Team Ryan: A Burnt Child Dreads Fire
Footsteps In the Snow




Brendon leaned against the counter of the magic shop on an idle winter’s day, staring at the lighter Jon was holding. Sparks ignited from it, every time making Brendon’s chest tighten at the sight of the small, dangerous flame. Jon didn’t notice, just kept trying to light up his cigarette. Brendon averted his gaze and tried to get his mind around Jon’s news.

“So,” Jon repeated, “I’m going to need you around a lot more now, starting today.”

Brendon looked at him with brows furrowed. “Because… you’ve just bought yourself a unicorn,” he repeated just to make sure he hadn’t misheard Jon. Jon nodded casually. “I thought they were extinct.”

“Almost all magical creatures are, but it’s definitely a unicorn,” Jon said. “Bought it on the black market.”

“I haven’t seen one since I was this tall,” Brendon mused, showing with his hand. “I remember being told they’re hard to raise.”

“Tell me about it,” his employer sighed. “But, you know what they say… a unicorn is good luck. It’ll help me find my half, you know? That’s what they say.”

“That’s what they say,” Brendon agreed. Jon inhaled the smoke of the cigarette deep into his lungs, dropping the lighter into the front pocket of his jeans.

“See you in a couple of days then,” Jon said. Brendon nodded and looked at the cup of coffee in his glove covered hands. As Jon left the magic shop to attend to his new pet, the snow falling heavily outside carried white flakes in before the door closed. Brendon stood idly behind the counter before closing up.

Buying magical objects was a luxury few people had the money for these days, and even though Jon’s shop had the best collection in the land, customers were a rather rare sight. Brendon certainly had no money to buy himself a baby unicorn, though he was sure he needed the luck.

Well, maybe the extra hours filling in for Jon would help him with that.

He walked home alone, the thick, woolen winter coat keeping him warm. He spent entire days not speaking to anyone at all. As he drew nearer to his place, he got the feeling he was being watched. He stopped and turned around, eyes nailed to a spot where he saw no one at all. He shook his head and shrugged it off, blaming it on his overactive imagination.

+ + +

Jon came to the magic shop with his baby unicorn two days later. The sparkling white horse knocked an orb down on the floor first thing, but Jon thought nothing of it. Brendon let it slide, because he knew Jon was obsessed with finding his half.

Brendon had known Jon for a few years now, and Jon had tried every trick known to man to find his half. Jon had gone to the witches for spells, to the oracles for the future, had spent most of his earnings on it. The last completion had occurred long ago, before Brendon had been born. Some said that the Age of Completion was done now, that men were doomed to be alone and die out as a result.

Jon’s methods in achieving completion were somewhat unconventional. Before she had died, Brendon’s mother had told Brendon that the only way to find his half was waiting. She had used to say, “You will recognize your half. You will feel them.” Brendon didn’t know how she knew, because she had never found hers. She had stopped waiting; Brendon knew she had because she had had him. Brendon didn’t know who his father had been, but he didn’t care much for knowing anyway. But she had never said anything about unicorns as a way of finding the other half of one’s soul.


Jon had named his creature Key.

“Key to the big question,” Jon explained as he tied the leash of his new pet around the leg of a heavy, oak wardrobe claiming to be a portal to a lost world. The animal tore and tore at the leash, still untamed and wild. Jon stood up and wiped his hands. “The big question being, ‘where the hell is she?’” he laughed casually, trying to hide his desperation.

“Or he,” Brendon noted.

“In your case,” Jon conceded.

“Your luck any better yet?”

Jon sighed. “No. No, not yet. Though yesterday, I got this random urge to go to Maidstone.”

“The town by the edge of the world?”

“Yeah. I thought maybe that my Voice was telling me my half lives there… but then I remembered that I had heard this elf I know talking about his family living near Maidstone, so… just a misplaced memory. I have a good feeling about this one, though. I really do.”

The chained unicorn beat its hooves against the wooden floor in a fury. It had been stolen from its mother too early, had been sold to a desperate man. Unicorns could be tamed. Brendon had seen men ride them back in his childhood; unicorns traveled much faster than cars had.

Brendon tried to give Jon an encouraging smile. “If someone finds their half in the New Age, it’ll be you. People like me don’t stand a chance.”

Jon looked at him for a long time before quietly concluding, “We’re not all lucky like that.”

+ + +

Brendon woke up in the middle of the night burning hot. He could hear the cruel winter wind beating the window, but in contrast, his skin was on fire.

That was his first thought, that he was on fire. He cried out in horror, hands flying to his chest, over the preexisting scar tissue that crossed his otherwise flawless skin. But after the initial horror, Brendon realized he wasn’t being burned alive. His heart kept beating insanely, and Brendon came to his senses enough to realize that he was hard and aroused.

Brendon tried to think of what he had dreamt of but couldn’t remember. He decided he didn’t care as he moaned out in surprise, his nerves tingling with pleasure. He closed his eyes, trailed his fingers over his chest with the intention of taking care of the problem.

But before he could touch himself, he was biting his lip, forcing to stay quiet. His body shook in pleasure, his toes curling, his orgasm building up. He couldn’t control it; it was as if it wasn’t his body at all. Brendon’s mouth fell open, and he groaned, moving restlessly beneath the sheets. It was only after he had stopped coming and the aftershocks had passed that Brendon realized he had come without touching himself.

He gasped for breath, his spent cock still twitching.

“Where did that come from?” he whispered, voice husky and hoarse. He moaned one last time, and he could swear he heard another moan entwine with his. But when he looked around the dark room, no one else was there.

+ + +

Jon said that he needed help with the unicorn but couldn’t find the man who had sold it to him.

“Some new guy, doesn’t live in town. I put a word out on the street, I’m hoping he’ll hear that I’m looking for him,” Jon explained.

Brendon forgot all about it until, three days later, a shabby-looking tall, young man stepped into the magic shop. He was dressed in a thin coat despite it being the middle of winter.

“Can I help you?” Brendon asked as the addressed man took a newspaper boy’s hat off his head, wiping the snow from the top and running long fingers through a mess of light brown hair. The man looked up at him with calm honey-colored eyes, stared, and said nothing. Brendon stared back, bewildered with a strange feeling, a conviction, that he knew the man.

“I’m looking for Jon,” the man said at last.

“Oh. He’s not here. But whatever you’re looking for, I can help you. We’ve got everything from fairy tears to cursed swords. Um, though the swords aren’t as affective as they were in the Old Age, you know, before magic started to die, but they will still blister the hand of anyone who holds them,” Brendon babbled on, seemingly unable to stop as he looked at this man. He knew him.

“Not here to buy anything. I heard the unicorn I sold him is dying.”

“Oh,” Brendon said in realization. “Yeah, uh, it’s refusing to eat. Jon really wants to see you, so… I can take you to his place in half an hour when I close up the shop.”

