InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "the more the merrier"

Castiel (warriorofgod) wrote in parabolical,
@ 2009-09-02 19:54:00

Entry tags:

castiel, ruby

Who: Castiel and Ruby
What: Lead us not into temptation...
When: September 2nd. Evening
Where: Ruby's apartment
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress

Ironically it was raining slightly when Castiel appeared outside Ruby's apartment, some drops of water instantly clinging to his hair. Even though he could have appeared instantly inside her apartment, something held him back, possibly a desire not to just invade her space like it was his own. So instead he waited outside, as he pressed the buzzer.

Much of the Scourge threat had been eliminated. Even though Castiel had not been there physically, he'd kept his senses attuned to the fight, ready to intervene to protect the Winchesters and their friends the moment they'd needed him. Overall, they'd all been lucky. Extremely so.

He wasn't sure if it was that feeling of luck, or relief that the threat was largely over, or something else entirely that drew him to his demon ex-girlfriend's apartment just as the sun was beginning to set behind the rain clouds. The wind was starting to get cold and the angel could see the people walking down the street drawing their coats closer to themselves as they hurried along, eager to get home before the weather really hit. The raindrops were already starting to get bigger and heavier.

Doubts began to creep in over whether or not it was even a good idea to be here. Things were hardly simple between them and Castiel wondered if it was really fair of him to keep turning up all the time. For a moment he considered just leaving before changing his mind and making himself stay.

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-02 07:25 pm UTC (link)

No one called to her. Not anymore. Maybe Lavender. The girl had actually given her a chance and one Ruby was sure she didn't deserve. So she'd do the social thing, fake it anyway. She was having to do that a fair bit lately. Pretend things were good and not this strange limbo she'd found herself in.

Still. Social.

She moved across to the door pulling it open to reveal not Lavender, but Castiel. Every time he called over she couldn't deny she was suprised. And this time he'd called to her door. He never did that. Did he not want to come in? Was he worried he'd interrupt her? He looked good.

His hair was wet and the rain was starting to get worse.

He looked really good.

But that was a pointless line of thought if ever she'd found one. Even if she didn't know why he was here.

"Come in" she told him, trying to remain as casual as she could. Around Castiel that was never easy.

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warriorofgod
2009-09-02 11:54 pm UTC (link)

For a moment he almost wasn't sure she'd let him in, as the rain really began to soak into his coat. Still, he waited, having faced far worse than a little rainfall in his time and not wanting to push himself in where he wasn't wanted.

Yet Castiel couldn't deny the faint sigh of relief as she made the invitation.

"Thank you," he offered her a half smile as he stepped inside, a few drops of water following him in.

"I just wanted to see how you were," his gaze was faintly concerned, aware as he was that she'd been attacked by the Scourge as well, something that very few people seemed to know about and even less cared about. Even if he did.

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-03 12:08 am UTC (link)

That smile killed her, every time. There was still pain behind it that she had caused, and more than anything it left her wanting to make it better somehow. Turn back time or do something, anything. But as always there was nothing. She just had to figure it out for herself. And she was scared to.

"I'm fine. I heal up quick from normal human hurt remember"

She closed the door behind them, now it was just him and her. In the apartment. Alone. Again. And still with so much of a gulf between them. Though he'd come over. Worried about her. She could tell he was worried.

"It worked then. The plan, they're gone. Or going."

She didn't mind showing how much she feared the Scourge. Especially not to Cas. Her eyes met his and she waited for an answer that would hopefully make her relax a little. She hadn't relaxed since the day they'd attacked her.

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warriorofgod
2009-09-03 01:21 am UTC (link)

"I didn't just mean physically," Castiel pushed gently, not wanting to freak her out too much, but also making it incredibly clear that he wasn't just going to be brushed off with her bravado and healing skills. She was a demon, in their world she was the top of the metaphorical food chain, save for the angels themselves. And even with them both being in this world for nearly a year, it was only now that Ruby was starting to seemingly realize that all the rules were different.

