InsaneJournal

Tweak says, ""Oh- well, isn't that nice?""

Kamiyama Mitsuko (foxylady) wrote in nosuchplace,
@ 2008-06-24 22:58:00

Entry tags:

loki britton-baldere, mitsuko kamiyama, nico vega-fernandez

Wednesday: September 12, 2007
Who: Mitsuko and Loki (and briefly Nico)
When: Evening
Where: Loki's cottage
What: Loki's back!!!!!!!!!!!

The small white fox darted down the path towards the Helicharis cottages. This had come to be a normal sight in Elysium. But for once, Mitsuko wasn't fleeing from someone she had just robbed. Rather, she was desperately trying to get to Loki's cottage.

She had barely arrived in the marketplace when she heard someone mention that Theora had come back. That, of course, meant Loki was back as well. She had immediately transformed into her fox form-- which was much easier to move in-- and retreated back to the cottages. Her body still ached from her encounter with the vampire, but she had waited to long to see him again.

Once she arrived at the cottage, she transformed back into her human form. She took a moment to fix herself up, make sure her hair was in place. She had worn it up today. To shield the bruised bite mark on her throat, she wore a dark blue turtleneck. Not known for covering up so much, Mitsuko chose one that was cut high, exposing her flat stomach and a short skirt, so not to tip off she was hiding something. The bruises on her arms were hidden, but some of her back just peeked out from below the hem of her sweater.

Once she was satisfied she looked fine, she pulled open the door and ran into the cottage. "Hello?" She called out. "Loki?" She bit her lower lip, suddenly feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement. She frowned slightly. "You here?"

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foolintherain
2008-06-25 08:26 pm UTC (link)

"Well well well," Nico said as he put down the book he was reading. Yes, the sprite did enjoy a good novel or two when he wanted to relax. He wasn't a complete idiot, after all, but reading didn't make him cultured or any less crass. "Look what the fox dragged in," he said with a little smile. The book was resting on his lap and he wasn't exuding any sort of negative aura toward the kitsune. In fact, Nico had practically forgotten about his confrontation with Mitsuko. While he was angry at her then he considered their 'tiff' over-and-done the moment she agreed to be honest with Loki. And, being a man true to his word, Nico wouldn't talk to Loki about it (or at all if he didn't feel like it) until Mitsuko had her chance. It was her confession to make and he wouldn't deny her that.

The smile remained on his face though before he opened his book again and continued to read. "He's upstairs in his room," he said nonchalantly. "Go on up." He pointed up the stairs, glanced at her from the tops of his eyes, curled his lips into a smirk, and chuckled. "Try to keep the reunion celebrations down, ya?"

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foxylady
2008-06-25 09:06 pm UTC (link)

Mitsuko rolled her eyes at the sprite. She wasn't very happy to see him, but as long as he didn't mention anything about their argument, she wasn't about to bring it up again. She would try to be civil to him, at least for the sake of their shared friends. But she couldn't help but let out a mumbled, "Baka-ja nai!"

But she didn't let her thoughts rest with Nico for long. As soon as he said Loki was upstairs, she went running up the stairs. But she couldn't help but think of what she was going to say to Loki. Nico's presence reminded her she needed to speak to Loki about the incident with Irei. At the moment, she just wanted to bask in the presence of her boyfriend, enjoy that he was home once again. But she would very soon have to deal with her indiscretion.

For now, she would settle for greeting him as enthusiastically as she could. Mitsuko opened the door to Loki's room and ran inside. She threw herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. "Loki!" She said, still beaming. "O-kaeri nasai!" She gave him a firm kiss on the mouth.

Japanese-English
Baka-ja nai = You're an idiot
O-kaeri nasai = Welcome home

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lokithemuse
2008-06-25 10:06 pm UTC (link)

The muse had only been upstairs long enough to drop his bags and declare "I'm home!" loudly to the walls of his room. He didn't stay in his room very much, but it was where he slept and that was always very important.

He opened up his duffle bag and emptied the contents on his bed. Even though some of it was dirty, the bed was a better choice for it than the floor. Loki shook it all out, looked up into the bag to make sure it had all fallen out, when he heard the door opening and turned to look. Loki grinned from ear to ear. "Well, if it isn't mah Mi—"

She hopped onto him, causing him to drop the duffle bag backwards over his head and wrap his arms around her. He made an oof sound and laughed happily. "Mits!" he said, right before she planted on his lips. Loki kissed her right back, making a satisfied pop with his lips once he pulled away. "That 'as to be the best welcome home I e'er got!" he exclaimed.