The man nodded, and Brendon took it as agreement. The man walked to the back toward their book section, and Brendon tried not to stare. However, his curiosity got the best of him so he asked, “I’m sorry, but have we met before?”

The man looked back and stared at him for a long time. “No. We never have,” he finally said, pulling out a book at random from the shelf.

The half an hour passed in silence with the man looking at the magical objects they sold for ridiculous prices. It was a shop owned by a desperate man selling things to desperate men. No real magical creatures came to the shop to buy overpriced junk. Brendon couldn’t take his eyes off of the man who was unlike anyone else Brendon had ever seen, and he pretended to dust the place and got caught staring more than once. By the time Brendon double-locked the front door and began to show the way to Jon’s house, he was blushing.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asked as they left two sets of footprints in the untouched snow.

“No. Gnome-made,” the man said, gesturing at his coat. “It’s warm in here.”

“Gnome-made?” Brendon asked in astonishment.

“Yeah, bought it from the maker.”

“I’ve never seen a gnome,” Brendon admitted.

“They’re almost extinct. All races and species are almost gone. You stay in towns like these, you never see much of anything,” the man said bluntly, and Brendon knew he was right.

When they got to Jon’s place, Brendon found out that the man’s name was Ryan. Ryan kneeled next to Key, who was malnourished and hiding under Jon’s kitchen table. Ryan told Jon to warm up milk and throw a pinch of nutmeg in it. Brendon stood in the corner, watching the two men talk. All of Ryan’s gestures and expressions felt familiar to him.

When Key had the milk mixture in front of it, it began to drink hungrily. Ryan stood back up, wiping his hands.

“It’s hungry, so give it the same amount a few more times. Let it sleep. It’ll be fine,” Ryan said dismissively.

Jon nodded feverishly. “I had no idea what to do…”

“It’s just acting out. Unicorns have a soft spot for warm milk with nutmeg. It’s an old trick that never fails.”

When they were done, Brendon was pleased Ryan said he was going the same way Brendon was. Brendon took the walk back towards the center of town as an opportunity to ask where Ryan had found the unicorn and received a shrug.

“Unicorns still exist in places,” was the only answer Ryan gave him.

They came to the crossroad of Brendon’s street, and Brendon thought to himself that he wanted to see Ryan again, for whatever reason. He had to see Ryan again.

“You might.”

“What?” Brendon asked quickly, snapping out of his thoughts. Ryan simply gave him another long look that lacked a smile as well as a frown. But the other man already walked away, and for some reason, it made Brendon fill with an unexplainable sadness.

+ + +

Brendon found out that Ryan didn’t live anywhere, really. A friend of Jon’s also wanted to buy a unicorn, but Jon couldn’t find said man. Brendon waited and hoped for Ryan to show up at the store again, but he never did.

“I heard he lives out in the woods outside the town walls,” Jon said, “but I don’t dare go looking for him.”

“He’s lived there all of his life?”

“No, don’t think so. He’s not from around here. I think he travels… imagine that. Traveling like they used to in the Old Age.”

It took Brendon three days to gather up the courage to offer finding Ryan. Jon was impressed by Brendon’s initiative, and the town gate guard gave him a shocked look, but Brendon found himself walking blindly in the thick, snowy forests before sunset. He instantly realized it had been a stupid idea because the snow had covered any paths he might see during summer. Who said Ryan hadn’t already moved along?

After an hour of wandering, Brendon knew he was lost. Everywhere, it looked exactly the same: snow-covered trees with the branches hanging low under the weight of untouched snow. He was beginning to panic, sure he was going to freeze to death in the cold night. The sun had set, and it was getting darker by the minute.

“Need help?”

Brendon spun around to see a dark figure leaning against a pine tree. He saw the light of a flame and a used match being thrown to the ground. His breath caught at his throat, but he forced the uncomfortable feeling to subside when he realized the man was Ryan. He reasoned it must have been the voice to give the other man away because he couldn’t see him.

“I’ve, uh, been looking for you. I’m Brendon. From the magic shop?” he added in helpfully.

“I know who you are,” Ryan replied, but somehow, Brendon felt like the words had a much deeper meaning than Ryan was letting on. “Come on,” Ryan nodded with the cigarette between his lips.

Brendon followed Ryan but didn’t say that he was there to ask after another unicorn. That was simply his excuse for being there. His real reason was simply to see Ryan again, and now that Ryan was with him, he didn’t feel like going away any time too soon.

Ryan lived in a small cabin in the middle of the woods. Before they entered, Ryan said he had found it when he had first come this way some time ago now.

“It had been abandoned for long, but it’s livable. I’ve seen worse places,” Ryan shrugged. The cabin consisted of a single room with a fireplace, a worn out bed in a corner, one table with chairs, a wardrobe, and one old traveling sack by the door. Brendon got the feeling the sack was the only thing that actually belonged to Ryan.

The fire in the fireplace was slowly dying, but Ryan kicked off his boots and went over to get it going again. Brendon stood by the door, biting his lip uncertainly. The flames rose and began to flicker, making Brendon freeze.

“You’re afraid of fire,” Ryan said when he turned back around to face his guest. “Why?”

Brendon closed his eyes, trying to force the fear to subside. “I’m not afraid of fire,” he claimed firmly. Ryan didn’t call him out on his lie.

“Sit down.”

Brendon did as he was told, taking the seat furthest from the fireplace. Ryan began to fix them something to drink, and Brendon took his coat off as the cabin was getting warmer. Brendon made sure not to look at the live flame.

“You can take your gloves off,” Ryan noted when he sat down and passed Brendon a mug.

“That’s alright,” Brendon muttered. He never took off the glove of his right hand.

Ryan had served him tea made by the ancient ghosts of the mountains. Jon was right; Ryan was a traveler. Brendon wanted to ask him so much but didn’t. It would only bring out his ignorance.

“You’re here about a unicorn,” Ryan said at last. Brendon launched into it, asking if Ryan had another one for Jon’s friend who was willing to pay anything. Ryan shook his head and said he didn’t have another one, neither could he catch one. “It’s amazing what men are willing to do to find their halves, don’t you think? Fairies can find theirs by singing, you know. But men… we lack that kind of magic and rely on the power of others.”

Brendon nodded. “But… do you think it helps? I mean, will Jon’s unicorn help him find his half?”

Ryan looked outside the window. “Maybe. That unicorn has done it before.”

“Really?” Brendon asked, surprised. “It has helped a completion take place? I thought one hadn’t happened since –”

“A completion hasn’t happened in our age,” Ryan corrected him, and Brendon frowned. “Our world is dying. Man is dying,” Ryan sighed and looked at the table. “A unicorn can help but nothing more than that. I think the owner needs to have a little bit of magic in him to help it along.”

“But men don’t have magic in them anymore,” Brendon frowned.

