Team Jon: All is Fair in Love and War [6/7]
The Strip



* * *

. Unsurprisingly, despite their real breakup to their fake relationship, Keltie’s manager and Pete decided that the two of them should walk the red carpet together. It didn’t bother Brendon as much anymore, since both he and Keltie knew that it was all for show, but still, with his arm wrapped around Keltie’s waist, Brendon could feel the excitement of millions at the new “power couple,” and the anger of one Ryan Ross.

Brendon had called Ryan ahead of time, before the show, but of course, Ryan had let his call go to voicemail. He knew that Ryan would check it right after the phone beeped indicating a new message, so Brendon told the machine that he and Keltie had ended things, that he had told her the truth, but Pete had insisted on him escorting her to the awards show. Still, when Brendon saw Ryan, his gaze was anything but understanding.

Unlike Brendon, Ryan had come to the Emmy’s alone, and Brendon was grateful. He didn’t know how he would handle it if some ditzy blonde was hanging off of Ryan’s arm. Or some ditsy guy, for that matter. After all, Ryan’s preferences were no secret anymore.

In fact, a little bit ahead of where he and Keltie were posing, arms wrapped around each other and faces smiling, Brendon could see Ryan answering a few questions with one of the entertainment television hosts. His face looked carefully neutral, but Brendon could see the faint hint of annoyance.

Brendon tugged on Keltie’s arm relentlessly until she looked away from the bright lights of the camera and at him questioningly. He gestured towards Ryan with his chin, and gave her a pointed look. She nodded in understanding, and sighed, giving the cameras one last practiced smile, before she told them thank you and allowed Brendon to drag them over to where Ryan was still being questioned by a girl in her twenties, whose face was already not moving with any inflection due, most likely, to a pre-show treatment of Botox.

“… Are you willing to confirm or deny these rumors?” Brendon heard her ask Ryan as they approached him.

With every step closer, Brendon could see more and more signs of Ryan’s irritation: the tense line in his neck, the way that his long fingers were curling and then stretching out, his foot, unconsciously swirling minimally. Yeah, he was definitely getting there.

Brendon shot Keltie a pleading look, and she pulled Brendon closer to herself and the reporter, giving her a dazzling smile before calling out, “Cammie! It’s so good to see you again!” Of course, Keltie would know her name. She had told Brendon once that award shows were just like Debutante Balls, and just the same, she had note cards to practice names beforehand.

The reporter turned her attention away from Ryan, and when she took in Keltie and Brendon, an almost-smile made its way to her face. Brendon was sure that if her facial muscles would allow it, she would have been beaming. He and Keltie were big news still. Unfortunately.

The expression on Ryan’s face wasn’t quite as easy to determine as Cammie’s. He was obviously relieved that Brendon and Keltie had interrupted her line of fire, but the tense lines in his body didn’t relax when he saw Keltie’s hold on Brendon’s hand.

As Keltie expertly chatted away with the reporter, Brendon was trying as hard as he could to send Ryan silent messages without ignoring the camera or seeming too desperately anxious for Ryan’s approval. Which he was.

Ryan stood there beside Brendon for a couple of minutes, eyes gazing at Keltie, nodding along to whatever she was saying. Brendon wasn’t really listening, and he knew that Ryan wasn’t either, but at least he was pretending.

The fact that Ryan was there at the awards show was more than just a little surprising to Brendon. He knew that if he was the one who was fired, there was no way that he would have come. No matter what the studio would say.

But Ryan was there, milling around with his soon-to-be-former cast mates, and answering questions about his sexuality and rumors for the next season which he wouldn’t be a part of. He was there in a well-fitted suit, formal with still an edge that only Ryan could pull off, looking exactly like a leading man should: handsome but with an air of mystery.

Brendon knew that he, too, looked good, of course he did, but next to Ryan, Brendon couldn’t understand why anyone would turn their attention away from the older boy towards him. Well, except for maybe the fact that he was nominated for an Emmy. That could have something to do with it, but even that, in Brendon’s opinion, should have gone to Ryan instead. He deserved to be the one up for an Emmy. He deserved to be the one still on the show. He deserved it all.

He was standing only a couple of feet from Ryan, and Brendon could feel a pull, telling him to close the minimal space, but Ryan made a polite excuse to the reporter and wandered down the rest of the walkway, ignoring any further questions, and disappearing into the entrance of the building.

Brendon watched Ryan’s silhouette fade, and he turned his attention back towards Keltie and the reporter when Keltie jabbed a sharp elbow into his side, leaving him breathless for a moment.

“Sorry,” he apologized to the reporter, “I didn’t hear the question.”

“I just wanted to congratulate you on your nomination and wish you luck,” she said, though her words were not altogether warm. She obviously knew that Brendon hadn’t been paying attention.

Brendon honestly didn’t care, and he gave her one of his wide grins that hurt the sides of his mouth and thanked her before pulling Keltie along, down the red carpet.

On either side of the plush red walkway, a mass of reporters, fans, and spectators were gathered. The thousands of voices rumbled together in Brendon’s brain, creating a dense fog of sound that was giving him a headache.

“Do you mind if we go in now?” Brendon asked Keltie.

Her plastered on smile faded a bit, but she nodded. Brendon was grateful to her; he knew how much she loved getting her picture taken.

He held her hand tightly as they meandered through the throng of celebrities and cameramen. She gave a squeeze back, as if she knew Brendon’s anxiety, all of the emotions swirling within him, and Brendon threw her a thankful smile.

“I forgot to tell you that you look beautiful.”