"It worked," he reassured her. "It won't be much longer until all of them are dead and I doubt more will come to LA now, not after everything that's happened."

Besides, he knew the Scourge now, knew how their presence felt in the city. And if any of them tried to come back, he'd wipe them out before they breached the city limits.

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-03 01:31 am UTC (link)

"I've had worse" she told him, looking away. It wasn't a lie. She'd had worse, from Hunters, from other Demons. Alastair. She'd definitely had worse. But this had scared her more because she hadn't known it. Hadn't been able to plan, hadn't had an escape clause. They'd only kicked the body. Worst case scenario she'd have had to find a new host, but she'd been spooked. She was still spooked.

"Glad they're gone though, or mostly gone"

Meant she could be social again. With the entire one person in LA who'd talk to her. Nice.

"You really just come over to ask that. Check up on me?"

She'd deal with the fears that came with the Scourge. Always did. But his pity. That she couldn't deal with. She had to ask it. Just like Faith had said.

"You pity me" she said, not so much asking it as stating it and waiting for him to confirm, "Thats why you come here"

It was a stupid thing to say. Of course he did. And now she'd have to hear it. Why was she taking advice from Faith?

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warriorofgod
2009-09-03 11:59 am UTC (link)

"Doesn't matter," Castiel insisted gently. These things didn't come in scales of worse or not, they were just bad. And he was still worried about her.

"You and me both," he had a short laugh of almost bitter amusement. Having the Scourge in town had been a drain, in more ways than one. They'd made everyone get at each other's throats and he just prayed that people would all start to calm down now that they were gone.

"I was worried about you," he started before her question changed. No, not a question, a statement, but still one that surprised him and he looked up, his eyes meeting hers.

"I don't pity you," he told her firmly. "I have never pitied you, Ruby. What I feel is..." he stopped himself before he could go any further, checking the words before they couldn't be taken back. "Complicated."

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-03 12:20 pm UTC (link)

The worry suprised her. More than a little. It confused her too, but then most things he did lately had that effect. She'd known him once, as much as one could know an Angel. But now? Why was he worried about her? She didn't deserve it, from him of all people and the fact that she had it...

He didn't pity her. He never had.

"But I figured that had to be it. Figured there was no other reason you'd keep coming here. You don't need to be here to make sure I'm not slipping back, or doing magic. Any of it. But yet you keep coming back, and I like it, that you do. I love seeing you. But I figured it had to be pity because why else?"

Complicated. That was the word for them.

"...I kind of like the complicated too, awful as it is. Means there's something you feel"

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warriorofgod
2009-09-03 01:10 pm UTC (link)

Castiel rubbed at the back of his head awkwardly, a gesture he seemed to use a lot around Ruby these days. Honestly, he wasn't sure why he kept coming around to see her. Without the hex bags he could keep track of her from the other side of the city, the world even if he decided to. But he kept finding himself drawn back to her.

"It's not pity," he emphasized firmly. "I just," he half shrugged, feeling more like a human than an angel right at that moment. Maybe it was his time as a mortal, but over the last year, he'd found his emotions so incredibly confusing.

"I like seeing you. What I feel is complicated and confusing and I don't know what it means or what I should do about it, but for now, I just like seeing you."

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-03 01:17 pm UTC (link)

She took a few steps closer to him, awkward yes. But more than anything she wanted to be near him, he said he didn't pity her, said he was here cause he wanted to be. But then why did nothing happen.

"It has to be" she told him, confused.

"It has to be pity, or why else would you..."

He liked seeing her. All the complicated feelings aside she was pleased about that, because she liked seeing him too. But was she happy just to leave it at that, 'like', with all that had happened between them. Was 'like' enough to deal with.

"What do you feel you should do about it?" she asked him, stepping a little closer, into arms reach. "I suppose the visits mean you have options"

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warriorofgod
2009-09-03 05:32 pm UTC (link)

"It's not pity," Castiel stated, again, not sure why he wanted to keep reiterating that. Really, it would just be simpler for him to let her think it was pity, rather than be pushed into facing the confusion behind his feelings openly.

