WHO: Jacen Solo and Ruby- featuring Castiel and "Sam Winchester" ...sorta. WHAT: Teaching a lesson. Jacen style! WHEN: 22 July 2006 WHERE: Ruby's mind. Fear it. RATING: High. It's Ruby's mind! It's not going to be sunshine and puppies. STATUS: Log- COMPLETE
Jacen had had enough. People were complaining about the demon's attitude, but apparently not killing her for reasons that he didn't really care about. All he knew was the demon had tried to end the world, possibly every world, and seemingly was showing no remorse for the fact. She'd also, in the process, hurt a lot of people, including Sam Winchester who Jacen actually liked and his family who Jacen actually respected, along with Faith who was almost Jacen's boss as well as Tenel Ka's friend. The result was Jacen soundly disapproving of the demon and wanting her to be taught a lesson. And since it seemed that the Powers Who Were Useless weren't effective enough, Jacen was just going to have to do it himself.
He didn't bother knocking on the door, just using the Force to pull it open. Striding inside, he gave the angel a cursory nod. "I'm not going to kill her," was all he said. Castiel stared at him a moment, maybe reading him, maybe just taking a moment to decide whether or not to trust him, but eventually he too nodded, stepping away from Ruby.
"Hello," Jacen looked at Ruby, his first time looking at the demon in person. His entire demeanor, in many ways so casual, screamed of a confidence and power, a self assuradeness that for a brief moment he wondered if Ruby had ever seen the likes of before.
"I think it's time we had a little chat."
It was another one of those evenings. Castiel sitting opposite her, that look, that disappointed look that bothered her, as he told her again why she was wrong, how many people she'd hurt, why Lucifer would not have been the saviour she thought he would be. She sometimes nodded along, sometimes even understood, upset that she'd hurt people but never quite agreeing fully, always somehow making that look come back. She hated that look.
Castiel stepping away from her surprised her more than the guy showing up acting more than a little arrogant and packing some kind of telekinesis to push open the door to the apartment. With one sentence he'd convinced Castiel to let him near her. She cast a wary glance his way wondering just why he was letting him past. Why he was okay with this, as much as they were over, and they were, she knew they were, it was a little worrying to her that he was allowing this.
It could only be the irritating smug Jedi.
"I don't think I need to chat to you thanks" she said coldly, turning back toward the sofa, there was a chat show on TV. It seemed entirely more interesting and she didn't want to punch the screen as much as she did Solo. "You can go now"
A look from Jacen had the TV switching itself off. "Oh I think you do," the Jedi smirked, still with that calm arrogance. "And really I think your opinion on this doesn't matter anyway."
Castiel tensed slightly before Jacen rolled his eyes. The pair shared a pointed look, a silent communication between them. The angel clearly was on edge about the Jedi's intentions, but ultimately nodded and backed down, stepping back slightly as Jacen turned back to Ruby.
"Don't be so grouchy, beak-needing one. I'm actually going to do you a favor," he smiled widely, in such a way that anyone with any sense would have felt a deep sense of unease. "I'm going to give you exactly what you want."
"Castiel?" she looked over again, almost feeling betrayed though she had no right to be.
What did he mean exactly what she wanted? What she wanted was impossible, she knew that now. She'd been told it rather pointedly. And repeatedly "There's nothing I want that you can give me. Now leave. Trapped or not this is still my apartment and I don't want you here"
And still he was on the beak thing?
"So do us both a favour take your weird beak fetish and get out or I'll push you out myself"
She pointedly stayed standing eyes now locked with his, still betraying an arrogance and belief that even though she had failed, she was still better than him.
Jacen just looked at her and laughed. He was actually amused at the idea that Ruby even could make him leave if he didn't want to. "No."
He smiled calmly as he watched her, enjoying her irritation and inwardly loving the fact that someone was rattling her. It was about time someone did. "It's not your choice to make. I've decided you need this, so it's going to happen. I don't care if it is your apartment or not." He walked towards her, utterly at ease in his surroundings. For a moment he contemplating not telling her what he was going to do, wondering if the surprise would be more fun. But then, he realized, he would miss out on that moment when she discovered exactly what he was going to do and figured out that there was nothing she could do to stop it.
"I am going to show you a world where you won. I am going to show you an existence where you have everything you wanted and Lucifer was freed. And if you ask me very nicely I may even leave you in that little world, free to play forever under Lucifer's rule. I'd ask you if you're alright with that, but I really don't care."
