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whowillsaveme ([info]whowillsaveme) wrote in [info]parabolical,
@ 2008-05-18 17:06:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:ianto jones, owen harper

WHO: Owen Harper & Ianto Jones
WHAT: The Master has abandoned Ianto, and Owen goes to retrieve him.
WHERE: Where Ianto first met the Master
WHEN: May 18th
RATING: PG
STATUS: In Progress

Owen wasn't sure what he was expecting to find. Frankly, he would have been a lot happier to find Ianto bleeding, beaten, and on the edge of death than what he anticipated: perfectly intact with the rather large exception of his mind. Mental breaks were something that he'd never been able to handle well. Psychology was not what he'd gone to school for, and he could only hope that whatever had happened to Ianto could be fixed with time.

"Yan?" Owen called as he headed toward the address that he'd been given, keeping his eyes open as he went for any sign of his friend and colleague. Owen hoped silently to himself that this wasn't some kind of ambush, that the Master had gotten bored with just one pet and had decided to set them up in order to get another. While he knew that Ianto wouldn't have put him into that sort of situation when he was in his right mind, it was hard to tell what he would do like this. "Ianto, if you can hear me, answer."



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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-18 06:08 pm UTC (link)
Ianto had been waiting. Not for Owen, for his Master. Because his Master would come back; he'd promised to stay with him forever, and his Master wouldn't lie. So he was coming back, there was no question in his mind. He sat in the corner of the sitting room, on the floor with his back against the wall and his knees pulled tight to his chest and his eyes wide, watching for his Master.

He heard the door open and felt a brief burst of happiness, before he heard Owen's voice. His Master really wasn't coming back. His Master had abandoned him because he hadn't been good enough. He'd tried so hard, but it hadn't been enough. He heard Owen's request, but didn't respond, biting his lip to keep from speaking. He could be good. Then his Master would come back for him. He wrapped his arms tight around his knees and closed his eyes, rocking back and forth to the beat of the drums in his head. "He'll come back," he muttered to himself over and over again. "He has to come back. He'll come back if I'm good. He'll come back."

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-18 06:20 pm UTC (link)
No exclamation, nothing that would alert him specifically, but Owen could hear a soft muttering coming from...somewhere. He couldn't pinpoint where in the house it was coming from, though, so Owen continued to wander blindingly, checking every room that he came to until he finally found Ianto back in the far corner of the sitting room. Pausing at the door to the room, Owen peered over at him Ianto before slowly starting forward, a hesitance in his step until he reached Ianto's side.

"Yan?" Owen asked, kneeling down next to Ianto, reaching out to rest a hand on his arm. "Ianto, look at me. Please. I need to make sure you're not hurt."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-18 11:00 pm UTC (link)
Ianto flinched away from the touch. He was shaking and he looked panicked as he spoke. "No! Don't...just don't touch me," he ducked his head down, wrapping his arms tighter around himself and biting his lip hard enough that it bled. "He doesn't like when other people touch me. Doesn't like sharing." The Master had been possessive, and hadn't let the staff have contact with him. It had never really bothered him.

"Why are you here?" he asked. "He's going to come back. I know he is. He wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't!" One hand tapped out the staccato bolero beat of the drums against his other arm.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-18 11:05 pm UTC (link)
Owen drew his hand back automatically, a slightly wry tone entering his voice, "Nothing wrong with your lungs at least," He said, frowning softly as he turned and sat down next to Ianto, keeping as little distance between them as he could manage while not touching him. "I'm not touching. Not unless you want me to, all right?" Owen said softly, leaning back against the wall.

