Who: Lindsey McDonald What: Mind screwery the way only nightmares can When: Early evening Where: Apartment Rating: PG-13 Status: Complete, narrative Note: Dream!Cathy written by Chrysti!
By the time they got home from their walk, Cerberus was too tired to even wag. As soon as Lindsey unclasped the leash, the puppy lapped up nearly half the bowl of water and then crawled into his crate, circling three times before he flopped down, the tip of his tail touching his nose. With a content sigh, his eyes shut. Lindsey pulled off his jacket and tossed it down over the back of the couch. He ran a hand through his hair wearily and headed back to the kitchen.
It almost seemed strained between him and Cathy the past few days. He wanted to blame it on the lack of sleep and the annoyance that the problem wasn't going away. But there was something else that he couldn't quite figure out. He opened the fridge, hand going from a bottle of beer to one of the energy drinks and then to the orange juice. The juice turned out to be the winner and he settled back on the counter with the carton, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig.
His eyes burned with the need to sleep and despite knowing what could happen if he did so for too long, he closed his eyes and focused on the hum of the fridge. Slowly the tension that had built up in his shoulders began to ease as he relaxed, inhaling deeply and exhaling.
The sound of keys in the door brought him back and he opened his eyes, glancing over his shoulder in the direction of the main door. "Cathy?"
She was careful in shrugging out of her coat, which was draped a little too gently over a chair. Her attention snapped to Lindsey when her name was spoken, though she didn't reply immediately, instead suddenly very interested in her hands, distracted. Fidgeting. "Lindsey."
He hesitated a moment before sliding off the counter, frowning slightly. "Everything all right?" he asked, not sure after all they'd been through the past couple of weeks that he wanted to hear the answer.
Cathy was very cautious to avoid meeting his gaze, her hands dropping to her sides, fingers moving instead to toy with the fabric of her blue jeans. She struggled for a moment, mouth opening as if to speak, before closing again. A small sound escaped her on the second try, though she hadn't seemed to work up the courage to spit out whatever it was she wanted to say. Eyes squeezed shut, a hand half-covering her face as she sucked in a breath, just as suddenly releasing the pose. "Jamie's here," she said at last, the announcement dropped.
Lindsey blinked, the information still processing in his mind. Jamie. Ex-husband Jamie. The guy that had been married to her for five years and whose leaving had hurt Cathy badly. He was in Los Angeles. Those goddamn powers brought him to the city. "That's..." He crossed his arms over his chest. "That's just a little awkward," he said finally, managing a laugh.
He didn't get it. Now that the hardest part was over, Cathy found herself less hesitant, and more visibly irritated that Lindsey hadn't seen perfectly clearly just what this meant for them. For him. "He doesn't have anyone here," she told him flatly. "Furthermore, there's nobody else for him to have here. He and Elise didn't even make it a year after..." She trailed off, pushing a hand through her hair. "He says he's missed me, this whole time." If the look on her face was any indication, this was good news. "I guess I've missed him too."
He stared at her. "What are you trying to say, Cathy?" he asked, not able to call her by her nickname at the moment. He knew but he wanted to be wrong. But it made sense, the tension between the two of them the past couple of days. He pushed a hand through his hair, keeping his voice as calm as he possibly could. It took some push to speak. "Are you leaving me for the man who showed he didn't have much consideration for you when he slept with his editor?"
She gave him a 'look', defensive of her ex-husband. "I didn't have much consideration, either, Lindsey. I was wrong too." A shake of her head followed a beat of silence. "I'm trying to say that I can't do this anymore. I haven't slept in weeks, I'm constantly worried about you--...And let's face it, what are we doing here, anyway? This isn't the life I want, Lindsey. I'm sorry."
His father's words were coming back to haunt him. "It's a bump in the road that will be fixed," he replied, his voice strained. "I love you, Cathy. Unlike him, I am willing to work out whatever we need to to make this conversation work." He didn't want to sound desperate but it'd be a lie to say he hadn't formed an attachment to the woman standing in front of him. She'd changed him, not in a way he didn't want to be, but made him a better man. At least as far as someone like him could be.
He didn't want Jamie in this picture. He didn't want to be hearing that he had the upper hand over Lindsey when it came to Cathy's heart. "You never complained before."