She didn't understand what he meant. Show her an existence?. That didn't even make sense. She took an instinctive step back from him and toward Castiel, so used to the fact he'd protect her, that the fact he hadn't in this situation hadn't yet quite crossed her mind. Not really. She wanted to know, wanted to see this world she could have had, of course she did. But was it a test from Castiel? Something they'd planned to tempt her, to prove she still wanted it?
"You can show me that?" she asked, wondering why he would. Why it would help?. It was taunting her, showing her all she could have had. "Why would you?"
Sam at full power, what he was supposed to be. A risen Lucifer...and Castiel...
...what he'd told her would happen him under Lucifer's rule wasn't true. It couldn't be. Couldn't. She'd never have let that happen. But trusting Solo? Why was he even here?
"What does any of this have to do with you?" she asked, wanting nothing more than for him to leave, and for Castiel to stop looking at her like that.
"I can," Jacen told her, quietly, calmly. Flow walking was a rare power, and a difficult one. But one that would apparently be useful right now. "My reasons are simple. You hurt people I like. That never really ends well for people. Ask Tenel Ka's grandmother some time. Or well, you could if she wasn't in another galaxy. Or a mindless vegetable." He didn't regret doing that for an instant.
He wasn't entirely sure that this wouldn't leave Ruby a mindless vegetable, but since that seemed to allowed within the rules set by the PTB Jacen couldn't say that he cared particularly much. If it worked then it might actually do some good, if it didn't she would be left broken and that was a good result as well as far as he was concerned. Win win. For him at least. Ruby, not so much.
"This world has many good philosophers, who put things in ways that even Master Yoda never managed. And one who I think is particularly relevant to this situation is Mick Jagger. You can't always get what you want. but if you try some time, you just might find, you get what you need." He narrowed his eyes as he watched her. "You didn't get what you wanted, but right now I'm going to give you what you need. I will show you what this world you so craved would have been like."
He was quoting Jagger at her?. Seriously.
She rolled her eyes. "Then show me. Whatever you think I wouldn't want. Go ahead. I'm not scared of you"
It was okay, she figured Castiel wouldn't let him do anything that would hurt her. Still, he sometimes looked at her like he couldn't believe how wrong he'd been to ever see her as anything other than a demon, she worried occasionally that she'd done that too him, taken away a part of what she loved about him. For a little moment she thought maybe this might be a plan to give them a reason to lock her away somewhere, trap her into revealing what she still wanted. But he wouldn't do that to her?. Not Castiel.
Right?
"Is this safe...should I do this?" she asked Castiel, the bravado faltering slightly as she looked over to him once more.
Castiel just looked at her, his gaze unyielding and unflinching. He wasn't going to get her out of this one. Maybe Jacen was even right and this would be what it would take to make her understand. He could but hope.
Jacen meanwhile, smirked. "You should be," he shrugged. "But here's the fun thing, we won't leave this room. Nifty trick you see. Because I'm really really good."
He looked around at the assembled people before closing his eyes and concentrating. The images began to form in his mind as he let them spread out, enveloping everyone present. Fractured moments he'd selected from their minds, blended together to form a new world that they could observe, a place where Lucifer was in control. Sam was the Boy King and Ruby was victorious.
Exactly what she'd wanted, in all it's horror and detail.
The brutal truth was sometimes the most effective tool. Jacen simply stood back and let Ruby see, see what she'd tried to create. Any reaction was up to her now.
Sam leaned back, casually sprawled out across a chair. His long legs carelessly stretched out in front of him while he rubbed against the side of his jaw with a hand, thoughtfully staring out across the dimly lit room he occupied. It was neat. Organized. There were tables lined in rows before him; all, at the moment, currently empty. Following the tables lay a door, cowering underneath a particularly large archway. Beside that door, in turn, was a man. Or what appeared to be a man. Not man, but not monster. Correction: not monster enough. Gaze calm and collected, Sam stared him down, watching with absolute pleasure as the demon flinched. He was scared. It was kind of funny. Kind of. Not enough to properly entertain him. Oh no - that, he found, was going to require far more...extensive efforts. From himself. Never ever rely on a second party to get the job done for a person. Not unless the second party was participating in an activity created by himself. That was the way to get things done, he found. It was, after all, how he had gotten here.
At least that was the way he told it.
"Bring her to me," Sam said, voice eerily unlike that of the man he once was. It remained as calm as his expression. Practically blank. Free of all emotion.
The demon flinched again. Sam leaned forward, gaze never quite wavering.
"Now."
He didn't hesitate again. Before Sam was able to blink twice, the demon was bustling out of the hall, leaving Sam to himself. Rising from his chair, he began to pull the jacket of his suit from his shoulders. Rolling up his sleeves, Sam stepped down the middle of the aisle of tables and chairs, hands clasped behind his back as he walked.