She was wearing a light blue dress that seemed to be fitted, yet it flowed at the same time. Her blonde hair had a bit of a curl to it and was pulled back in a loose bun, tendrils falling gracefully. Her makeup was light, and she didn’t look like the hundreds of other dress-up Barbie dolls here. She really did look beautiful.

Keltie smiled, one of her real smiles. He knew the difference now. “Thanks, you do too. But you knew that, didn’t you, pompous ass?”

Brendon grinned at her and laughed a little bit, some of the tension ebbing away as he easily agreed with her.

Once they got into the building and past the foyer, an usher led them to their seats. They were directed close to the stage, and while the seats were mostly filled up, Brendon could see Ryan clearly through the crowd even before the usher led them right up to him.

The usher allowed them to pass so that they could get to their row, and Brendon went in first, making sure that he sat next to Ryan.

Ryan glanced up at Brendon from the side, but he didn’t move his head or make any further acknowledgements. Brendon sighed as he sat down, but off of Keltie’s pointed look he turned his body towards Ryan’s in the chair.

“Ry,” he said, trying to direct the other boy’s attention onto himself. “Did you get my message?” Ryan did make any response. “I had to do the red carpet with her, but I told her everything and we’re completely not dating anymore.”

Ryan gave a little shrug. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Brendon. You don’t need to call me and warn me ahead of time when you’re going to be with Keltie. It’s none of my business.” He kept his eyes looking straight ahead as he addressed Brendon.

“Of course it’s your business,” Brendon said. “At least, I want it to be your business. I want me to be your business again.”

The line in Ryan’s jaw hardened as he bit down, but he didn’t say anything.

Just then, the house lights dimmed, and the stage was illuminated with hot, bright lights, nearly blinding Brendon since they were so close.

He didn’t really pay attention as the host gave their opening monologue, or as the first couple of awards were give out. He kept his gaze firmly on Ryan, and Brendon knew that if a camera panned the audience and saw them, it would be obvious what Brendon was doing. How he was trying to get Ryan to pay attention to him, talk to him. Brendon didn’t care what the home audience would surmise. He just really didn’t care anymore.

Brendon knew that Ryan knew he was staring at him.

“Pay attention,” Ryan whispered out of the side of his mouth.

“Why? I want to talk to you. It’s important, Ryan.”

Ryan rolled his eyes as he turned towards Brendon. “It’s your category. Pay attention and smile, they’re going to focus in on your face, you know. Wouldn’t want to be seen talking with me.” The last comment was mumbled under his breath, and Brendon could hear the slight anger that ran through it.

“Yes, I would,” Brendon persisted. “I told you that I would. I told you things would be different.”

Ryan’s answer was lost in a sudden uproar, and Brendon found himself pulled out of his seat by a jumping Keltie, and her arms enveloped him in a rib-breaking hug.

“You won, idiot! I can’t believe you won!”

“What?” Brendon hadn’t even heard his name called, but the row of his cast mates were pushing him out the row and into the aisle. He looked back at Ryan helplessly, and was surprised to see a small smile on his face. He almost looked proud.

“Go, Brendon.” Zack pushed him further down the aisle, but Brendon’s feet caught up with him and he walked, a little shakily, to the stage.

The lights were even brighter on the stage, but Brendon tried not to squint. It wasn’t very attractive.

He took the heavy gold statue from the presenter, and rounded the podium, adjusting the microphone as he went.

Brendon couldn’t see anything because of the lights, but he knew that sitting down there, looking up at him was someone who meant everything to him. Someone who deserved the best. Someone who deserved a big gesture.

“Wow,” Brendon breathed into the microphone. “Thank you so much.”

He didn’t have a speech prepared. He honestly hadn’t thought that he would win. Brendon knew what was expected of him, the typical list of thank yous, but he knew that now was the moment that he could prove himself.

“Normally this is the part where I would thank everyone who has helped me get here, and there are so many people to thank. I’m not going to, though. You all know who you are, and you all know how much I’m grateful to you.”

Brendon’s hands were shaking. He was beyond nervous, but the blinding lights almost made it easier since he couldn’t see the thousands of faces. There was a murmuring dim of voices, but he couldn’t make out whether they were positive or not.

“I’ve made a bunch of mistakes lately,” Brendon admitted. “And I’ve lied to so many people, but now I can put everything straight. First off, I was the one who outed Ryan Ross, but it’s not for the reason that you all might think. I messed things up with him really badly, and Ryan, you deserve a lot better than me, but I told you that it would be different this time. I told you that it wouldn’t just be between you and me.”

Brendon could hear the noise from the audience getting louder, and the orchestral music began to play loudly, telling him that it was time to get off the stage. Brendon ignored it all.

He held up his Emmy. “This is for you, Ryan. I wouldn’t have gotten here without you, and I won’t survive without you either. I miss you and I need you back. I love you.”

Brendon was nervous. Hell, he was terrified, but it felt so good to say the words, to finally say what he had been feeling for longer than he could remember. He said it again, “I love you,” and couldn’t help but smiling down into the audience where he knew Ryan was sitting.

The lights were blinding, the noise was deafening, but Brendon was pretty sure that despite it all, he could see Ryan through the crowd, and he was pretty sure that Ryan was smiling too.

* * *

Brendon never made it back to his seat. After his rather personal announcement, he was led backstage by one of the surprisingly strong trophy girls, and then was led out into the labyrinth of hallways before he was passed off to one of the stage managers, a rather stressed-out looking woman.

“I’ve been told that it’s probably not a very good idea for you to go back to your seat,” she said somewhat apologetically, though she seemed frazzled, so Brendon could have been mistaken. “Some of the producers are a little worried about some sort of riot or something. It’s not everyday a TV star comes out on live television.” The radio latched onto her pocket was going off, a steady stream of gruff, tense voices, but she seemed to ignore it.

