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welsh_gwen ([info]welsh_gwen) wrote in [info]parabolical,
@ 2009-03-01 20:53:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:gwen cooper, jack harkness

Who: Gwen Cooper and Jack Harkness
What: A coffee and getting things out in the open
When: Evening
Where: His Office 
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress

With things as they were, Gwen really needed a friend right now. And Jack was the one person she somehow felt she could be completely honest with. Well almost completely honest with. And when he'd been taken away, she'd automatically felt scared. She'd just lost Owen and Tosh, turned up here and Owen was suddenly alive as was Suzie, and Jack was gone. It was really more than enough to shatter her completly, but she knew how to hold it together. Or at least attempt to. 

Jack was from her past, and wanted to know about what had happened...or what was going to happen. But surely with him here there was less chance of it happening, so she knew that she could tell him. But she also knew she'd maybe need something stronger than a coffee. She waited until the Hub was quiet, the rest had disappeared somewhere, before she headed up and knocked on Jack's door.

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-03 03:49 pm UTC (link)
All right.Jack knew he shouldn't have asked to know. He knew the Doctor would have a bloody field day if he knew that Jack was trying to glean information from the future. But, really, at the same time -- it had happened for Gwen, Owen, and Ianto already. If he hadn't reached the same point as they, he couldn't change things if he wanted to.

So, as Jack rationalised this, he knew he could ask Gwen what had happened. And he knew that, should he be sent back to his own time, he wouldn't do anything to change the future. A foolish rationalisation, perhaps, but Jack needed one and so he clung desperately to whatever he could.

He'd asked Ianto for two coffees, mug sitting waiting for Gwen while Jack sat behind his desk, holding the mug with both hands. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been good. As Jack looked down at his coffee, he wondered briefly if it had to do with him. There was that slight twisting in his stomach as, once more, Jack made that silent promise not to screw with time. No matter what the news was.

"Come on in," Jack said, forcing a smile to his face when he heard Gwen knock. "Coffee's hot."

[OOC: ended up having my weekend blow up with things. But all good and here now! So sorry for the delay! And yes, if you want to do Remus/Hermione, I can toss something up and backdate it! ♥]

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-03 03:59 pm UTC (link)
When Gwen heard his voice, she pushed the door open, and glanced around the Hub one last time, checking how empty it was. Ianto was heading elsewhere, she didn't know where, and everyone else had gone. Closing the door, she turned to face Jack, but refused to make eye contact. Sitting down opposite him, she reached out for her mug, before slowly drawing her eyes up his body to his eyes.

She had to check, make sure he was okay. It was the first time she had seen him since they rescued him, and she rarely got to find out how he was. She was worried, of course. Always was when it came to Jack, and she reminded herself it was because he is her boss a friend. It was natural. Taking a sip of the coffee, smiling a little and the warm feeling it gave her, she finally forced herself to speak.

"How are you feeling?"


{OOC: No problem. And yeah a Remus/Hermione one would be fun if you don't mind.}

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-05 01:37 pm UTC (link)
No one in the Hub but us chickens, Jack thought with a wry smile, gesturing to the chair on the other side of his desk. He'd grappled with this conversation, still wondering if he should brush it off, talk about other things and get Gwen's mind off whatever had happened. But, in this instance, curiosity killed the cat and Jack Harkness wanted to know what was going on.

He smiled when she asked, cocking his head to the side and giving her one of his ever famous half-grins. Jack took a sip of his own coffee, still smiling behind his mug. Ianto made one helluva good cup of coffee, that was for damn sure.

"Can't complain," Jack said with a shrug. "Being cooped up with a mad woman hell bent on torture and even happier when she realised I couldn't die." He sighed, just looking up at Gwen with an almost sad expression on his face. "I always am fine in the end, aren't I?" His expression grew serious, watching her. "More importantly, are you OK?"

[OOC: sounds good to me! ♥]

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-05 01:52 pm UTC (link)
She couldn't keep her eyes away from him as he spoke, wanting to make sure he was really telling the truth. Then again, even when he lied to her she couldn't tell. He was good at masking things like how he really felt. When he explained about what happened to bluntly it made her heart ache and for a moment she toyed with the idea of reaching forward and rubbing his arm. But she held back. For some reason, she longed to do it, always did want to when she thought he might need comforted, but didn't know how he would react to her doing such a thing.

Her heart ached more at the sad expression on his face. The urge to hug him came on stronger but she resisted. It just wasn't what they did, not unless he initiated it. Suddenly he was serious, and Gwen had to pull her gaze away from him. She knew that even though she was not able to see how he really felt, but he could read her like a book.