Ryan looked him straight in the eye. Some of us do.

Brendon blinked, because he hadn’t seen Ryan move his lips though he had heard Ryan clearly.

“How did you –” he began to ask in bewilderment, but Ryan stopped him with, “I’ll show you the way back to town.”

Ryan said nothing more the whole way, and Brendon tried to explain the anguish and longing inside him. When Ryan said goodbye with a stiff nod, Brendon wanted to run after him, asking Ryan to keep him in his cabin and serving him tea made by ghosts until the end of time.

+ + +

Brendon asked Jon to tell him all he knew about halves. Jon was the man with the most knowledge on the matter, having read every book and having heard every rumor.

“Babies aren’t being born anymore,” Jon sighed. “When completions stopped occurring, there was a period of people mixing with wrong halves. That’s the time people like you and me were born. We don’t have magic because we had incomplete sets of parents. A mismatch,” Jon said bitterly. He looked around the magic shop, and Brendon wondered when the last human being had been born. The last of their kind. “You know, sometimes I thought that… maybe being surrounded by all these old, magical instruments all day long would… somehow rub some ancient magic on me. Or on you, for that matter,” Jon added as an afterthought. “But it’s just wishful thinking.”

Jon went on to share his gloomy thoughts with Brendon, and something he said caught Brendon’s attention.

“What do you mean they speak without words?”

Jon shrugged. “Just that. Telepathy. When you find your half, you are able to channel your soul with theirs. That’s what they call it, channeling. What you feel, they feel. What you think, they can hear. It’s the perfect balance of everything. When they are cold, you can warm them up. And if you get lost, they can find you.”

A woman walked into the shop, and Jon went to tend to her. Brendon had a lump in his throat, and suddenly, his heart was beating faster.

+ + +

Brendon walked home alone, deciding to take the route that led him by the river. The street lights flickered in the winter wind, throwing constantly changing shadows on him. Brendon couldn’t stop thinking about it. He longed for Ryan in some unexplainable way. He was obsessed with a complete stranger, but Ryan felt like home to him.

Ryan had easily found him in the woods when he had been lost. Ryan had spoken to him without speaking at all. Ryan –

I can hear you.

The voice came from nowhere, making Brendon stop in the middle of the street.

“What?” Brendon asked out loud, convinced he was losing his mind.

Your thoughts are too loud.

“Who is this?” Brendon asked, turning around to see someone, anyone. This was unusual magic, something he had never heard of. Maybe a witch was taking revenge on him for something he didn’t even know he had done.

Brendon waited for a reply that didn’t come.

+ + +

Brendon couldn’t sleep that night. He had a bad feeling, a horrible feeling that something terrible was waiting to happen. He thought of Ryan and Ryan disappearing, and felt like he was drowning. When the sun came up, he put on his clothes and hurried out.

Once he got to the forest that surrounded their town, he closed his eyes and let his feet lead him. He stopped a few times, looking from one direction to another before making up his mind. And he knew he should have been surprised when Ryan’s cabin came into view, but he wasn’t. He knew he would find it.

A few lukewarm coals lay in the dying fireplace when he walked inside. It was dark in the room, and it took a while for his eyes to adjust. He closed the door quietly and walked in further, seeing Ryan asleep on the bed in the corner. Immediately, the painful stab in his heart loosened as he saw that Ryan was still there.

The covers of the bed were hanging low on Ryan’s waist, the man otherwise naked in front of him. Brendon stared, knew he had no right to and shouldn’t have, but he stared nonetheless. Ryan’s skin was flawless and pale, his chest rising and falling as he breathed. Brendon had never seen anyone else naked except for himself. He tried to hide his distorted figure even from himself, the red, scarred skin on his chest and left side where the flames had burned him when he was young. But Ryan was completely different; his skin was perfect.

Only then did Brendon notice that the cabin had been cleaned. Ryan had had little belongings to begin with, but now everything had disappeared, and Ryan’s traveling sack was full next to the bed.

“What are you doing here?”

Brendon jumped, seeing Ryan staring at him with angry eyes.

“I, um,” Brendon tried to explain as Ryan got up and stretched, the sheets moving even lower on him. Ryan saw him looking, and Brendon turned around to face away. He heard Ryan getting up and getting dressed behind his back.

“I told you to tell Jon that I don’t have another unicorn.”

“I told him,” Brendon said. “That’s not why I’m here.”

Ryan walked past him to the table where he sat to put boots on.

“Are you going somewhere?” Brendon asked in sudden anguish over the thought.

“I’m leaving,” Ryan said simply. “Was getting some shut eye, it’s a long journey. You caught me just in time.” Ryan put on his gnome-made coat and went to the bed to throw the sack over his shoulder. He put on his hat and let out a breath. “See you then, Brendon.”

Brendon stared in horror and rushed out of the cabin after Ryan. Ryan looked up to the sky before he decided which direction to go to. The sun was coming up, the world pale in the winter dawn.

“This is going to sound crazy,” Brendon called after Ryan as he followed this man he barely knew at all.

“I bet it will,” Ryan muttered.

“You can’t go, Ryan,” Brendon said. “Because, and okay, this is the crazy part, but you can’t go because I think you’re my half.”

Ryan stopped walking and turned back to look at Brendon. “What?”

Brendon laughed desperately, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t… know, but I know. I just… I can feel you. I can…” he attempted to explain. He looked Ryan straight in the eye and thought, You can hear me.

Ryan didn’t react in any way, just continued to give Brendon a bemused, disbelieving look.

“You’re not my half, but thanks, I guess,” Ryan smirked and began to walk away. Brendon caught up with him, not willing to let it go.

“Why not?” he persisted, stumbling to keep up with Ryan. “Is it because I’m a guy?”

Ryan laughed. “I think I know myself well enough not to be surprised if it were a guy. But firstly, a completion hasn’t occurred in a long, long time. Men no longer have the magic to find their halves, it could be your next door neighbor and you’d never know.”

“So we could be,” Brendon argued.

“Of course we could be, but we might as well not be,” Ryan said dismissively. “Secondly, you’re just some kid. My half certainly would not be someone like you.”

The words hurt, and Brendon began to feel stupid for claiming they were each other’s halves. But he felt so sure, at least he had just an hour ago.

“I’m not just some kid,” he said feebly, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

“Yeah? How old are you?”

“Forty-three solstices.”

“Young.”

Brendon frowned, vaguely realizing he had no idea where Ryan was leading them. Away from town, of that he was sure.

“How old are you?”

“Forty-five solstices.”

“We’re practically the same age!” Brendon said, trying to think if Jon had ever said anything about halves being the same in age.

Ryan stopped and gave Brendon a cold stare. “Look, I’m leaving. Follow our footsteps back to town before you get lost. I am not your half.”