He smirked at her. “They can thank me later. I’m sure it’ll work out for them in the end.”

She laughed a little, almost despite herself. “True, but still, they told me that a car is coming to pick you up at the south entrance in a couple of minutes.” She pointed down the hallway. “You just have to walk to the end of this and then turn left.”

Brendon shook his head. “I’m not leaving. I have to go talk to him.”

He had to know where things with he and Ryan stood. He had to know if everything was going to be alright now.

The stage manager sighed and pressed a button on the radio hanging off the side of her pocket. She turned her back a little to Brendon, and held her earpiece close with one hand as she adjusted her microphone with another. Though she spoke quietly, she was still close enough for Brendon to hear what she was saying.

“He says that he wants to talk to the boy….Uh huh, that’s the one….Really? Oh, well, then maybe it won’t be a problem….I really don’t think….Yes….Got it, no problem.”

She switched off her headset and turned back to Brendon.

“It seems that your lover boy left his seat after your big confession and is on his way back here right now,” she said, giving Brendon a little smile, and though her words weren’t exactly warm, he could tell that she was amused. “And I hate to tell you, but I was given strict instructions to tell you that it would be appreciated if the empty rooms remained unused.” She gave Brendon a wink, surprising him a little. “I think you know what I mean.”

“No problem,” Brendon responded distractedly. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed. Ryan was on his way back to see him. And Brendon figured, if Ryan left his seat to seek him out, then he must have forgiven him.

He didn’t think that Ryan would come back there to yell at him. At least, he hoped not.

Suddenly, anxious thoughts creeped into his brain: What if he only made the situation worse? What if Ryan was over Brendon, really over him, and now he was coming to tell Brendon to back off?

His anxiety must have been showing through, because the stage manager gave him a comforting smile.

“They said he was practically running back here,” she told Brendon. “I’m pretty sure that can attest to how much he wants to see you right now.”

Brendon gave her a little nod, but his nerves weren’t all together appeased. Even if what she said did make his heart jump a little, it was still racing, and his eyes were darting back and forth towards each end of the hallway. He had forgotten which way he had come, and had no idea from which end Ryan would appear.

“I know it’s stupid since I just confessed my gay love on national television,” Brendon explained, “but I can’t help but be a little nervous. I really messed things up.”

“Yeah, I read Perez Hilton pretty much religiously,” she told him. “If even half of the shit that he’s been posting lately is true, I can see why Ryan would be mad.”

Brendon cringed, but nodded.

“Hey,” she said, and she put her hand on Brendon’s shoulder. “But you just completely put yourself out there on live television. That was one hell of a statement. A big gesture. If my husband did that, I might just let him sleep somewhere other than the couch.”

She laughed, and Brendon let a small chuckle slip through his lips, calming him down just a little.

“He’s a big man. It’s a little couch.” She looked amused, and shook her head. “But don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.”

“I hope so,” Brendon said. “I still can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve him.”

He stopped his tirelessly searching eyes and concentrated on his hands as he spoke. “Ryan’s this amazing guy. He’s smart and funny and sexy. He’s perfect, and when I lost him, I guess a part of me felt like I deserved it because I wasn’t good enough for him, because I was holding him back.”

Another, more familiar, hand rested on Brendon’s shoulder and he turned around to see Ryan standing there.

“Don’t be stupid,” he said, and before Brendon could say anything, Ryan closed the small bit of space between them and brought Brendon up close to him as he leaned down to join their lips together.

Brendon immediately surrendered, kissed back, and let himself fall. It had been too long, far too long since the last time that he had felt Ryan’s lips on his own. At the same time, the kiss was so familiar, the easy slide of lips, the cool taste of Ryan’s mouth, but it was new too, and Brendon knew that it was because everything was different now.

He didn’t hesitate to let his hands wrap around Ryan’s small waist to bring their bodies closer, and he only tore himself away from Ryan, desperate for air, when he heard a small, embarrassed cough behind him.

Turning his head, but keeping his body close up against Ryan, Brendon could see the stage manager flushing red. “Sorry,” she said, “but, um, your car is here.”

It took a minute for her words to connect in Brendon’s brain, but then he remembered what she had told him earlier. He nodded to her and turned back to Ryan, sliding his hand off of the other’s waist and lacing their fingers together.

“Car?” he asked Ryan, mouth twitching up in a smile.

Ryan nodded and leaned forward to press their lips together before leading them down the hallway, following the gestures of the stage manager. “Fuck yes.”

* * *

To be quite honest, Brendon was proud of the fact that he had managed not to ravage Ryan in the car. On their way back to his apartment, (Brendon quickly told the address to the driver before kissing Ryan again), he had pulled Ryan as close to himself as possible in the back seat, pulling until Ryan relented and slid over to straddle him and grind down in his lap.

By the time the car had stopped outside of Brendon’s apartment complex, both boys were panting hard and were eager to get inside, upstairs, anywhere a little more discrete. They both had thanked the driver breathlessly before hurrying into the apartment complex, hand-in-hand, and headed towards the stairs. It was clear that waiting for an elevator wasn’t going to be an option.

It seemed to take forever to get the door open, but now that he and Ryan were pressed up against one another, leaning against the freshly closed and locked front door, Brendon’s mind forgot all about the waiting, all about the weeks of wishing for this again, and simply let himself be in the moment.

Between Ryan and Brendon, it was all frantic movements, heated kisses, and firm holds on one another. It was as if both of them couldn’t believe that they were back with one another, as if neither one believed that it all wouldn’t be taken away from them again.