"I'm fine."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-05 02:28 pm UTC (link)
As for how he was, Jack was telling the truth. Physically, he was completely fine. All the injuries had healed without a trace of a scar. No sign that he had ever been in pain or tortured. Again. But that was yet another thing he'd kept hidden from the team. They didn't know about the Master and Jack would keep it that way. That was only for the group of them to remember.

Jack leaned forward when he saw that look on her face, resting his elbows on the edge of his desk, hands clasped in front of his mouth. He just looked at her, not, for one moment, believing her.

"Thanks for the politically correct answer, Gwen. Now, how about the non-bull shit answer?"

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-05 02:48 pm UTC (link)
Gwen felt his eyes on her, and knew the stare even without looking up at him. It was the one he always held when he knew something was wrong, knew she was hiding something, but wasn't willing to say. When he spoke, she knew she was right, she knew that he knew that she was lying, that she wasn't fine. He sounded patient but forceful, and she knew that if she insisted she was fine she would not be allowed to leave his office until she told the truth.

Finally she tore her eyes up to him. Her eyes stared right into his and she knew that her eyes would show just how much stress and sadness she had been through not long before she had been dragged here.

"Being brought here, it's not helping."

It wasn't helping her grieving process, she was being taken away from a routine she had gotten herself into to cope with it. But she didn't have that routine, didn't have a specific thing to do each day. And now every day she was staring Owen in the face.

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-05 03:17 pm UTC (link)
Which was exactly right. Jack would continue to ask, almost to the point of badgering, until she finally gave in and told him what was wrong. While Jack may keep secrets wrapped around himself as a protective sheet (as securely as he wore his greatcoat), he wanted others to confide in him. Do as I say, not as I do -- that was Jack's motto.

Jack could see the stress painted on her face like makeup. He watched her closely, eyes searching for any little motion or expression that would clue him into what was going on. He knew it had something to do with his future and her past, but what that thing was, Jack couldn't say. Couldn't tell just from her expression.

"Leaving Rhys behind?" Jack guessed, figuring that was as good a guess as any.

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-05 03:24 pm UTC (link)
His guess was good, because yes she was missing Rhys. But that pain was nothing compared to the pain of losing Owen and Tosh. As that thought came even clearer to mind, her eyes began to fill up. She had every moment running through her head. Being told Owen was dead, holding onto Tosh's hand as she died in Jack's arms. The goodbye video, the memorials, the lack of laughter in the Hub for a while except for forced laughter or laughter when they shared memories.

She pushed back her tears, she didn't want Jack to see her cry. Yes he had before, but she was meant to be stronger now, tougher. Was meant to be able to hold everything in and not let it show how much she was hurting.

"Yes," she forced herself to say, nodding a little. "Yes I suppose."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-05 05:03 pm UTC (link)
Jack watched the play of emotions across Gwen's face, knowing full well that she was hiding something close to her chest. But what it was, however, Jack couldn't begin to fathom. Well, he had ideas, but he didn't want to contemplate them. Somehow, though, Jack had the feeling that it wasn't Rhys she was thinking about.

After a moment, Jack rose to his feet, walking around to the other side of the desk, leaning against it. He was close enough to reach out to her, his hand starting on her shoulder then moving to her face, tilting her chin up so they were looking eye-to-eye.

"But that's not the real reason," Jack said, drawing his lips into a thin line. "I don't want to play twenty questions, Gwen."

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-05 05:31 pm UTC (link)
As he stood, she quickly looked down, maybe sure her tears were staying at bay. But they were already threatening to overflow over her eyes. She felt his hand on her shoulder and it slowly lifted to her face, and she didn't fight when he tilted her face up to look at him. She took a deep breath, biting her lower lip for a moment as she looked into his eyes.

She had to tell him. Didn't want to, but she had to tell someone. Keeping everything locked up whilst she was here was hurting her so much. Before she had Rhys, could tell him how much it hurt, could cry with him to support her. Here, she had no one. So she had to cling to the only person she felt she could talk to. The only person she ever really did manage to talk to.

"Tosh and Owen..." She took another deep breath, closing her eyes as she felt a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "They're dead."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-06 11:11 am UTC (link)
Hiding behind her fringe was all well and good, but Jack knew that look on Gwen's face far too well. That moment where he knew she was trying to keep control just before the waterworks began. While there were times he knew Gwen to be far too sensitive for her own good, he also appreciated this. That knowing she wasn't as hard or as cold as the rest of them and could still feel.