Brendon was caught in between the urge to shout and cry. He looked at Ryan miserably and thought, But I belong to you. Ryan flinched, eyes widening for a split second. When Ryan quickly turned around to leave, Brendon decided to follow.

+ + +

By the time the sun began to set, Brendon wondered if he had done a stupid thing. He had disappeared on Jon who was probably his only connection to anyone at all. He felt bad about it and even more stupid as Ryan kept telling him to go home.

Brendon had never been this far away from home. He didn’t know where they were. Ryan had led them to a main road that had passed through two towns. Ryan knew someone in the town they were in. Brendon didn’t get a good look at their host, but he was convinced it had been a warlock. They were shown to a small room only lit by a candle. Brendon looked at the candle wearily as Ryan crashed on the bed, groaning after walking all day.

“You’re still here,” Ryan sighed. “I figured you’d tire.”

“I can’t go. I’m your half.”

“According to you,” Ryan snorted. Brendon bit his lip and stood still firmly. Ryan just needed a little bit of convincing. Brendon needed none. Ryan began to take off his clothes, and Brendon looked away, fighting off a blush. “I’m taking a bath,” Ryan said.

“Okay,” Brendon replied feebly. His eyes kept darting to a now shirtless Ryan, which did not go unnoticed by the other man. Ryan walked over slowly, giving Brendon a predatory look. Brendon backed away until he hit the wall, trying to keep his eyes off of Ryan.

“Do you know what they say about having sex with your half?” Ryan asked quietly, eyeing Brendon’s face as he stood too close to Brendon. Brendon swallowed and shook his head. “They say you can feel everything they feel. Twice the pleasure. When they come, you can feel their orgasm. Imagine it,” Ryan whispered. “Imagine how… good that would feel.”

Brendon shivered just slightly, trying to keep breathing normally as fear and lust pumped in his veins.

“If I were to take you now, I guess we’d find out,” Ryan said simply. He pressed one hand to Brendon’s chest, making Brendon tense up. “Would you let me?”

Ryan gave him a long, questioning look. Brendon’s voice broke when he breathed a defiant, “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I am yours.”

Ryan scoffed and stepped away. “Free for me to do whatever I want with. What if I wanted to watch you get raped? Would you say yes to that because you think you belong to me? That’s not what being halves is about. It’s not about ownership.”

Brendon tried to relax, but Ryan’s behavior left him frightened. “I don’t know what it’s about,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve never met anyone who would have known a completed pair. I just feel…”

“Feelings mean nothing in a world without magic,” Ryan said angrily.

That night, Brendon slept on the floor as Ryan slept on the bed, and Brendon couldn’t see Ryan, but could still feel the aching in the other man’s heart.

+ + +

After two more days of walking all day and staying in a different house every night, Brendon found out where they were going.

“The edge of the world,” Ryan replied casually as they walked through a forest that didn’t have nearly as much snow as Brendon’s hometown had had.

“Why?”

“To see what’s over the edge,” Ryan replied with a crooked grin.

Brendon followed, unnerved because he had heard stories about the edge of the world. “Is it true that…”

“It’s a wall of fire?” Ryan finished the question for him. “Yes, it’s true. I’ve seen it. A wall of fire surrounds our world in all directions.”

“Then what more is there to look at?” Brendon asked, shuddering at the thought with a nervous tingle on his skin, but Ryan said nothing in return.

They kept on walking, and Brendon began to sing a song in his head. He was trying to focus on Ryan, convinced Ryan could hear his thoughts. Ryan told him to go home once every hour, but Brendon had no such plans. Even if Ryan tried to deny him, Brendon became more and more convinced that he had found his half. It was illogical, unthinkable, but maybe Jon was right. Maybe spending all those hours, years, in the magic shop had rubbed some magic on Brendon. And Brendon was convinced Ryan had some magic in himself too.

Brendon stopped singing the song in his head when he could hear Ryan humming the same melody under his breath. His heart beat with excitement, and Ryan, most likely feeling the change in Brendon’s mind, cleared his throat and began to take long strides down the windy road.

+ + +

Brendon had never had sex. No one had sex anymore in the absence of halves, or at least, the overwhelming majority had lost interest in it. Sexual attraction had ceased to exist, so it took Brendon a while to figure out why his fingers were itching, his skin feeling tingly and uncomfortable. He looked at Ryan, and his stomach dropped a little.

They were in a tavern run by a goblin. Brendon wasn’t sure how many days they had been walking. Back in the old days, they could have just used a car, but men no longer knew how to drive them. In Brendon’s hometown, the streets were filled with rows of unused cars, their former use almost forgotten. This town they were in had no cars at all because it wasn’t a human town. All races lived in their own groups, though there had always been correspondence up to a certain level. They were in magical lands, and Brendon felt overly self-conscious. Ryan, however, seemed perfectly at ease as he ate the steaming stew on their plates, goblin food of some kind.

“Are you not hungry?” Ryan asked conversationally, peering at Brendon from under the cap of his newspaper boy’s hat. Brendon shook his head. “It’s good,” Ryan insisted, mouth full of food. Brendon said nothing, and Ryan shrugged indifferently. Brendon had noticed that Ryan was no longer telling him to go home. That must have been a good sign.

Brendon looked around the mostly deserted tavern. A short goblin stood behind the low bar, muttering a strange language under his breath. “Are we staying here tonight?” Brendon asked. His feet had been full of blisters after the first two days, but the skin had now started to harden. Still, his feet ached, and he didn’t want to walk any further today.

“I got us a room. The bed should be big enough for us both,” Ryan noted and cast Brendon a dark look. “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

Brendon’s insides tightened slightly, but he didn’t say anything in fear of stuttering. He felt a burning in his veins but wasn’t sure if the feeling was his or Ryan’s. Most likely his because apart from making Ryan hum a melody Brendon sang in his head, he wasn’t managing to break through much at all. Brendon was relatively sure this wasn’t the case with Ryan and that, in fact, Ryan could constantly read his thoughts. It was unnerving.

It was getting darker and darker inside as night was landing in on them. Ryan turned around toward the goblin and asked, “Could we get some light in here?”

The odd creature looked at them with perfectly black eyes and shrugged. He clapped his hands, and suddenly, two bolts of fire flew from his hands toward their table. Brendon panicked as he saw them shooting toward him, a helpless cry escaping his lips as he frantically ducked down, falling off his chair in the process and landing painfully on the floor. Ryan’s chair screeched against the floorboards as he stood up and angrily shouted, “Not like that, you idiot!”

One of the fire balls flew so close to Brendon that it singed tips of his hair, and the blazing orbs only disappeared when Ryan clapped his own hands, making them vanish into the air.

“Youz zay light. I give youz light,” the goblin retorted in the background as Brendon let Ryan pull himself up. He was covered in cold sweat, eyes darting frantically to make sure the fire was no longer flying around the room.

