So remember that screenplay I was talking about to you a couple of weeks ago, Bren?”

Brendon made a grunt of recognition.

“Well, good news, the producers have been calling me nonstop about it. Apparently, they heard about your Emmy nomination, and they said they won’t stop calling into you come in for an audition.”

“Pete,” Brendon said, and his voice sounded worn and tired, “we’ve talked about this a million times. I don’t want to do movies.”

Pete reached over to his briefcase that was resting on the ground, opened it, and pulled out a bound stack of papers. He handed them to Brendon, who took them if not a little begrudgingly.

“Just read through it. Maybe you’ll like it. Plus, you can’t be on The Strip forever.”

“Especially if Ryan has his way,” Jon muttered darkly.

“Jon,” Pete reprimanded, annoyed that Jon had to ruin his plan to restore a sense of normalcy.

“I’m just saying that we need to take further action to make sure that Brendon’s safe.” Jon’s angry expression softened. “I’m just worried about you, kid. I don’t want to see you go. That’s why we need to remain on the offensive here.”

Pete nodded. “Fine. That’s reasonable, right, Brendon?”

Brendon didn’t respond one way or another, and so, Pete decided to soldier on. “What do you have in mind?”

Jon seemed a little anxious, as though he knew that Brendon was going to hate his idea. “Now, I know that this is extreme, and borderline immoral, but it’ll definitely shove Ryan out of the public’s favor.”

It was easy to tell that Pete was getting impatient with Jon’s hesitance. “Ok, great. What is it?”

“Out him,” Jon said, and he wouldn’t look Brendon in the eyes. His voice was weaker than normal, as if he knew the extreme gravity of the situation.

“What?” Brendon asked, confused by what Jon was suggesting.

“It’s a terrible thing to say,” Jon went on, “but in Hollywood, it can be a career death sentence.”

“Wait,” Pete said, “Ryan could just fire back and out Brendon. And then Brendon’s ratings would get hit too.”

Jon shook his head. “We’d do it anonymously, plus, if Ryan turned it against Brendon, it would just make him look worse. It would make it seem like he was trying to drag someone else down with him.”

Jon and Pete continued to work through the finer details, but to Brendon, their words were only an angry buzzing, each blurred sentence leaving Brendon with a greater feeling of disbelief.

“Stop!” Brendon yelled, but he lowered his voice when he noticed that several other restaurant patrons had looked over and were glaring at him with disapproving stares. “We’re not doing that,” he said, and though his voice was quieter, it was just as forceful as before.

“We might have to,” Jon said, and Brendon knew that he wasn’t imagining the little bit of regret in Jon’s voice, but it didn’t make him feel any better knowing that.

“No,” Brendon reiterated.

No matter how bad things got with Ryan, Brendon knew that he would never betray his trust like that.

Pete sighed, obviously the mediator between Jon and Brendon again. “Let’s just see how the People article works out and then we’ll think about the next step to take,” he reasoned. He looked between Jon and Brendon. “Can we agree to that?” They both nodded, and Pete clapped his hands together. “Great.”

Just then, the food came, breaking Jon and Brendon’s silent argument, and Pete smiled at the large steak that was put in front of him.

The atmosphere at the table was tense, but when Jon looked down at his meal, swore, and flagged down the waitress saying that he asked for medium on the edge of medium rare, not medium medium, Brendon couldn’t restrain his burst of laughter.

Though he was still grumbling, Jon laughed too and smiled.

* * *

When People came out that Friday, Brendon knew that he was probably one of the first people to buy it. He stopped by a news kiosk on his way to the set and picked one up.

Sure enough, on the corner of the front page, there was a small picture of Ryan holding a puppy, their large brown eyes almost identical, with the headline The StripStar Gives Back in bold letters underneath the photo.