"What do you mean? Can't very well leave you alone, now can I?" Owen asked, turning his head to look over at Ianto, teasing lightly. "God only knows what sort of trouble you'd get into unsupervised. Besides, as nice a house as it seems to be, it's not much fun being on your own."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-18 11:44 pm UTC (link)
Ianto nodded his head, but still wouldn't look at Owen. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure that the Master had left because he had disappointed him. He wouldn't come back now. He'd just be all alone. With the drumming in his head. "He's not coming back, is he?" he asked softly. "He left me...wasn't good enough so he left. Lisa died and Jack left and Master left. Never good enough." Because even though Jack had come back, he'd been affected by losing him and Lisa, on top of everything else. The Master was the one who was supposed to stay. He'd promised to stay. To keep Ianto with him forever.

He turned, curling into Owen's side. His Master was never going to come back. He needed some sort of contact to ground him. Owen was nice...maybe he'd look after him. "Sorry," he whispered. "So sorry. I won't get into trouble. I'll be better. I will."

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-18 11:54 pm UTC (link)
"No... He's probably not," Owen replied, his voice just as soft, swallowing down the anger that rose in him at Ianto's words. What had that twisted bastard told him? What kind of thoughts had he put in his head to make him think that any of that was his fault? Lisa died because she had gotten caught up in something larger than herself. Jack had left because he was a selfish asshole. And he was sure that the Master's motives in leaving were much the same as Jack's.

As Ianto leaned against him, Owen shifted, curling an arm around Ianto's shoulders. "None of that was your fault, Yan," Owen said, rubbing Ianto's back lightly. "None of it. The only thing you did wrong was care too much, and that's the sort of flaw that more people need."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-19 12:16 am UTC (link)
"He promised...he lied to me," he said, his voice breaking slightly, his shoulders shaking with the effort of suppressing an emotional reaction. "He said I would be with him forever. That he would take care of me and I would be his companion...always. But he was lying. And he left me." He clung to Owen, not wanting to let go. "Don't leave. Please don't leave me. They always leave. And...you died. Don't leave again. Please."

Owen said it wasn't his fault...Owen cared about him and he'd come to find him. Owen wouldn't just leave him like the others. Like his mother and Lisa and Jack and the Master. Owen made him feel almost safe. And he couldn't lose that, so he held on tighter, face hidden against Owen's chest as he breathed in the other man's scent and tried to calm himself. "Please," he repeated.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-19 12:25 am UTC (link)
"The only way I'm leaving this place, Yan, is if you're with me," Owen said, wrapping both his arms gently around Ianto as he held onto him. He'd never known Ianto to need someone like this, to need someone this much, but maybe that was only because he'd been so good at putting up walls, barriers to keep the others from knowing too much about him, his intentions, his motives. He'd been an enigma to all of them for so long, always there but never really seen.

There was really no way for Owen to express how much he regretting letting it get like that. "I don't plan on dying again, Ianto. Not for a very, very, very long time to come. Not until we're both very old and gray and already living with one foot in the grave."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-19 12:47 am UTC (link)
"Thank you," he murmured, content for the moment just to be held by Owen. "I'm sorry...so sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean it. You're not...you don't use people. You care. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Owen wasn't going to abandon him like the Master had. Owen would keep him safe. Owen would look after him, like the Master had promised he would before he left him alone.

He twisted in Owen's hold, pressing his mouth to the doctor's with no small amount of desperation. He couldn't honestly say why, except that Owen made him feel protected and he needed Owen to understand just how glad he was that he was here and that he wasn't going to leave.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-19 12:59 am UTC (link)
Owen had been about to reply that he didn't have to apologize. He'd said plenty of stuff that he hadn't meant over the years to Ianto as well, so they might as well just call it even. But the sudden impact of a mouth on his was enough to stun him into silence. Was this what the Master had been doing him, had broken him down to be, nothing but a sex slave?

Fuck. His motives really were the same as Jack's.

Gently putting a hand on Ianto's chest, Owen pushed him away gently, pulling back from the kiss, his eyes wide as he looked down at Ianto, "You don't have to do that, Yan," Owen said, trying to keep the shock out of his voice. "You don't have to do anything like that for me."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-19 01:18 am UTC (link)
He had come to equate affection with sex in his time with the Master and he didn't see any problem with showing his appreciation for Owen's presence in this way. The Maser had always enjoyed it. Encouraged it even. The Master took care of him, and he gave the Master companionship and affection. It made sense to him. So he was surprised when Owen pushed him away.

