Dean really hadn’t known what to say. For once in his life, no snarky comment came. No trying to mask the feelings of fear and despair growing deep inside him that had been told to him was only something that got in the way. Feelings? They were not something hunters showed that much. They were not something that he could let get in the way. But he had. He did, and now he was standing here being just the shell of a man that should have been.
His green eyes shut for the moment, letting silence envelop him. Sure he may have looked like he wasn’t paying attention. But that was far from the truth. In reality, Dean was far deeper than anyone would have guessed. Sure, Sam could see through the walls he’d put up to protect himself. That he’d put up so he wouldn’t have to deal with moments like this…when he had to stand there and tell someone he sold his soul just so he didn’t have to deal with the burden of living alone. Because the only thing he ever did fear was being alone. Being so far from the world that there would be no one left that remembered who he was.
Hell, knowing that there would be people there. Crying and mourning for him made him feel more human than anything else in the world. It made him feel like he just wasn’t the hunter but also someone people had started to love. Someone people would carry along with them…long after his death.
“It was the only thing I had left to give, Jo.” Only thing of worth was a shattered broken soul that many would rather abandon. He took a deep breath, swallowing down his emotions before she pulled her to him and he wrapped his arms around the young huntress’s smaller frame, leaning his head on top of hers with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. It was moments like this…that reminded him that he wanted to hold on just a little longer. That he didn’t want to die and he wanted to drop the entire bravado that he was creating to keep himself afloat.
“I had to…” He steeled himself as he whispered those words. If only for reassurance that what he had done was the right thing to do. That what he had done was right. Because he needed that right now. More than anything.