The press of Ryan’s lips against his own was harsh, almost bruising, but Brendon didn’t complain, only kissed back twice as eagerly every time Ryan’s tongue swept against his.

When they parted, both parties desperate for air, Brendon rested his forehead against Ryan’s, leaning into to him and gasping rugged breaths in time with each of Ryan’s shaky inhalations. One hand was still circling Ryan’s neck. It had been there ever since he had pulled Ryan towards him, just as soon as he had locked the door behind him. Brendon rubbed little circles into the tendons of Ryan’s neck, and he tilted his head down to press a brief kiss to Ryan’s lips before rounding up again to rest their foreheads together.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Brendon asked.

He hoped that Ryan’s answer would be no. Ever since that first brush of limbs in the car, a pressure had been growing in Brendon, but even though now he was achingly hard, Brendon wanted Ryan to know that it wasn’t like last time. He wanted Ryan to know that it wasn’t just about sex, but then again, they both knew that it really had never been only about that. It had always been more.

Ryan shook his head and dove down to lavish wet kisses along Brendon’s collar bone. “We can talk later,” he said, following his words with a swipe of his tongue. “Besides, you’re always more open to talking after sex.” He smirked.

Brendon couldn’t argue with that.

He made a humming noise in agreement, and tilted his head back to allow Ryan further room for his exploration. From the way that Ryan was licking, sucking, biting at his skin, Brendon knew that he would most likely have a rather large hickey on his neck, but he didn’t care. Hell, he wanted people to see it. He wanted people to know.

When Ryan shifted to allow himself better access to Brendon’s neck, Brendon could feel Ryan hard against him, and that, mixed with a harsh suck to his pressure point, caused a loud groan to slip through his lips.

Ryan rocked himself lightly against Brendon’s thigh, small little thrusts, and Brendon pushed his leg back up against Ryan, forcing his mouth away from Brendon’s tender neck, gasping for air. Brendon smiled as Ryan stuttered his name.

When Ryan’s motions became more frantic, less contained, Brendon pushed Ryan back lightly. He didn’t want their reunion to be a quick rub-out through nicely-pressed trousers. He wanted more for them - - more for Ryan.

Brendon laced his fingers around Ryan’s hand and pulled him through his apartment and towards his bedroom.

The bed was messy, unmade. He never had gotten the number of Keltie’s cleaning service. There were a couple of haphazardly thrown shirts lying about, and the carpet could probably have benefitted from a nice vacuuming. It wasn’t a pristinely clean bed with softly lit candles lining the dressers. There were no rose petals decorating the bedspread, or soft music playing from the sound system. It wasn’t some romantic scene or Honeymoon Suite. It was better than that because it was real.

It was the first time that Ryan had ever been in his apartment, the first time that Brendon had ever brought him back. Before, when they had been together, their trysts always took place at Ryan’s place or in dressing rooms. Occasionally, it was in the back of a limo, and even once, fast and dirty in the bathroom during a cast party, but never where they were now.

His apartment had always seemed too dangerous to Brendon, too personal, too revealing, and while Brendon could always eventually pull himself up out of Ryan’s bed and leave, he had known that if Ryan had ever came back to his place, it would have been different. He wouldn’t have wanted Ryan to leave, wouldn’t have told him to, and if Ryan had, if he had gotten up and left, well, Brendon didn’t know if he would have been able to hide his disappointment.

That didn’t mean that Brendon had never imagined Ryan lying there in his bed. He had. Many times. Sometimes, before he fell asleep at night, Brendon would stretch out, hand on a pillow, and wonder what it would be like with Ryan there. Wonder if the sheets would smell like him afterward, clinging to his scent, even if he left. He would imagine Ryan stretched out on the large mattress, bigger than the one at Ryan’s place, and picture how his hands would wash over the planes of his body.

“Nice room,” Ryan said, bringing Brendon out of his reminiscent daze. “It’s very you.” His smile was soft, open, and when he kissed Brendon, it was different than the hot, hungry kisses in the car and foyer. It was slow and languid. It meant more.

Brendon surged close to Ryan, leading him backwards slowly towards his bed, almost in a shuffled waltz, as their lips remained sweetly pressed together. Their arms tangled as they each started to push each other’s clothes off. Brendon’s carefully chosen suit soon ended up carelessly rumpled on the floor, pieces mixing together with Ryan’s.

When the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, Brendon turned them around, pressing Ryan back. Ryan scooted up on the bed, and sprawled out, long naked limbs tempting Brendon, who soon followed, draping himself overtop of Ryan, carefully holding his weight on his arms, firmly placed on either side of Ryan’s shoulders, and kissing him with a little more passion.

Ryan arched up into Brendon, bringing their hard erections to brush together, and Brendon gasped as his forearms gave a little, pressing him further down against Ryan. For his part, Ryan didn’t seem to mind the extra weight, and he snaked a leg around Brendon’s thigh, teasing as Brendon ground down against him.

Brendon pulled himself back up on his forearms and hovered over Ryan before he pulled back. He was so hard, almost painfully so, but he wanted Ryan to remember how good things were between them. He wanted to make this all about Ryan, and so he refrained from rushing in, no matter how great it would feel pounding Ryan into the mattress right then and there.

As he pulled himself back, Brendon allowed his fingertips to lightly skate down the long, lean lines of Ryan’s body, grinning as he surged up towards the gentle touch.

Brendon leaned up and kissed Ryan. “I want you to know how much I love you,” he murmured against his lips when they parted. “I want to show you.”