"But I want to," he said, confused. He wanted to repay Owen for being there, for not leaving him. Why would Owen think he felt an obligation? He kissed Owen again, harder, clinging to him as if he were afraid Owen would disappear if he let go. The he would wake up and realise he was still alone.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-19 01:35 am UTC (link)
Owen could see that he wasn't going to get the chance to explain why he didn't have to right now, so instead, Owen returned the kiss, aiming to keep Ianto from thinking that he'd done anything wrong again. Raising a hand slowly to rest on Ianto's cheek, Owen pulled back from the kiss slowly, smiling a bit at him as he did.

"I'm not going anywhere, Ianto," Owen said softly. "I'm right here. You don't have to do anything to keep me here. I'm not the Master, and I'm not Jack. I don't want anything like that from you. Just your presence is enough."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-19 12:12 pm UTC (link)
He blinked. Owen didn't want him to kiss him. Owen didn't...of course Owen didn't want him. He hadn't been good enough for his Master. He would never be good enough...he was just broken and messed up. He flinched away a bit, embarrassed that he had acted that way. Now Owen wouldn't want to stay.

"You don't want me," he said more to himself than Owen, still clinging to the doctor. "Just a job...an obligation. Doctors try to fix things, even if they don't care about them. You don't want me. Sorry...I'm sorry...still not good enough. Never will be. I'll be better...stop messing up. I'm sorry."

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-19 04:14 pm UTC (link)
"Hey, hey, it's not like that at all," Owen said, a heavy frown spreading across his face. God, what had that sick bastard done to make him think that the only way to express affection and gratitude was like that? "We're friends, Yan. I care about you. You're not an obligation."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-19 05:54 pm UTC (link)
Ianto was confused. Owen kept saying he cared, but he kept pushing him away. It didn't make any sense. It seemed very contradictory to him. "Why don't you want me?" he asked, feeling slightly petulant on top of everything else. "You care about me...why don't you want me." The Master was the only other one who had cared for him. He said that nobody else did. Lisa had, but Lisa was dead and gone.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-19 06:14 pm UTC (link)
"Because that's not the only way that people can care, Yan," Owen said softly, hugging Ianto. It was hard to think about how to explain it. It was one of those things that was just understood. But obviously Ianto's natural understanding had been stripped away. "Friends can be close without physical intimacies like that."

Hell, he and Ianto had barely exchanged glances before, and frankly, this was probably the first time there had been less than two feet between them. But that didn't change the fact that Owen had cared about him, thought of him like a little brother.

"You're like family to me, Ianto, like a younger brother. And you don't snog your little brother."

Unless your family was even more messed up than Owen was used to.

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-19 10:41 pm UTC (link)
"Oh..." It didn't make sense to him. Caring was caring, wasn't it? It was all the same when you got down to it? But he didn't say anything. He didn't want to upset Owen. If he upset Owen, the doctor might leave. And the didn't want to be alone. It had been bad enough without his Master. He couldn't lose Owen too. He'd latched onto the other man as a source of stability and security.

"Family..." he said to himself, understanding that at least. "Incest is wrong." He gave a small, awkward laugh. Owen saw him as family. That explained it. He wouldn't try to kiss him again. He didn't want Owen to be uncomfortable at all.

"Where did you want me to go?" he asked nervously. "Can we stay here? I...Master didn't...I wasn't allowed...I don't go outside." The idea of leaving this place filled him with a sort of dread. There would be people. So many people. And he was only used to the Master. And now Owen.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-19 11:10 pm UTC (link)
"This is a nice place, but I think Tosh would get a little worried if I didn't come back," Owen said, rubbing Ianto's back lightly. The Master hadn't allowed Ianto to leave the house. God, Owen could only hope that he hadn't turned him into an agoraphobic. Smiling very lightly at Ianto, Owen nudged him gently, "It'll be perfectly safe. I promise, I won't let anyone hurt you. All right?" Owen asked.

