PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

Everything is bollocksed up.

Brilliant, I sort out my life, myself, back home. And then, I end up somewhere totally different. Only this time properly different, not just in my head. Jesus, what am I talking about? I sound mental. Is it normal to wake up somewhere totally different to where you went to sleep? No, of course it bloody isn't.

MONSTERS! THERE ARE MONSTERS HERE!

This hurricane is very concerning.

The universe wants to correct itself. I will not let it

I keep expecting some guy to float past on a giant arc.

...great.

Okay, so I can now say that I believe in vampires. The guy who owned the internet cafe I was crashing at got himself mauled to death by a vampire and some slimy demon thing. Ordinarily, I wouldn't ask anyone for a place to stay but really, when you witness that kind of thing happening you really don't want to stay in that one place. I ran like a little girl, too. You'll all be happy to know that. Does anyone have a couch I can surf? I'll get a job and pay you rent, if you'd prefer but I'm happy just sitting around doing nothing all day.

Vampires are not real! Has anyone seen Michelle? She has curly hair, kinda tall great body, slightly outspoken? She always, strangely has a good answer for everything in these moments. Well, almost.

Right, so. Since I can't find a decent poker game to get into and I'm in need of cash for a fair stock on smokes, I've decided to let myself go for hire for a bit for those of you who can't properly defend themselves out against the big and bad. Any takers?

This Danny bloke on Full House is such a wanker.

What happened to the accents around here? Chris? Where the bloody hell are you and what did you give me last night?