Dr. Gregory House, M.D. (rubikscomplex) wrote in parabolical, @ 2008-06-25 15:04:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | heidi petrelli, house |
The Scientific Method
Who: House, Heidi Petrelli [Open]
What: Collecting data on the silence epidemic
Where: Random places about the city
When: Afternoon
Rating: PG-13 [Because it's House]
.....
Step One: Define the Question
Why can't anyone speak? It didn't make any sense to House. Not at first, that is. Because he would come up with something. Something that made sense with all of this information that didn't make sense. An entire city doesn't just go silent without there being an initial spark. Cause and effect. Something happened. This caused the effect. The effect being that no one could speak. Or write. At least, not in the form of intelligent conversation. Pictures were replacing words. They were all regressing back to their neanderthal stage! House thought he'd seen that in a movie once. Oh, right! The one with the apes who hunted people in cornfields and dissected their brains. Great flick. So that was a possible theory to put in there: reverting back to an early homonid state.
How very exciting.
Step Two: Observation
This was easy. Especially now that he had Cordelia's apartment. For a while he just sat out in the front, near the sidewalk and watched the passerbys. Two reasons for this: 1.) It was hard to observe people who were outside when he was inside, and, 2.) That stupid imaginary poltergeist Dennis (the MENACE!) was pissing him off. And House couldn't take it any longer. He could only throw so many pots and pans around a small apartment before things started breaking. Things that weren't exactly his. But oh well. Not his problem.
So he ventured outside and began wandering about the city, watching as people wept and cried and sobbed that they couldn't communicate with their loved ones or pets or strangers or whatever. He especially liked watching young teens weep over their inability to send texts, e-mails, and instant messages. Was he archaic? Maybe. HAHAHA! Let's see you role-play now, geek-wads! Back to good old fashioned internet picture porn! Which, honestly, was so much easier than waiting twenty minutes for that sexy (and overly descriptive) reply from someone in Singapore (who's English kind of sucked anyway.)
Not that House would know anything about that.
Step Three: Form an Hypothesis
Acute laryngitis.
Genetic abnormality.
An affect of being suddenly transported to Los Angeles for no goddamned reason.
Aliens. (House always threw in aliens just in case Mulder or Scully were to show up.)
Sorry, Cameron, not vasculitis. And it's never lupus.
Outside contaminent. Possibly entered into the air, drinking supply, certain foods for quick and widespread contamination.
De-evolution.
Global warming. (For the Al Gore fanatics.)
Step Four: Collect Data
And this was the best part! Literally. Seriously. The greatest part of the entire experiment. House loved collecting data. Normally he would send his lackeys off to do this step, but since he didn't have them (and since this was going to be SO COOL,) he was doing it by himself. And how was he collecting data. The only way House knew how to collect data.
Unethically.
His process? Luring strangers on the street into a false sense of security. Sometimes he pretended that he was lost or that he was in trouble. The cane worked wonderfully for this. And sometimes he just hobbled up to people as fast as he could. And then what? Then he stabbed them! In the neck, of course.
With a seemingly unending supply of syringes he'd stolen from a blood and plasma clinic a few blocks south of where he was.