Jack Landors (robinindahood) wrote in parabolical, @ 2009-11-04 02:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | jack landors |
Who:Jack Landors
What:A downward spiral.
When:November 4th, evening.
Where:The beach where Kira was burned.
Warnings: TBA
Status: COMPLETE as narrative unless someone he knows wants to tag in.
The sun was setting, it was evening already. The day had gone by like a blur, weather that was good or bad yet, he was left uncertain. November was a month he dreaded, a month he knew would bring up unwanted memory. Like clockwork it had. The air was cool and it was welcoming against his warm skin, he wasn't feeling well. Whatever flu Sky had, Jack had caught. It had been a year since Lilith took something precious from him. A year since Kira had been killed over something shiny. He tried to meet girls, talk to them, be a normal guy and get back out in the field a few months post but nothing helped. Kira was his first real love ever since he heard her song on the radio in the future, 2025 in the drivers side of a stolen truck delivering clothes to the homeless. He remembered it like it was yesterday, beside his sister and telling her one day he was going to meet the girl who owned those notes and they'd be like Romeo and Juliet without the tragic twist. But stories, even classics were just fiction.
Growing up on the streets was hard. He'd lived in an orphanage with Z until he was old enough and smart enough to run away. To most it probably wasn't logical, but to him it was the only way He didn't have a place there. He'd been beaten on a near daily basis, told he was never wanted, would never fit in, and never amount to anything. So he ran. He took Z and they ran. Sometimes he still felt like he was running. At least he had until he finally found his place, ironically in the past. 2006, Los Angeles. He met the song of the girl behind those tunes and fell in love. It was the first time he'd ever felt anything so strong. He hadn't taken it well. It scared him, the idea of belonging, being wanted, after years of broken record abuse, he naturally resisted it. In his mind it was to good to be true, and took it all for granted when he finally did find what he'd been looking for he didn't realize it until she was gone.
They said it would get easier. When? It'd been a year to date and he still had nightmares. Still laid awake at night thinking what if's. Jack had a small yellow gem in his hand, the source of her power and connection to the morphing grid. The yellow dino gem. It was cold to the touch, he suspected it lost it's light when she died, that was how rangers worked. Even still he wouldn't ever let go of it despite it's eerie chill. He held it up to the soft glow of the moonlight to watch the white light bounce off and through. "..I'm sorry. " Jack chewed at his lip and lowered his hand. "I don't really know how these memorial things are supposed to work." His brows furrowed together. "Seems like I'm always apologizing doesn't it?" Talking to no one in particular, he felt awkward and out of place. "This whole thing is really kind of a learn as you go gig, you know?..I really messed up." looked off at the breaking waves and ran a hand through his dreads. He didn't know what else to say, didn't know if he could bring himself to say anything more. Even think anything more.
"This was such a dumb idea. " He trailed off angrily and gripped his hand around the yellow stone. The truth was there was something more to the visit then just a walk down memory lane. Sky was making him feel things again, was on his mind even as he stood there on that beach where he'd burned his girlfriend. Mostly they were feelings of anger, and frustration. But the point was he was capable again after a year of being empty and numb, and almost thinking he was incapable of emotion. It was confusing. Was there something else to it? Sam had him thinking. Why did he stick around if things were so complicated, if he had to walk on eggshells just to be near Sky. Most people would have given up by now. But Jack kept pushing. Kept trying..There were more downs than ups, but when there were ups they were ups. The on cloud nine, foggy daydreams kind of ups. It was a familiar feeling but he couldn't place it, it was one he'd only felt once before. It was almost like how he'd started with Kira. But it couldn't be. His heart still felt to broken to love like that again. More importantly Sky was a man. He wasn't gay.
With a bitter taste in the back of his mouth at the idea of it he tried to push those thoughts away and focus on Kira. Sam said she would want him to be happy so why couldn't he figure out how to be? Why was he struggling so much to understand happiness, it wasn't supposed to be a stumper.