"Wait. I can't have this conversation like this. I just can't."

Celine runs off into the bathroom, leaving Oliver to awkwardly twist his hands while Zoé mutely stares daggers at him from the couch. When Celine reappears, she wears a fresh coat of mascara, the better to express her feelings. She crosses her arms.

"So. You were breaking up with me? For Lars? AGAIN?"

Oliver nods. "For good this time. Sorry."

Her freshly applied mascara starts streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh dear," says Oliver, feeling villainous. "You're sad. I can tell."

"You always were so sensitive," she sobs. "You cad."

BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA I HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS. THIS IS SO CRACKTASTICALLY AWESOME. OH GOD. CELINE. HER PRIORITIES.

SHE IS AN ESKIMO! *gasp*

HAHAHAHHAHA!
Oh I just love the idea of everyone waiting for her, just knowing what she's up to. And Zoe's expression of "you've doubled our mascara bill".

Also *bounces*
You CAD <33333

BWAHAHAHAHA this is absolutely BRILLIANT! Especially love Oliver's villainous streak. Knew he had to have one in there somewhere.

(Just wondering: did I inspire you with my sleep-runny mascara? I was shocked and horrified when I saw it in the mirror!)

LOL, no, that was well after I'd written this. So maybe I actually MADE your mascara run! Oh what a sucky superpower!

Hahahah, had to apply a new layer of mascara to truly feel the feelings you can feel here! Success!!!

Celine has FEELINGS you can FEEL.

It has to be about her. There is something running in this family that makes the women - and Zoe - genetically capable of making themselves the centre of attention.

I like the absurdity of it: everyone knows it's fake but it still is dramatic. A tramody.

And Oliver is the villain. *gasps*