Ryan’s eyes were heavily lidded now, and he nodded before kissing Brendon again. “I love you, too,” he said, and a pleased shiver ran through Brendon’s body.

He pressed one last kiss to Ryan’s lips, lingering, before he made his way down Ryan’s body. He stopped to lick along the edge of Ryan’s jaw, meandering up to suck his earlobe lightly before dipping his tongue briefly in Ryan’s ear, causing an undistinguishable “Ugh” to tumble out.

He pressed feather-light kisses down Ryan’s chest, lapping gently at each nipple, before continuing his journey down as tiny hairs tickled Brendon’s nose. His tongue flitted against Ryan’s bellybutton, swirling and pulsing, and Ryan squirmed until his cock was pressed hard up against Brendon’s collar. The feel of it was enough to make Brendon ache himself, but as he moved down, he tilted his head, letting his wet kisses trail down to bite at Ryan’s protruding hipbone before he worked his way down the inside of one of Ryan’s thighs.

Ryan’s legs opened wider, and it was obvious that it was an invitation. Brendon, however, just continued his wet kisses along the inside of Ryan’s thigh, tongue flicking out to lavish the slightly sweaty skin in small swirls.

It wasn’t long until small, desperate noises fell from Ryan’s lips, but before the first begging plead could make its way out, Brendon tilted his head up and licked a firm strip up the underside of Ryan’s cock, pressing it flush up against his stomach. Ryan let out a moan of gratitude, and when Brendon leaned up to lap at the head lightly, he could see that Ryan was staring down at him, eyes both focused in rapt attention and hazy with lust at the same time.

Brendon continued to flick small licks over the top of Ryan’s cock as he inched both hands down each one of Ryan’s leg, straining to wrap his fingers around his ankles.

When he encircled each one of Ryan’s ankles, he pulled back a little to allow for him to place Ryan’s legs against his shoulders. Ryan looked up at Brendon curiously, but Brendon didn’t respond, he simply curved his body back down and rolled Ryan’s slightly up into himself at the same time.

He leaned back down and licked down Ryan’s cock. As he passed by his balls, Brendon lavished them with gentle attention, carefully applying light suction before moving on, further down.

Flat strokes of the tongue dragged down against the press of skin below Ryan’s balls, and Brendon tilted Ryan up further, curled tighter into himself, as he continued down.

They had never done this before. Well, Ryan had done it to Brendon. Several times, in fact, each time leaving Brendon a writhing mess. Nevertheless, Brendon had never returned the favor, and with the first tentative lick across Ryan’s entrance, with Ryan gasping out in surprise and appreciation, he couldn’t remember why he had never wanted to try this.

The needy, desperate noises falling from Ryan’s mouth urged Brendon on, and he brought his hands down to spread Ryan’s ass, giving him more room to circle his tongue around the taut ring of muscle, before pressing gingerly past the slight resistance of Ryan’s opening, stretching his tongue down into him before sliding out with firm licks.

Brendon brought two fingers to his mouth and sucked them in, wetting them with his tongue. He pulled the fingers out, and leaned back down to lick teasing strokes across Ryan’s opening before pressing the first digit in. He licked around the finger as he pushed it in and out of Ryan, feeling him already relax into the motions, pushing back against Brendon and making frantic noises.

He didn’t hesitate to add another finger, and he curled them up, searching. Brendon grinned when Ryan let out a breathy moan, indicating his success, and he straightened himself up a little bit, allowing Ryan’s legs to slip further down and relax as Brendon continued to fuck him with his fingers.

Now that he had straightened up, and wasn’t ducked down between Ryan’s legs anymore, Brendon could see Ryan. He took in the every inch of his body, pulsating, and as Brendon curved his fingers up into Ryan with a twist of his wrist, he leaned over and kissed him, no longer able to be without that perfect slide of their lips.

Ryan immediately opened his mouth to Brendon’s prodding tongue, hungrily kissing him. Brendon added another finger easily enough, and Ryan grounded down against his hand, fucking himself against Brendon’s fingers.

“Please,” Ryan moaned out, eyes dark and lust-ridden. “I need to feel you inside me, Brendon.”

Those words warmed every inch of Brendon’s body, and he kissed Ryan in response, pulling his fingers gently out. Ryan let out a small noise of protest at the loss, but he started to turn himself over eagerly.

However, Brendon’s hands firmly held Ryan down in place. “I want to be able to see you,” he explained, kissing Ryan’s lips as his words tumbled out so that they were slightly muffled.

Despite that, Ryan understood, and he cantered his hips up, sliding his legs until Brendon grasped them and placed them to rest up against his chest.

“I missed this,” Brendon admitted as he reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a condom and the small tube of lube that he always kept there, just in case. He rolled the condom onto his cock, and it twitched gratefully in his hand upon contact. Brendon slathered some of the cool liquid on his erection and carefully positioned himself to press up against Ryan’s opening. “I missed this,” he repeated. “I missed you.”

He pushed in, and Ryan’s response was lost in his long, drawn-out moan. Ryan was hot and tight around him, and Brendon groaned back at Ryan, getting lost in the incredible slide.

Ryan rolled his hips up into Brendon’s thrust, bringing them closer, and when Ryan closed his eyes and choked out his name, Brendon pressed in deeper, harder.

It didn’t take them too long for them to find their rhythm, and it came naturally. The long, languid strokes caused shivers of pleasure to run down Brendon’s spine, and even though he could see Ryan’s face, thrown back in pleasure, he couldn’t lean down and kiss him like he wanted from his current angle.

