Faith Lehane is crude but effective (faithinthedark) wrote in parabolical, @ 2009-10-30 19:23:00 |
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Entry tags: | faith lehane |
Who: Faith Lehane and Dr Keeler (NPC)
What: Therapy session (note: while not all the sessions have been written, Faith has been going every Monday morning since she started!)
When: Monday October 30th 2006
Where: Dr Keeler's office
Rating: PG-13
Status: Narrative COMPLETE
Over the last few sessions, Faith had actually had a lot to talk about, something Doctor Keeler had seemed encouraged by. Michael's time in LA, and his subsequent departure, along with all the more general feelings Faith had towards the concept of motherhood and the future had been discussed in great depth and detail, something which had helped Faith gain some closure towards the whole situation.
This week though, she was curled into her chair, as usual, chewing on her lip absently as the doctor watched her closely.
"Something on your mind?"
Faith actually jumped at the question, so lost in her own thoughts that she'd actually forgotten the older woman was even in the room.
"Sorry," she muttered, mostly out of habit as Doctor Keeler looked mostly amused. Faith knew by now that apologies like that didn't have any place in therapy.
"Just trying to get my head around some stuff."
The doctor nodded, not saying anything, not pushing, but sitting back and preparing to listen to what Faith might come out with. The Slayer sat up straighter in her chair, taking a deep breath, and then another and then another as she tried to figure out how to make her mind make sense.
"Sam's talking to Ruby again."
Doctor Keeler nodded, remembering the descriptions of her client's boyfriend and the demon from their previous sessions. The pain of his infidelity was one of the main issues the girl still had in many ways, the naturally wary Faith having had her trust so utterly shattered.
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Jealous," Faith admitted. "Angry, hurt. It's not that I think they're having an affair again, it's not that. I trust him. But them talking, even him saying that he hates her, it feels like a betrayal all over again."
She'd read the interactions that had been unfiltered and she wished, oh how she wished that she could see what was being said beneath the filters. It felt like before, knowing that there was something going on and wishing she could see what was being hidden from her.
"How do you feel about the demon?" It was a reasonable question and yet had such a complicated answer.
"I know she's trying," Faith eventually answered. "I get why she had her beliefs and I really do hope she finds some purpose away from all that. And it's not my place to forgive her or not for hurting Sam but still..." she looked up at her shrink with a faintly helpless look. "I can't forgive her for being the other woman. For being the bitch who had an affair with my boyfriend."
It had been an affair, Faith was sure of that. Nothing would ever dissuade her from that point of view and she had already been told, by friends and professionals alike, that she wasn't out of place to feel that way about it all. An infidelity could not so narrowly be defined as just being sexual in nature.
"How has Sam reacted to how you feel?"
Faith's gaze dropped and she began toying with a loose thread on the arm of her chair. "We don't tend to talk about it. Ruby makes him defensive. Hell, she always has and that hasn't changed. When we've tried to talk about her in the past, we've fought." It always went the same way, Faith would bring it up, Sam would get defensive, they'd fight and then Sam would go off to the gym.
"Something a friend of mine said," Faith ventured suddenly. "When her biological father cheated on his wife, he did everything he could to make it right. And when the woman he screwed turned up in the city, he spent the entire time away from her. Didn't even speak to her, as a gesture, to his wife that she was the one that mattered. It was all done on his wife's terms. But this isn't so simple is it?"
"You tell me."
"It wasn't as easy as sex," Faith frowned, leaning against her hand as she tried to soothe away her headache. "If it was then I could call all the shots, make the demands. But it was something else, it was an addiction and it was power and I'm supposed to be supportive all the time right? So I don't know what to do on this, do I support him even as he ventures into talking to her again? Even if they become friends again, go off together again? Or do I act like the wronged woman? He made all these promises about making it right, about never making me doubt my trust in him again, is this the time I call on that?"
She looked to her shrink for the answers, answer she knew the older woman couldn't offer. The doctor sighed and sat back in her chair, looking at Faith closely.
"What you're asking is, should you act on your desire to be put first or should you put your efforts into trying to make everyone else happy?" A tiny smile tugged at the side of her mouth. "Only you can answer that, but what I will ask you is what prompted you to start coming to me in the first place?"
And that was the point. "I was trying to make everyone else happy and driving myself crazy in the process," Faith responded wryly. Was that really the answer to her question? She wasn't sure, but she was guessing that really she had to talk to Sam. Even if it led to another fight.
"Time's up," Doctor Keeler gave her a small smile. "I'll see you next week. In the meantime, I want you to think about how far you've come over the last few weeks, think about what brought you here and how you can react to situations differently, find another way of coping."
Faith nodded, slowly uncurling her legs as she stood up, offering a tight smile of thanks as she headed out, intent on grabbing a coffee before she found herself some space to think.