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foxylady
2008-06-26 03:47 am UTC (link)

Her night with the vampire suddenly came back to sharp memory. So flooded with happiness over seeing Loki, Mitsuko didn't think about the fact jumping on him was hardly the smart thing to do. In fact, her body complained with the act, but she tried not to show it on her face. She just wrapped her legs tighter around Loki, trying to get as close to him as she could.

One of her hands absently played with his ponytail as she buried her face in his neck. This brought unpleasant memories of the night previous, so she moved slightly to nuzzle against his shoulder. She took a deep breath, taking in his scent. It was him. He was back. Relief flooded her, but was tinged with a sense of worry.

"I missed you," Mitsuko said. She had meant to hide the quaver in her voice, but found herself unable now that she spoke. She stopped nuzzling him and looked up. Her dark eyes, while happy to see her boyfriend again, held a sadness usually absent from the Kitsune. It was a look that had been too common for her in the past week. She let out a soft hiss when Loki's hand wrapped around her, brushing against her bruises flesh.

"If you go away again, I'll have to figure out a way to top myself when you come back," Mitsuko said, trying to push aside all of her dark thoughts and feelings. "Maybe I'll welcome you home naked next time." She forced herself to smile. She wanted a moment, just a moment, when she could be happy Loki was home and not worry about all she had been through while he was away.

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lokithemuse
2008-06-27 02:13 am UTC (link)

"Don't sound so sad, love," Loki told her, pulling away to look at Mitsuko's face. Something wasn't right about it, but Loki wasn't going to press and figured his girlfriend would tell him whenever she felt ready. His hand took her gently by the chin, making sure they were looking eye to eye. It wasn't revealing anything to him, though, so he let her go just as carefully and moved his hand back around her.

Of course, he didn't miss the hissing sound that came next. Loki moved his arm from the spot and looked down in between them, as if he would suddenly see what caused the hiss, and looked back up. His expression was clearly confused and beginning to grow worried. "Did you get hurt, Mits? What's wrong?" Loki looked down again, trying to crane his neck regardless of the fact that she was obviously wearing clothes and he wasn't going to see anything resembling a wound or bruise.

Loki offered a small, amused smile at what she said. "Top yourself, eh?" He raised his eyebrows, wiggling them suggestively. "Naked? Now, I just might have to take yuo up on that offer next time." He smiled at her. Undoubtedly, there would be a next time. Loki was never gone for very long, but sometimes there was a new adventure for him to explore and he left for a time. He always came back, though. That was the essence of Loki.

"Oh!" he said, carefully placing Mits down as his head craned around and looked for his extra sack he had brought in. He pulled open the drawstring opening and rummaged through the sack for something in particular. Out came a roughly hand-carved wooden box, fastened closed with various small braided ropes. One of the ropes lied on just one side, tied around a stub to hold it closed. He held it up proudly with a beaming smile. "I got you a present! I 'ad to make the box for it 'cause I didn't have one on me, but it's not the cover tha' counts, aye?"

Gesturing for her to take it, the muse didn't give away the present that lied inside for Mits.

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foxylady
2008-06-27 03:14 am UTC (link)

Mitsuko bit her lower lip as Loki's fingers cupped her chin. She swallowed hard, feeling somehow calmed and even more confused now that she was in Loki's arms. She felt the tears prickling her eyes as she stared into his. But now wasn't the time to tell him what had happened. She couldn't just blurt it out, while they were still just enjoying being in each other's company again. It was something that had to be broached delicately....

Shaking her head, Mitsuko tried to get Loki's attention away from her back. Oh, she was planning to tell him about her encounter with the vampire. He would notice it soon enough, considering how bruised her back was. But the story of the vampire really had to come after the accusation and, of course, her encounter with Irei. There was a linear progression to the Worst Week Ever (as Mitsuko was now calling it). "It's a very, very long story, Sailor." She sighed deeply.