Brendon eased Ryan’s legs down a little and surged forward, bringing the two of them closer together, Brendon’s stomach now grazing past Ryan’s leaking erection on the upstroke. He tilted his head up, and Ryan, getting the hint, met his lips in a hungry kiss. Even though Brendon’s thrusts were still slow and lingering, Ryan’s tongue was demanding against his own, and he nipped at Brendon’s lower lip.

“I appreciate the romance thing and all, Bren,” Ryan gasped out as Brendon’s stomach once again brushed his cock, “but a little faster would be good right about now.”

Smiling, Brendon kissed Ryan once more before he arched back a little, changing the angle once more. He pulled out of Ryan slowly, and then almost viciously thrust back in, jarring the other boy back into the mattress.

“Yeah,” Ryan groaned in appreciation. “Just like that. Fuck me just like that.”

Brendon picked up the tempo of his thrusts, and held tight to Ryan’s hips as he pushed up against him, fucking him harder, deeper.

“Fuck. Brendon,” Ryan breathed out, and Brendon had almost forgotten how good his name sounded coming from Ryan’s lips like that. He hooked one of Ryan’s legs around his waist, and tilted his hips. This time, when Brendon pushed in, his name came out in an almost scream from Ryan’s mouth.

Brendon kept with the angle, thrusting in as hard as he could, with Ryan pressing back just as urgently, rolling his hips. He could feel himself nearing the edge, approaching the end, and Brendon knew from Ryan’s thrown back head, his arching back, and curling fingers, that the other boy wasn’t far behind.

His hand snaked down between their bodies, and he grabbed Ryan’s bobbing dick. He gave it an almost-harsh squeeze before he started to quickly jerk him off, trying to keep in tempo with his own thrusts.

Ryan was moaning nonsense at this point, and the only words that Brendon could make out were his own name. It was enough to send him over the edge, pulling Ryan close so that he was buried deep inside, and he groaned out his own plea, a scratchy “Ryan,” as he came.

Ryan’s own hand came up to wrap around his cock, moving Brendon’s in the process, and he quickly brought himself off, jerking up, and coming.

Brendon carefully pulled out and removed the condom before pressing up against Ryan’s side, leaning into him until Ryan curled an arm around Brendon to hold him tight.

Their lips met lazily, both sill recuperating, and when they parted, Brendon smiled and said, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Ryan nuzzled into Brendon’s neck and snuggled up against him.

They laid there for a couple of minutes, nothing but the gentle noise of their deep breathing, and the occasional light smacking as Brendon kissed Ryan’s forehead.

“I can’t believe you won,” Ryan said finally as his fingers started to trace intricate shapes on Brendon’s skin with their padded tips. He laughed. “I can’t believe you came out on live television.”

“It was the only thing I could think of to get you to realize that I wasn’t going to be an idiot and try to keep our relationship secret again,” Brendon said, and he pulled Ryan closer to him. “Plus, what a story, huh?” he joked.

Ryan let out a little chuckle. “I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe you love me.” He turned on his side and faced Brendon, peering up at him through his sweaty, sex-matted hair.

“I think I always have,” Brendon admitted. “Since the beginning. Since the first time that I saw you.”

It was corny, he knew it, but when he thought about it, Brendon couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t cared about Ryan, when he hadn’t wanted to be around him all the time.

“And I want you to know that everything I told you earlier was true. I never meant to hurt you, not really.” He sighed. “It was all just a terrible mistake. A nightmare.”

“I know,” Ryan said. “It was for me too, but I think that we shouldn’t dwell on the past, especially now since we have a future. Together.”

Brendon smiled and kissed Ryan. He liked that, liked that they had a future together. It felt so right, lying there with Ryan in his arms. It felt perfect.

* * *

When Brendon woke up, there was a heavy weight on his upper arm. The tips of his fingers were tingling from lack of blood flow, and there was a dull ache spreading from his shoulder to his elbow. When his eyes finally blinked open, eyelashes fluttering until everything came into sharp focus, and he turned his head, all thoughts of discomfort left him, and he smiled.

There, lying on his arm, with his brown hair fanned out so that it tickled Brendon with every deep inhalation, slept Ryan. His body was curved to fit the shape of Brendon’s, and when Brendon couldn’t ignore the stiffness in his body anymore and stretched out as minutely as possible, Ryan’s own body stirred.

The brief flash of guilt for waking Ryan up passed easily enough for Brendon once Ryan gave him a small but bright smile.

“Good morning,” Brendon murmured quietly, tilting his head down to press his lips softly to Ryan’s. He could feel Ryan smile against him, and he couldn’t help the grin that overtook his own face.

The kiss was brief and tender, just the gentle brushing of lips really, and when it ended, Ryan stretched out next to Brendon. Brendon admired Ryan’s smooth skin as he reached up towards the headboard, causing the sheet around him to slide down low on his hips.

“Morning,” Ryan repeated back to Brendon, squirming a little on the bed until he comfortably fit into his side again. “You’re not going to ruin this by running off with some blonde again, right?” He smirked.

Brendon nipped at Ryan’s shoulder playfully and pouted. “No, and that’s not funny.”

The deep rumble running throughout Ryan’s chest, and his own body, proved otherwise as Ryan laughed easily. His eyes held no resentment and he kissed Brendon. “I’m just kidding.”

Brendon followed Ryan as he leaned back, capturing his lips once more. “I know. Don’t ruin the moment.”

“You’re such a romantic now,” Ryan teased. “Big gestures and morning snuggling. Who would have ever thought?”

Brendon blushed a little, a dull red creeping up his face, and he buried it against Ryan’s neck. For some reason, he felt embarrassed.