Then he waited. Calmly pacing, quietly reflecting. It wasn't until the sound of voices erupted from the doors outside of the hall that Sam bothered to look in that direction again. They were going to drag her in. Sam turned to face the door entirely, arms still behind his back as he waited for them to haul Ruby inside.
Unknown to him were the figures observing the scene. If he had been aware of their presence, Sam likely would have strung them up in the cells below. The very same cells from which Ruby had just been hailed from.
She found she wanted to go to him, oddly proud of what she viewed so far and ready to see just what he'd created. He looked strong here, proud and she for a moment mourned what she'd lost, wondering just what Jacen thought he would accomplish by this. She ignored him, casting a glance to Castiel as if to ask why he wasn't seeing this as she did. He'd said she'd broken Sam. Well here was proof she hasn't.
She smirked slightly waiting to see just who he'd drag in, some lesser thing that had displeased him, something that had maybe decided not to stand with him when the time came.
She never expected to see herself hauled in by demons, dragged through the aisle where he walked and finally thrown at his feet. She definitely never expected to see herself look so...defeated.
The her in the vision looked up at Sam, the Boy King, and actually flinched.
"Why am I here today Sammy? Just for kicks?" she asked him.
Between Castiel and Jacen, Ruby couldn't hide her confusion.
Sam looked down at her, tilting his head to the side to examine her carefully. Sammy. Ahh, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. "I told you," he started, voice coming out oddly quiet, "that no one was to call me that." Slowly, he knelt down beside her, one hand reaching out to grab Ruby by the chin. "We're going to have to work on that, aren't we, Ruby?" He didn't exactly give her time to respond. A cold smile, practically as lacking in emotion as his expression had been all along, took him over. Sam pushed her away from him, rather forcefully, and stood back upright, easily towering over her.
"Get up."
The demons that had dragged her in stood back, watching the scene warily. Better her than them, wasn't it?
"Say my name," Sam suggested, casually folding his arms over his chest. "Call me Sammy. Come on. Do it. I want you to do it."
He was playing with her. That much was obvious. But this, right here, it was nothing. It was more of a simple greeting than anything. If one thought that Sam Winchester was being rude and terrible to her, they had seen nothing yet.
She didn't even fight back, that's what confused the watching Ruby. Why wasn't she fighting?, Sam didn't get to do this, treat her like this?. Not when she'd made him what he was. Not when she'd obviously succeeded, lead him to this., . that wasn't fair. And where was Faith, his family. Where was Castiel? Had he been right? Was this what she had made him into? She loved the power he seemed to possess, it suited him, But she couldn't understand why was he treating the woman he should be grateful to more than any other like some waste of space he could toy around with. Why was he looking at her like that.
The vision Ruby shook her head, she wasn't going to give him what he wanted, knowing obviously it would end the same way, Ruby remembered that from the Rack, but sometimes it was easier just to give in, just to let them win and let them hurt you so it would be over soon. Why wasn't she doing that?
What was Sam going to do to her? What had he done that she didn't remember that. She listened, not really wanting to as the 'greeting' seemed to continue before her eyes.
"I won't. I forgot you said... I'm sorry I..."
Where was the demon that had led him to his throne?. What had so changed?
"What am I supposed to call you?" she...it...whatever the hell Ruby was looking at that used to be her, asked and seemed to shrink back into herself, fearful.
This wasn't right, this had to be a trick, a lie. It just had to be.
She fell to his will so easily. Very much unlike the Ruby he once knew. Strong-willed, sarcastic, all knowing. Now she was nothing. Merely a tiny, quivering, insignificant being that Sam found he no longer cared for. Once, perhaps, he did. A long, long time ago. Back when silly things like feelings were important to him. How stupid he had been then. Valuing family and friends and love and life more than what he truly was. Sam turned his back to Ruby, pacing his way back across the room and to his chair. From there, he dropped into his seat and stretched out. He was behaving as though he owned the place.
But, then again, he kind of did.
"Get up," Sam repeated, eying her from his seat. "Come here."
She would bow to him. He would make her. Images of Ruby, flaunting herself all over the place, acting like she was bigger and better and smarter. They all flashed through his mind as he stared her down, watching and waiting for her next move. Would she obey? Yes. She likely would. Ruby knew what he was capable of, after all. She had raised him. She taught him everything that he knew. To have something like that turned against her...well. It certainly didn't appear to be quite what she had expected the first time he had turned his back on her. Nor had it been the second. Or the third, then the fourth and so on. Ruby had wanted more. To be respected. Honored. Treated as though she were actually as important as he was.