Mitsuko managed a smile to join Loki's. It was hard to stay depressed, even with all of the things on her mind, when back in the present of Loki. She was briefly saddened by the thought he would be leaving again. But then, he was there now and that was what was important. His acceptance of her rather sexual suggestion was appreciated. She had been worried he didn't desire her in that way, since he'd turned her down the night he left. "Daisuki yo," she murmured softly, giving him a gentle kiss. She had thought about using Aishiteru, but it seemed to daunting. Too much. For now, she would settle for the milder affection.

Settling down on Loki's bed, Mitsuko looked up at him expectantly as he dug through his bag. Mitsuko's eyes widened when she saw him pull out the box. Her lower lip quivered slightly. She reached out with trembling hands and took the box. "Oh, Loki....." She stilled her lip by biting it. Carefully, she opened the box. She took a deep breath as she looked down at the beautiful necklace. "It's... It's beautiful."

The tears began to spill down her cheeks. "I kissed Irei!" She suddenly blurted out.

English-Japanese
Daisuki yo = I like/love you. More serious than the way she said it to Irei ("dai" is "big"). Mits femmes it up with "yo" on the end.
Aishiteru = Another way to say I love you. Much more serious and less often said than "Suki".

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lokithemuse
2008-06-27 01:28 pm UTC (link)

He felt the smile tugging on his lips and gave into it. "I've got all the time in the world, Mits," he told her. There was an obvious mischievous twinkle in his eyes that said even if he didn't, he'd make it for himself. Loki was the type to put off things if he felt like there were more important things to be doing, and if Mits needed him to listen, then he could be right there listening.

Despite the fact that Loki only partially understood the meaning behind daisuki yo, he didn't understand all of it. Inculding the fact that it was probably the incorrect form for him to say. Loki mimicked her words anyway, giving her a bright smile and sing-songing in a low voice back at her, "Daisuki yoooo . . . " He quickly moved to plant a kiss on her cheek before he set her down and proceeded to rummage for the present.

He bounced on his heels, really hoping Mits would like it. The second she opened the box, Loki could tell by her reaction that it had to have been a good one. He immediately busted into the story about it. "I made it by hand, ya see," he said, gesturing mildly with his hands in a nervous way. "Can't buy presents on an isle in the middle of nowhere, so I 'ad to dive down lookin' for oysters, and I caught me a bunch along the way. Started collecting pearls to make a necklace out of 'em. The rope's a little rough, but it's all I had o'er there to worth with . . . " Loki bit his lip, really hoping that she did indeed like it.

He held bis breath until she said it was beautiful, and a beaming smile overtook his face. He almost felt like jumping up where he stood, but then Mits was crying and Loki got worried again. "Mits, are you alright?" he said, sitting down beside her on the bed, even if he did sit on half of his strewn out clothes.

What she said confused Loki. He reached up with one hand to idly scratch his head as a very thoughtful look crossed his face. "What's . . . what's an eye-ray-ee?" he finally asked. Well, it didn't sound like a person's name to him!

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foxylady
2008-06-27 07:40 pm UTC (link)

A very weak smile appeared on Mitsuko's lip at Loki's reassurance. She gently played with his ponytail, her smile still a bit sad. "Arigatou," She said in reply. She just needed to figure out exactly how she was going to say everything. "Just... Give me some time. It's all very complicated in my head. Got to figure out how to explain it."

Mitsuko wasn't certain how much Japanese Loki knew and she wasn't certain he exactly understood what she had said. But she appreciated the sentiment anyway. They would have more talks about their exact feelings (in English) later. For now, she would content herself with the gentle affection. Besides, once she finished telling him what happened, it might be the only time she heard those words from him.

No one had ever made Mitsuko anything like this before. Of course, most of the guys MItsuko dated were quite rich and tended to shower her in presents. That was the exact reason she had dated them in the first place. Sometimes it was easier than trying to steal from them (which very often she ended up doing anyway). But those gifts had meant nothing to her really. Most of them had been pawned so she could buy passage when it was time to move on. But this... Loki had made this for her. It was absolutely beautiful. She could felt her heart ache with guilt. While he had been making her this, she had been kissing Irei.

Sniffling softly, Mitsuko tried to stop crying. She hated crying, yet she seemed to be doing it so much in the past week. "Irei's a guy. I mentioned him to you the day before you left. The Japanese necromancer I had a drink with. We've been hanging out a lot lately while you were gone." She took a deep, trembling breath. Now that she had blurted it out, she needed to continue. "Anyway, Irei and I flirt a lot. But it doesn't mean anything. I flirting is just how I communicate and he's sort of the same way. It's just... I dunno." She looked down. "We both went to Emily's birthday party. Not together or anything. I went with Logan and he went with his roommate. Afterwards, Irei and I decided to have a drink by the temple. And we got drunk and we were flirting and... It went too far."