Of course, it was a small room. But Owen felt a lot safer than waiting around here for the Master to show up again, in case he did. It would be better to have all of them somewhere safe and contained than to be exposed.

"You won't mind Tosh being around, right?" Owen asked, gently slipping away from Ianto and standing, offering his hands down to Ianto to help him to his feet.

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-20 12:07 am UTC (link)
Tosh. He paused to think...Tosh was nice. She'd cared and he remembered that he'd liked her, wanted to protect her. He nodded his head. "Don't want her to worry," he said. "Is...is she family too?" He wasn't sure if he meant to Owen or to him, but he was pretty sure he knew the answer to the latter. He nodded his head slightly at the assurances. "I know that you wont," he said softly, relaxing against Owen's side. "You won't let anyone hurt me. You'll keep me safe. I trust you." Because he did trust Owen. He couldn't explain why but he did.

"Tosh will be there?" He asked, looking up at Owen. "Tosh is safe. She's nice...I should apologise to her too. I...wasn't very nice. I hurt her feelings." He let Owen pull him to his feet but stopped there. "Just you and Tosh? Nobody else?" He didn't want to deal with too many people. Especially not Jack. Jack wanted too much from him. He didn't want to disappoint him.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-20 01:38 am UTC (link)
"Just Tosh," Owen said, offering Ianto a slight smile. "And a puppy, but I don't think the puppy will pose any danger," He said, taking a firm grip on Ianto's hand as he looked up at him. "All right?" He asked. "I promise I won't let anyone else near you if you don't want them to be."

Especially not Jack. Jack was not getting anywhere near Ianto until he was somewhat stable. And even then, it would be iffy whether Owen would let him in and allow him to potentially break Ianto again.

"I promise."

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-20 01:56 am UTC (link)
"Just Tosh," Ianto repeated with a nod, "and a puppy. And you." He could handle that. They were all safe. They had never abandoned him or hurt him, and they'd only killed Lisa because Jack said so. "I can...that sounds safe. I can handle that." He could be strong enough...Owen needed him to be strong enough.

"Not Jack." It was said emphatically. Jack had abandoned him, and their relationship...if it could be called that...had never exactly been stable. He didn't want Jack around. It hurt too much. "Not Jack and not Gwen." He didn't dislike Gwen or anything like that, but he couldn't stand her empathy and her concern and her pity. It was just too much. And the way Jack looked at her sometimes...he couldn't take it. "Nobody else."

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-20 02:09 am UTC (link)
"Hell if I'm going to let Jack anywhere near you," Owen said, his answer just as emphatic as Ianto's request. "He's done enough damage already," He said, leading Ianto toward the exit of the house. "And I'll be sure to keep Gwen away, too. She probably won't understand, but I promise, I'll keep her away," He said.

"It's a pretty long walk back to the hotel. You think you're up for it?" Owen asked, looking up at Ianto curiously, a heavy concern in his eyes. He didn't want to put him through anything that he didn't think he was up for. If it came to it, he could call Tosh to get a car and come pick them up.

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-20 10:36 pm UTC (link)
"Good, very good," Ianto said, nodding his head. He knew Owen would take care of things. "He...I...I just can't...can't do that again." Jack confused him too much. He never knew where he stood with him. This Jack didn't remember...he'd leave him just like before. "And Gwen...cares too much. Don't want to hurt her."

He nodded his head "I can...I think I can." He was nervous. He hadn't stepped outside the house in over a month. He hadn't been around people other than the Master. But he needed to do this. "Let me try?" If he freaked out too badly, Owen could call someone.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-23 12:35 am UTC (link)
Owen smiled up at Ianto and nodded, holding onto Ianto's hand before reaching out and pushing the door open, "Remember, I'm right here," Owen said. "I won't let anything happen," He said as he stepped outside with Ianto, closing the door to the house back behind them. Hopefully, this would be the last that they saw of it.

