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Lysander of the Clear Sky ([info]kytherion) wrote in [info]nosuchplace,
@ 2009-11-06 22:33:00

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Entry tags:lysander harsi herrenlaia, xanthus harsi herrenlaia

Friday: February 15, 2008
Who: Lysander and Xanthus
When: Morning has broken
Where: A grove of trees outside Helicharis
What: Sullen teenage boys are difficult to deal with

It had almost felt like he'd never slept. Mostly because he hadn't - he couldn't sleep after his conversation with Korrace and he hadn't slept much prior to that, the slide from unconsciousness to that middle state happening not too long after his body became immovable with sleep. His limbs felt incredibly heavy as he stared, body slumped on the ground and his arms folded under his head over a large boulder, at the dying embers of the fire.

He couldn't remember learning how much brush it took to keep a fire burning through the night. There wasn't a calculation for it. He just knew how much to gather, could adjust automatically if it was a windy night or a cool night or if he'd be leaving before daylight broke. It was natural. It was natural to Xanthus, it was natural to every centaur he ever met, he was sure. It was natural. They just knew.

Lysander blinked, mouth a thin, empty line. He had spent hours trying to find what he was looking for, some extra spark, some... something. He just couldn't find it, not matter how hard he searched inside of himself. Quite a bit past frustration, he simply stared out ahead of him in melancholy blankness, watching the flames flicker low.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-07 07:25 am UTC (link)
As the sky lightened, Xanthus swished his tail as his mind moved closer to to wakefulness. He was used to waking with the dawn and he wasn't even sure if he could get up later. Even when the nights were spent awake on watch or for any other reason, it was hard for him to stay lying about once the sun was up. He stretched his legs out while still on his side, his healed hind leg twitching a bit and kicking out, before he rolled back up onto his stomach. Yawning widely and stretching out his arms, he grunted a bit as his back and neck popped.

Checking automatically on the fire as his mind woke up more, he reached for another piece of wood to put on the dying embers to reinvigorate the fire to take the chill off the morning and to at least use for preparing breakfast. That was until he caught sight of Lysander. The young colt looked as if he had just been told that everyone was going to do something that was fun and that he'd always wanted to do, but that he had to stay behind and do all the jobs of the herd so that everyone else could go and have fun instead.

Frowning in worry and just a bit of wariness, he sat up straighter. "What's wrong?" he asked gruffly.

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-07 07:33 am UTC (link)
"Lots," came his curt, distant response. Lysander didn't flinch as the piece of wood hit the embers and sent orange sparks into the air.

His eyes slowly closed as he straightened up, rubbing his hands over his face as if that might erase some of the strain and the sleeplessness. He was pretty sure it didn't.

"But nothing you've got to get up and kill right now," Lysander added, distant again as he got to his feet and keened forward to stretch out his back legs. It was time to be a productive member of society... however long it was still here for.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-07 07:41 am UTC (link)
Xanthus couldn't help rolling his eyes at the curt response. In a way it was true, but usually the colt wasn't one to get this down about how horrible the world was, especially when there were many new things to learn about and explore. Lurching up onto his hooves, he shook out his body before turning to face the young centaur more head on.

"Does 'not right now' mean that you think there is something that needs killing though?" he asked with a puff of breath before studying Lysander, his brow furrowed in worry. "Did something happen yesterday while I was away?"

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-07 07:56 am UTC (link)
His eyes came up to meet Xanthus's and the glare was indeed the piercing glower of a teenager, but it was missing a great deal of the usual attempt at ferocity. While frustration had inhabited that empty space in his dark, cobalt eyes earlier, now it was worry; worry that wore the insecurity tensing his muscles well.

Lysander looked down, a faint whiff of embarrassment hunching his shoulders as he walked and shook his legs out, taking methodical steps around the fire.

"While I was away. Last night." He knew that he was planting the seeds of worry in Xanthus's head needlessly - not only was his spirit-walking with the stars something he'd never discussed with his teachers before (let alone Xanthus), but he knew the conclusion that Xanthus would jump to. It was wrong, but he did it anyway. There was surely something satisfying in someone else feeling just as confused as he did, just as worried, just as fearful of something out of his control. Surely there was.

The frustration of the early morning attempts at personal insight was slipping back into his heart.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-07 08:15 am UTC (link)
Xanthus was used to the glower Lysander focused on him. It was really part of the job, but then that's what happened when you were the keeper of a teenager. Especially one that was 'special'. However it worried him that the glare did have as much of a challenge in it as it usually did. That is was more for the show of him being a broody teenager made to talk to an elder rather than any true feeling of hatred or annoyance towards him.