Her hands were shaking as she clutched the box Loki had given her. "I could tell you I was drunk and I missed you and a bunch of other things... All of which are true, but would just sound like excuses. All I can say is that it was a mistake and I'm so sorry.... I stopped before it got any further than a kiss. I actually ran away from him. And I've spent the last week tearing myself up about it... Well, when I've had the time to think about it." She sighed. "It's been a very complicated week."

Tears were still sliding down Mitsuko's cheeks. "I.... I love you," she said it in English now, to make sure he understood. "I've known that since our date on your boat. I want to be with you. I need to be with you because..." she put a hand on her heart. "...I've never felt this before about anyone. I'm so sorry, Loki..." She held out the present to him. "I understand... If you don't want to be with me anymore." She was still crying, terrified about what his response would be.

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lokithemuse
2008-06-27 10:12 pm UTC (link)

Loki's brow furrowed when she said she had something to explain. He wasn't aware of anything that happened while he had been away, but it'd only been two weeks. Loki couldn't figure out what sort of things could have happened within two weeks, so he waited patiently on the bed, tilting his head and looking at Mits as he sat there.

He'd made the necklace because he'd been thinking about her while he was away. He worked on it for a few days. A bunch of swimming and diving, some filing here, some twisting there, some knotting here . . . it took a while, but in the end, he made it for a simple reason. Loki liked Mits as more than a friend, and as he thought about her, he focused on some things that reminded him of her and of when he'd see her again. After all, the trip was a short one and he didn't have to wait long. Still, his pap always said, "When you're away, you got to remind yourself of what you left behind, or else you forget about it."

When Mits said Irei was a guy, though, Loki really began to listen. It hit him in that moment what she meant. She kissed a guy, and she was admitting it to him. But a kiss wasn't a big deal, right? Not to Loki, it wasn't. Still, his usual jumpy and bubbly attitude settled down and he was still as she spoke. He grew confused, because Mits started it off with how she knew Irei all this time, even before Loki left, and that the two of them hung out the whole time Loki was gone. Loki's heart sank, and it felt like it fell out of his chest onto the floor. It seemed like the time he was gone, she immediately found a replacement for him. The knowledge didn't make him angry, only sad. And a little bit like a fool.

It was a lot of information she gave, and Loki tried to process it all. Her and Irei flirted a lot, and it didn't mean anything, but they were at a party and flirted again and it led to something more. If it meant nothing, how did it lead to something? Loki just felt confused. He flirted with people, too, but nothing happened unless he was attracted to them. So, if something happened with Mits and Irei, didn't that mean she was attracted to him?

He listened to her finish, and he wasn't mad with her. She described how she ran away from Irei . . . but again, his mind went back to it. Was she interested in that other man? Attracted to him? Then, she said something that shocked him. He actually looked up with wide eyes. Mits said she loved him. She said she knew it all along, since their date on the boat. She said she wanted to be with him, needed to be with him, and that she never felt this way before.

Loki lifted his hand to place it on the box that held her present as she held it out to him, gently pushing it back to her. "It's yours," he said softly, shaking his head. "I made it for you, not me. Keep it."

He was silent, gathering his thoughts and trying to make sense of it all. But so much of it didn't make sense. She said she wanted to be with him, loved him even, but it sounded like all this time he was gone she was quietly pursuing someone else. He needed time to think about it. It was as simple as that. But he still had a question.

"So, Irei's your friend," Loki began, " . . . and you're attracted to him, even if it's just a lil'?" It wasn't even about the kiss. Loki wanted to know if she felt anything for Irei, no matter how big or small it was.

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foxylady
2008-06-27 11:19 pm UTC (link)

Mitsuko was trying to sort out her own thoughts on everything. Certainly, she had been dwelling on it a lot-- in between defending her innocence in the robbery. She nodded slowly at Loki's question. "Yeah. Irei's my friend. And yeah, I'm attracted to him." She paused for a moment. "He's hot. I can't deny that." She shrugged slightly.

