InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I love Scooby snacks!"

Dean Winchester (lovemesomepie) wrote in paracomms,
@ 2009-01-15 20:21:00

Entry tags:

claire bennet (future), dean winchester

Text to Claire
Any chance you can go by the house and keep Ben company tonight?

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	return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 08:34 pm UTC (link)
	Love too. You going out somewhere? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 08:38 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah....Dad and I are gonna have a talk. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 08:41 pm UTC (link)
	Good. I'm glad you two are. Should I pack pyjamas, or are you not going to be gone all night? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 08:44 pm UTC (link)
	Either way. Ben doesn't stay up all night, but I like him being around a lot of people since everything happened. I'm probably gonna be gone for a while. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 08:49 pm UTC (link)
	I'll stay. We'll make a not-girly sleepover out of it and I can go home in the morning before work. Be gone as long as you guys need. Are you okay? I know I already asked last night, but I figure eventually you'll be ready to answer me instead of changing the subject. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 08:53 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks, Claire, I'm sure he'll enjoy it. I... Claire, I broke up with Jo. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 09:03 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, Dean. I'm so sorry. I'm here, you know. You do know that, right? Talk, not talk, whatever you need. You're stuck with me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 09:09 pm UTC (link)
	I know... I hated hurting her like that. How the hell am I supposed to pretend that I -- I just couldn't do it anymore. Act like Thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 09:12 pm UTC (link)
	No thanks. You're my best friend, it's pretty much part of the whole package. No matter what. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 09:15 pm UTC (link)
	Even if I was an ass and broke Jo's heart? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 09:25 pm UTC (link)
	You're not an ass, you didn't do it to be an ass either. Both of you are my friends, but I'm not going to let you insult yourself, because that's beyond lame when I know you and I know whatever your reasons, you didn't do it trying to hurt her. If anyone says otherwise, I'll kick their asses. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 09:29 pm UTC (link)
	It still hurt her. I could tell...it hurt her like hell. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 09:43 pm UTC (link)
	Because that kind of thing hurts. But why did you do it, Dean? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 09:49 pm UTC (link)
	Because it was the fair thing. I tried to do right by her, Claire. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 09:56 pm UTC (link)
	Dean, I know you did. I told you I knew you didn't do it to be horrible. It's about Hell, isn't it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 10:03 pm UTC (link)
	Did you just do this for her, to protect her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 10:10 pm UTC (link)
	For everyone. Claire, I'm not...not the way I used to be, and Ben deserves ALL of what I have left of the man I used to be. I have to focus on him, and on trying to get these damned memories to stop. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: return text;

regenerating
2009-01-15 10:17 pm UTC (link)

What do you mean, everyone?

Dean, I don't know the guy you 'used to' be. My best friend is the guy who came back from Hell. If you're focusing on Ben now, putting all of it into raising him, then no one can call you wrong for that. No one. you're trying to be a good dad.

But maybe it's not about making them stop. Maybe... God, it's so stupid and cliche, but maybe it's true. Maybe it's about finding a way to live with them.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 10:26 pm UTC (link)
	I am really trying to do right by the kid too, and by everyone, and somedays I don't think I'm gonna be able to do anything. I mean, you should have seen the look on Ben's face when he thought he was getting a Dad. I've got to do this thing right. How can I live like that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: return text;

regenerating
2009-01-15 10:39 pm UTC (link)

Then do it right. But you can't cut everyone out of your life in every way. If you don't have enough right now to be a boyfriend, dad, brother, son and friend, then you don't. People will have to suck it up and deal with it. But don't cut all of those parts out. Those are the people who can be there when you do have the horrible days, to look after Ben, to look after you.

You live like that because you have to, because you want to be here, because people need you. Some days things will be okay and some days you'll just want to give up and die, but those are the days you need people the most.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 11:09 pm UTC (link)
	I don't want her gone, not gone gone. I still want to see her, to talk with her, but I can't be there for her. I can't work toward something like a serious relationship with her right now. I'm just trying to do the best I can, and do right by everyone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: return text;

regenerating
2009-01-15 11:17 pm UTC (link)

Then that's okay, Dean. It is.

It hurt her to have it happen, I know it hurt you to do it, but you're doing it for a good reason - you don't want to give less than your all. That's not a bad reason. Not everyone in the world is in a serious relationship and, really? Some people are in them when they aren't giving everything they can to being together, for a million reasons that aren't exactly great, from thinking they're supposed to be in a relationship to fit some kind of standard to doing it just to feel they're doing something normal.

You're going to be a good dad to him, Dean. You already are. The rest will work out, and maybe not for a long time, but it will.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 11:32 pm UTC (link)
	~~Claire...~~ You're pretty damned smart, Supergirl. I hope you're right about this, that it's all going to work out. Thanks, Claire. I owe you a slice of pie. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 11:47 pm UTC (link)
	Of course I 'm smart and of course I'm right, you'd never settle for having an idiot who was always wrong for a best friend. It would make you look bad. When you get back, we'll have pie and make fun of the stupid stuff they sell on the infomercials after Ben goes to bed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; lovemesomepie 2009-01-15 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	Smartass. Sounds like a plan. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: return text; regenerating 2009-01-15 11:59 pm UTC (link)
	You know it. See you later. (Reply to this) (Parent)