I've kinda just realized something about myself today because of some things I said last night/early this morning. I don't mean to do it, but it's a habit now, and I like it. I say things to my boyfriend to make him get mad or upset with me-things I know will anger him. And I do it because I want him to get mad. And I want him to get mad because I want him to hurt me, not physical, but emotionally-though I wish both, but he causes me neither 99% of the time. Some times I really want him to, just to feel a sort of punishment for anything I felt I did wrong, even though I may have not done anything wrong. I always have the sense that I need to be punished for just being alive. That I need to hurt all the time.

And I love the feel.

XOXO
-Jackelyn-

I'm feeling...: loved