She clutched the box to her chest, against her heart. Like it was some sort of lifeline, a connection to their relationship, whatever it was at the moment. Her tears had subsided, but her cheeks were still stained with tears and her eyes were a bit red. She looked a bit confused as she tried to find the words to describe what she was feeling. This was a deeper conversation than she was used to. She pushed a lock of hair that had fallen down out of her face. "I don't want to make excuses about what happened, but it sounds like... You want me to explain what's been going through my head."

She pursed her lips, thinking again. "I was kind of upset," Mitsuko admitted. "When you went off. I didn't say anything to you, because I knew-- you warned me-- that you liked to go off on adventures. And it's fine to go off on adventures. I want you to have fun. But... It's just this is all so new... Not just us being together, but being in any relationship at all." She fidgeted, looking very unsure of herself, a rarity for her.

"And the night before you left.... You turned me down." Mitsuko's voice was suddenly very low, as if she was shy. "You came to my room after showering and I started to take off my yukata... I really wanted you... But... You didn't want me. I've never had a guy turn me down. And it made me think that... Well.... Maybe you were going away because you didn't actually want to be with me. Maybe you didn't want me because you've already had me. Which is a distinct possibility, when it comes to my track record with me."

She looked almost embarrassed to admit the next part. "And I was kind of frustrated, because... Well, I wanted you. Maybe you didn't notice when I jumped on you only an hour after we met, but I like sex. Six months is, well..." She furrowed her brow. "Five months longer than I've ever held out before." She paused again. "Five months and two weeks."

She managed to look up slightly. "I'm a brat. I'm used to getting what I want when I want it. But you were gone. And I was confused and frustrated. Then Irei and I went out drinking and I was telling him how much I missed you. How much I wanted you. And how confused I was by what happened when you left." She hugged her knees close. "And I was kind of scared.... That maybe I thought our relationship was more than you thought it was."

Mitsuko bit her lip so hard she left indents in the tender flesh. "And Irei... Well, he made things even more confusing. Talking about how you had left me alone and maybe you didn't want to be with me. And... He was just there. And he was being really nice to me." She clutched the box tighter. "He was.... He was paying attention to me. And it was nice. I knew he wanted me. And that made me feel good. It just... It went too far. And when we kissed I thought about you and... I ran away from him. Because I wanted to be with you."

Mitsuko rested her head on her knees. "Inari-sama... I probably don't make any sense. I'm hearing myself talk and I don't think I make any sense. I know what I am. I'm a nymphomaniacal, selfish, impatient brat who has never had a relationship before..." She looked up at Loki. "I'll be honest. If you and I weren't together, I would've fucked Irei by now. But I don't want to fuck Irei. I don't want to fuck anyone..." She gave Loki a weak smile. "I want you... In every way possible. I wanna... Be your girlfriend. But I've never really been a girlfriend before, Loki... I'm still trying to get use to it." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I don't really know how to do it right."

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lokithemuse
2008-06-28 04:02 am UTC (link)

To be honest, the muse wasn't expecting her blunt reply. Bluntness was one of Mits's traits, but she announced her attraction for Irei like it was natural and okay, as if she held no guilt over it despite the feelings she claimed to have for Loki. She even shrugged like it was just a normal thing to say to your boyfriend. She didn't think it would hurt his feelings? Loki swallowed, beginning to feel a small surge of self-hatred towards himself, and some anger towards her, for feeling like he had just been duped into what was beginning to feel like a big mistake.

He turned to look away, focusing his gaze on a wall across the room instead of looking at her. Loki listened as she described how she felt about him leaving, and he couldn't help but think it sounded like an excuse. Turning his face to look at her, Loki gave Mitsuko the most serious look he had ever given to her.

"I stopped it because I was actually tryin' to be in a relationship with you, Mits," Loki said, and there was a small strain of bitterness in his voice. "That is what we agreed to, yah? That was what you asked of me, wasn't it? I didn't ask it of you. You asked me. I wasn't tryin' to get into your pants because I thought we were tryin' to make something real work between us." His face looked pained because he'd been in this situation before every single time he was in a relationship. It was always about him going away, no matter how faithful he was to them when he was away. "Hell, maybe I did stop you and we didn't have sex, but I stayed the night before I left and I spent it with you. I didn't spend it at home, and I didn't spend it with anyone else. I spend it with you. I even held you in me arms. You were a bloody fox, and I held you! And you still thought I didn't want you? Didn't that mean anythin' to you?" Loki asked, and he was trying to keep the anger out of his voice, but it was there. " . . . Or was it nothing?" He was hurting, and he couldn't really hold it back. It was another failed try at a relationship in his eyes, and it stung him deeply.