Brendon hurried to the studio and into his dressing room so that he could read the accompanying article. He would have attempted to read and walk at the same time, but he wasn’t likely to forget that one time he ran into a tree on his way to Middle School when he was frantically trying to finish reading Animal Farm.

When he got to his dressing room and threw himself down on the couch, he immediately began to page through the magazine, forgoing the index, and flipping through until a picture of Ryan stopped his page turning.

Jon was wrong. It wasn’t a two-page spread. It was four.

The first page was filled up with a large picture of Ryan. It was the same picture that was on the cover, just magnified, and Brendon felt an aching pain in his chest as Ryan’s printed eyes stared up at him, so he quickly turned to the next page.

Brendon’s eyes immediately were drawn to the pictures sporadically placed on the page between the text: Ryan playing with a puppy, a picture of Ryan from The Strip, and finally, one of Ryan looking far more innocent than someone who once talked so dirty to Brendon in a read-through, with his low voice whispering huskily in his ear, that Brendon had to excuse himself for twenty minutes should ever look.

Eventually, when he tore his eyes away from Ryan’s perfectly innocent expression, Brendon scanned through the article. Shit, Pete was right.

“Sometimes, it feels like everyone else around me is so into themselves. It can get overwhelming.”

What? Brendon read over the words again, disbelievingly, but he read on.

“I’m not really like my cast mates. I’d rather help others than go out and party all the time.” Ross is no doubt referring to the two week long whirlwind club hopping that fellow actors Brendon Urie and Keltie Colleen have recently been partaking in. When asked about their alleged hookup, Ross comments with a wary, “Well, I’m not going to say it’s a publicity thing or anything. They both share a lot of interests.” What Ross is clear on is how his own interests differ from the rest of Hollywood and his cast mates. “They [Urie and Colleen] are still in a selfish stage of their lives,” Ross wisely relays. “Hopefully, one day they’ll realize there’s more to life than making out in the middle of a club.”

Ouch.

Brendon could barely believe that Ryan would be so harsh. He knew that his thing with Keltie was hard for him, but Brendon secretly hoped that Ryan would be understanding and be on his side, not cleverly bashing him to magazines. The worst part was that he didn’t even come off sounding like a big jerk. Somehow, he managed to tear apart Brendon and his relationship with Keltie, and still come off as sounding sensitive and ‘wise’.

The more he thought about it, the more that his eyes swept over Ryan’s words, the angrier he got. A flash of hot, burning resentment coursed through Brendon, and before he could stop himself, he quickly grabbed the magazine in his hand and stormed down the hallway to Ryan’s dressing room.

When he reached the door to Ryan’s dressing room, he rapped on it loudly.

Once again, Spencer was the one who opened the door. Brendon was in no mood for games.

“Goddamnit!” he yelled. “Why are you always opening the fucking door?”

Spencer didn’t react to Brendon’s outburst, and only raised an eyebrow indicating that he was unamused.

“I need to talk to Ryan,” Brendon snapped, but Spencer didn’t move out of the way and allow him to pass.

Brendon glared at Spencer, who still wasn’t moving. He was about to yell at him some more, when the door opened a little bit further and Ryan joined Spencer in the frame of the doorway.

“What do you want?” Ryan asked, and for the first time, his droll voice angered Brendon so much that he was tempted to shake him, as if that would give Ryan’s voice some inflection.

“To talk to you,” Brendon repeated, and now annoyance was mixed in with the anger.

Ryan crossed his arms across his chest and nodded tersely. “So talk.”

Brendon looked at Spencer, who was still standing there glaring up at Brendon. “Can’t we talk without him here?” he asked.

Ryan looked pointedly at his friend. Spencer didn’t move, and Ryan sighed before pushing through the door. “Let’s go to your dressing room then,” he said, and Brendon gave one last defiant glare to Spencer before he followed Ryan down the hallway.

Once they got to Brendon’s dressing room, Ryan closed the door and turned around, hands on his hips. “Okay, talk.”