Ryan dipped his own head down, successfully evading Brendon’s attempts to hide. “Hey,” he murmured as he ran a finger across Brendon’s jaw line, using it to bring Brendon’s face up, “I think it’s sweet.”

Relaxing a little, Brendon kissed Ryan once more. “Good,” Brendon decided. “Now we can be that annoying couple that’s always all over each other.”

He thought about how he had been that way with Keltie, but for an entirely different reason. Thankfully, Ryan didn’t point out the similarities. Neither of them wanted to break the easy comfort of the moment.

Instead, Ryan nodded against the warm skin of Brendon’s cheek. “I don’t think that I could keep my hands off you now that I finally have you,” he admitted a little timidly, as though he thought that Brendon might be scared off by what he was saying.

If anything, Ryan’s bashful confession made Brendon’s heart feel impossibly full, and he curled his body fully around Ryan’s until their legs were braided together and their chests were flush up against each other.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he told Ryan. “I feel the same way about you.” He ran a hand through Ryan’s hair, and Ryan tilted his head against the pushing comb. “Touching you, being with you, Jesus, even just looking at you, I don’t want to spend my time doing anything else anymore. Not now that we’re together.”

The feeling of lying there with Ryan, intertwined in bed together with the sunlight barely peaking out through the curtains, was unlike anything Brendon had ever felt before. He honestly didn’t think he had ever been more content. It was different, so different, than before. It was better.

The way that Ryan was laying against him, pushing himself closer to Brendon almost subconsciously, was so easy, so comfortable, so right. It was the most natural thing in the world for Brendon to sling his arm around Ryan and hug him closer.

They were both still naked from the night before, only a single thin sheet covering them in the early morning heat, but Brendon was happy just to lie there with Ryan. Once in a while, he would lean down and bring their lips together, but he went no further, not willing to break the moment. At least, not yet.

Eventually, however, Brendon knew that they would have to get up, so with a final kiss, he rolled out of Ryan’s embrace. Stretching slightly, Brendon got out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers that were lying by the bed. Once they were on, with their tight fit, he realized that they were Ryan’s.

He raised a quirked eyebrow up at Ryan, who laughed at the image of Brendon in skin tight boxers. “They look good on you,” he flirted, appreciatively eyeing the defined curve of Brendon’s ass when he smiled and turned, glancing back at Ryan over his arching back and shoulders.

“And to think,” Brendon joked with a slightly feral look, “this is all yours.” He slapped his ass and laughed. “So lucky.”

Ryan shook his head at Brendon’s antics. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

Brendon grinned and winked. “I’m sure we can think of a few things.” He circled around the bed, still only in Ryan’s tight boxers, and pulled Ryan out of the covers by his wrists. “In fact, I can think of some things we could do right now,” he murmured seductively.

Ryan opened his mouth easily to Brendon’s kiss, but pushed the other boy lightly away after a minute and scrunched up his nose. “After we brush our teeth,” Ryan explained, and he used Brendon’s hold on him to get out of bed.

He looked around the floor and found his clothing. Not really wanting to put back on his not-so-comfortable-but-amazingly-sexy suit, Ryan sighed and pulled on Brendon’s boxers. He didn’t exactly fill out the back, and the fabric sagged against his relatively smaller ass.

“Your boxers are too big,” he whined to Brendon.

Brendon took in the loose slump of his boxers on Ryan. “Do you want to switch back?”

Ryan took a minute, contemplating. Brendon smiled and walked towards the bathroom with a little swivel in his hips, drawing attention to his ass.

“You play dirty, Brendon Urie,” Ryan resigned as he followed Brendon to the bathroom. “But eventually we’re going to have to get dressed and I’m going to need my underwear back.”

Shrugging at Ryan through the mirror of the bathroom, Brendon smirked. “You could always go commando,” he suggested. “In fact, I would appreciate it since now I have full permission to ravage you at any time.”

Ryan snickered and watched as Brendon prepared a toothbrush and started to brush his teeth in lazy circles. His breath caught when Brendon’s tongue flicked out to wipe off the tiny bit of toothpaste stuck to the corner of his mouth, but he jutted his hip out and looked over at Brendon, trying to seem unimpressed.

“When did I give you that permission?” Ryan asked as he accepted the toothbrush that Brendon handed him.

Brendon squirted a small dollop of toothpaste onto the stiff bristles and grinned up at Ryan. “Are you saying that you object?” His smile developed a seductive edge as he dropped the tube of toothpaste and reached around to grope at Ryan’s ass, though admittedly, he did end up with mostly excess boxer fabric.

Still, his tactic seemed to work, and Ryan let out a muffled yelp, obstructed by a mouth full of minty froth. “Jerk,” he sputtered.

“You love me,” Brendon easily soothed, and after Ryan washed out his mouth, he kissed him before pulling away with an over-exaggerated smack. “Mmm, minty.”

“Weirdo,” Ryan supplied, though he was smiling at Brendon adoringly.

Brendon pouted. “That’s enough with the bruising of the ego for this morning, I think.”

“Please,” Ryan scoffed. “You’re ego is fine. It’s perfect. It’s golden.”

“Just like my Emmy, you mean,” Brendon jokingly bragged. “Speaking of, I think I should start a shrine or something. To me, of course.”

Ryan laughed. “Aren’t you supposed to be falling all over me and not yourself?”

Brendon let the back of his one hand run smoothly down Ryan’s cheek. “You know, I could come back with something really cheesy right now,” he said. “But I think we’ve had enough of lines by now, don’t you think?”

Ryan’s answer came in the form of a gentle nip on his bottom lip, which Brendon licked over when Ryan backed away and slyly glanced over his shoulder as he went back into the bedroom.