No. She was merely a tool. Means to an end, she had always told him.
Ruby had left out the part where the end was actually the beginning.
"You know what to call me," Sam declared, leaning forward. "After all, it's what I am. What I've always been." The Boy King. Sam once hated the name. Now he reveled in it. Wore it with pride. He was her king. In fact, Sam owned her. If it wasn't for his will, she would be nothing now. But he liked her. He liked playing with her. Watching the look on her face every time he proved that he was no longer the hope ridden boy that she had rescued from those demons so very long ago. Probably a mistake on her part. Ah, well.
She knew better than to question. She'd felt that power before, pulling her from her body, toying with her but always, always stopping short of killing her, It was pain worse than anything Alastair had ever done to her though and so she moved quickly to him when he told her to. Bowing her head, deferring as she knew he'd expect of her. How times had changed. Once she'd had the control, dictating when and where he'd drink, who he'd kill, who he'd torture, tearing down his humanity piece by piece. But she didn't ever think this is what she'd be left with. That had all changed so quickly, he'd turned on her, feeling nothing anymore. She wondered if sometimes she'd taken that from him too. His ability to feel, to care.
Azazel had told her of his vision and maybe this was it, Maybe he'd have been happy with the 'Boy King', Maybe Ruby had gone soft. No, there was no maybe about that. Because there was another reason she wasn't putting up in a fight, another reason he hadn't in a while
She fell to her knees.
"My King, she tried "If I'm good today, If I scream on the rack? Just for you. If I don't put up a fight. Can I see him?"
Always the same request. And when she was allowed it made her feel worse in some ways. Because who she wanted to see never looked at her, not really, and the rare times he did it was with such utter disappointment. Not hate, hate would have been easier, she understood hate. But even with that, even with that look in his eyes, she went to him. She always went back, maybe it was masochistic, in fact she was pretty sure that it was. But she loved him.
The watching Ruby turned away from herself, eyes finding Castiel, staring straight ahead at the scene. She didn't want to see it. Didn't want this to be true
Awww, she wanted to see him. How disgustingly adorable. He would allow her access to Castiel and from there, as soon as he opened the gates, they would mope and act all miserable and sad and the angel would look away from her with his little puppy eyes and, man, how many dumb movies had he seen based upon two lovers suffering in agony and failing miserably at it? Because those two, as far as Sam could tell - and this was with years of reading through Greek tragedies and living it up on the knowledge front on all forms of literature based upon misery - really did take the cake. It made him...ill. At least it did when he wasn't busy taking pleasure based on the fact that they would never truly be able to be together again.
Maybe if Castiel had been less of a pain in his ass.
...nah. Probably not.
"How about we skip the rack today, Ruby?" She was obviously so desperate to see him. It was the how based upon the visitation that was going to really make this entire ordeal entertaining for him. It was just like he had said: one had to make things fun for themselves. They couldn't just wait for interesting things to come along on their own.
"I won't let them rip you open today," he told her, standing up easily. He offered her his hand, an eerie smile flashing across his face. "Let's go visit our friend, shall we?"
She suspected a trap, something, anything. She knew he never gave anything this easily, not since he'd become what he was now, she couldn't even remember the last time she'd really seen a glimpse of Sam Winchester in there. But she'd let it happen, whatever trap he had, whatever cruel joke he was about to play on her, because it would let her see him. If only for seconds then it was still worth it. She raised her head to look at him, knowing he could see right through her, probably knowing she didn't buy this, any of this. Knowing just how desperate she was just to be around Castiel again, even just for moments.
But she took his hand nonetheless, letting him help her to her feet, leaving disappointed demons behind in their wake. They'd have loved to rip her apart time and time again. Still, they only had the next thousand or so years or so to make her suffer.
"Thank you" she told him, playing into what she assumed he would want to hear.
There was nothing those watching could do, they seemed to follow the scene maybe under Jacen's control, always remaining hidden but always in full view of their surroundings, and Ruby still hoped it was a lie, prayed for it, blasphemy or not. Because this couldn't be it. This couldn't be the future she was giving to Sam. But it all fit, in so very many ways it all fit with what Castiel had told her, And she was starting to fear it ever becoming the truth.
Sam led the way. He moved through the halls of the facility they were within without worry. Demons wandered by; sometimes they were alone, while most times they were within the company of a prisoner or someone who resided higher on the food chain than themselves. Sam ignored them all. He didn't have to converse with any of them. He was the one in charge here right now. That was why they were the ones to stop in their steps as he passed, not the other way around.