He half laughed, though the sound wasn't exactly filled with amusement. This whole situation wasn't in the slightest way amusing.

"I know what I should do," he corrected his earlier comment with the faintest of wry smirks. "The problem is it isn't what I want to do. That's the thing about you, you always make me confuse what I want and what my duty is."

In so many ways it had been easier when he'd been human and free to feel as a human did, without the weight of his duties hanging on him.

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-03 07:09 pm UTC (link)

She was more pleased to hear that than she suspected he knew. She couldn't deal with it if he pitied her. She really couldn't. She had no idea what she'd have done if he'd said it.

She stepped in another pace or two till she was just in front of him, she knew she was tempting him, confusing him, everything she'd sworn not to do. But right now she didn't care, that look on his face. She needed to make him okay again.

"Maybe, just this once, Its okay if its about what you want. Maybe just for tonight, let it be that. Because I know...what you want. Think I always have. And now you can have it, finally honestly, without any lies or agenda. And you're curious. But its bad, you know you shouldn't want it."

She wasn't sure who moved first, but she knew her mouth was inching closer to his.

"Just for tonight Cas" she breathed.

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warriorofgod
2009-09-03 07:25 pm UTC (link)

It was true that there were no more lies. There couldn't be, what with the lack of hex bags and Ruby's soul open for him to see. Metaphorically speaking anyway. For the first time, in forever, there was complete honesty between them.

But there was still his duty, to protect the Winchesters above all else. One he'd been slack in and the consequences had been unbearable. He'd let them down, so completely and utterly he didn't think he'd ever truly be able to make it right again.

And there was still the sting of her betrayal to him, the lies and her loyalty to his brother, the little brother he both detested and loved even as both emotions felt like knives through his chest, and every time he looked at Ruby, Castiel felt that pain all over again.

But she was right there and Castiel felt weak.

Just for tonight she said. Even though they both knew it was more than that.

She was so close and he honestly didn't know if she moved that final inch before or after his hand went to her head, fingers tangling in her hair as her mouth met his for the first time in months.

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-03 07:30 pm UTC (link)

She just wanted to make that hurt go away. Even just for tonight, even if he realised his mistake and smited her afterward, at least she'd have had this.

It wasn't clear who made that final move, maybe they both did, but their lips met and it was electric as ever. In spite of her betrayal, In spite of Lucifer, of what she'd done to Sam, Just right now she was kissing him, and he was kissing her back and nothing else mattered.

Her hands snaked around his waist as his own tangled in her hair and she pushed herself that little closer to him, deepening the kiss, never wanting it to end, but knowing it would. Still when it inevitibly did, he'd have it as a memory. So she was going to make it good.

Just for tonight.

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warriorofgod
2009-09-04 02:51 am UTC (link)

Castiel just desperately wanted to lose himself in the feeling of the kiss, something he'd missed so much over the last few months. For a long, painful moment he could almost believe that the betrayal hadn't happened, none of it. That they were still together as he kissed her.

But it had happened and they weren't together. And still kissing her was just going to end up badly for both of them.

He pulled away, and if he'd been human he'd have been short of breath. For several seconds he didn't say anything as he waited for his brain to catch up.

"I should go."

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dontcallmebitch
2009-09-04 01:21 pm UTC (link)

He was kissing her, finally after months of feeling shut out in the cold, and deservedly so, he was kissing her. He'd let her in, or let his guard down, just enough to allow this. And of course she wondered had she tempted him into it, was she going against what he wanted, what any angel should want. Was she pulling him back down to her level. But none of it compared to the kiss she'd wanted for months.

He pulled back though as she'd known he would and all those doubts came crashing back.

He wanted to go, already.

"Right..." she replied, what could she say, she wanted him to stay, hell she wanted him to throw her down and screw her so hard the MET office issued a storm warning. But he wouldn't. He'd realised the mistake he'd made.

"I'm sorry, of course you need to go"

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