Getting the hint, Brendon eagerly followed Ryan, sneaking up behind him where he had stopped at Brendon’s dresser, and wrapping his arms around him, kissing the side of his neck.

“What’s this?” Ryan asked, and when Brendon tore himself away from Ryan’s neck, he could see a thick stack of papers in Ryan’s hands.

“Some screenplay that Pete keeps bugging me to read,” Brendon answered distractedly, and he ducked his head back down to continue his ministrations. Ryan gently nudged Brendon away.

“Have you even looked at it?”

“No,” Brendon admitted. “You know I’m not sure about whether or not I want to do movies. Plus, television has been good to me. Especially since it has you in it.”

The moment Brendon spoke those words, they died on his tongue. Immediately, he wished that he could take them back. Ryan’s face fell, and Brendon’s heart lurched.

The truth was, Ryan wouldn’t be there anymore on the set of The Strip. After the season closed, Brendon wouldn’t be sneaking into his dressing room anymore. There would be no stupid note passing during read-throughs or heated gropes in empty corridors of the studio. There would be no Ryan.

“I’m sorry,” Brendon apologized. “I didn’t even think.”

Ryan nodded a little in understanding, but he didn’t meet Brendon’s eyes. Instead, he paged through the screenplay.

Brendon watched him for a couple of minutes, eyes flicking from word to word.

“It’s really good, Bren,” he finally said.

“What is?”
Ryan held up the stack of loosely bound papers. “The screenplay. It’s good. I think you should do it.”

An idea suddenly hit Brendon. “Why don’t you read for the part?” In a way, Brendon figured that he would feel less guilty if Ryan got the movie role. After all, it was Brendon’s fault that Ryan no longer had a job.

“No.” Ryan shook his head and he placed the screenplay back down on the dresser. “I’ve been thinking lately. I think it’s a good thing that I was fired. Well, maybe not a good thing,” he rectified off of Brendon’s incredulous expression. “But the show was keeping me from actually doing something I love. I think I’m just going to spend some time on my writing now. Maybe finally try to finish that book, you know?”

Brendon knew that acting wasn’t Ryan’s true passion, but still, the fact that he apparently no longer wanted anything to do with it hit Brendon hard. By rejecting acting all together, it made it painfully clear that Brendon would be alone on The Strip.

Suddenly, the thought of being on the set seemed too overwhelming to even think about.

He grabbed the screenplay from where Ryan had set it down on the dresser. “You’re right. I should do this.”

“Well, that was pretty easy,” Ryan said, smirking, but he eyed Brendon curiously. He obviously knew there was something more, and he waited for Brendon to spill it.

“Maybe everyone was right when they said that I can’t be on television forever,” Brendon began carefully. “Maybe I’ve outgrown The Strip. I don’t want to be there if you’re not.”

He knew what he sounded like, what people would think, but Brendon knew that this move had been lying there for him for a long time. It was only a matter of time, really.

“Brendon, don’t be ridiculous. It’s fine.”

Brendon shook his head. “No, it’s time I moved on, and you leaving is just one more excuse why I shouldn’t stay.”

Ryan appraised him carefully. “Are you sure this is what you want? You fought hard to remain on the show, Bren,” he said, though there was no resentment in his voice even though the hard fight had resulted in Ryan’s expulsion.

It was as though all that was behind them, and now all that mattered was the future. Their individual futures and their future together.

“I’m going to do it,” Brendon said, and he suddenly felt almost giddy with his decision. “I’ll tell them today when it’s time for contract renewals.” He laughed. “I’ll tell them that I’m going to be a goddamn movie star.”

Ryan laughed. “You’re such an ass, you know that?”

“But you love me,” Brendon chirped back at him.

“I do, I really do.”

The kiss, which started out soft and sweet, quickly developed into something much more, and by the time that Brendon got Ryan to open up his mouth to his inquiring tongue, he was already leading him back towards the bed. Ryan clung to Brendon as he moved them backwards, and when they hit the edge of the bed, he leaned back and pulled Brendon down towards him.

Just as Brendon’s hands were skirting down Ryan’s smooth torso and were slipping under the loose band of his own boxers still covering Ryan, a cell phone rang. Brendon groaned in frustration as Ryan rolled out from under him, grimacing apologetically. Brendon pouted. He had turned his own phone off. For good reason too. He knew that he probably had about twenty messages from Pete already.

Brendon leaned back on the bed and watched in amusement as Ryan dug through a pile of their clothes, searching for his phone. When Ryan found it, he opened it and pressed it to his ear.

“Hello?”

Brendon could only hear one side of the conversation, and consequently, he quickly got bored. Instead of concentrating on the one-word answers that Ryan was speaking into the phone, Brendon allowed his eyes to travel down the sharp angles of Ryan’s body in appreciation.

He really wanted for Ryan to get off the phone. Now.

“Yeah. Sure. Bye,” Ryan finally concluded, and when he closed his phone, he had a rather confused expression. “That was odd.”

“What was?” Brendon asked, even though he really wanted Ryan to stop talking and just come back over to him and the bed already.

“That was Patrick. He wants me to come in this afternoon with all of you to go over the contracts for next season.”

Brendon didn’t think much of it. “At least you’ll be there to support me when I don’t sign mine.”

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed, but he was obviously thinking hard, most likely overanalyzing something.

“Ryan,” Brendon huffed out in frustration. “Are you going to come back to bed or am I going to have to drag you back here?”

Obviously over his internal explication of his and Patrick’s conversation, Ryan smirked. “Personally, I wouldn’t object to either.”

Part seven