Too bad he didn't care enough to notice them. They'd all come to him later on, trying to please him. Aiming for some form of respect. It was kind of funny. Sam sometimes let them go at it, if only to see how far they would travel, how high they would jump, how fast they would run. The most amusing scenario always came when they began to fight amongst themselves for rank. They'd fight to the death, sometimes, and end up killing each other off in the process. How stupid could they be?
Doors opened for them without him raising a hand. The large, steel doorway that blocked off the upstairs area from the darker pits below swung aside. The demons guarding the entrance immediately stepped away, granting them entry. Again, Sam didn't spare them a single glance. He instead let Ruby move in first before silently following her inside. Shadowed staircases spiraled one after the other until, eventually, they hit the floor and began to tangle their way through the mazes of tunnels, the loud and agonizing screams of the souls being twisted in the dark echoing loudly everywhere they stepped. It seemed as though they had journeyed forever until Sam fell to a halt just outside of a rusted iron door. A guard pounced forward and unlocked the door for them, revealing a room that was even darker than the hall in which they stood.
"Turn on the lights," Sam ordered. Small, practically nonexistent beams of light trickled in from the ceiling as a switch was pulled. A body, strung up in the center of the room was immediately created from what little sight the dull lighting granted them.
The angel. Pinned up tight. Never released from the pits. It was far too risky letting one of his kind out.
Especially Castiel.
"Go on. Say hello." Sam stood back beside the door, leaning against the frame with a mock sincere look guiding his words. He would let them get hopeful for a minute or so. It was always amusing to rip that away from a person. Hope. Pitiful excuse of an emotion, that was.
She hadn't noticed the screams, the cries for help that had found them on their way down here, she hadn't even noticed the demons and prisoners staring at her, wondering what would be done to her now, suspecting but never sure where the Boy King was taking her, she didn't care, they could think what they wanted of her, she was focused, take whatever time Sam gave her and be there, just for him, for Castiel, even if he still couldn't bear to look at her. And it seemed he couldn't.
Still, when the lights went on, Ruby quickly moved across the floor reaching up a hand to him. Running it along his cheek.
"Castiel?" she tried, figuring it was pointless, the times he did have something to say to her it was never good, and she was here with Sam himself, he didn't always bother. Then he rarely even let her down here. She was locked away herself of course but more as a plaything than anything else, someone for Sam to play games with when he was bored. Not a danger to him. Castiel though, he was still a threat, would always be a threat. That's why he was kept down here, That's why he was locked away and bound up tight. Sam maybe even still feared the angel, she didn't know. Sometimes she did, she wondered what would happen if he was freed.
Because she knew what she'd done to him too, falling in love with him, tempting and twisting him even if she hadn't known she'd been doing it, and then when she'd made her move everything had changed, When she'd freed Lucifer, when Sam had taken his rightful place.
When finally, finally they'd managed to take the angel alive and intact.
"Please will you just..." she started, kneeling beside him, eyes wild and desperate for some kind of acknowledgement "I love you", she said it softly, knowing Sam would hear, but not caring. Not right now.
From the watching figures Ruby's eyes had widened, stepping back a little feeling a desperate need to be as close to Castiel now as she could be. What had Sam done to...No, no that wasn't Sam. That wasn't what she'd wanted, and she so desperately wanted to ask Jacen to end this, bring her back but something stopped her, something told her she needed to see how this played out. Much as the very idea of the scenario pained her. So she stood, and watched, and waited, mind running through a dozen scenarios for what Sam was planning to do here. None of them good
Love. She, a demon, expressing the emotion for a creature that was so beneath their race that it didn't even deserve to be anywhere near them. Suppressing a sneer, Sam shot the demon guarding the room a look. The demon nodded, seemingly capable of reading his mind. They had worked together before. He knew what it was that Sam desired. His appearance, held against the doorway as he let his gaze swing off at the pair ahead, came off as extremely bored. This was boring. Aww, look at me! I'm Ruby and I'm so in love and, Lucifer, if someone didn't shut her up fast he was going to start banging his head against the stone wall until his brains started bursting out of his ears.
"As fun as this little..." Sam waved a hand at them, rolling his eyes. "Thing you've got going on is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut it short."
The demon stepped up beside him, extending the object that he had been sent to retrieve out to Sam. It was a simple object, really. Sharp, pointy, shiny. Not quite covered in blood though, which currently served as it's only fault.