Brendon held up the magazine in Ryan’s face. “I just read this, you asshole,” he seethed. “How could you say such terrible things about me?”

Ryan scoffed. “They weren’t that bad and they’re true. You’re running around with Keltie all fucking night. Why shouldn’t people know about it? In fact, I think that you want people to know all about it. That’s why you’re all over her whenever there’s a camera pointed your way, isn’t it?” Ryan’s eyes flashed, but Brendon could hear the tone in his voice when he said those words.

“Jealous much?” he gloated.

“Desperate much?” Ryan shot back. “You think that banging Keltie will keep you on the show?”

Even though Ryan’s words were harsh, if Brendon took a second to look hard enough, he would be able to see the hurt and sadness lacing each syllable.

“Fuck you,” Brendon spat. “I’m not banging her for publicity.”

“No, you’re just doing everything else with her for it.”

Brendon shook his head. “I can’t believe that I thought that you were too good to do something like this,” he sneered, shaking the magazine in Ryan’s face again. “I actually stood up for you, you know. I told Pete and Jon that you were too good for this.”

“Aren’t you?” Ryan asked.

“No,” Brendon said, but his voice wasn’t sad, just tired. “No, I’m not.”

Ryan’s face softened, and it amazed Brendon how quickly all the anger drained out of Ryan. “Bren,” he said, and his voice was almost tender. He stepped closer to Brendon and reached a hand out to rest it on his shoulder. “Don’t say that.”

“Why?” Brendon asked, and when he looked up, Ryan was right there, brown eyes so close. “It’s true,” he said but he relaxed underneath Ryan’s touch.

“No, it’s not,” Ryan said, and suddenly, it was almost as if nothing had changed, as if Brendon hadn’t fucked everything up and he and Ryan were still together.

Brendon took a daring step to bring them closer, and he peered up at Ryan, thinking that he couldn’t remember why everything fell apart. Couldn’t remember why he had been so angry.

Brendon stepped closer still, and he could feel Ryan’s labored breathing on his cheek now. He saw Ryan’s eyes widen, but Brendon didn’t want to think about all that had happened. He wanted to push the last three weeks out of his mind and just make things normal again, so he leaned up and kissed him.

Brendon could feel Ryan tense against him with that first brush of lips, but then he sighed into Brendon’s mouth and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer.

Ryan kissed back hungrily and Brendon responded just as enthusiastically. Three weeks had been far too long, and he wove one of his hands through Ryan’s hair, all the while thinking about how right this was, how much he missed it.

A sharp knock brought them out of their daze, and Brendon swore. Why did they always have to get interrupted?

“Brendon?” a voice called, and both he and Ryan froze when they realized it was Keltie. Ryan pulled himself away from Brendon.

Brendon glanced at Ryan and then yelled back, “I’m kind of busy. I’ll stop by your dressing room later, okay?”

Ryan was pointedly not looking at Brendon, and Brendon swore again silently.

“I was hoping we could spend some time together,” Keltie yelled back through the door. It wasn’t locked, but thankfully, Keltie didn’t try to open it.

“I can’t. I’ll find you later,” Brendon said as he watched the tendon in Ryan’s neck start to tense again. Shit.

Keltie mumbled an okay and left, but when Brendon turned his attention back to Ryan, he knew that the moment had passed.

“You shouldn’t treat your girlfriend like that,” Ryan said, and the harsh edge was back in his tone. “But then again, you never did know how to handle a relationship.”

“Ryan,” Brendon said gently, trying to pull him back, trying to bring them back to the moment, but it was useless.

“Fuck, Brendon. You’re using her.” Brendon didn’t disagree, but if anything it only made Ryan more upset. “You complete bastard. The show is the only thing that matters to you, isn’t it? You selfish prick.” Ryan shook his head disbelievingly. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you.”

And just like that, Brendon’s own anger came roaring back. “Please, Ryan, like you’re so innocent. You’re working just as hard as I am to keep your job. Don’t act all superior.”