"I went away to a bloody island in the middle of bloody nowhere," the muse continued. "There's not a soul on that island. I told you I was a wandering spirit, an adventurous person. You knew that. That was one of the things you said you liked about me. I don't lie, Mits. If I didn't want you, I wouldn't have agreed to anythin' with you. You knew that, too. So, what were you really afraid of? I'd pick up some fine and dandy chimera with a knockout mane and take her 'ome with me?" He wondered if she was really afraid of that, that he wanted someone else. But who? How, especially, when he was out in the middle of nowhere? "The only other people on that island with me was a virgin priestess, who could kick me ass any day of the week, and an elemental that wouldn't know what the phrase 'chokin' the chicken' meant if I choked it in his face." Loki let out a sigh at the end of his ramble, feeling his head beginning to hurt some. This was not the welcome home he expected today.

He listened to her talk about Irei, though, feeling more and more angry about the situation. First, he had just been upset, but now there was actual anger. Loki hadn't felt such a feeling in a long time. Usually, it was just disappointment or sadness. The expression on Loki's face seemed to fall from upset to blank, though, as Mitsuko continued to talk.

Her language stung him more, and Loki swallowed past the lump in his throat before he could speak. "It doesn't matter," he began to say quietly, "if you want a relationship or not, or whatever, with Irei. The fact is you want him. No matter how you do, you want him. And if he treats you so nice and pays so much attention to you, maybe I'm not the right person for you, Mits." He turned to look at her then, and there was sadness in his eyes. "Maybe Irei is. If you want him so much, then maybe you should go be with him in whatever way you wanna be with him. But from what you're tellin' me, you don't want me," Loki said softly, shaking his head. "You don't want me, Mits, unless I'm the only person you want. But I'm not, am I?"

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lokithemuse
2008-06-28 04:03 am UTC (link)

Loki stood up from his bed, running one of his hands over his face. It dropped to his side, and he turned to face her. Loki held his arms out at his side, a pleading look on his face. "I was gone for two weeks, Mits. Two weeks." Loki dropped his arms, his lips turning inwards as he bit on them. "You couldn't even wait two weeks for me," he said in a distressed voice, shaking his head once more.

Biting his bottom lip, his chest heaved with a weighty breath. "It doesn't matter if you wanna date him or fuck him, Mits," he said bluntly. Loki pointed sharply at his chest with his four fingers, his thumb folded against his palm. "It hurts me either way," Loki stated firmly, trying to get it across to her. She didn't seem to think wanting to sleep with another guy would bother him, but it did. "Can't you see that?"

A short moment of silence passed before he spoke again. "Maybe you're not ready," he said in a low voice, his eyes focused on her, and he sounded so sad. "You're not ready for a relationship, Mits, and I can see that now. Until you take a good, long look at yourself . . . and make some changes . . . you won't be ready . . . for me . . . or for this."

He didn't know what else to say to her. His head hurt, and he was upset in a way he hadn't felt in a very long time. Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head a final time. "Just go," Loki said quietly, his eyes squeezed shut. "Please . . . just go."

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foxylady
2008-06-28 05:47 am UTC (link)

Mitsuko hadn't meant to hurt Loki so deeply. Her speech had not meant to hurt him in any way. Merely, she wanted to tell him her confusion over the status of their relationship. Yes, she had admitted Irei was hot. Maybe she was dating Loki (or had been), but she wasn't blind. She still recognized when a man was hot, regardless of her relationship status.

But she knew she'd hurt him. She could see it in his face, hear it in his words. Mitsuko couldn't help but begin to cry again. She had been through too much. She had convinced herself she would feel better once Loki returned home. Now, she just felt worse. "I didn't know what you wanted!" Mitsuko cried, a desperate note in his voice. "Every man I've been with, the only way I knew they wanted me was by him trying to fuck me! I chased after you! I told you I wanted to be with you. But you never... You never said what you wanted from me!"

