Describe your usual morning routine. Wake up, turn on the shower while I walk the dog around the block and usually by the time I get home the water is hot enough to shower, I brush my teeth, eat some breakfast dodge my landlord and I use to go to work but now I look for work...hey are you hirin'?
Impersonate one of your friends. We're not friends or anything but I think I'd like to be. [clears throat][ eyes go wide and snarls] "Get.Out!" [shrugs]
Name two things you think go well together and why. A good porter or stout with chocolate ice cream, mmmmm, it’s so good it’s like an adult ice cream float!
List three aspects of your personality that you love. Love? [Takes a moment to think] I guess I'm pretty fun? I'm loyal...yeah I'm pretty loyal. Shit this sounds like I'm a dog or something. I'm house trained too! No newspaper for this gal, straight to the toilet and I even flush.
Confess the most recent crime you committed. I guess technically it's a crime but I prefer to think of it as a morally ambiguous rescue. I was at this club and some rich chick brought her fucking dog to the VIP section. This place is loud and obnoxious and she is practically drooling from all the shit she's on and her friends are all on their phones anyway so I just sort of snuck in and took him. His name was something stupid like Pepe or something and now it's Pig! [shrugs] If we’re talking before that, I dunno, arson? But it was never proven.
Describe your ideal wedding. Open bar that and in this reality where I commit to being with one person forever I have the piece of mind at the end of this big blow out that I am making the right choice. And there's Ray's Pizza, actually forget all the things I said before my ideal wedding is a wedding where I'm married to Ray's Pizza.
Post a photo of a stuffed animal you own. (Either find one or describe it) There was this duck, it was yellow with this blue bow, and the people who adopted me had it waiting for me when I moved in. It was Easter or something probably, because I remember going to church for a real long time after, anyway, things were going good that day until they told me I couldn't take my duck with me to church and a threw a fit.
Name one of your guilty pleasures. I partake in all pleasures openly and if anyone has a problem with it they can bounce.
List two of your dream travel locations and why. I want to go to Mexico to celebrate the Day of the Dead I mean that's pretty obvious right? I was told that's pretty obvious from looking at me but I find that pretty fucking insulting actually. Like obviously I'm into the macabre or something. I would think everyone would want to take a day and as a community celebrate their ancestors and have this comforting idea that one night a year they have everyone over for dinner. It has nothing to do with any kind of creepy macabre thing. I want to go to the Catacombs in France for that reason!
Recall the worst insult you've ever received. Okay so it wasn't the fact that he paid me after, I mean whatever. Ideally I was never going to see him again anyway! It was how much he paid! Fifty bucks! And he left it on my nightstand. Who does that?!
Describe an incident when you tried something new. I never really liked school but this community college had this shadow day where you could try out classes before you enroll. There was this class about spiritual rituals and stuff. I was into it but that was before the bar closed so [shrugs]