His thumb lightly ran along her chin, Jack doing nothing more than staring down into her eyes as he leaned against the desk. He knew by the expression in her gaze that she would tell him. It would just be on her terms. He could wait.

That thumb brushed away the tears as she started to speak. Owen had mentioned something along the 'death' lines, but hadn't gone into great detail. But no one had said anything about Toshiko. "Run that by me again," Jack said softly, brows knitting together.

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-06 11:35 am UTC (link)
Gwen sniffed quietly, her eyes not moving from Jack's. She thought for a moment he didn't believe her, thought she was pretending or had her facts wrong. She closed her eyes as his thumb brushed across her cheek, removing the tears, but those tears were soon replaced by others. Squeezing her eyes tight shut, she willed the tears to stop but they wouldn't.

She took a shaky breath as she opened her eyes. She reached up slowly, grabbing his hand in hers.

"They're dead, Jack."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-07 08:34 am UTC (link)
It wasn't that Jack didn't believe her. It was that it wasn't making much sense. Owen, yes; Tosh, no way in hell. But with the expression on Gwen's face, Jack knew she was telling the truth. The question remained, however, of when. Of course they were going to die but was it a month into his future or five years?

It was all relative.

Jack started ever so slightly when she grabbed his hand, a look of confusion momentarily passing over his face. Just how far apart were their timelines?

"When?" he asked simply.

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-07 08:49 am UTC (link)
Gwen noticed the look cross his face when she took his hand so she quickly dropped her own, wringing her hands a little in her lap. She looked around for a moment, getting her throughts together, before glancing back at him.

"For me? Last week. For you? Depends when you are."

She sighed, biting her lip, wondering if she should tell him how it happened. She knew he'd ask eventually, so there was little point in hiding it.

"It was Gray."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-07 03:44 pm UTC (link)
Yes, but last week for her was god knew how far into Jack's own future. She put her hands into her lap and Jack leaned back against the desk, arms crossed in front of his chest. He drew his lips into a line, mind flicking back to the last time he had this chat with Ianto. "Last thing I remember is Tommy. How long after him?"

Then, she said that one word and Jack's world came to a screeching halt. Under normal circumstances, Jack could keep his features schooled, keeping whatever emotion off his face that shouldn't be here. But at the mention of that name, Jack could feel the colour drain from his face. His mind reeled, thinking of that day when he had let go of Gray's hand.

"That's not possible." Jack shook his head, trying to laugh off his shock. "That's not possible."

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-07 06:04 pm UTC (link)
"A few months. Not all that long, really."

She sighed, putting her head in her hands. She hated seeing his reaction to the name, it was so similar to the first night they'd ever heard it. She eventually looked up, her hands in her lap, and the look on his face was even worse than she imagined. He was chalk white and but his eyes were cold, nothing showing through. She quickly stood up, wiping at her cheeks, before stepping a bit closer to him.

"Jack, it was him. Something happened to him in the years he had disappeared and, well, he went a bit insane."

She tried to think on how he had explained it just after Tosh and Owen had been killed. He had tried to be so gentle with her, explaining in as calm a manner as possible. Now she tried to say as much as she could in the words he had used.

"Tosh was a direct attack, Owen was trying to save Cardiff because of Gray, he set off bombs in Cardiff, and he got locked in a room where radiation was being let out."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-09 12:19 pm UTC (link)
Though, in his mind they weren't dead, Jack could feel his chest tightening. Not dead for him, but dead for her -- and only a few months after he had been plucked from Cardiff. But dead in any sense and Jack still mourned them in this weird amalgamation. Dead, but not dead.

And it was his brother that had done this? Somehow it made it all hurt that much more, and Jack knew the shell-shocked look was still plastered on his face and though he tried to wipe it away, it refused to wash away. Gray. His brother. The one he had spent so many years searching in vain for. God, what had happened to him to force his hand in such a way?

Jack sank onto his desk, eternally grateful that it would support his weight. He wasn't quite sure of the state of his knees at the present. The question left his lips before he could stop it.

"Where was I?"

Because, Jack knew, that he would have put himself between danger and his team, knowing that he could take the hits. Die, sure, but he'd be back. He always was back. So why hadn't he been there to save them?

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-09 12:28 pm UTC (link)
Gwen watched his reaction and again she wanted to pull him to her. But she somehow knew now wasn't the right time, knew he'd probably hug her back to keep her happy but it would be stiff.

She saw him sink even more and she willed herself to stop the tears, wiping them away and was grateful that they seemed to be calming down. When she heard him ask his question, she looked into his eyes.