Flicking his tail back and forth, his jaw tightened and he crossed his arms over his chest, his stature puffing up bigger at what he saw as the colt deliberately avoiding his questions. "Where did you go and what happened?" he asked stonily.

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-07 05:22 pm UTC (link)
"I don't want to talk about it."

It was complete bullshit and it didn't make Lysander feel any better for saying it. Nor did his next declarative statement; if anything, it made him feel worse.

"You wouldn't understand."

That was the point. Lysander didn't need someone to explain it to him, that he was needlessly taking out his frustrations on Xanthus. It wasn't his fault, Lysander knew. It wasn't anyone's fault. He could hear every star in the sky, their songs winding together into some great, woven thing. When he was in that middle space between awake and unconscious, he could even get down on a personal level with them and sometimes even their inhabitants, although that was speculation on Lysander's part. Being an inhabitant himself, he was sure that some of the others he had talked to over the years must be some themselves. That was why he could get a mental picture of them and not, say, Korrace. But what did it matter?

The point was that it took a star some far, far distance away to show him what was happening on his own damn planet and everyone kept telling him he should know how to figure out what's going on here himself and for all he explains how differently things work here it shouldn't matter. He should be able to do this and he just couldn't.

There wasn't some switch he turned on to make himself able to do the things he already did. He didn't even know what to look for.

Lysander hadn't moved after he'd spoken, locked into his own tense thoughts just as firmly as his eyes were locked onto the ground before him. He did want to talk about it. He just knew that it would get him nowhere and, even if talking made some things better, he could guess that this would not be one of those times.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-07 05:58 pm UTC (link)
He hadn't ever seen Lysander this tense. Not even after their world went to hell and their herd became two. Not even when the young colt was his most aggravated and annoyed at him. But then at those times, Lysander had burst with that energy like he usually did, whether it was anger or sadness. Right now, whatever was bothering Lysander was boiling around inside him in a repressive manner that Xanthus hoped the colt wasn't trying to copy from him.

Lysander likely needed to talk. It looked like he was going to explode if he didn't, but his statements made it hard for Xanthus to think of a plan of attack. He had often used the first, telling others he didn't want to talk about whatever was wrong with him, throwing around his size and weight to make people listen. And there wasn't any doubt in his mind that he likely wouldn't understand what was going on with Lysander if it wasn't something simple like someone speaking ill of him. Talking to the young colt had been the job of the other members of the herd. The ones that actually liked talking to Lysander and who Lysander liked interacting with right on back. He didn't know how to comfort a teenage centaur, let alone a Kytherion. But he had to try...

Grabbing his bow and arrows, he slung them over his shoulder before walking over to the other centaur. Pressing his equine shoulder against Lysander's barrel to push him into movement, he laid a hand lightly on the curve of Lysander's back where the horse and human bodies met. His own body was relaxed, even though he knew that there may be a chance that the younger centaur would kick out at him. "Come on," he said softly. "Let's go for a walk."

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-07 11:03 pm UTC (link)
Lysander glared again, but it mellowed rather quickly into a glower. His tail switched to the tune of his sigh. His shoulder slumped heavily as he shuffled forward, disregarding the direction and mostly letting his hooves follow Xanthus'.

Quiet enveloped them in short order, but it was an expectant silence, the kind that was filled to the brim with anticipation. The cool air of the morning did everything it could to harden the river of nonsence in his head to icy-hard direction.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-07 11:46 pm UTC (link)
Leading the way through the trees in the direction away from the town, Xanthus kept up a brisk walk, letting the pace warm up his legs and body and hopefully his mind. He knew what he would do if he was in the sort of mood Lysander was in, but he also knew that he and the colt were two completely different people. For all he knew, what would comfort him would completely do the opposite for the young centaur.

Coming to the edge of a clearing, he glanced over his shoulder at Lysander, wondering if the idea in his head would work. He needed to get some sort of energy back into the colt. Slowing a bit, he swung his hindquarters to bump against Lysander's shoulder and swished his tail to whisk against the young centaur's side before rearing up slightly and then jumping forward into the clearing. He cantered a few strides before letting out a sharp buck, his carriage and posture that of a challenge.

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-08 01:02 am UTC (link)
Lysander stopped short at the swipe along his flank and when the challenge came, the shock at the action was clear on his face.

His muscles were suddenly shaking to react, his hands balled loosely into fists, arms plunged at his sides, shoulders thrown back, jaw held firm. But Lysander didn't move forward to challenge, the shock wearing off into sense.

"I know what you're trying to do," he replied sharply, the ego strain clearly in his voice. "And I appreciate it. But I already feel incompetent, incapable and inadequate and I don't much like the idea of adding inept and incapacitated to that, alright?!"