Mitsuko's felt like her heart had stopped when he spoke the words... Bloody fox. The wording hurt Mitsuko. It sounded like an insult to her ears. But she knew he was upset. "I was... So scared... I've never allowed myself to be so vulnerable with a man. Not after..." She shook her head. "I let you see who I really am." She took a deep breath. "It was both the most wonderful and scary night of my life. For so many reasons..."

She furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks. "What was I afraid of? I was afraid of the fact that I knew I was in love with you! It's terrifying!" She was shaking like mad. "Do you know what my mother told me love was? Weakness. Foolishness. Vulnerability. You open yourself up to them and they have control over you." She let out a bitter laugh. "And believe me when I tell you, she proved that lesson well. She showed me even loving your mother can be exploited."

Finally, Mitsuko unfurled herself from her little ball. She stood up on the bed, so she was level with Loki. "And there I was on our first real date and I knew I was falling in love with you and... It scared me so much. Because I knew... You didn't feel that way yet. Why would you? It was so soon. But I needed... I needed you. But it hurt, because I thought you didn't need me the same way."

She bit her lip. "I know you were gone only two weeks, Loki. But we were only together for that long when you left. I was confused and scared and I couldn't talk to you about it because you weren't here. I was feeling all of this stuff and I wanted to... I wanted to figure out what was going on. If you could maybe feel the same way about me eventually."

"I don't want Irei," Mitsuko said quietly. "What I meant... I didn't mean... I used to not be very discriminating in my partners. Basically, the life span of one of my relationships was seeing a guy, dragging him into whatever dark corner I could, fucking him and then going to the bar and getting a drink. That's what it would be with Irei. He's a fun guy to be around and yes, he's hot, but that's it... That is all I feel for him."

She bit her lip. "But I met up with you again. And that wasn't enough for me anymore. Just hooking up with some guy... That's not enough anymore. I want... I want you."

She looked at him pleadingly. "I wanna be terrified. I wanna be vulnerable. I wanna be foolish." She was shaking again, this time out of fear rather than upset. "I am ready, Loki... I told you when I asked you out that I'm not a heart and flowers kind of girl. I know it was mistake, kissing Irei... But it made me realize that the thing that scared me the most was not being with you."

Mitsuko looked down. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Loki... I never wanted to do that. Believe me. I've been tearing myself up inside. I didn't want to lose you and more than that... I didn't want to hurt you."

She stepped off the bed, feeling her heart aching with each step she took towards the door. "Gomen nasai." The tears rolled down her cheeks. "Maybe... Maybe I'm just one of those people who's meant to be alone."

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lokithemuse
2008-06-28 04:50 pm UTC (link)

Loki felt like a record repeating himself, his head still shaking as he heard her say she didn't know what he wanted. "You keep sayin' that," Loki said, "but it doesn't make any sense! You didn't know what I wanted, and you didn't think I had feelings for you, when I treated you like more than just a girl to shag? You keep sayin' you want a relationship, a real relationship unlike anythin' you've done before, and when I treat you differently like you want me to, you blame me for not wanting you! Help me understand, Mits, because I don't understand!"

No, he never said anything about how he felt out loud, but what guy on the face of the planet did that? Loki listened to her talk about that night they spent together, and he still didn't understand how she couldn't bloody see what his actions meant. "Exactly," Loki said softly. "It was somethin' that meant a lot to both of us, but you act like the only person who has feelings here is you. Thank you for lettin' me know that's how you feel."

He covered his face with his hands. Everyone was terrified of feeling something like love. What was he supposed to say to that? "You were terrified of havin' feelings for me, so you sought out another man to be like everythin' you had before, when you keep telling me you want a real relationship. I don't even know what you want anymore, Mits. I just don't know." Loki's hand pressed to his forehead, the ache of a headache coming on.

It stung harshly when she said they were only together for two weeks before he left. As if two weeks wasn't enough time to build up anything concrete between the two of them, but here she was saying she was in love with him and she knew it during the first two weeks.

Loki turned hard eyes onto Mits and added something to it she wasn't thinking about. "So, two weeks wasn't enough time for us to build up anythin' solid, but here you're tellin' me you fell in love with me on the first date of our two weeks together. Then, you wanna point a finger at me and say it wasn't enough time for us to figure out a relationship, blame me for going away, and say I left you in confusion on where we stood? We were just startin' a relationship, Mits. Go ahead and act like it wasn't enough time for us to call it a real relationship, and then explain to me how the bloody hell you fell in love with me. Quit feelin' sorry for yourself when the only person who brought this down on you is you, not a damn other person did it but yourself. You asked me out, you felt scared, you felt alone, you kissed another guy, you tore yourself up over it, and now you wanna blame me for it all when all I did was do everythin' you damn well asked of me."