Ryan shook his head. “I don’t need this. I don’t need to listen to this shit. You know, Brendon, I used to think you were special. I used to think that you had talent and a future, but now I know that I was wrong. All you are is this character that you created. There’s no real you. All you are is this fucking show, and you know what? I can’t wait to take that from you.”

Brendon had never heard Ryan sound so cruel before, so heartless, and it only made him angrier. “Fuck you, Ryan. This show has always been, and will always be, mine.”

“Whatever,” Ryan scoffed and left Brendon’s dressing room, slamming the door behind him.

An uncontrollable anger was pulsing within Brendon. He wanted to scream or throw something, possibly punch a hole into the wall, but instead, he took a couple of deep calming breaths and reached for his cell phone.

Despite his efforts of calming himself down, Brendon still pounded on the buttons. The phone rang twice before it was picked up.

“Pete, make the call,” Brendon growled angrily into the phone. “Finish him. I don’t care what you do. Make the call and out him.”

Brendon’s vision was getting blurry as the anger still poured through him, and he ignored Pete’s questioning, asking him if he was sure.

“I don’t want to even fucking hear the name Ryan Ross anymore. Make the call.”

* * *

Brendon was sitting in his dressing room silently panicking. About an hour after his initial phone call to Pete, once his anger had subsided, Brendon had realized his mistake and tried to call the whole thing off. Pete, however, had informed him that the damage was done. He had already made the call and there was no going back. Brendon stared at the clock in his dressing room, slowly ticking away, and he wished - not for the first time that morning - that he could take everything back.

He knew by now, a mere fourteen hours after Pete had made his calls, that the news about Ryan was out. Brendon didn’t have the nerve to turn on the television or check the online gossip sites. He wanted to delay the fallout as long as he could.

Sooner or later, he knew, everything would come crashing down. There would be no coming back from this. Brendon knew that he had gone too far. It would be unlikely that Ryan would ever forgive him. He didn’t know if he could even forgive himself.

In his chest, his heart seemed to be beating faster than normal, and Brendon wondered briefly if it would be possible to have a heart attack at twenty-one. He couldn’t help but think of what a relief it would be to not have to worry about the consequences of the outing.

There was one thing he was sure of, and that was that it wasn’t worth it. The show wasn’t worth it. In retrospect, there were so many things that Brendon would have done differently, starting with never letting Ryan go in the first place. Never letting things get so out of hand.

Brendon had been sitting in his dressing room since early that morning, hunched over on his couch wondering what he should do. He didn’t know if there was anything he could do. Part of him wanted to throw himself at Ryan, admit that he was wrong, give up everything for him, and hope for forgiveness. But another part of him, the part of him that led him to Los Angeles in the first place, the part that wasn’t satisfied in a small town, in a small life, kept telling him that he did what he had to do. Told him that he had been ruthless, but it was for a good reason.

Despite the inner conflict raging inside Brendon, every muffled noise that he could hear from outside his door, every shuffled footstep or muffled cough, had his stomach leaping and heart clenching in a tumultuous bind. Every tiny noise had him wishing that it was Ryan and dreading that it was him at the same time.

Brendon knew that there was no way Ryan didn’t know about the fact that someone outed him, and he knew that there was no way that Ryan didn’t know that it was him. Ryan had entrusted so few people with his secret, and when he thought about that, it only made Brendon feel worse.

Brendon listened as another pair of feet made its way down the hallway, but by then, he had started to ignore each little sound, knowing that none of them were Ryan. It took him by surprise when the door to his dressing room opened. There was no knock to precede it, and the only thing that drew Brendon’s attention to the doorway was the loud noise that resonated when the door hit the wall as it was flung open.

His head immediately turned and his chest tightened, but when he looked up, he let out a sigh of annoyance.