"Buried underneath Cardiff. You were taken away and left there, John told us and you explained it to me later. Ianto, John and I were locked in the cells."

She felt her eyes fill again. She was meant to be in charge when Jack wasn't there and two of the team members had died.

"I'm so sorry Jack, I should have acted better."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-09 12:53 pm UTC (link)
At the present, Jack didn't know if he wanted to be hugged or just left completely and totally alone. He wasn't usually like this but bringing up Gray put a whole new spin on things.

Turning, Jack plucked a handkerchief that was laying on the corner of his desk, handing it over to Gwen with a bit of a forced smile on his face.

Buried? Well, that would explain a few things. Buried alive, definitely a new one for him. And not at all pleasant sounding either to be honest. Jack swallowed hard, reaching out to lightly pat her knee. "Don't blame yourself," he said softly. "You did what you could. I know you and I also know that none of you would have gone quietly. I know you did what you could have given where you were and the circumstances."

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-09 01:15 pm UTC (link)
Gwen laughed lightly, taking the handkerchief, thanking him quietly. She dabbed gently at her eyes as he spoke, almost hiding herself behind it. The touch on her knee she did not expect, and she glanced at his hand, before hiding behind the handkerchief again.

He understood her so much, and seemed to genuinely not see it as her fault. Pushing herself up on her feet she kept her back to him, and she felt something bubbling within herself. Last time she felt this was with Bilis, when they thought Rhys had been killed. That upset mixed in at anger. Anger at herself, anger at Gray for what he did. And anger and Jack for being so understanding and not blaming her for it. She felt her shoulders tense as she looked at the ground, trying to control the anger and the tears.

"I'm meant to take charge when you're not there." She sighed, but the tension did not go, and she refused to look at Jack. "Oh god, Jack."

It was almost like a realisation. Like she had only just realised that they were dead with no hope of coming back like it was with Jack.

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-09 01:46 pm UTC (link)
There wasn't much Jack could say or do at this point. Only lean against his desk, watching as Gwen dabbed at her eyes with the offered handkerchief. He wished he had something to do with his hands, something that would occupy his mind so he could stop thinking about this; that his brother had betrayed him so. What,because he couldn't die, Gray had decided to take his ire out on those closest to Jack? Was that what this had been?

His lips drew together in a thin line as she turned away from him. Jack was almost glad for it, he didn't have to feel guilty for the expression on his face. He was supposed to be unflappable, but when Jack worried about something, it was never a good sign. Jack weighed his options, debating if he should let her stand there, or go to her. In the end, the latter won out and Jack stood, albeit on unsteady legs and approached, resting his hand on her shoulder but not moving any closer than that.

"I know, Gwen," He said softly. "It is the unfortunate side-effect of having the role of leader. There are times when things will be out of your control." Times Jack utterly hated, and usually tried to bend things back so that he could control them. "This was one of those times. You shouldn't keep blaming yourself for what happened. This isn't like the time you tossed the tool to Owen and let the sex-cloud loose on Cardiff."

Perhaps Jack's method of consoling could use a bit of work.

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-09 02:11 pm UTC (link)
She jumped a little when he placed a hand on her shoulder but did not pull away. It was almost comforting. Until he spoke and reminded her of the time she had with Carys. Yes she still felt a bit guilty at that but she had managed to deal with most of it.

"You always said not to worry about that," she said quietly.

Turning around to face him she looked up, trying to get his attention. She knew he could be distant when it came to the subject of deaths. Knew he could be distance when it came to him, actually.

"Is this...Is this how you feel each time someone you know dies? Someone from Torchwood?"

She couldn't imagine how bad it would hurt for him. He was completely in charge, she was only really temporary. He had more responsibility on his shoulders than she did.

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-11 09:20 am UTC (link)
When Gwen didn't pull away, Jack took that opportunity to move a pace closer, still leaving space between them. His thumb lightly rubbed her shoulder, taking this comfort thing one step at a time with Gwen. Jack hadn't meant to bring up Carys as he had, but it was to prove a point.

"And I meant it," Jack replied, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze. "I'm trying to illustrate a point is all. That was something that could have been prevented." Jack drew in a breath, lifting his head towards the ceiling of his office, as if that would keep his emotions in check. Really, when it came down to it, he was responsible for this. He had let go of Gray's hand.

Her question brought him back to earth and the conversation at hand. He swallowed hard, wishing she had stayed facing away from him. So much easier to hide, particularly as he was having issues regaining his composure.