"Come on," Owen said, gently tugging on Ianto's hand to get him to follow. "The hotel's in this direction," He said, grinning over at the other man.

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-23 12:58 am UTC (link)
Ianto was glad that Owen was holding onto his hand. He didn't want to admit it to the doctor, but he was terrified of leaving the house. He'd been inside so long, not even looking out any windows, that he was sure something bad would happen if he left.

He flinched as they stepped outside, the sunlight surprising and harsh after so long. In the light of day, it was more obvious that he was even paler and thinner than usual, with darker bruising, his eyes dull and a little unfocused. He kept flinching, slightly terrified of any other people, but he followed Owen and gave the other man a small smile. He was trying at least.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-23 04:19 am UTC (link)
Ianto was doing better than Owen figured that he would. Owen was pointedly ignoring another that would stop to stare at the both of them. There was a rather 'I'm been obviously abused' quality to Ianto's appearance at the moment, so Owen couldn't really blame them for staring. But he could only hope that they made it back to the hotel without incident.

Owen gave Ianto's hand a light squeeze, a silent reassurance and encouragement, as he glanced over him, directing him back down the streets until they were finally within view of the hotel. "We're almost there," Owen said, looking over at Ianto.

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-23 04:26 am UTC (link)
Ianto wished he could say he was doing as well as Owen seemed to think he was, but the doctor's grip on his hand was the only thing keeping him from panicking. As it was, his eyes were darting about nervously, quickly moving away whenever anyone seemed to be staring at him, and his free hand was shaky, fingers tapping out the beat of the drums against his leg.

"Wish they wouldn't stare," he muttered to himself, hating the looks. He wasn't used to so many people. It was putting him ill at ease and he just wanted to run away from all of this, back into the house where it was safe and quiet. But Owen would be disappointed, and he didn't want that, so he continued on beside the doctor, trying to keep his anxiety from showing.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-23 04:33 am UTC (link)
As they reached the door of the hotel, Owen ushered Ianto inside and up to their room, fishing his card key out of his pocket and running it through, pushing the door open as soon as the lock clicked open. Barking echoed behind the door as the small white puppy jumped off of the bed and dashed over to the door, halting in his progress before reaching it, tilting his head in curiosity at the new face.

As soon as they were inside the room, Owen closed and locked the door back behind them and released Ianto's hand, "See. We made it, all in one piece," Owen said, offering him a smile before bending down to scratch Kojak behind the ears in greeting, scooping the little dog up in his arms before turning back to Ianto.

"Ianto, Kojak. Kojak, this is Ianto," Owen said, turning his attention down to the little dog. "And you're going to place nicely, all right?"

Owen received a little yip in response.

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[info]notjustateaboy
2008-05-23 05:07 am UTC (link)
Ianto practically collapsed against the door after Owen closed it. He knew he'd pushed himself harder than he was ready for, but he hadn't wanted to disappoint Owen. The doctor was the only one he could trust, the only one he could rely on, and he didn't want to lose that. He couldn't lose that.

The sound of the dog made him jump and he panicked for a second before remembering that Owen had mentioned the dog. He watched it warily, scared of it even though it was relatively small. Still, it seemed calm enough and he relaxed slightly.

"You said you wanted to check for injuries," he said, looking at Owen as he remembered what the doctor had said when he'd first arrived.

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[info]whowillsaveme
2008-05-23 08:51 am UTC (link)
Owen nodded, offering Ianto a smile as he set Kojak back on the floor before reaching out for the other man, "That's get you somewhere more comfortable than slumped against that door," Owen said. "I saw some clear bruising while we were outside. Was he rough with you?" Owen asked, clear concern in his expression as he lead Ianto over to over of the beds.

It looked like Tosh was out, at least for the moment. Hopefully that would help Ianto adjust a bit more readily, if he didn't have to deal with anyone else at the moment.

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