“I guess from now on I should always just assume that it’s going to be you,” Brendon said. “Hello, Spencer.”

When Brendon actually took a moment to look at Spencer, he could see that the tendons in his arms were tense and his face was red. He almost seemed to be shaking with anger and his blue eyes were cold and dangerous.

“You fucking asshole,” Spencer spat at him. His voice wasn’t loud, but his words were powerful enough to still leave Brendon reeling.

Indignation welled up within Brendon and he sat up a little straighter on the couch. “You better watch how you talk to me, Smith. I could get you fired.”

Brendon knew why Spencer was there, of course he knew why, and he knew that Spencer had every right to be there glaring angrily at him, but seeing Spencer there and not Ryan made Brendon realize just how bad things were. He felt almost like a trapped animal backed into a corner, and so he did what came naturally: he put up his walls and he lashed out.

“And I’d appreciate it if you would knock next time you want to talk to me so that I can decide whether or not it’s worth my time.” Brendon tried not to cringe at his voice; even he could hear the desperate bravado.

Spencer closed the door behind him and Brendon tried not to jump at the slam. He walked over to the couch, sat down next to Brendon, and took a deep breath.

“Okay, listen,” he said, and it looked like he was visibly trying to calm himself down. “I figured that this could go two ways: I could beat the shit out of you for what you did, scream and yell at you until you can’t hear anymore, or we could actually talk about what happened in some sort of civilized fashion, and you can explain to me why the hell you lost your mind and decided to ruin Ryan’s career.”

“Oh,” Brendon said mockingly, “so now you want to be all civilized. I’m confused. Didn’t you just call me a fucking asshole less than two minutes ago?”

“I have every reason to be mad at you, Brendon,” Spencer reasoned. “You know I do, but it will do neither of us any good to just have a shouting match. It won’t do Ryan any good.”

Brendon eyed Spencer cautiously. “Does Ryan know that you’re here?”

“What do you think?” Spencer asked with a harsh laugh, and Brendon nodded his head in understanding, but his stomach sunk down lower. “So, you want to tell me what the hell has been going on lately?”

“Didn’t Ryan tell you?” Brendon countered, and he tried to not sound so angry, especially since Spencer was so graciously not following through with the first option he presented.

“All I know is that you’ve been a complete asshole to Ryan and have been scurrying around doing whatever you could to get him fired,” Spencer said with such certainty that it made it difficult for Brendon to disagree.

Brendon sighed. “Ryan started the whole thing,” he defended. “He broke up with me so that I would be off my game and he would get the contract renewal.”

Confusion passed over Spencer’s face. “Wait, what?”

“Ryan broke up with me to screw me over,” Brendon repeated. The resentment was long gone from his tone and now all he felt was regret and loss.

Spencer shook his head. “No,” he said long and drawn out as if Brendon was being stupid. “That’s not what happened.”

“Yes it is,” Brendon assured him. “I was there, unlike you. I think that I know when I get dumped.”

“Hold up,” Spencer said. “Let’s start from the beginning. This doesn’t make sense.” He got up and started to pace around the room. It made Brendon nervous to watch him walk in circles. “Okay, I’ll start with what I know, with what Ryan told me. He said that you two were an….item, I guess I would call it, for about a year, right?”

Brendon’s cheeks burned red but he nodded. “Yeah. That’s right.” He didn’t see any point in denying it: obviously Ryan had told Spencer about their relationship.

“Right,” Spencer continued. “So you were together, or whatever, and you didn’t want to commit and Ryan did, and then you ran off on a date with Keltie, and Ryan randomly called me up and spilled his guts to me.”

Now it was Brendon’s turn to be confused. “He what?” he asked, and though he didn’t think that it was possible, he suddenly felt way worse.

“That night you went out with Keltie for the first time, he called me up, and before I knew it, Ryan Ross was in my apartment crying on my couch because some douche bag broke his heart,” Spencer almost spat. “He told me all about the two of you. Shit, I think he just needed someone to talk to, you know? He went for so long keeping everything inside, and I guess he trusted me enough, for some strange reason, to confide in me.”