“Hey,” Ryan soothed him softly, taking a hold of Brendon’s chin as Brendon shivered in horror. “Hey, look at me,” Ryan demanded, almost cooing gently until Brendon stared into the honey eyes smiling calmly at him. “It’s okay. You’re okay, alright?”

Brendon nodded, albeit a bit disbelievingly. But suddenly, his eyes began to go black, and he felt himself falling backwards, sinking into darkness. The last thing he felt was a sudden rush of worry in his heart that was not his own, and the feel of long, strong fingers taking a hold of his falling figure.

When he came to, he was lying in bed. The room was pitch black, lighted only by a thin line of moonlight shining through the murky window. Brendon realized he was under the covers, having been stripped down to his underwear. Before he could notice anything else, he heard, You need to rest.

“What?” he asked, still drowsy.

He heard footsteps, and Ryan’s slim figure appeared as a black shadow by his bed. “Your body isn’t used to walking all day and not eating enough. We’re gonna stay here for an extra day, until you regain some strength.”

Brendon nodded, suddenly realizing how weak his body felt. He had lost weight since leaving his hometown. Ryan let his fingers trace the covers on Brendon’s chest, up to his shoulder and down his arm before squeezing Brendon’s fingers slightly. It was only then Brendon noticed that his gloves were missing, the gloves he always wore.

A rush of air left his lips, terrified, and he began to pull his hand back. Before he could, Ryan snatched a hold of his wrist.

“I’ve already seen it,” Ryan said matter-of-factly. Brendon froze up, somewhere between shame and terror, and Ryan sat on the edge of the bed, still holding his wrist. Brendon said nothing but felt his cheeks burn up as Ryan slowly examined his burnt fingers. The skin looked shiny and plastic on the parts where Brendon’s skin had melted. He hadn’t properly examined his hand in years but still knew the horrid state of it. He could use his fingers though, even if they were stiff.

Ryan’s long fingers moved over Brendon’s damaged ones slowly. Ryan looked him in the eye, said nothing, and moved to pull the covers down to Brendon’s waist. Brendon tensed up again, his breathing coming out in small puffs as he simply didn’t know what he was feeling. Ryan’s fingers traced his chest, over a nipple, sending shivers down Brendon’s spine. Ryan’s fingers stopped on the scar tissue on Brendon’s chest. The pink, distorted skin decorated the side of his body, a few red lines on his chest where flames had licked him.

“You know,” Ryan said quietly after an immeasurable silence, “I had a dream when I was a kid. A nightmare. I was in a house full of flames. Everything was burning and falling down, and I was suffocating on the smoke. And I was trying to get to this room at the back of the house, but I couldn’t see where I was going… but I kept hearing a scream. A terrified, high-pitched scream that came mixed with cries, and… I couldn’t get to the source. And I kept calling out a name I couldn’t remember,” he finished, taking in a deep breath. Brendon listened quietly, almost seeing the horrors of his childhood flash before his eyes. “What happened?” Ryan asked.

Brendon bit his lip and shook his head. “You answer my question, I will answer any of yours,” Ryan offered.

Brendon hesitated, but it was a good deal. He had a million questions he wanted to ask Ryan.

“I…” Brendon began in a weak voice. He cleared his throat, forcing the words to come out stronger. “I was sleeping, so I don’t… know. Maybe it was one of the candles mom used to light up every night, or… the fireplace or… something. She didn’t survive,” Brendon added as a side note. “I woke up, I saw the flames, and she… she had already passed out. In her bedroom, the smoke was so thick, she must have breathed it in, and… maybe she was already dead,” he whispered. He hadn’t told the story to anyone at all before. “The flames were coming into the room. I couldn’t get her out, though… I tried.”

“Is that how you got these?” Ryan asked softly, and Brendon only nodded. He wanted to say nothing more about that night or his scars or his utter horror and panic when he could smell his burning flesh. Ryan sighed again, heavily with a shake of his head.

Brendon wanted to change the subject. “Can I ask my question?”

The other man nodded.

“What’s your story?” he asked quietly.

Ryan sat up a bit straighter. “My story?” Ryan repeated, and Brendon nodded in confirmation. “Non-existent. Never knew my parents at all. An orphan,” he explained. “I traveled, traveled, traveled… I met a lot of creatures and saw many places. And… there was one person I wanted to meet before leaving, so… I captured myself a unicorn. Those are good luck,” Ryan mused quietly. “And it helped me find what I was looking for before I sold it onto the next guy,” he whispered and gazed down at Brendon. “But I guess I hung around for too long.”

“Why do you keep saying that you are leaving? Where are you going?” Brendon asked worriedly.

“Only one question. I answered mine,” Ryan corrected him coolly as Brendon heard Ryan’s voice say, You weren’t supposed to notice me.

But I did, Brendon replied. He saw Ryan swallow and hang his head. The shadows fell on his face, submerging Ryan in darkness again. It made no sense to Brendon. If Ryan had sought him out, why had he intended to leave him behind?

“Sleep,” Ryan instructed and got up.

Brendon did as he was told, his heavy eyelids making the room disappear from view. When he woke up in the morning, Ryan was under the covers with him, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat.

+ + +

It took Brendon two more days to gather up the courage to kiss Ryan. Ryan tried to be indifferent toward him but was constantly getting worse at it. On top of that, Brendon was managing to pick up short snippets of Ryan’s thoughts and feelings.

They were only a few days away from wherever they were going. Ryan was tired, Brendon could feel it. He also felt that the closer they got, the more anxious Ryan felt. When Ryan felt anxious, the more he bit on his lower lip.

Watching Ryan pull on his pink lower lip did things to Brendon, things he didn’t want to admit and hoped Ryan couldn’t sense. The simple act overwhelmed him. Ryan was talking about the time he encountered a werewolf when Brendon stopped thinking. He put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, stopping him, and Ryan gave him a confused look before Brendon surged forward. The kiss was chaste, Brendon’s lips a tight line, but he felt the moisture of Ryan’s lips. He put too much force behind it, making Ryan almost lose his balance in the sudden assault.

Ryan took a step back and stared in astonishment. Brendon blurted out, “I love you.”

Ryan laughed out desperately, just a bit of anger in it. “You don’t know me!”

Ryan kept saying that, that Brendon had no idea who Ryan was and that they had known each other for a short, short time. Brendon was getting tired of it because Ryan wasn’t giving him a chance to get to know him in the first place.

Brendon finally snapped. “What kind of a person refuses to acknowledge his half?!” he nearly screamed at Ryan. “We found each other! You found me! You looked for me, found me, and then you were just going to leave! Don’t you – don’t you realize that this might mean magic is coming back? That we are meant to be together?” Brendon ranted, all the frustration and agony pouring out.

“Magic is not coming back,” Ryan snapped, though his cheeks were a bit red with embarrassment.