"Every time," Jack murmured. "It's worst when it happens in front of you. Knowing you couldn't get there in time. Knowing if you had been just a little faster, you could have stopped it." All he could think of was Alex. The moment he shot himself, Jack could still feel the heat of his blood, that horrible knowledge that if he'd only moved a fraction of a second sooner. "It never leaves you. You just... learn how to go on."

[OOC: sorry. I noticed typos. And it bothered me. perfectionist? Me? NEVER! *shifty* ]

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-11 06:28 pm UTC (link)
When she turned, she knew she had caught him off guard. He wasn't hiding his emotions well, was showing exactly how he felt. He never did that, would never allow her to see his actual thoughts and feelings unless she had to know, unless it was of some importance. When he spoke of seeing things happen to his team in front of him, she thought back to seeing Owen being shot and dying, that first moment when they had lost him before the glove was found again. She thought back to Tosh dying in front of her, with Jack holding Tosh close. He had to see this all the time, deal with team mates and friends dying in front of him without being able to stop it.

Without thinking, she reached out, her arms going around his waist tightly. She had held back that urge to hold and comfort him for long enough, but she hoped that he would not pull away. She knew that even if he didn't want comforted he'd allow her that small amount of comfort for herself. But for now, she was content with her arms around him, her cheek pressed against his chest.

"It's just awful, Jack."

{ooc: heh, never!}

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-12 11:19 pm UTC (link)
Try as he wanted, he couldn't pull his thoughts together and couldn't wipe the emotions he knew he was so clearly telegraphing from his face. It was like being told Gray had been found all over again. But, then again, Gwen had been one of two people Jack had truly opened up to in this decade. True, he had loved Owen and Tosh and Suzie -- but Gwen had gotten under his skin and he liked her there. Even though there were feelings for Ianto (definite, definite feelings), Jack had been able to show Gwen a bit more of himself than the others saw.

That was the worst part of his immortality: having to live through the deaths of friends and lovers. Knowing that, at the end of the day, he would outlive them. One day he knew he was going to crack. He just had to hope that day was a long ways off.

Jack started ever so slightly when her arms went around his waist. Looking down at her with a slight expression of surprise, he finally wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her in close. Jack rested his cheek against the top of her head, eyes closing as he gave her whatever comfort he could -- and taking some for himself.

"It... gets easier," he lied softly, knowing it never got easier. If anything, it got worse. "It gets easier."

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-13 06:19 pm UTC (link)
It was strange seeing him upset and she certainly did not like it. She liked it when he smiled or laughed, being the joker. Not a man who was clearly shaken by something she had just told him. He was usually so strong, and now she saw him as the man he really can be and not the man he can often pretend to be.

When he pulled her closer, her arms tightened around his waist. His heartbeat was so soothing, and was helping to calm her down slightly. The sound of a heartbeat always seemed to do that do her. Gave her hope and calmness, made her see all the good things in life.

"I know just...at the moment it seems unlikely."

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[info]therealcaptjack
2009-03-15 01:07 pm UTC (link)
The one thing Jack (usually) managed to do was put on a brave face for the rest of them. It was the brave face that kept them all going, said that even when things were back he could handle it. But this? Right now? Jack was allowing himself that moment to let his guard down, knowing that Gwen could handle it -- even if he was supposed to be the one comforting her. Later, of course, the perfect smile would slide back into place, and Jack would pretend as if nothing was wrong.

But that would come later.

Jack held Gwen close, chin resting on the top of her head as he gently rocked them both back and forth. Lightly he rubbed her back, letting silence do the work words couldn't at the present.

"It may not seem like it, but it will get better. And it gets easier, I promise," Jack spoke, hiding the truth within the lie. He cupped her chin, tilting her head up to look at him. "You're strong enough, Gwen Cooper. You can get through this. I never would have brought you into the team if I thought you couldn't handle this and everything that comes with it."

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[info]welsh_gwen
2009-03-16 06:29 pm UTC (link)
When he rested his chin on her hair, she felt even more protected, if that was possible. It seemed so natural, like there was nothing wrong with her being in his arms, being comforted by him. For a moment, she felt safer with him than she did Rhys, but she told herself it was only because Jack is here and Rhys is not. The gentle movements were calming her, her eyes closing a little for a moment. Her tears began to ease and her breath slowed to her normal pace, and she was finally starting to feel less upset.

Gwen kept her eyes on him, nodding slightly. She was strong enough, she knew she was. She had seen enough as it is, she could handle more. And she could stay strong.

"I know," she said as strongly as she could.

She found herself slightly mesmerised with Jack's eyes, and suddenly wasn't so aware of what was going on around them. She was purely focused on him.

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