There's so much that I want to say that I don't know how to start. I thought that I was stronger than this, that I could put everything behind me and not turn into what he did, but as things started to come more and more into focus, I realized just how hard a task that was going to be.
There's something in me, something that I can't control. Of all the things that I can see, all the things in this world that I can understand, this is the one thing that I don't know what to do about. I've tried everything that I could think of to keep it reigned in. Any effects that those things have had have been temporary, and each time, it comes back stronger, louder, and more insistent.
I can't risk it any longer. After what happened, I can't stay and run the chance of doing it to one of you that can't come back. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. I can barely live with myself knowing that he did. You are all more like family than my own family ever was. I want you all safe, and you aren't as long as I'm here.
Please don't come looking for me.
- Gabriel Gray
I've never really had anyone that I could dependent on before. I was an only child. My parents had their own issues to worry about. And I was smart enough to get through things without anyone having to feel the need to provide me with any sort of extra support or attention. Being here... It's the first time that I've felt anyone actually cared.
The three of you are probably as close to siblings as I've ever had. I don't know what I'd do if I lost even one of you. I know you might think that I'm overreacting. But this is the best solution that I can think of. The farther away from temptation that I am, the less likely I am to succumb to it. The Hyperion is the last place that I need to be right now.
I just need to get some things straight in my head. I need to try and figure this out. And if there isn't anything I can do to stop it, I need to be I'm sorry. It's just something that I have to do.