“Fuck magic!” Brendon declared, making Ryan give him a shocked look. The only thing Brendon knew for sure about Ryan was that Ryan was more interested in magic and the world than it was normal for a human being to be. “I always thought –” Brendon began lifelessly, taking a gulp of air. “I always… everyone dreams of finding their half. I dreamed of it. And never did I think it’d be like this.”

Ryan stared at him with wide eyes. “Don’t cry,” he whispered.

“I’m not crying,” Brendon persisted, though his eyes were welling up.

Ryan looked truly torn, and he whispered an apologetic, “You weren’t supposed to come with me. I’m sorry.”

“Why don’t you want me?” Brendon asked, not giving a damn that he was letting the hurt of the rejection show openly. “Is it… is it the scars? My disgusting, mutilated body?” he spat hotly in self-loathing.

“Brendon,” Ryan said with an air of astonishment. “You’re beautiful.”

Brendon let out a small, scared sound as he wiped his cheeks, not willing to look at Ryan. But Ryan took a hold of his shoulders and turned Brendon to him. Ryan hushed him, his face a bit distorted like he could feel the pain in Brendon’s heart.

The pain eased when Ryan kissed him, and when Ryan did, snow began to fall from the sky. Brendon clung to his half and held on tight.

+ + +

Maidstone was a small, tiny village at the edge of the world. Brendon knew they were getting closer to it when, one day, the glow of the rising sun persisted even after noon. He realized the glow was the wall of fire surrounding their world, and by night, he could see it shooting up. It went on forever, as far as he could see, a wall of fire that was several miles high. He shivered, and Ryan took hold of his hand and didn’t let go.

Maidstone was a human town, and Ryan had a friend who lived there. The bearded man with blue eyes was named Spencer, and he had a white house a few hours’ walk away from the edge. Brendon was overwhelmed by the lack of snow and even more impressed by Spencer’s luxurious garden.

“It’s always summer here,” Spencer noted as he served his guests coffee in his tiny kitchen. “The wall keeps it warm.”

“How can you live next to a wall of fire?” Brendon asked, bewildered. Just the thought of it made him want to run the other way.

“One can get used to anything at all,” Spencer noted, “even the edge of the world.” After a while, Spencer added, “Besides, it’s the only place I’ve ever known.”

Brendon quite liked Spencer, who was friendly and kind. Spencer got excited when Brendon said he had used to work in a magic shop. “Really?” Spencer asked, intrigued. “I’ve always had a strange fascination with magic shops. I dream about them all the time.”

Ryan kept quiet during dinner, and Brendon tried to channel their thoughts together but couldn’t. Ryan could still shut him out when he so wished.

Spencer seemed to know more than Brendon because he asked, “This is your last visit, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Ryan nodded in monotone.

“It’s madness.”

“Or genius,” Ryan noted.

Spencer sighed and turned to Brendon. “Are you going to do it too?” he asked and scratched his beard.

“Do what?” Brendon asked.

Spencer chuckled. “Walk into the wall of fire.”

Brendon dropped his cup of coffee as he stared at Ryan, his heart stuck to his throat.

+ + +

A wizard had told Ryan that the wall of fire was a mirage, nothing more. On the other side of it was another world. It was a world where magic existed in everyone, where babies were being born and all men had their halves. Unicorns roamed the forests and centaurs flew in the skies, and all races existed in perfect harmony. It was the opposite of their dying world. All one had to do was to be brave, walk into the fire, and come out unharmed on the other side.

“What if it’s not true?” Brendon asked that night when they were talking it through in the second bedroom of Spencer’s house.

“Then I am going to die,” Ryan concluded, keeping his calm.

“Exactly!” Brendon shouted. “It’s suicide!”

“It’s better than –”

“No! Nothing is worth doing what you’re about to do!”

At least Brendon now understood why Ryan had not approached him, even when Ryan had known Brendon was his half. Ryan had been on his way to death. And now, if Ryan died, Brendon saw no reason to live. Jon had told him that completed pairs died together. If Ryan died, Brendon would die too, and he told Ryan so.

“No, you wouldn’t,” Ryan corrected him. “We’ve not achieved completion yet. For that, we have to…” he began and trailed off, letting his eyes run up and down Brendon’s body.

“I won’t let you kill yourself,” Brendon declared angrily.

And the following morning, when Ryan slid out of bed to walk to his death in the false belief that it would take him to a world of magic, Brendon ran after him, tackled him, and the two of them fought on the ground until Brendon managed to drag Ryan home.

+ + +

Try to understand, Ryan’s voice rang in Brendon’s head soothingly when they were lying in bed, just and just hearing Spencer humming a song on the other side of the house.

I can’t.

Ryan sighed heavily, pulling Brendon closer to his chest. This world is dying.

So let’s die with it, Brendon thought bitterly.

Either way, Brendon, we are going to die. I want to die trying. I can’t just… do nothing.

Brendon looked up at Ryan, fighting to keep his voice steady. “Do nothing? Stay here. Live this life with me.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It should be,” Brendon said angrily and knew Ryan could feel his pain.

+ + +

Ryan didn’t mention his suicide mission for a week. Brendon grew fond of Maidstone, letting himself believe they were there to stay. Spencer didn’t mind having them around. Brendon helped Spencer in the garden, planting trees and flowers that would bloom in the never-ending summer. He talked about home, and Spencer listened eagerly.

Spencer frowned when Brendon mentioned his former employer. “Jon? His name sounds familiar,” Spencer mused with furrowed brows before shrugging it off.

They didn’t tell Spencer they were halves. If men found out that a potential completion was occurring, they would go insane. Hope had been let go of long ago, and Ryan said it would be wrong to feed them something that could not change the inevitable death of them all.

Brendon noticed a change in Ryan, who had always been strong-headed and fierce. Ryan began to seem like a lost man without meaning. More than once, Brendon found Ryan outside, leaning against the shed and staring up into the sky at the wall of fire. Ryan never said anything but had managed to shut Brendon out of his mind permanently. It hurt, but at the same time, Brendon knew Ryan wasn’t going to go anywhere.

Ryan stopped sharing the bed with Brendon, unable to sleep at all. When Brendon tried talking to him, Ryan shook his head with a pained expression and walked away. Ryan got paler every day, and Brendon grew more and more worried.

Unnerved, Brendon cornered Ryan in their bedroom and sat Ryan down. Taking Ryan’s temperature by pressing his hand to the older man’s forehead, he said, “You don’t have a fever.”

“I’m fine,” Ryan said and brushed him off.

“You’re not fine.”

Ryan only sighed. “I was supposed to leave a month ago. I had it all planned, I had done everything I had wanted to in my life… but then I saw you,” Ryan said almost bitterly, looking at Brendon for the first time in days.

“You’re missing out on this world,” Brendon argued.

