WHO: Jacen and Tenel Ka WHAT: She's avoiding him, he's lost patience with it. WHEN: Early evening of the 8th February WHERE: Tenel Ka's room at the Hyperion RATING: Low STATUS: COMPLETE
She needed time, he knew that. Time to come to terms with what had been done to her, time to come to terms with the things she too had done. Time and space. And Jacen had tried to give Tenel Ka that.
But this city was falling apart at the seams. New attacks, new threats. It seemed every day brought more dangers. And Jacen knew what the Hapan Queen was like. The longer she hid away, the more her friends were in danger, the greater her guilt would feel in the long run.
And there was the complicated issue of their own relationship to deal with. Force, he could still close his eyes and feel her touch, taste her kiss. But would she even want to be near him now, after this?
He hesitated a moment outside her door, closing his eyes and trying to force back any frustration before he knocked firmly on her door.
"Tenel Ka," he called out. "Open up, it's me."
She'd known, she'd expected him to call. Of course he would, he wouldn't want her hiding away and she didn't want to hide away but in truth she was hiding from him. Because of everything she had said, everything she had tried to make him do. No that was cruel. Given how hard he'd been fighting to stay away from the temptations of the Sith.
With a worried sigh she opened the door. Her hair was scraped back into a tight ponytail and she looked tired. Drawn.
"Jacen..." she said simply and stepped back to allow him into the room. "Can I fix you a drink or anything..."
Jacen's jaw clenched slightly as he looked at her, his worried gaze taking in how tired she was.
"I don't need a drink," he said softly. Unable to help himself he reached out, brushing a hand down her face.
"I'm just worried about you. Worried about how long you've been shut away up here."
He didn't want to speculate what was going on in her mind. Didn't want to imagine the possibilities, so he decided to be straight and ask her.
"Tell me what you're thinking."
She looked away, ashamed and wanting nothing more than to stay where she was, but of course she could not. And in truth...
"Actually that if....anything good has come of this it has shown me the measure of you. It would have been so easy just to...keep me like that. Wanting what you used to want. But you didn't. No matter what I said I wanted. And I told you I loved you and that was a fact. As ever it has been."
If nothing else it had given them that. But Alema was not dead, she had apparently fallen into those kriffing pits and was back to the girl she had been before loosing Numa. But feeling guilty for her crimes apparently.
Tenel Ka knew it was selfish. But she hated her.
"But the fact remains we... I spent the night with you, and I don't believe I was ready for that again. And where does that leave us?"
Jacen sighed and took a seat, letting his head hang down.
"I never wanted that for you," he finally said after a long silence. "You were my focus, my guidance. Having you like that..." he trailed off. "It was never what I wanted."
He looked up at her, his gaze fierce and open.
"I love you too. I always have, even through everything I loved you."
But she hadn't been ready. And that was the key problem.
"It leaves us wherever you want us to be. I love you, that is never going to change."
Almost instinctively her hand streched out to take his. He needed her here as much as she needed him, and for that she would put her own problems aside.
"Well then we know that now. We know we love each other as we always have done. That is one thing this experiance has gifted us. Beyond that...I don't know where I want us to be. I know you aren't...as you were. But that was always how you made your beliefs so convincing to me when I began to question wasn't it. It will take me time Jacen. I think you understand that. But until then I will be your focus and guidance, and you will have my love."
Jacen reached across to kiss her softly before pulling back.
"It seems this city, away from GAG, from Hapes, from the Council, could be ideal for us to both have time."
He held onto her hand, needing to feel the connection with her, before he even went as far as to drop the shields that hid him in the Force, letting her see him, really see him, feel him.
"You take all the time you need. I will be here when you're ready."
It made her gasp. That presence she so rarely got to sense anymore, and he had kissed her. For now that was fine, for now that was best, for both of them. She didn't say anything for a while, just once again sharing her mind with his, for the first time in far far too long.
