In the Wake of the Blizzard, City Fears Wormhole Chaos
By Ron Barney Posted: 01/28/2016
City still reeling from massive blizzard last week, fears what wormholes may bring during recovery period.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Following the winter storm that struck the east coast last week, residents of new York fear that wormhole activity might interfere with recovery and clean-up efforts. The storm, the second largest blizzard in the city's history, dumped between 26 and 31 inches of snow throughout the city and led to the shut down business and public transportation. Even now, days later, the city sanitation department is still clearing streets. Although the blizzard kept largely people in their homes and off the streets, the storm did nothing to slow wormhole activity, and departments are scrambling to contend with both clearing the snow accumulation and handling the wreckage from monsters that ran amok in a few areas of the city during the whiteout. Late last night, S.H.I.E.L.D. predicted a spike in rift activity over Queens that could result in a smattering of monster attacks throughout the day. (Cont. A4)
FORECASTS
WEATHER:
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
Clouds and sun Thursday. Expect warmer than average temperatures through the weekend and into next week.
WORMHOLES:
QUEENS
Two monster wormholes have opened over Queens this morning, with S.H.I.E.L.D. predicting three more throughout the day. The creatures on the ground range from level 2-3 of 5. S.H.I.E.L.D. is on scene and residents are warned to stay clear of blocked areas.
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
By J. Jonah Jameson
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Truth Behind These Wormholes
The Bugle has been advised by their legal team to note that the opinions of the Editor in Chief do not reflect those of the publication and that his assertions have no basis in fact.
All the science smarties are scratching their heads, trying to figure out the reason behind this latest weirdness befalling our fair city, when I already know the answer. And so do you, readers. It's Spider-Man. Yes, the Spider-Menace and people like him are dragging all of us down right along with them. We're trapped here, living under constant threat from monsters and weird problems.
Spider-Menace terrorizes city during blizzard while wearing scarf.
The people of this city are being punished because of dangerous weirdos with a death wish who want to run around in spandex and destroy our city. (Cont. C3)