|Brody Colborough (pauper) wrote in onceuponadream,|
@ 2011-05-31 00:14:00
|Deep down, Brody knew that he'd behaved irrationally the day before. The same thought kept running through his head, though. Bee was his girl. At least, he'd thought she was his girl. They hadn't put a title on what they were doing, but they'd been fooling around for nearly five months. He'd thought that his feelings for her were obvious. Of course, he'd also thought that her feelings mirrored his. Now that he had seen her with Kenny, though, he was beginning to doubt that.|
After storming out and spending the night in a hotel room, Brody had decided that it was time to face the music. He wasn't looking forward to hearing what Bee was sure to say, but he knew that he couldn't avoid her forever.
It only took him a moment to find her once he was back at the beach house, but he lingered in the doorway rather than going into the room they'd been sharing since they'd gotten to Los Angeles.
"Hey," he murmured, not sure what else he should say.
Without him, especially when worried he was mad or upset with her since her texts had gone unanswered, she had slept like shit. She felt (and probably looked) like a zombie from the measly hour or maybe two hours of sleep she had gotten last night. In the short time they had been in LA, Belinda quickly had gotten used to sharing a bed with Brody so without him she tossed and turned all night, all too aware of his absent body.
Brody still hadn't been back, at least he wasn't in this room if he had. Bee immediately grabbed for her cell phone to see if he had texted, maybe called. But there was nothing, not from Brody anyway and that was the only messages she was concerned with reading. She tossed her cell phone on the pillow next to her and climbed out of bed.
Mindlessly she padded over to the dresser holding her clothes and pulled out a plain black spaghetti strap tank top and worn denim shorts. Belinda headed to the shower hoping that would help how exhausted she still felt.
Awhile later she was sitting on the bed dressed, absently pulling a brush through her long dark hair. It had been free of knots and tangles for several minutes now but she continued mostly for something to do with her hands. Bee dropped the brush in her lap and reached behind her for her cell.
The cell phone was tossed to the side, discarded, so that Bee would resist the urge to check it every two seconds. She stared down at the brush, her fingers playing with the bristles as her worrisome thoughts flooded her brain.
She didn't know how long it had been that she was sitting there before he made his presence known. Bee shot up, the brush falling to the floor, as she stood there awkwardly. She wanted to rush over and give him a hug but if he was mad at her...would he really want that? She doubted it. With nothing to do with her hands, her fingers wrestled with each other nervously. She kept shifting her weight from one foot to another. After years of friendship and months of whatever it was they had turned into he'd be able to easily pick up on the nervous gestures.
"Hey," she said quietly, searching his eyes for what was going on inside his head. Anger? Annoyance? Something she could recognize so she knew where things stood.
For a split second, Brody thought that she was rushing to greet him. It quickly became obvious that she wasn't, though, and his gaze shifted to the floor.
Was she angry? Was she hurt? He would've been upset if she'd stayed out all night without calling or texting, so he knew that she had every right to feel whatever it was she was feeling.
"I, uh... my phone died," he informed her as he fished it out of his pocket.
Even as he said it, he knew that was no excuse. He'd been ignoring her calls and texts long before his phone had died. In his defense, though, he'd been ignoring everyone... even his sister.
Not knowing what else to do, he moved into the bedroom and put his phone on the charger. He felt stupid for just standing there in the doorway, and this was a good excuse to come into the room even though he wasn't sure she wanted him to.
"So... did I miss anything important?"
"You might have a few texts when it turns back on," she admitted. At first they had started out like, "What do you want to do for dinner?". After a few of them went unanswered Bee started worrying. Wondering if he was okay, if he was mad at her for something.
Other than everyone leaving her alone and not talking to her? Or her hanging out in the room for the rest of the night with the music turned up to deafening volumes? Nope he didn't miss a thing. She just shook her head in response.
Bee took a deep breath, her eyes darting from him to her toes every so often. Apparently the way the big toe on her right foot was chipping was the most interesting she'd ever seen.
"Are you...did I do something wrong? Are you...mad at me?" Bee asked, her voice was small, quiet and vulnerable. She wasn't even positive he heard her.
"Yeah.. I figured I would.."
Brody fidget with the phone for a moment before he set it on the bedside table. He knew it would turn on in a few minutes, but he was in no rush to read the text messages he'd missed.
Not knowing what else to do, he sat on the edge of the bed. A heartbeat later, though, he realized that she was standing and moved to do the same. He hated that this was so awkward.
"Cool," he murmured when she shook her head.
