WHO: Jacen Solo , Tenel Ka Djo and Faith Lehane WHAT: Trying to help Faith find a place again WHEN: Early Evening 12th Feb WHERE: Tenel Ka's Room, Hyperion Hotel RATING: Low STATUS: Log - Complete
Tenel Ka had prepared the place as much as she could, she had calming scents burning and had readied herself, she wasn't much for the meditation, sure she had the focus but she didn't have the patience just to sit and wait for the Force to make everything clear. Jacen however...the Force had shown him so many things. Maybe he would be able to guide Faith and she would guide him. That was probobly better.
She was dressed in simple enough training gear her hair scraped back into a ponytail as she waited for Jacen and Faith to arrive
Jacen arrived first, knowing the plan and agreeing. Faith was a good leader and he agreed with Tenel Ka, she needed to get her head back in the fight even if her body wasn't what it used to be. She needed to be focused and get used to the idea that she may never get her strength back again. So he arrived, with a smile and a soft kiss for Tenel Ka, also dressed in training gear.
"Tell me about her," he commented lightly to his lover. If he was going to help the former Slayer focus he needed to know her better, know what drove her. And he didn't have time to ask the girl himself so he did the next best thing, asked the person he trusted most in any world for her opinion on her friend.
Tenel Ka returned the smile and the kiss in kind and moved to let him sit next to her. When he asked about Faith she smiled sadly knowing with wry certainty that she at one time had had more information about her friend than she had ever needed or wanted.
"She's had a hard life, and has fallen into darkness before and come back stronger and with the knowledge of what she'd done giving her a new perspective, she has friends, good friends that have pulled her back from it. She's strong, and I don't mean simply because of her Slayer powers. She's strong because of all that. And that's who she can be again"
She looked up, finding her focus as best she could. Who better to aid a woman who had found strength and redemption after so much darkness than the man beside her now.
"What else do you need to know?"
Jacen nodded, listening carefully. While he had some of Faith's memories in his head, he was careful to lock them away in his mind and not access them. It wasn't his place. Tenel Ka's words confirmed what he already suspected and he frowned slightly.
"Temptation may be an issue for her. If she had relied in her strength in the past, it might be too hard for her to resist going back to that dark place to get it back."
Going into darkness to do what needed to be done. That was something he knew well. It would be a difficult test for Faith.
He smiled slightly at Tenel Ka. "But she'll make it." He didn't say it to be comforting. Empty platitudes meant nothing to him. He said it because he meant it, he firmly believed that between himself and Tenel Ka, they could give the girl her focus.
"So, are you ready?"
Jacen knew more about the Dark than she did, and it was better that way, she didn't think she could have the kind of strength he did, or Faith, she didn't think she could come back from it. And he had done so here. Oh Caedus was still there, somewhere, but the strength he had, things would be fine for them. And fine for Faith. In time.
They would do what they could to help. Whatever it took Tenel Ka was willing to do for her friend. And Jacen was the best one to help.
"I'm ready" she told him taking his hand. "We can help her can't we?"
Faith arrived in time to see Jacen nod to Tenel Ka in response to something she'd said. She stood at the door, somewhat awkwardly, not wanting to interrupt whatever moment it was they were having, before she cleared her throat slightly.
"Hey," she half smiled, not really sure what she was doing. She knew that the Jedi meditations were good, had done some herself with TK and Master Skywalker before she'd left. But this was something else, was the loss of her powers, her strength. She just wasn't sure if the meditations could really make that ok.
Tenel Ka stood as she noticed Faith in the doorway, dropping her hand from Jacen's momentarily to rest her hand on the shoulder of her friend. For the stoic Hapan Queen it was the equivalent of a long hug.
"Are you ready my friend?" she asked leading Faith to the area she had prepared. "Do you remember Mara's breathing exercises. To ready yourself."
She herself took a seat on the floor and looked across to Jacen expectantly
Jacen stood to one side and let Tenel Ka greet her friend in her way and offering the former Slayer a curt nod of his own, even as he tried not to flinch at the mention of Mara. He'd had to kill her, but the fact that she'd been here and then gone again, gone to die again, was hard to think about. But that was a pointless exercise and not one to think about right now. So he gestured to Faith to sit before he sat as well, matching the meditative position.
"Shall we?"
Faith sat as gestured, taking a deep breath. She was getting better at being comfortable around Jacen. She did trust him, as much as she trusted most people, but he did intimidate her, just a little bit.
Still Tenel Ka trusted him. And she hadn't seen anything yet to make her question that trust.
So she sat, taking a breath and looking at the two Jedi. "Yeah, I've been trying those. Not sure how much good they've been doing, but I've been working at it anyway."
