Rinoa Heartilly (rinoa_hearts) wrote in parabolical, @ 2008-09-02 02:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | jack sparrow, rinoa heartilly |
WHO: Rinoa Heartilly and Jack Sparrow (closed)
WHAT: Confessions and heartbreak
WHERE: Their (now his) apartment
WHEN: A few nights after he met with Tia Dalma
RATING/PROGRESS: PG, log, COMPLETE
Jack stared at the computer screen after sending the response to Rinoa, knowing that it was now or never. She deserved to know, though they were not an item or anything closely related (except she lived with him and he had that 'f' word for her). He sighed, long and heavy and obnoxiously dragging it out, earning him a few weary glances. He reached up to finger his coin and beads, pushing up from the chair and heading for home.
Jack wasn't too far from home, his pub of choice close on purpose, and therefore, he was home shotly after 'talking' with Rinoa. He let someone go before him on the elevator, and even when the next one came he almost didn't get in. Reluctantly, though, he did and he glared at the happy music playing overhead. He took measured steps once he reached his floor, counting them at one point, and hovering just outside his door, eying the shiny numbers. He almost knocked...but instead he pushed the door open and stuck his head inside. "Rinoa, love? Are you home? No? Oh, guess I'll be going then!"
Rinoa was actually sitting at the small table in the kitchen nook, and looked up in surprise from the mug she was holding. Inside it, her coffee had long cooled and the swirls of cream disappeared. At Jack's words, she frowned, but it was Angelo who bounded up, ears perked, and was at the door before Jack could close it completely. After Angelo's one, solitary bark, Rinoa said, "I'm right here, Jack...but Angelo already told you that."
"Angelooooo!" Jack moved back into his place and proceded to lavish the dog with attention while shutting the door with his foot. "Sorry, must have....missed you. Are Sora and Kairi home?" He looked past her worriedly, frowning with teeth exposed. He wasn't about to spout off much of anything if they were home to hear it. No sir.
Jack didn't usually miss her. In fact, he almost always seemed to keep her and Angelo in sight when they were around. Tense at the faint uneasiness in his tone, Rinoa rose and watched him with the dog. "No, they aren't home," she murmured, after a moment, before going to dump her coffee down the sink. "I haven't heard from them yet, since.." Since she'd talked about Squall with Kairi. She shrugged, then finished, "Well, Kairi didn't tell me where they were going."
Jack let out a sigh of relief, giving Angelo one last good pat before standing and gliding into the kitchen with Rinoa. Part of him wanted to step up behind her and wrap her into a backwards hug, bury his face in her ebony hair. But the other part wanted to run, knowing what was coming.
He cleared his throat and bounced on the balls of his feet, saying, "You, uh...there's something I've been meaning to tell you, Rinoa. And it's not...nice." Jack blinked, unable to meet her gaze then. "So, you might want to sit. Or something."
Rinoa was unaware how much her own wishes were so close to his. When Jack walked into the kitchen, she held her breath, wondering if he'd touch her shoulder, run his fingers through her hair. When he did none of those things, she silently released that breath, feeling her shoulders tense with disappointment. She didn't know if it was the spectre of Squall hanging between them, or if she was misunderstanding every look, every word he'd ever said. But when he told her to sit down, Rinoa silently looked up at him, then sank down into the chair she'd just vacated, the empty coffee cup still in her hand.
Jack scratched at the back of his neck and took the seat opposite her, drumming his fingers at first. He looked from the cup to her face and chose the cup instead. It, at least, didn't look ready to cry and he knew it wouldn't be disappointed or yell at him. "I saw Tia Dalma recently. And....things happened." There! He nearly said it! Phew, he felt better already...only not truly. He risked looking at her face, knowing that beauty would soon break. It had to, unless his assumptions had been incorrect.
Perplexed at first, Rinoa opened her mouth to question what on earth he was talking about. Had Tia said something about Rinoa drawing magick there? No, she hadn't kept that a secret from Jack, he knew all-
Instantly, Rinoa's mind supplied the conclusion he surely expected her to, and she paled. Closing her mouth abruptly, she looked down at her empty mug. Her chest felt tight, and for a moment, she thought she was holding her breath, but no, she was breathing normally. Her thoughts raced, trying to figure out something to say, something that didn't end with her bursting into tears, but her voice merely said, quietly, "I thought you weren't in love with her." Right away, she closed her eyes tightly, feeling stupid and idiotic and more. "That's not....what I meant, I think. I'm sure that...doesn't matter."