His shoulders jerked forward with the rising, angry effort of spitting out that last sentence.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-08 01:19 am UTC (link)
Slowing to a high-stepping trot, Xanthus circled around before pulling up to a stop a few feet in front of Lysander. Raising his chin slightly, he studied Lysander carefully.

"What has happened to make you feel this way?" he asked before his voice softened. "If this is about not participating in the search... I meant no insult by it..."

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-08 01:25 am UTC (link)
Lysander shook his head.

"No. I mean, I wasn't happy about it. But... it's understandable. The last thing you need on your conscience is me torn open by a psychotic werewolf," he answered, eyes downcast.

"You remember Theora? The elven priestess? On the council?" He was sure that was enough identifiers to give him an idea, so he continued. "She's been having these... intuitive moments. Omens. On the wind."

"She's not wrong." He reached up, folding his arms high on his chest, something close to a hug but less comforting. It only made him notice the cold on his skin more.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-08 02:00 am UTC (link)
Xanthus nodded slowly, the information that Lysander gave sounding familiar. Or at least familiar enough to not warrant more questions. At least for him, he was sure Lysander would have a million questions that would pop into his head if asked the same.

The next words however made his whole body go tense with anxiety and worry, the skin on his sides twitching as a shiver that felt like ice water went down his spin as he recalled the last omen on the wind they had received. "What's coming?" he demanded gruffly, the words coming mostly between his teeth as his jaw was too tight to move much.

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-08 02:25 am UTC (link)
Lysander took a deep breath, an unsettling shiver going down his spine as he shook his head.

"I don't know," he said, his voice just above the sound of the winter wind. "I didn't know last time either. I mean... I mean I didn't know what was happening, just that something was. Was happening. And where to go, that was easy to figure out. But... I didn't." His tongue was tripping over himself as he tried to explain, trying not to sound like he was completely out of his depth despite being so. Lysander rubbed at his nose and sniffed - he was not going to cry in front of Xanthus. Things were tough now, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to live with himself if that happened.

He swallowed hard and ran his hands up and down his forearms to try and stimulate some warmth into them while his eyes sought out any purchase that wasn't Xanthus.

"But I don't know what it is and I can't." Lysander closed his eyes, fingers of his right hand at his temple, and swallowed again. "I'm supposed to be able to do this and I just... it's not like a door you just unlock when you want what's behind it. Or maybe it is and I just don't know where the door is or I don't have the key..."

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-08 02:48 am UTC (link)
Xanthus relaxed slightly, although it was not in the tightness of his muscles being ready for action but rather something minute about his posture. Walking forward to close the distance between him and the young centaur, he reached out and rested a hand lightly on Lysander's shoulder.

"What could you see?" he asked softly and soothingly. "Do we need to move elsewhere?" His mouth frowning slightly in thought, he looked curiously at Lysander. "These omens that Theora saw, did they have any more clarity?"

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-08 03:26 am UTC (link)
"No, that's why she came to me. For clarity."

He looked up at Xanthus. It was almost a full minute before anything came out of his mouth, but when it did, it was a timid whisper.

"We can't move elsewhere. We can't outrun it. There... we have to fight it. Here."

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-08 04:00 am UTC (link)
"Well, it seems to me that if an elven priestess is coming to you for clarity that you shouldn't feel so down on your abilities," Xanthus said with a nod in an attempt to comfort the colt as he squeezed Lysander's shoulder reassuringly. "If she can't see clearly after what most likely is very many years, then it isn't such a bad thing that you can't either. You are still young and have much to learn."

Stepping closer, he ran his hand through Lysander's hair as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he tried to push down the feeling as if cold water were sloshing around in his guts. At least here there were others that could fight. Others whose powers might better protect the Kytherion from whatever danger came. "We'll need to find a safe place for you..." he huffed out softly. "Do you know when the danger is coming?"

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-10 07:10 pm UTC (link)
"I don't know," Lysander repeated, a whining if forceful tone to it. He moved away from Xanthus, annoyed not so much by the comforting gesture, but at the world.

"I'm tired of being too young and inexperienced for everything! It's not an excuse! This is too fucking important!" He turned on Xanthus, getting up close.

"They'll come and if we run, we'll be running until there is no more world to run on. And if we stay--"

Lysander stopped suddenly.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-15 04:36 am UTC (link)
Xanthus had to force himself not to puff up in challenge when Lysander turned on him, knowing that the colt didn't need that right now. It was hard though as it was a years long trained instinctive reaction to meet threat with threat and when possible a greater threat. It didn't help either that this unseen danger that had gotten Lysander riled up was making him want to fight and get rid of the danger. However that became a problem when the danger wasn't somewhere that it could be fought. Or even a danger that could be prepared for...