Moving forward, Sam placed a large hand on Ruby's shoulder and wheeled her around to face him. Before she was able to get a word in, he flipped the blade of the knife in his hand over, forcing the handle in her direction while his fingers gripped at the cool metal. Eyes locking with her own, Sam pushed the knife at her. He did not smile. He did not tease. He did not joke. As entertaining as this was all bound to be, Sam didn't seem all that able to start smirking just yet.
He was challenging her. Would she protest? Would she back down? Was she actually stupid enough to think that she had a choice in the matter?
"You wanted to see him," Sam pointed out. "So here we are. I'm giving you just what you wanted. Quality bonding time."
Well. Something like that.
Her hand pulled back from near the knife as if she was burned and she moved back instinctively, for all the world like a wild animal protecting its mate. They couldn't make her do this, not this, she'd never had anything worth withstanding torture for, before Castiel. And now Sam wanted her to turn a blade on him. On the one that had come so close to pulling her back from all this, she wished so badly that she'd let him. Maybe none of this would have happened, maybe Sam would be happy and content like she'd wanted, not this...this thing, worse than any demon.
"No Sam" she told him voice shaking and shocked, just like when she'd tried to stop him going after the fake Lilith that long summer ago. Only this time she meant it. "You can't ask me to do this" She knew of course that he wasn't asking but the worst he could do was kill her. "Anything else, anyone else...just not this, please"
Maybe if she begged, he liked that.
"Sam, you don't mean it. Its a joke, a test, its... Look, I told Alastair once I'd put him on the rack before, I said I'd do it to save you, and that was true, for so long that was true. But to do thisfor you. No. Not ever"
But he did. He meant every word, and Ruby scrambled backwards again, desperate to get away, wishing she'd never asked to see Castiel. Wishing she'd never gone through with the plan. Never created the monster.
No, no no no
Ruby grabbed on to Castiel's arm, weather he allowed it or not, not caring. She needed to reassure herself that none of this had happened yet. Is this what she was creating with her blood and her lies, with the torture and the murder and every little bit of Sam she'd torn down hoping to make him better.
This wasn't better, and it was breaking her heart.
There was no direct obedience this time around. Ruby was panicking. Begging. She was scared to do what he asked. Any other demon in the world would have jumped at the chance to lay a knife on the flesh of an angel. Ruby was screwed up. Wrong. Life with Castiel had messed with what she really was. He was hoping to remedy that; perhaps as one last favor to the bitch who had created him. It certainly wouldn't be the thing to make his Cheerios get all soggy if he failed, but having some sort of hobby on the side of his usual routine was always nice. If he wasn't able to twist and turn her back into the monster she truly was, then she was more of a waste than he had originally thought her to be. No, she certainly didn't have the potential that the others had. Not the other people that he had been close to that had been unfortunate - or, in his eyes, fortunate - enough to be tossed onto the rack. They would come out different. But Ruby...was she a lost cause? Would he forever have to play with her and nothing more? He'd be okay with it. But it was something that left him feeling more than curious.
He'd probably be able to recreate her if not for this stupid angel.
"Look at it this way," Sam suggested, pushing toward her. He was still lacking in expression. "If you don't do it? I will. And between you and I, I think we both know who happens to be more efficient when it comes to the trade of torture." Ruby would know. He had done it to her more times than he could count by now. "So, really, you're doing him a favor. You're saving him. Preventing poor old Cas from all that pesky suffering." Sam slung an arm around Ruby's shoulders and pulled her back to his side, knife already thrusting itself at her again.
"Take the knife, Ruby." Finally, Sam allowed a small smile to form on his lips. "It's for his own good."
Any other demon in the world would have done it, in a heartbeat. An Angel. This angel. But maybe she was different, or maybe it was weakness, or maybe just being around him again gave her a bravado that she wouldn't otherwise have had. She knew Sam was better than her at the torture now, but that wasn't the point, Castiel could take it even from Sam. Could he do so if she was the one holding the knife, it was a mental more than a physical thing and that was where Sammy made his trade, hitting where it hurt. She should have known.
But she took the knife. Deciding that she had one chance at this, take him, take the demon guard, get Castiel and maybe, just maybe there was a chance. She turned as if to go toward the angel before shifting her weight and pushing back toward him with the knife. She didn't even want to think about what he'd do to her if she failed.
For the first time, the watching Ruby turned to Jacen, actual tears in her eyes. "End this...I've seen enough, end it" she hissed, It had been a stupid move on vision hers part, And she didn't want to be here for the inevitable revenge. She'd seen more than enough to know just what she would have created if she'd kept going and she couldn't look anymore, this wasn't the dream, wasn't good. How had she gotten it so wrong?