It pained Jack to see her so upset and distraught. He leaned back into his chair, shoulders slumping in defeat, though this had to prove she had feelings for him as well. Bloody eff word, he thought. He moved to take her hand, but thought better of it and just fell right back into the chair once more. "It's different, between her and I. We had a bond once...but there's more to the story, and I'm not trying to overlook the situation, but you should know that she's gone now. Literally. I gave me secrets to Willow on how to unbind her and she's been set free to take on her natual form, as the sea Goddess, Calypso." He rubbed his eyes, adding, "I slipped up, with her. I wanted to...things between us....you and I..." Jack shook his head and looked out the window, unable to say more.
Rinoa flushed, feeling more wretched than she could recall in a long, long time. Of course, things would be different with he and Tia. Rinoa had seen her...she was so beautiful, and powerful. A sea goddess? How could she hope to compete with that? How could Rinoa hold a candle to something like that in his life. I don't..." she started to say, but swallowed her words. She did understand, that was the worst of it. He wasn't happy with this slow approach she'd taken to everything, with her inability to show anything of herself anymore. When had she forgotten how to do that? "You don't owe me any explanations, Jack," she finally said, very low. "You never made any promises to me."
Jack slammed his fist on the table, not meaning to lose his temper as he stressed, "Don't you bloody get it, Rinoa??" He growled at himself and pushed away from the table, taking the chair with him before he stood abruptly. "I know I don't owe anyone in this smallish living space anything, but I just...wanted you to know." He threw her one last look before moving to leave the kitchen; he hadn't decided if he was leaving leaving or just moving to his room. He had five steps or so to decide.
She jumped when he slammed his hand down, shocked. She'd never seen Jack angry like that. It was almost like he was a different person. Why? What had brought them to this point? Maybe she'd just been too blind to see what was going on, what he wanted her to see. Rising from her chair automatically, almost defensively, Rinoa dropped the mug and it clattered to the table. "So, now I know," she heard herself say, like the words were coming from some other mouth than her own. "What do you want me to do, Jack?" Her heart squeezed in her chest, and she pressed the heel of her palm to it. "Forgive you? I can't, because there's nothing to forgive. She and you....that's no part of me, is it?" She watched him, pained, before adding, "How can I say I have any right...to you?"
Jack swiveled on the spot so fast it sent his dreadlockes fanning out behind him and he advanced on her, finger pointing, "Because you bloody say something, Rinoa! Don't think you living here is because I am a generous person. I'm a pirate for Pete's sake! We take! And I certainly am not one to go rabbiting on about emotions and feelings and what have you, which is why Tia Dalma and I worked back then. We had an agreement and an understanding, but you....you make it so difficult! And it wasn't ever difficult with her."
An answering anger, one that had been simmering below the surface, boiled up in her at his words. So, she wasn't good enough for him to like her? It was all for, what, fun? Because he was attracted to her, and she was being difficult with her dragging emotion into it? "Then why aren't you with her?" Rinoa yelled back, before throwing the coffee cup at the wall, where it shattered satisfactorily into tiny peices. Just like she felt. "Oh, wait, she's gone. And you're stuck with me! Well, get used to it, Jack!" Her breath was coming in furious gasps now, a mixture of betrayal and hurt fueling her now. "People leave, Jack. Easy or difficult, feelings or not, they don't stick around once you start being a person to them instead of just a simple romance. Believe me, I know. I know."
He watched the cup soar through the air, turning to her with a glare as he heard it break. "Who lives here and who lived in a hut? Huh? Don't see me inviting Tia Dalma to stay, do you? Regardless of independence, I thought people kept dear ones close." Why was she being so stubborn?!?? Why wasn't she getting it? "And how would you bloody well know?" He sneered, waving an arm angerily in the air.