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, and Brendon was having a hard time breathing.

“He was crying?” Brendon repeated. “But he wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls, and when you did, you guys were at a club. I thought he was out enjoying himself. Was he really crying?” he asked, and his voice was weak and disbelieving.

“I was trying to get his mind off of things,” Spencer explained. “It worked for a while. He seemed to be having fun, but then it just made things worse. Made the fall that much harder.”

Brendon was still stuck on what Spencer had said earlier. “I can’t believe that he was crying. That I made him.” He looked up wildly at Spencer. “I made him?”

Spencer nodded, and realization passed over his face. “You really thought that he ended things because of this stupid ratings thing, didn’t you?” Spencer asked.

“Well, Pete and Jon said-”

“I can’t believe this.” Spencer sighed. “Fucking Hollywood. Man, it just messes everything up. Okay, listen, Brendon. Ryan and I have gotten to be really good friends in the past couple weeks, and even though right now he’s angry with you, I know that all he really wants is for things to go back to the way they were.”

“But I tried,” Brendon said. “That’s all I want too and I tried.”

“So you outed him to every gossip columnist and entertainment television program?” Spencer asked sardonically.

Brendon gaped at him. “You don’t understand,” he said desperately. “I had people telling me that Ryan was trying to kick me off the show because of the ratings problem, and that I had to do something about it. And that’s the only reason that I started dating Keltie. I was hurt by Ryan breaking up with me, and I guess I just believed that he did it for ratings because I didn’t want to think that he actually didn’t want to be with me.”

“I can’t believe that I have to mediate between two such retardedly clueless boneheads,” Spencer muttered, shaking his head. “You guys both fucked up,” he said. “Big time. You should have never started that thing up with Keltie. It killed Ryan. You have no idea how hard it was for him. And, yeah, he said some pretty shitty things about you, but that is no excuse for what you did. The truth is, despite it all, underneath all the cruel words and the bravado, Ryan still loves you. So you better get your fucking shit together and do something about it, because I am not going to sit through another three weeks of seeing him destroyed. I’m not.”

Brendon’s ears were ringing. “He loves me?”

Sure, Ryan had said that when they broke up, his final crushing blow, but Brendon had figured that had only been to drive the final nail into the coffin, to destroy him completely.

“For some reason, yes,” Spencer affirmed. “And even after all the terrible things you’ve done, I know that you’re a good guy. Hell, even Ryan’s told me. More like pathetically reminisced, but still, you’re not all that bad. I’ve been on this set for nearly two months, and while the last couple weeks have been pretty shitty between you two, I remember what it was like when I first got here. I remember how you used to look at him, how you still look at him. I know that you love him too.”

“I…” Brendon didn’t know what to say, all words seemed to have left his mind as he took in everything that Spencer had just said. He had never let himself think about it, not really, but Brendon couldn’t deny the truth in Spencer’s words. He took a deep breath. “You really think that he’ll take me back?” he asked, and he hoped that he didn’t sound as desperately pathetic to Spencer as he did in his own mind.

“I won’t lie to you,” Spencer said. “He’s really hurt right now. You betrayed him. He trusted you and you took that trust and you shattered it to help yourself succeed. Ryan’s pissed and he’s confused, but he’s still Ryan, and he still loves you. It might take some time, but to be honest, Brendon, you don’t deserve this to come easy to you. You’re lucky that I’m even talking to you, and you’ll be lucky if he even looks at you, but you have to try. You owe it to him to try.”

Brendon nodded. “What should I do? How do I talk to him about all this?”

Spencer laughed, and it wasn’t cold or biting and it made Brendon feel a little better, a little more hopeful. “I think I’ve done enough here today, don’t you think? Now it’s your turn.”

Part five