All the while, Jacen watched, silently. If he felt nausea or disgust at the visions he'd pulled from their minds, he didn't show it. Merely stood, silent and waiting, the real angel beside him, his eyes fixed on his vision self, suspended in chains and refusing to even look at the demon and her Boy King. Castiel didn't need to say anything, he knew the vision was true, that everything the Jedi was showing them would have happened had Lucifer been freed.
"Is this not what you wanted?" Jacen asked Ruby quietly, his voice so soft it could barely be heard above the screams. "Is this not what you craved to create?"
His gaze moved from her to the vision of Sam, so twisted by the demon blood. "You're not going to ask then?" He smirked mirthlessly. "Or do you already know by now where they are? His family, the people he loved. The ones he would have done anything to protect. Have you figured it out yet?"
It was faintly sickening, also with that stinging twist of familiarity for him. Jacen wondered briefly if she'd even really known when this had all started, or had she truly believed in some demon paradise.
"Say the word and I can leave you here, if that's what you want. Leave you in the place you wanted so much. Or I can take you home, back to Los Angeles. It's up to you."
She could barely form coherrent thought. He was lying, he had to have been lying. But Castiel had said as much before Jacen had ever visited, ever brought her there. That world of what she'd 'wanted'. She had seen Lucifer reborn, Sam at the very height of his powers. And she'd seen what she had been reduced to, had seen Castiel...
Sam had become a monster, evil, cruel beyond anything she ever wanted for him and she couldn't look anymore.
"I don't want this...I don't, I didn't know. Make this go away, take me back...make this stop"
The screaming seemed to push its way into her mind, poisoning everything she'd ever believed. From Jacen she turned to Castiel, reaching for him once more.
"Help me?" she asked him "I don't know how to ever even begin to..." she realised very quickly there was no way to even begin to apologise, so finally just shook her head, the first actual tear of guilt sliding down her face.
"I was wrong"
There was just the smallest of nods from Jacen before the real world came back to them in a screaming rush, the hellscape melting away as Ruby's apartment formed around them. They'd never left.
"All the talk in the world can do nothing, sometimes the reality is needed," Jacen stated simply before he turned and looked hard at Castiel. "She's yours to deal with now. I've done all I can." The angel nodded, just slightly, before Jacen turned abruptly and left the apartment altogether, using the Force to slam the door closed behind him. If this hadn't worked, if even this hadn't begun to get through to her, then he was a full supporter of Plan: Box.
In the apartment there was a long, long silence, stretching out into several seconds before Castiel spoke, finally. "Do you understand now?"
She did, she did completely, she was actually physically shaking, feeling sick.
"That wasn't what I wanted...that was never. I'm sorry" she told him, meaning it maybe for the first time in over 800 years. "There wasn't even anything left of him"
She didn't want to think about what she hadn't seen, what might have happened after. She knew there was no way the vision her would have won that. Sam had become something cold, cruel, hateful. Is that what the dream was, was that the Boy King?. Is that what came of freeing Lucifer?
"Help me?" she asked again holding out her hand to the angel. "Please?"
Castiel was quiet a moment before he moved to sit down on the sofa, with a heavy sigh. He rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck, leaving his hair even more mussed than usual. "It's the truth of it you know," his voice was soft as he looked up at her. "That is what Lucifer means. To create the Boy King, what was needed to free my brother, Sam would have been destroyed, as you saw. Everything human in him, stripped away."
He chewed on his lip, feeling indecisive, a rare emotion for an angel. He knew what he should do, what his calling demanded of him, but still, he found it just impossible to do.
"You and me," he said eventually. "We're finished. You understand that, yes? We can't go back to what we were, not after everything." A few more seconds on the clock ticked by before he took her outstretched hand.
"I'll help you."
She knew, she knew they were finished and couldn't prevent the flash of jealousy, irrationally directed at Faith for the fact she and Sam had come through this, relationship intact, or getting there. Irrational because she knew the Slayer, as much as Castiel had been a victim of what she'd done, and Sam himself had been a mostly innocent pawn to begin with, sure he'd begun to crave the blood, the power, but she'd played him. Why shouldn't he be happy? And what right had she to expect to be.
"Yeah I understand" she managed to say, her tone ending up more crisp than she had expected it to.
But he took her hand, willing to help her at least, she supposed it would have to be enough. She supposed she'd have to accept this was all she deserved from this. More than she deserved in fact. But this, all this, it wasn't going to be easy. He'd expect change from her, expect her to be that person she'd made herself out to be, the one who he'd believed in. And while she was at her most genuine around him she knew what she was, she was a creature built from lies seduction manipulation and deceit. That would have to change.
Somehow.
