Who: Ruby What: Returning to LA, Ruby needs to reaffirm her faith Where: LA Streets and a Satanic Church When: 16th June, early hours Rating: High, topics Status: Narrative, complete
Coming back from that...that place so much worse than hell, that place she'd known so well and hated so much had been in the end, just as sudden and jarring, as going there had been. She'd missed Castiel, tempted almost to go to some church in a town, hoping maybe he'd hear her, but he wouldn't be hers, and he'd probably havesmited as soon as looked at her. So she'd been forced to spend her time finding a way back, amongst a few other things she'd wanted to do, she'd worked out pretty soon where she was, In her own past. In her stinking mortal life. She'd decided then and there, if she couldn't find a way back, and oh how she would try, then she would find a way to hell, to Azazel, and Lilith, and then when the time was right, she would go, and kill those sins, and begin again.
As it turned out she hadn't needed to, She'd woken up where she'd left, on her way to meet Sam, but her phone told her how much time had passed.
Sammy. He'd need her, He'd really really need her, grabbing her phone Ruby texted a quick message, one of her their usual meeting spots, five minutes, and that she was sorry she'd been forced to leave, but that it would be better now.
So much better.
She wondered was Faith still gone.
Hitting send she wandered the streets, mind reeling with everything she'd seen, everything she'd been forced to remind herself of back in that hellish place, she'd revenged herself on Tammi though, oh how much fun that had been.Grateful as she was to the demon for starting her on the path to hell, Ruby had hated her. Hadn't killed her though, that had been a big part in making Sam trust her and she hadn't wanted to change things. It wasn't until Lilith and then Azazel that Ruby had really felt like she was important, that she belonged, she'd done a lot to get where she was, killed her way to the higher ups, proved herself their most loyal.
Her eyes fell on a door. A simple door, no different to any other, but it was a door she knew, and it was a sign, it was so obviously a sign she was on the right path.
She had time. Sam wasn't going anywhere. She had a few minutes.
Because it was true that she hated the cult that had grown up around worshipping her father, Hated it for all its posturing and romanticising what he was when they didn't understand, but it was the closest she'd found in this strange dimension with its strange powers, a world where Heaven and Hell as she knew them were not in control. But there was still the dark that found its way into every society no matter who the powers in charge were, still idiots willing to make deals to grow strong, their magic being fuelled from somewhere. So it was to one of these 'churches' that Ruby had felt herself drawn whenever she needed to feel her faith. The faith she had to hide from everyone that cared about her.
Because even the fact there were people that cared, did care, was wrong. The fact that she cared back was even worse.
She slipped into the nondescript door with a code she'd been given after the first few visits, she'd shown off a little with her demonic nature, a couple of displays of power and a harmless little possession and they were willing to see her as a demon. Practicly worshipped her.
And she'd made her own little inner sanctum here, said the appropriate words, didn't have any direct line to hell of course, not in this forsaken dimension, but she did what she could with what she had, and it was here, and only here,sigils on the walls so no one, not even Castiel could stumble upon her here, that Ruby could speak unguarded. Lucifer couldn't hear her. But she liked to believe he could.
"I got lost for a while, powers, the powers here, decided to send me back to...to there, to that place. But I'm back and I'm close, I'm so close, Sammy he's...he's special like you told Azazel you wanted, he's dosed up on my blood and you should see him...its beautiful it really is, when he gets home, he'll kill Lilith and free you just as its written and I hope, I really hope you'll reward him, he won't understand but he'll deserve it, he'd deserve so much. His family are here and he's had to push away from them, he has a girlfriend that...I don't even know if he sees that he's hurting her, even if she doesn't know why. Its hard for him and he's...I actually sort of respect it in a messed up way, no matter how much he takes from me, no matter the darkness inside him, he's still so human at the core of it, he cares. So when he sets you free, reward him, when you walk on the land....maybe he can still have her after...maybe he can have them all, her and his family cause they'll understand, they'll understand when they see you..."
The clarity of knowledge about where she was sometimes left Ruby while she was in this room but in the end she remembered, she always remembered.
"But you won't be free will you, not while I'm stuck here, while Sam is here. Lilith came but there was no sacred place and Dean...Dean shot her, I was there, I knew she had to die, if it possibly even for a moment meant she would get back home because its only at home you can really be free. I don't understand this place, the demons, they're practically animals, breeds and all, they disgust me, a disgrace to what you created...He's been killing them, with my help, making them suffer, he's so creative."
She lowered her head almost as if seeking penance.
"And there's something else...I've...I love someone, someone you know, or...knew, one of your brothers, I didn't know you made us able to love but you did, you did and its...painful, and hard, but its wonderful, And he'll kill me for what I'm doing with Sam, he'd have no choice would he?. His name is Castiel and he confuses me more than anything ever has. I don't know, if you could hear me how you'd react, if I'd be worthy anymore to speak to you. But I love him, and much as it scares me, its not something I want to stop. I want him to understand but he can't can he.
Still, you don't need to worry, I'm gonna continue on, He doesn't know, Castiel, he doesn't know. and I'll find a way to get Sam back, and you'd be so impressed, Sammy he's amazing, he's becoming so good at lying, manipulating just because he wants to be strong. He wants to be everything you wanted, everything you told Azazel he should be. He's special. But we're stuck...and you can't hear this, any of this, and Azazel's gone, dead and sometimes, I miss the guidance, even when we were both here...he thought I was slipping, thought because of Castiel I was loosing the way, but he had to die. That was obvious. His part in all this is over, mine isn't though. I don't expect you to help me now. But I'm still the one they chose, still the most Loyal. I am. I just, don't know right now, how I can push him any further or how I can get him home to free you. And I'm sorry."
If Ruby had a soul right then she knew she'd have cried, shed tears at her foolish behaviour. Falling in love with an Angel?. Befriending rather than just seducing the Boy King. Standing by while he'd fallen in love. What had she been thinking?.
"You have had my faith as long as I've had it, since I learned that God didn't listen to the prayers of whores. But your creation was listening, flawed and unfaithful as she was and she found me, she took my soul and sent it to the pit and it was changed there, changed to be yours. To serve you, and I did, didn't I? I did as commanded, for centuries, and then when it came to it, when there was need, when someone needed to tempt your Boy King, I did it, knowing all hell would rail against me for it I did it, I listened when they held his father in chains, I was happy when a Righteous Man shed blood in hell knowing your First had dragged him there, and I was ready, ready to give Sam the choices he needed to make, getting him ready to kill Lilith...and now, here, I don't know what more I can do, and I...I don't know what more I want....
I love Castiel and I know he can't ever know this, any of it. No one can."
A shaky hand reached out to the demonic alter she'd set up. As accurate a representation as she could make it, though in this place it would do nothing.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I couldn't be better. But I'll free you. I'll free you. I'm going to him now. He'll be weak without me."
She bowed and kissed the alter, before turning and leaving for her meeting with Sam, she'd needed it, needed to know once again she was doing what had to be done, what was best for Sam, and this was the closest she could get to feeling the strength of her faith. For now.
Because soon everything was going to be better. For all of them.