Who: Ruby & Spike What: Bad Day Where: The Magic Shop When: A few hours after Faith posts her Poll Rating: Demon Angst?? Status: IN Progress
Ruby was convinced she'd nearly broken the orb. She'd been distracting herself from the boards by doing stocktaking, redoing the shelve displays and generally doing everything she could to avoiding that unpleasent slump she expected. It was simple, it was silly, It was Faith in a moment of lighthearted teasing with her boyfriend and Ruby was glad to see it happening again. Except that she wasn't.
Not that she begrudged them their happiness, she was glad to see she hadn't destroyed it completely but it happened every once in a while. A good day, a joke, something silly that ran and ran and included most of the residents of the city and used to include her before everything had fallen apart. Sometimes it was Faith, or Claire, or any one of his friends and loved ones, but she got that same feeling every time, a gut wrenching hurt that to involve herself would ruin the fun, make things serious again, make Sam angry. And she wasn't going to do that. But dammit she wanted the joking back, the friendship, the camaradarie. She loved Castiel, sometimes more than even she understood herself capable of, but she'd had friends before.
And only weeks ago she'd had what she would consider family.
John Winchester of all people and the feelings were still there because he hadn't agreed for them not to be yet. Because she still remembered the feelings of love, familial and happy. Joking, there had been joking, In jokes like the others had, in jokes like she'd used to have. She'd had that again for a brief time and now, once again, she didn't. The book in front of her, the one she'd been reading behind the counter was open on memory spells and sometimes she wondered if just forgetting how close she'd been to Sam would be easier. She tried to imagine a world where he was just another guy. The boyfriend of the Head of Offensive Teams at AI. Just an aquaintance that seemed to dislike her.
Unless he'd go for it too. And Faith, and the Winchesters, and Cas...and Jack, and Anya and Lav and...
No it was ridiculous. And she knew in her heart she couldn't do that. It had been too much of her life and sometimes it bothered her that she kept going back for more hurt, deserved of course, she'd still do just about anything for him but he was never gonna be okay with her, so she'd watch. She'd feel that hurt every time there was some silly joke and she'd deal with it. Because she had to. She deserved to
And it was only through Demon reflexes that she'd caught the orb before it had hit the floor.
"Dammit" she hissed, replacing it on the shelf she'd turned to having placed another one there not too long before. She was working in a magic shop and her mind was elsewhere, her mind was on the open tab on her laptop. The one she couldn't seem to close.
She wished she didn't remember jokes, or friendship, or camaradarie. It'd be easier.