"No more lies" she told him, hard as it was to even conceive of. "That's done, has to be."
"That goes without saying," Castiel stated, with a slightly pointed look. He hadn't missed the sharpness in her tone, but he wasn't going to give in, not on this. He couldn't.
"You know what you need to do," he watched her. "You need to apologize. To all of them, apologize and truly mean it. They may not accept it. In fact they probably won't, but you can't blame them for that. You need to stop looking at your actions, at them, through a demon's eyes, but try looking at them as a human would. Try to understand why they hurt in the way they do."
That meant no more references to torture in front of Dean or John, a true and grovelling apology to Mary, to Claire, and really really to Ben. Those Ruby knew, and Castiel raised one eyebrow as he looked at her. "And that does include Faith as well, for the record. You need to apologize to all of them. And not react if they get angry back at you."
Apologize. And mean it. Even if they'd laugh in her face, she looked away for a moment, shock crossing her eyes at the very idea. She'd mean it, she would. But they wouldn't care, none of them. Was that the point? Humility? She didn't understand what it would achieve for her to do this but maybe she'd learn that on the way. Either way, she'd do it.
Even to Faith. She knew, so clearly that it was partly the Slayer that had been her downfall. Unwilling just to let things progress, not willing just to assume Sam was fine when he clearly was not. In some ways she thought she might hate her, for everything she had that Ruby once did. Everything she'd lost. Even if in a twisted way she was grateful now that she had never given up on Sam. But it was also true that Faith, like Dean, Like John, was a fighter, she deserved her revenge as much as they did.
And then there was Sam, he hadn't mentioned Sam.
"I'll do it. It won't matter, they won't believe me, But I'll do it. And Sam, I'll...I guess I'll stay away. As far away as the city will let me, Its the only way isn't it. I don't ever want him to become that"
"No, they probably won't believe you, none of them. They'll probably shout at you, scream insults at you and generally loathe your very existence. You will probably never make things truly right with them, but ultimately, that's not the point," Castiel didn't look away, didn't even flinch. "The point is you trying, and keeping on trying and not reacting the way you usually do when they get angry with you."
And then there was Sam. Castiel wanted to order her to apologize to him as well, but he didn't even know if Sam would be allowed to speak with her yet. And he didn't know how Sam would react if she tried. The priority was helping him at his pace and that meant that apology would have to wait.
She thought she might have bolted from the room were it not for his hand in hers, well, that and the insanely potent devils trap he'd drawn. Old. Very old. It was what he'd told her to do that she knew would be hard. Trying. Not reacting.
"That's where you'd have to help me. This...its harder than anything I've done. I'm gonna be honest and they're not gonna buy it and I'll get angry. Its how I work, my mind thinks revenge, or worse. Its why I can't do this without you"
She knew it wasn't fair, clinging to him like this, especially now, when everything she'd done was still so raw with the man that had loved her. But she was selfish. She knew it, didn't ever deny it,, and if she was going to loose everything she wasn't going to loose him too, especially after what she'd seen in the future Jacen had shown her. She needed Castiel around her if she was going to ever get past this, become...whatever she was going to become.
An Angel helping a Demon break through what she was, become...better. She didn't think it had ever happened. But then she really doubted any angel and demon had ever shared what they did. Had ever honestly truly found love. Because that's what she felt, in spite of everything else, and that's the only thing that kept her from giving up.
"I'm gonna need you, even if not...like that</i>" Her eyes met his and she fought the urge to try and convince him that that was exactly what they needed. No, he'd made his decision, and she wasn't going to manipulate him, not anymore.
"And I'm here," Castiel responded softly. It hurt, God knew it hurt to be close to her and not be with her any more. The betrayals still cut deeply, as he wanted to be able to trust her again. But he knew that that trust could only be rebuilt if he made himself stay, made himself watch her and help her. Then maybe, maybe over time it would start to hurt less.
"Not like that, but I am here," here wanting her to be what she'd once claimed to be. "But the next move, it has to be yours. Even though it's so hard. Actually, because it's so hard. That's sort of the point."
"I guess you're just gonna have to be my example" she told him, with a smile that never quite reached her eyes. She didn't like it when things were hard, she'd always gone for the easy fix, the quickest way to make things better, cover it over and forget the badness. She'd learned that as a mortal way back when.
"I'll try alright, I'll really try. And I am sorry, I know what I must have done to you... I never wanted you to think you failed or anything. I want you to know that"
She didn't know what else to say, happy to stay as she was for a few minutes before things became hard, before the yelling and recriminations began. Just to be with him, even as awkwardly as this. It was something.