How could she not think of these things? Why did everything always come back to her? Mits wasn't once considering Loki's side of anything in this whole mess. It was all about her confusion, and her sadness, and her feeling lost and unwanted and left alone. He lifted his arms, holding them out at his sides. "Why is everythin' about you, Mits? Is nothin' ever about anyone else when it comes to you? Are you so conceited you can't look past your bloody self and think about how other people feel?" Loki pointed a finger at her. "Stop making everythin' about you. It's not all about you."

Loki's arms dropped to his side. He looked defeated and tired, and he didn't want to argue anymore. "Yeah, well, you hurt me," he said plainly. "'Cause, guess what? I 'ave feelings for you. You couldn't just wait 'til I got back and asked me? Would've save you a lot of bleedin' trouble and both of us from heartache."

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foxylady
2008-06-28 11:25 pm UTC (link)

She'd held on to herself all week long, clinging to the hope that she and Loki would be able to work things out... But he'd said... He seemed so angry with her... She looked over her shoulder briefly. She didn't know what would happen... If she walked out the door... If she and Loki would be able to work things out...

"I'm.... Trying..." Mitsuko said quietly. Her voice was starting to drift a little bit. She felt... Inadequate. "I know 'm selfish... 'm not a good friend..." She was so very tired. She had explained so much. She thought it would be better... Being honest. But being honest just seemed to make things worse.

Mitsuko put a hand to her neck, rubbing the spot where, underneath her turtleneck, was a badly bandaged vampire bite. "Daisuki yo," she murmured. "Gomen nasai..." Her eyelids were fluttering. She didn't seem really aware she had switched to her native tongue. Her cheeks were looking incredibly pallid. "Wa--"

And that was it. Her legs gave a wobble before giving out entirely and she fell to the ground. After a moment, the girl was replaced with fox. Her body could no longer handle the strain of maintaining human form.

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lokithemuse
2008-06-30 01:45 pm UTC (link)

Loki's eyes widened as Mitsuko's legs buckled at the legs beneath her, and instinctively, he rushed forward to try and grab her. She fell before he could, and he reached out her frantically for her shoulders, but she changed over into a fox. "Mits!" he called out, gently touching the fox and shaking her. "Mits!" He immediately tried to feel for a pulse on her, even in her fox form, but it was harder and he looked for breathing. The fox, sure enough, was breathing, although faintly.

Grabbing a blanket, Loki carefully scooped up Mitsuko into his arms and left his room to hurry down the stairs. "Nico!" Loki shouted, trying to get down as fast as he could without doing anything stupid that would cause him to trip and drop the light fox in his arms. "Nico, we 'ave to get Mits to the med pav! She just . . . she passed out!"

The muse's face was etched with worry all over, and it wasn't often he ever looked like this. He didn't know what had happened to her, what caused it, or why, but he wanted to make sure she was all right. Considering she was passed out, something clearly wasn't right. "Is there a 'orse outside? A buggy? Somethin'?"

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Fin.

foolintherain
2008-07-01 10:37 pm UTC (link)

Nico only had to hear Loki's voice frantcially cry out "Mits!" once before he was on his feet and traveling toward the stairs. He saw Loki then holding onto a small white fox wrapped in a blanket. "What did you do to her?!" He asked with a wide-eyed stare before he realized that she was unconscious. Nico would have asked more questions but he heard the urgency in Loki's voice and he saw the worry reflected in his eyes.

"Don't worry," he said in a somewhat calm voice as he headed for the front door. "Leave it to me!" He hurried out the door and looked down the path toward the small stables nearby. There was always a horse or two there, and if he was lucky there'd be a cart or something around, too. Sure enough - as if the Fates were looking down upon them - there was one horse tied up and a small cart propped up against the tree. Nico was quick to put the harness and bridle on the horse before he hooked up the cart. Making sure it was secure he climbed onto the horse and led it to the cottage. "Hop on buddy," he said with a grin and the Muse did.

The trio traveled toward the Medical Pavilion as quickly as the horse could carry them with the hope that the little fox would find help there.

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