A seed of guilt dropped into the pit of his stomach when she began to question him. He'd barely heard her, but the tone of her voice made it obvious that she was upset. He felt horrible for being the one that had caused that upset.
"You didn't do anything wrong," he assured her automatically. "I'm not mad at you. It was me."
He'd only been gone one night but it felt much longer than that. She was certainly not a needy, clingy girl and had there not been so much tension it would have been like normal. But this? This was awful. They were standing so close but she felt like there was distance between them.
"What...what is it then?" she asked. Bee didn't understand. If he wasn't mad at her...if she hadn't done something than why didn't he come back last night? That was all she could think about. And she just wanted to understand. Her hand reached out for his. "Talk to me."
Things with Brody had never been awkward before, at least not for Belinda, and she didn't like it at all. All she wanted to do was figure out how to fix it.
Brody didn't think she was being needy or clingy. He'd disappeared without giving her anything resembling an explanation. He couldn't blame her for the way she was acting. He would've had just as many questions if their positions had been reversed.
"It's..." He sighed heavily. "It's stupid."
He knew that she was only trying to understand, but he didn't want to have to explain that he'd been jealous. He had no right to be jealous, after all. They were just friends.
Something of a grimace moved over his features when she took him by the hand and urged him to talk to her. He really didn't want to do that, but he knew that he couldn't keep putting her off. He could only hope that she wouldn't be angry with him once he explained. His hand tightened reflexively around hers as a soft groan built within his chest.
"I was jealous," he informed. "I saw you with Kenny and I was jealous. I know you were in love with him... and I know I don't have a right to be... I just couldn't help it. We've been having a lot of fun... I mean, I'll understand if you want to work things out with him. I'll just miss... us. You know? Because we're kind of great..."
He hadn't planned to say most of that. Now that he'd said it, though, he couldn't take it back.
Whatever they might be, Belinda wouldn't say they were just friends. They hadn't been just friends in a while. While she loved him as a friend, she did not want to go back to being their only connection.
He was right to tell her, to realize that she couldn't be put off. This was something she wouldn't dismiss easily without understanding. She spent the last night feeling awful and upset and she needed to know why.
Hearing what he said, why he'd done what he did, brought a smile back to her face. Belinda shook her head in a rush to get an answer out. The words were still trying to formulate coherent sentences inside her head. It took a moment or two to be able to start. She wanted to make sure the right words were coming out.
"I thought I was in love with him. Or rather that I could have. But I don't think of him at all like that anymore. Not in a really long time," Bee started tentatively, squeezing his hand lightly in hers. "Anything I ever felt for him," she paused, emphasizing the past tense, "is nothing compared to…to…how I feel…about…you."
There it was. The truth about how she felt about him. She did think though, that might have been stupid of her. All he had said was that they'd been having a lot of fun and that he'd miss them. She hoped she was right in thinking there was more there. If not she would be quite embarrassed.
Twenty-four hours ago, Brody would've been inclined to agree that they hadn't been just friends in a long time. He'd begun to doubt that when he'd saw Bee with Kenny, though.
His brow furrowed when his explanation brought a smile to her face. Why was she smiling? What was so amusing? Was she laughing at him? Did she think he was stupid? Question after question rushed through his mind as he waited for her to say something, and he was close to asking her what she thought was so funny when she finally spoke.
It took a few moments, but the lines in his forehead faded as she talked. He found himself returning the gentle squeeze she gave his hand, and a rather large smile moved over his own features. Somehow, she'd managed to say just the thing he'd needed to hear, and he pulled her close as she fell silent.
"Good," he murmured. "I've never felt this way about anyone else."
As he pulled her close the anxiety, tension and worry seemed to leave her in waves. All of those emotions and the intensity at which she felt them left her feeling even more exhausted than she had been. But she felt better now. It certainly helped that he was back and she was in his arms.
Hearing that gave her butterflies in her stomach. She pulled her head back so she could see him. The smile on her face still in place. Bee enjoyed hearing that but more especially the fact that there wasn't anyone else.
Bee knew now that she had to go through the hell Kenny put her through. Without that she might not be here and this spot, this moment was exactly where she was supposed to be.
"Did you know you are kind of, sort of, maybe, a lot amazing?" Bee asked, her normal self peeking back through.
Brody breathed a sigh of relief when the tension between them faded. Like her, he was completely exhausted, but he felt a lot better than he had a few moments ago.
His expression softened when she questioned him, and he pulled her further into his arms. After studying her for a moment, he dipped his head so that their lips were almost touching.
"No," he breathed. "That's you."
Rather than continuing the conversation, he brushed his lips lightly over hers. As far as he was concerned, they didn't need to talk.