"This city is ideal for us. Perhaps here we have a chance." She didn't say it, didn't say that here was the only place they had a chance, she knew as well as he that back home meant death for him and isolation for her. Even as Queen of Sixty Three worlds. It meant isolation.
"I know you will" She squeezed his hand going silent again, not needing to actually speak words of love. Not when they were this connected.
The connection was something he'd missed. Even if he knew he would shield himself again later, out of habit and a need to protect himself from the other Jedi in the city. For now, he needed the connection.
And in that connection he could feel her guilt and shame over what she had said and done to her friends while under Alema's influence.
"Want me to do something about that?" He asked quietly. Her friends would forgive her, he was confident on that. And frankly, if they didn't, they weren't worth having as friends. But her burden felt too heavy to him and he wanted nothing more than to lift it right now.
Her eyes lifted to meet his and she nodded "Please, though not the experiance itself. I should remember that. Learn from it as we must learn from everything. But those memories I took from their minds. They aren't mine and I shouldn't have them."
It felt in some ways strange to her, letting him do this. But she trusted him. Trusted him utterly.
Jacen nodded before focusing on her mind, reaching in easily and going into her memories. The ones taken from others stood out strongly and Jacen concentrated on them. He could see them all, could feel the grief from Jack and see the experiences of the Slayer, experiences that made his jaw clench angrily for a moment. Then, as gently as he could, he took the memories? and removed them from her mind, before backing out himself.
"How do you feel?"
The burden was gone. She still felt the guilt of what she had done, but did not know what she had taken from Faith or from Jack. That was as it should be. It did mean Jacen knew. But that could not be helped, and he would never use anything of that information against them.
"Better. A good deal better" she told him, hand still clenched in his. "Though if you felt you could make me laugh then I would not be adverse to it. Or do you need a day to prepare for such a momentous task again?"
Jacen pushed the memories to the back of his mind, almost locking them away so even he could not really see them.
He looked up and smiled at her, squeezing her hand slightly. "Good."
He arched an eyebrow, pretending to be offended at the idea that he needed time to prepare, looking at her with a mock solemnity.
"What's brown and sticky?" The usual pause, as a playful grin began to spread over his face. "A stick."
Tenel Ka raised an eyebrow but she scrunched up her nose in an attempt not to be won over by that grin. The one she and Leia had once decided should be illegal in civilised systems.
"Yes dear well done" she told him hapilly
Jacen could see the way she was scrunching up her nose and decided to take that as a victory, his grin widening.
"I try," he smirked before gently kissing her nose. "We'll be ok. We will be. Petrelli's not actually too bad as a leader and Sarah and Faith are good friends to you. We could actually find a place here, you were right."
"Not that bad a leader?. That really is high praise from you isn't it. I've had my problems with Peter but he leads well. And he's a good man. We will be okay. We will be and this is the place for that"
Jacen looked surprised before thinking about it. "It is high praise. But he is a good leader. We talked on patrol and it was... interesting."
An enlightening experience even. They were from two very different worlds, yet had some shared experiences that earned the Champion Jacen's respect. Sarah and Faith as well, for the fierce loyalty they all shared. It made them a group worth following in Jacen's mind. A group with integrity and honor.
Even if they were almost fanboys of the whole Jedi thing.
"I'm glad to hear it" she told him in all sincerity. Finally allowing her head to rest at his shoulder. A comfort she had missed and had believed she had ruined with what had been done to her. She wanted to talk to him about Alema. But that could come later right now he'd allowed her to see him in the Force. That was so rare nowadays that she wanted to relish every second of it.
"I love you" she whispered softly and sat back finally content.
"I love you too," he whispered back, just as softly. They still had a lot of ground to cover, and there was still the issue of what to do with the now seemingly sane Alema Rar, but all of that could wait for a while now. He'd done what he aimed to do, finally get her talking and hopefully ready to come out and face the world a bit more. After all, there was a city to protect.