Puffing out a sigh, he pushed back all the thoughts he was having, instead focusing on staying calm for the sake of Lysander. "We'll do our best to survive," he said firmly. "We can always fight. We are quite good at that after all."

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-15 06:34 am UTC (link)
Lysander hadn't heard him at all.

He'd said they'll. Not it - the virus had been something, not it. Trees dying were its, not theys. He'd said they'll...

The fight drained out of him with sharp speed as he backed up and closed his eyes, trying to rerun through his emotions, trying to find where he pulled that from. He must have pulled it from somewhere, it wasn't just a random declaration. They were THEY's. They were individuals. They were someones.

His mouth worked over his sentences again, trying to find a thread that he could pull and unravel the seam or pull himself to the answer or something. Where had he pulled that from?!

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-15 08:30 am UTC (link)
Xanthus frowned deeply as he watched Lysander. He didn't think it possible, but he was realizing that he didn't like it when Lysander was quiet. As much as the colt's constant chatter annoyed him, it was at least some window into what was going on in the young centaur's mind. It was better than these cryptic statements of approaching doom, especially considering Lysander's gift and the unknown amount of information that didn't come from his own thoughts that was in his head.

Not that Xanthus knew much about the gift aside from what was taught. He was the Kytherion. The stars spoke to him rather than just providing positions in the sky to decipher as they did for others. He was special and needed to be protected. But that was it. Even after traveling with the young centaur for so long, that was still all he knew by choice. He had ignored the studies, had only half listened to conversations about it, and had not asked questions because it was easier that way. Taking an interest in something so closely linked to the stars could only end in awkwardness and an inability to understand and likely questions he didn't want asked.

So when Lysander closed his eyes and his lips started moving, he wasn't sure if this was part of his gift. He shifted uncomfortably from hoof to hoof, not sure if this was some sort of ceremony if he should interrupt. Not that it made sense for it to be a part of Lysander's gift considering it was day and not night. There were no stars to commune with. Huffing out a breath in annoyance, he squared his stance and stamped his front hoof as his tail swished.

"What's wrong?" he asked gruffly, disliking the fact that he didn't fully know what was going on.

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-15 05:58 pm UTC (link)
"I had it and I lost it," Lysander replied immediately, as if his attention had been fully on Xanthus the whole time. His eyes opened and stopped turning over the thoughts in his mind.

At Xanthus's obviously quizzical look, Lysander snorted through his nose. "I said they. They'll come. Not it. But I don't know why - I didn't--"

At this point, Lysander cut off his train of thought and inserted a string of expletives that would have made his teachers blush and probably smack him across the back of the head. The frustration was maddening once again. "This isn't making any bleeding sense!"

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-15 06:40 pm UTC (link)
"I'm sorry?" Xanthus said in about as hesitant of a voice as he ever got, unsure if it was him talking that had caused Lysander to lose whatever it was that he had had.

He relaxed at Lysander's outburst, glad that words and emotion were coming out of the colt and thoroughly amused at the language that was coming out of his mouth. He was also rather glad that they were the only two about as he was certain that the other scholars of the herd would have put blame on him for some of those words if not all of them. Thinking over Lysander's words, he swished his tail lazily.

"But you said that we can't outrun it and we need to fight it as well as saying they'll come..." he mused aloud before shaking his head and looking curiously at Lysander. "Why does it matter if it is an it or a they? Other than numbers that is. But then a group could easily be called 'it'. A group, a herd, a flock, a pack... All those words can be its."

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-15 07:23 pm UTC (link)
"It's are things. Viruses, explosions, swarms of mosquitos, black bears. But they's-- oh, forget it," Lysander exhaled annoyedly. "The point is that I indentified something. I did it but I wasn't paying attention and I don't know how I did it."

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-15 07:50 pm UTC (link)
Xanthus blew out a long, tired sigh through his nose as he shook his head, long hair falling into his eyes. His annoyance with the colt was rising, if just because he felt a blow to his pride from the corrections.

"Maybe you're thinking about this too hard. Trying to force it too much. I know this is important, but you may be putting too much stress on yourself."

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[info]kytherion
2009-11-15 08:18 pm UTC (link)
"Let's just go and have some breakfast," Lysander answered dourly, not disagreeing with Xanthus at all.

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[info]xanthus
2009-11-15 08:36 pm UTC (link)
Xanthus eyed Lysander a long moment before letting out a soft short grumble and nodding his head. Turning back in the direction of their camp, he swished his tail before glancing over his shoulder.

"Just remember, sometimes when you want success the most, you won't find it. Success the way you want it tends to come when it's the last thing on your mind."

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