She loved that they were getting on. Or at least civil. Faith sat and Tenel Ka turned to her.
"The point of this Faith is not to make you feel better, not to take away the trauma of what has been done to you. More it is a way for you to look inside yourself. Discover that the Slayer did not make Faith Lehane what she is. Its not going to be an easy journey but it is one you must follow. And as I said we WILL do all in our power to see your powers restored but if it proves impossible you need to be ready to continue your life and continue your contribution here. Do you understand?"
Faith nodded, trying not to think of the possibility of not getting her powers back. She hated the thought, even if she had to accept the chance.
"I get it," she finally said. "I do. Can't say I'm a big fan of Faith Lehane before she was a Slayer though."
Maybe it was insane, talking about her past in the third person. Or maybe she genuinely believed that she was a completely different person between then and now.
She sighed, looking at her hands and swallowing down the fear that looking inside herself would be just a little too scary for her.
"What do I need to do?"
"Focus your mind" she said, allowing Faith a few moments and glancing across at Jacen she wasn't sure entirely what would come of this but she had to try. It had to be tried.
She kept her voice level.
"Tell me about Faith Lehane. Not in the past. Tell me about her now"
Faith took a breath before she spoke, her eyes closed.
"Faith Lehane is confused." Still in the third person, it was just easier that way. "The Slayer is a weapon so gave her purpose, but without that purpose what's the point? The Slayer is meant to be alone. In every generation there is the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. One girl. But now the rules have changed and she's not alone. Not alone and not a weapon. So what value is she?"
Jacen spoke for the first time in a while. "If you're looking for some sort of validation, this isn't the place. It won't matter how often your friends tell you your value, or the Champion tells you he needs you, if you don't believe it, it's meaningless."
Even though her eyes were closed he fixed his gaze on her unflinchingly. "The question is, will you walk away? Or stay and fight?"
Tenel Ka watched her friend critically. She could feel the conflict rolling off her in waves, the hurt, the fear.
"Faith Lehane saved me. So many times since I have known her and not with her Slayer powers. It was her friendship, her heart, those are not attributes gained from her role as Slayer or head of Offensive Teams. She was there for me when few others were, through my hardest times in this city. I met her soon after my arrival and she is a friend to me. And it would pain me to see her falter now when there is still so much she has to do."
That value she thinks she has lost. It is still within." She did not need to open her eyes to look directly at Faith.
"Walking away would be easy. But not you. What are you? Beyond Slayer, Tell me what you KNOW to be true?"
Jedi meditations were unnerving. Like nothing else in this world. She'd done other meditations before, been in therapy for a while too. But nothing else ever gave her that sense of clarity and focus. Maybe it was having the other two there, even if Jacen wasn't as calming as Master Skywalker had been. His influence felt oddly more appropriate for her anyway.
She thought of the break up with Robin, and Kyle. Two very different men, but the reasons behind the breakups were similar. Because she was a Slayer. Because she would always be a Slayer.
She could walk away now. She could leave and be normal. Would anyone blame her if she did? Sam had tried it after all. Walking away from the life of demons. But Peter trusted her not to. Had refused to make it easy for her and let her. Because he knew it wasn't her.
"I'm a fighter," she finally said. She didn't mean it just in the hitting sense, but in every sense. Sometimes that wasn't a good thing, but that's who she was anyway. For better or worse she always would be.
Tenel Ka nodded, just once. It was true. A fighter is what her friend was at the very core of her being, through so many hardships she had fought to find herself again, and she had. Only for this to happen, it infuriated her to see it happen, but she would help Faith as best she could.
"Something has been taken from you, something that is a part of you, yes. And we will do all in our power to give it back to you. But it has never been all of you. You are a fighter. You are a leader. You are a good woman. Those are facts. You consider the concept of normalcy. But what is that here? How are any of us, powers or not, normal? What is normal? Aside from what you suffered, are you content, with your friends, what you have built for yourself in LA?"
Even in the meditation Faith snickered slightly. "What's normal?"
She took a moment to compose herself, thinking about the answer. There was a lot she wanted, a lot she was denied with being a Slayer. But despite that, she had more friends, more family now than she'd ever had. So overall, despite the fighting, and the tiredness and sacrifices, there was only one answer she could give.
"Yes."
"Then lie back" she said softly indicating the pillow. "Keep that in your mind. The faces of those you have in your life. And that you are a fighter. Keep that in your mind"
The next few hours would be difficult. But Faith could do it. With their guidence with her knowledge of Faith and Jacen's knowledge of the temptations she might suffer along the way, they would help her, she could find her way again.