“There is nothing here to miss out on,” Ryan said quietly. “Just you.”

Brendon didn’t say anything for a long, long time. I miss you.

Ryan sighed and stood up, already having shut Brendon away again. “I miss myself too,” Ryan retorted coldly.

Brendon went to bed alone again and realized his life wasn’t what he had thought it would be. His half was unhappy, and Brendon could do nothing about it. Maybe keeping Ryan there, dying in a world where magical objects grew weaker every day, unicorns were extinct and men were walking around like ghosts, aware of being the last generation of their kind, was a different type of suicide. Brendon cried quietly, hot and bitter tears rolling down his cheeks, wondering when the world had started to fill with so much death.

He couldn’t walk into a wall of fire or let Ryan do the same. He wasn’t strong enough.

Not on his own.

But if things stayed the same, his Ryan would grow to resent him, of that he was sure. And then he would be on his own anyway.

Brendon found Ryan in the garden under a willow tree. He sat down and let his head rest on Ryan’s shoulder, and he quietly asked Ryan to tell him everything he had heard about the wall of fire and the world beyond.

+ + +

Brendon got older, and they celebrated his forty-fourth solstice jubilantly. Spencer drank too much beer and went to bed early, not being used to the strength of the liquid Ryan had bought them. Brendon laughed and joked, but once Spencer disappeared, Brendon stopped pretending.

“You’ve had a good life,” Ryan said. “It’s about to get better.”

Brendon didn’t believe him. Instead, a thought, a scared, terrified, Tomorrow.

Ryan looked at him softly. Yes, tomorrow.

They slowly retreated to their bedroom, and Brendon knew what was going to happen. It didn’t stop him from shaking when Ryan walked over and placed his hands on his hips, holding him still.

“I’ll draw us a bath,” Ryan said.

Brendon didn’t know if he shook in the face of death or because Ryan was watching him undress when they got to the steamy bathroom adjoined to their bedroom. Ryan slowly did the same, revealing perfect skin and never taking his consuming gaze off of Brendon. Brendon’s first instinct was to cover his naked form, but he didn’t. Ryan stared, eyes black, and finished undressing himself. Brendon’s blood began to boil, an overwhelming amount of longing stirring in him.

Ryan slowly walked to the bathtub and got in, his long limbs disappearing under the surface. He lay against the porcelain and motioned for Brendon to get in. Brendon did, hands trembling, and he got into the hot water slowly at the other end of the tub, the water flowing over onto the floor.

Turn around, Ryan advised once Brendon had settled down. Brendon barely moved, so Ryan reached to take a gentle hold of him. Brendon managed to turn around, and Ryan slipped his hands around his waist. Ryan pulled Brendon toward him until Brendon’s back touched Ryan’s chest, and Brendon was lying between Ryan’s long legs.

“Relax,” Ryan whispered, but Brendon remained tense, blood pounding. He was naked, Ryan was naked, and he was in Ryan’s lap and embrace. He was glad Ryan couldn’t see his flushed erection, but just then he felt Ryan opening up his mind for him. Brendon let out a helpless moan as Ryan brushed his cold nose against his neck, and Brendon was overwhelmed by feeling every little thing Ryan felt. The dark, dangerous lust mixed with waves of affection left him breathless and trembling worse than ever.

Ryan’s wet lips traced Brendon’s earlobe, and his fingers slowly pressed against Brendon’s lower stomach. “Have you kept yourself pure for me?” Ryan whispered quietly.

Brendon replied a shaky, “Yes.”

He didn’t return the question, already knowing he wouldn’t receive the answer he wanted.

Ryan pressed chaste kisses on his shoulder, leaving trails of them along his skin. Brendon shifted and felt the other man’s erection pressed between their bodies. His mind buzzed as he lay helpless, letting Ryan touch him and kiss him, feeling the other’s manhood pressed against him, demanding. Ryan took the sponge that was floating in the tub and began to wash Brendon slowly, every movement carefully calculated. Brendon had forgotten how to speak, fighting down the sense of shame when Ryan explored every inch of him, even the ugly scar tissue on his side. His breathing hitched when Ryan’s fingers moved over his cock and balls. Ryan’s movements were anything but hesitant; the older man knew exactly what he was doing.

Ryan eventually stopped washing him, leaving Brendon turned on and taking in unsteady breaths. Ryan nuzzled his ear gently and began to leave open-mouthed kisses on his neck, his tongue leaving wet marks on Brendon’s burning skin. Brendon felt like he was being devoured in Ryan’s lap. Ryan pulled him closer, enclosing Brendon in his arms and moaning softly.

Up, Ryan instructed. Brendon struggled to stand up in the tub, his legs feeling too heavy and clumsy as lust pooled in his stomach. He heard the splashing of the water and felt Ryan’s wet body press against his back, not leaving any doubt how turned on Ryan was.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Ryan said, his voice suddenly shaky, like it was taking Ryan extra effort to say the words. Brendon didn’t get the chance to reply because Ryan quickly turned him around, finally letting Brendon look into the eyes of his half. The room was dimly lit, and Brendon stared at the beads of water dripping from Ryan’s hair onto his pale skin. And finally, finally Ryan kissed him, making the hesitation in Brendon vanish.

Ryan’s hands were everywhere, making Brendon break the kiss and pant into the crook of Ryan’s neck. Ryan’s hands on his back, his hips, his stomach, his ass. It should have felt like an invasion of privacy, the prying touch of long fingers and Ryan’s wet lips feverishly tasting Brendon’s neck and shoulder, but Brendon had known for a long time that he was Ryan’s.

When Ryan reached a hand to Brendon’s thigh, pulling it up to wrap around his waist, Brendon obeyed. To Brendon’s surprise, Ryan pulled him up firmly, making Brendon wrap both legs around him until Ryan was carrying him. Ryan had more magic than most, Brendon thought in the midst of hungry, starving kisses they exchanged, because Ryan neatly stepped out of the tub with Brendon in his arms. Ryan carried them back to their bed, softly placing Brendon down on the sheets. Brendon would have been more nervous, but Ryan was letting him feel his feelings, and Ryan’s want overshadowed Brendon’s nerves. Brendon didn’t object when they settled on the bed, and Ryan pulled his legs apart with a guiding push as he slipped his hands from Brendon’s knees up his thighs.

You’ll like it, Ryan promised him, but Brendon hardly listened as the other man sucked on the skin of his stomach. Ryan headed down, licking Brendon’s hipbones and dipping his tongue in Brendon’s belly button. So soft, Ryan thought, and Brendon tried to keep quiet as Ryan moved to mouth his cock. Ryan let his tongue run along the shaft, making Brendon lose his breath. Brendon failed to keep quiet when Ryan bent his legs over his stomach and leaned down to lick over his entrance. Oh god, ran clearly in Brendon’s head, but he wasn’t sure if the thought had been his or Ryan’s.