She shook her head, rejecting the sentiment even as her words contradicted her. "And I love you, Lindsey. I do. But what I went through with him..." Cathy bit her lip. "We were together five years. He asked me to spend the rest of his life with him. I didn't think it had worked out after all, but...maybe it still has a chance."
"He cheated on you, Cathy!" Lindsey shouted. "He never treated you the way that you deserved to be treated, not like I treat you." He'd given up holding back on his frustration. There was a limited time to make his case and this was it. "I am willing to do what needs to be done to make this relationship work. But I'm not going to play second to him. If you walk out that door, there's no coming back."
It hurt to say those words and immediately he wished he was back in the day where love wasn't a factor in his life, that he didn't have to worry about heartache like this. He'd quit the job he'd worked his ass off for, died for even, without a second thought because he didn't want her life threatened. He actually gave a damn about someone else for a change and now he was paying for it.
Her reaction was to flinch when he raised his voice, taking a step backward and raising her hands as if to ward him off. "Maybe you do." Even she couldn't argue with that. "But, Lindsey, what if that isn't enough? Haven't you thought about that?"
She swallowed hard, turning to stare out the window. "What we've been doing, here....it's been fine. Nice. But I want things, and you and I both know that you aren't likely to give them to me. Commitment. I'm not talking about a big house in the suburbs, but what about a little stability?" Her eyes closed, envisioning. "What if someday, I want children? Jamie wants to give me those things. He always has. He had hiccups, too...just a different kind."
He almost preferred that she would have hit him with a closed fist. Lindsey crossed his arms tightly over his chest as her words hit a nerve. Commitment. Hadn't he shown that by willingness to move in with her? That was, to a degree, sharing some part of his life. "And now you bring it up, when you want out," he said, choosing anger.
That was it. Someone else could plead, get down on their knees and beg for her mercy. He could fight for her love right here and now but what would it get him? Looking desperate, needy? He was willing to make sacrifices but there were lines in a relationship that shouldn't be crossed, especially in one as equal as theirs had been. If there was leeway to change her mind, she would have at least given verbal consideration to his offer to talk it out.
The old defenses went up, a cold, detached look in his eyes. "You're right. What was I thinking?" Despite outward appearances, this was going to hurt like hell for days to come. He had to strike before she hit something that crippled him. Unfortunately, she was the only one with the knowledge to hit a few of those vulnerabilities, as so deftly exemplified a moment earlier.
"Get out."
Cathy watched him closely, expression clearly pained. "I didn't bring it up because I know it's something you don't want," she countered, folding her arms over her chest. "It's not exactly a fight I wanted to get into." But that was all the explanation she would offer, leaving the rest unsaid. That he was the best option when he was her only.
"Lindsey." She spoke his name again, reaching a hand out to gently touch his arm. "Look, I didn't want it to happen like this, okay? I thought you'd understand."
When she reached out, he stepped back, away from her reach. "You thought I'd understand that I was good enough to bide the time till you got back together with your ex." His laugh was devoid of humor. "No, I don't. Must be having one of those dense moments." He turned away from her, heading into the bedroom to grab his coat.
"I thought this was about two people who cared about each other but I'm getting that I was mistaken now. Better sooner rather than later, right?" He tugged on the coat as he strode back out. "Thank you, Cathy. This might've been just what I needed to clear that ridiculous ideology about love out of my head." He snatched up his keys. "I'm done being second best. Go back to Jamie." He spat out the name in disgust. "I'm done."
There was nothing written on her face to give the impression that his words cut at her, only the barest hint of sympathy. "Fine." She took her time in undoing the clasp of the charm bracelet he had given her, sliding it from her wrist and laying it softly on top the island. And then she was gone, pausing only to kneel to Cerberus's level, running a hand over the puppy's fur.
The moment the door shut, Lindsey felt as if the life had been drained out of him. He stared at the door blankly, the eerie calm lasting only a moment before the anger came rushing back. He spun, his fist slamming into the wall.
And he awoke abruptly as pain went shooting through his knuckles. He swore as he shook out his hand, turning back to find Cerberus happily licking up the puddle of orange juice that had spilled from the dropped container. Immediately his gaze went to the island. The bracelet wasn't there.
So it had been just a dream. Why didn't that make him feel any better?
He dug into the freezer, finding one of the ice packs. After wrapping it in a towel, he pressed it to his knuckles and slumped back against the counter.