"What, you don't talk to Sora and Kairi?" she returned, bitterness in her voice. "Haven't they told you everything they know about Squall?" She shook her head, her anger turning into pained remembrace. "After all, I hear you helped them on their quest to defeat Ansem. Where do you think Ansem came from? And who do you think went after him when he nearly destroyed my home world?
Jack shook his head, a bewildered expression on his features. "What the bloody hell are you talking about? I thought Squall was your previous beloved...what does he have to do with Sora and Kairi?" This was why he didn't get attached. Scarlett, Giselle, they didn't behave this way. Alright, so maybe Scarlet expressed falling for him at some point, but he didn't settle down, in any way. The sea moved constantly, and therefore, so did he.
So he had no idea. Turning away, she ran her fingers through her hair, tangling the black strands into a mess. With her back to him, she said, "Sora and Kairi....they were defeating creatures they called the Heartless. You helped them at one point." She put her fingers on the back of a chair, curling around the wood. "The man who created the Heartless, his name was Ansem. He came from my world. He destroyed the city Squall and I lived in before he left for that world." She paused for the merest moment, as if she hated saying it, before she went on, "Squall decided to follow Ansem to that world, to have his revenge."
He watched her with pursed lips as she explained, perplexed and..."I remember the Heartless. Sora talked of defeating Ansem once but...I never saw your dearly beloved when they arrived. Sora was able to travel between worlds. I can only travel between seas." Jack dropped his eyes to the table, moving to place his hands on the back of chair and throw much of his weight on it. "What are you saying then, Rinoa?" He slowly lifted his gaze to her, thoroughly tired with this situation.
Silence reigned for a long moment, before Rinoa felt she could answer. "I'm saying....I know what it's like to have people leave, Jack. Squall left and said it was only until Ansem was defeated. But that wasn't true. He decided to stay there, in that world." She didn't turn back, not wishing to let someone else see that it still pained her. "Sora and Kairi...they told me he's...doing well there, that he's...happy." She gave a small half-laugh. "I have to think if Tia is a goddess, she's happier where she is now too. But it still hurts." When she spoke again, it held the same tiredness that was in his voice, running through both their limbs. "You told me about you and her. This is how I react. I don't know what you expected, but this is what it is. Maybe I'm an idiot....but I don't know how else I could feel."
Jack squirmed, highly comfortable with the topic at hand. He squeezed the back the chair, at one point so tightly that it showed through his white knuckles, but still he held on. "Course she's happier," he mumbled, throwing another look out the window. It was all she'd ever wanted, to be back with the thing she loved most.
"And you're...you are not an idiot, Rinoa. Just...difficult." He was sticking with that word, stealing his eyes from the window and returning his gaze to the table. He wasn't sure what else he could say, already expressing things he did not do on a regular basis and then, he was still being distant, vague, cautious.
Was that what happened to her before? She'd been difficult....well, yes, she hadn't wanted Squall to go. She hadn't wanted to lose him to vengeance, and perhaps she'd made it difficult for him to return. And now, she was making it difficult for Jack, her living here under his roof and yet not letting herself be with him. What he'd said resonated in her. Why else was she living here? Right now, she didn't know any other way to be but difficult.
Finally, she turned back around, facing him again, although her eyes were far away, unfocussed. Angelo was suddenly by her hand, as if she'd called him silently. "I can only be who I am, Jack," she said, quietly. "Maybe at one time I could be....as free as you, and Tia, and anyone else, in this, but right now, I can't." Her fingers tightened in Angelo's fur; the dog pressed himself against her leg. "Work things out with Sora and Kairi here," she murmured. "I need to....think about some things." With that, she walked out of the kitchen, away from the shards of mug on the floor and past him, although she didn't brush against him as she did. Angelo silently padded alongside her, guarding her out the door and away.
She was utterly frustrating. A woman through and through. Part of her actions, her words, made no sense to the pirate...and yet part of him did catch on to her message. Part of him. Jack made a noise of said frustration after she'd gone, he just standing there and offering a sympathetic look to Angelo and a saddened gaze after Rinoa. He didn't ask if she would come back, because he couldn't. Not yet anyway. It wasn't until she was gone enough that he couldn't run after her that Jack finally sat back down, ignoring the broken cup. He really was the last pirate now.