Brendon squeezed his eyes shut, feeling Ryan’s tongue move over him in broad strokes. Ryan’s hot breath hit the sensitive skin, Ryan’s lips and nose pressing against him. The pleasure was moving up his spine and to all of his limbs, Ryan’s tongue never stopping. Brendon moaned out loudly when Ryan’s tongue rubbed over him, slowly pushing in. It left him breathless, his head swimming. He had never thought he could feel so good, and his hands curled into fists as Ryan began to lick inside him. Ryan pulled back and sucked on two fingers before pushing them into Brendon, who was already more than wet. Brendon gasped at the feel of two fingers in him, surprised by the sudden burn when so far it had all felt heavenly. Ryan lifted his head to see Brendon’s reaction, and Brendon only nodded through half-lidded eyes.

Ryan leaned back down to get Brendon ready with the help of his fingers and tongue. Brendon tried to ration his breaths, but it was useless. He felt stretched and turned on, and he was pretty sure he would die from the painful pleasure of it. He loudly moaned at the loss when Ryan pulled his fingers out but got hushed by the older man. Brendon stared at Ryan, who now hovered above him. Something was shiny and different in Ryan’s eyes, or so Brendon thought, and he was so emerged in staring into Ryan’s eyes that the sudden pain caught him by surprise.

Brendon cried out, eyes watering as the tip of Ryan’s cock pushed in him. His body jerked, involuntarily trying to back away from the source of pain. Ryan took a hold of his hips, keeping him still. Ryan let out a displeased sound but pushed in further. Brendon cried out again, trying to take it. “I know it hurts,” Ryan gasped, still inching himself into Brendon. Brendon realized that they both felt the pain.

Ryan gritted his teeth but didn’t stop until he was all the way inside Brendon. “Channel me,” Ryan breathed out shakily. “Focus on me.”

Brendon didn’t know what to do at first but tried to follow Ryan’s instructions anyway. He blocked out his own feelings, trying to connect with Ryan’s. It worked as the pain of being stretched too far faded, and he suddenly found a pleasure boiling inside him. He could feel how good Ryan was feeling, the pleasure Ryan experienced from being inside Brendon, who was so hot and tight. “God,” Brendon moaned, surprised by the pleasure.

I know, Ryan replied and began to move. Brendon stared, bewildered, and he could hear an odd rushing sound in his ears. Ryan’s hips began to move against him, Ryan’s cock slipping further into him. It was as if Brendon’s ears were picking up a new frequency, and it was a static mix of his thoughts as well as Ryan’s. Ryan kissed him, breathing into Brendon’s mouth, and light was pouring into the room out of nowhere.

Brendon’s heart was exploding, and he suddenly felt scared and dug his nails deep into Ryan’s back to keep him there. Ryan either didn’t hear the odd, static sound in the room and couldn’t see the light that wasn’t exactly coming from anywhere but was still glowing around them, or Ryan was simply ignoring these facts. Brendon’s body was shaking, lost in the feel of Ryan in him, hot and hard and hurting, but Brendon focused on Ryan’s pleasure until his own cock was throbbing and leaking between them. The static noise got louder and louder, the light brighter until it felt like a blazing white.

“Don’t be scared,” Ryan told him, and for the first time Ryan sounded like he wasn’t in control of the whole world.

Brendon held on, his body tingling in pleasure. “You’re coming,” he told Ryan, kissing the man above him fiercely. Brendon felt it and knew Ryan was right: halves could feel everything. When Ryan came, Brendon did too, without having been touched at all. When they did, crying out, trembling and shaking, the static noise disappeared, leaving a silence deeper than anything Brendon had heard. The light blinded Brendon, and when he could see again, he saw more than he had ever seen in his life.

+ + +

The wall of fire rose in front of them. Brendon was shaking, and Ryan was staring at it solemnly.

One more day, Brendon pleaded. They had slept only a few hours before getting up and leaving the house before Spencer woke up. The day had just begun, but that day, Brendon could feel their world dying in a way he never had before.

We can’t wait, Ryan replied, not looking at Brendon.

The grass was greener, and the wind blew softer. The wall of fire was hotter and only ten feet away from them.

Brendon didn’t want to die after having gained everything. A completion had occurred, and it was nothing like Brendon had thought it was. It was better. They were a unit incapable of functioning without the other one. Their thoughts were one, their feelings one, and Brendon realized that every man should die in search for this. Jon had never been too extreme to want this.

He felt selfish. He had Ryan, and their hearts kept beating to the same rhythm. His soul had been tuned to a new frequency, a frequency Ryan was tuned to as well. Their own melody, world, words, touch, life and loss.

I love you, Brendon said and looked at Ryan, his eyes watering.

Ryan looked at him and smiled. I’m glad I came to find you. Leaving this world feels better with you.

Ryan reached out to wipe a tear from Brendon’s cheek. I love you too.

Brendon let out a teary breath and attempted to return Ryan’s serene smile. He failed. Ryan took a hold of his hand, and Brendon followed, walking toward the one thing he feared more than anything else. Ryan kept walking, not afraid of the flickering flames of fire in front of them. Brendon shook though he tried not to, and the wall of fire stretched for miles above them.

They walked the short distance too fast. Before Brendon knew it, there was no more scorched earth in front of them but a sea of fire. Ryan had given him life only some hours before, and it wasn’t enough time. There would never be enough time.

Brendon held onto Ryan’s hand as they stepped into the fire. Ryan had told him to keep walking, no matter what happened, but Brendon forgot the advice when he caught fire. He panicked. He couldn’t scream, couldn’t shout, couldn’t cry. The pain was lethal in itself, excruciating, and Brendon knew it had been a mistake, that Ryan had been wrong. His clothes burned, and his skin began to melt. He smelled his own burning flesh, and his mind screamed an agony his burning throat could not voice. He had his eyes open, but they had already been damaged to the point where he could no longer see, and his legs gave in under his weight.

Ryan’s hand was in his, and it was the only thing Brendon tried to keep in mind as a dying thought. Ryan had been wrong, and it was too late now.

Their souls, freshly joined, screamed in an agony no one heard, and the flames ate them alive.

+ + +

White clouds traveled across the sky, casting shadows on tall trees, small houses, winding roads and magical creatures.

Brendon stared, stared, and heard the swoosh of wings from the sky where creatures he never had seen were flying on the beautiful summer’s day. Ryan’s hand was in his, and they stood in the middle of an infinite, green field of a world they had never been in before. All around them lands stretched endlessly, and the air tasted sweet with a hint of magic long forgotten by man.

Ryan burst into tears and pulled Brendon into a hug, sobbing hysterically with a joy so wild that Brendon felt it deep in his bones. Brendon clung to him as he realized that they were alive, and he saw his hands, perfect and unharmed. reborn.

He began to laugh out loud.

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