Lyra Gardhouse (gardhouse) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2011-09-04 16:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | lyra gardhouse, thanatos |
WHO: Lyra Gardhouse & Thanatos
WHEN: Friday night/Saturday morning
WHERE: Lyra's apartment
WHAT: Falling under the thrall of Eros
WARNINGS: Sex
Thanatos really didn't know what had come over him. He'd spend most of his time avoiding Lyra, and spending time with his brothers. He missed her. He missed her friendship and companionship, but he'd gone and ruined that. All because of his honesty. It was really something he ought to stop.
But then suddenly he'd had the urge to go see her. To be with her. To say all the things he had not yet said. He'd stopped in the middle of his work and clocked out early, something that had never happened before. He'd told his boss he had to go tell a girl he loved her, changed and gone to Lyra's place. He would have appeared there, but he was afraid she'd be frightened by that. So he just appeared on her doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and a hopeful smile, ringing the doorbell once he'd calmed himself down enough.
Lyra couldn't explain it either. She'd been trying to forget about Thane - Thanatos - but it was almost impossible, not just because he had been her friend but because he'd changed her entire world in just a few minutes. That wasn't something she could forget.
But then something happened and all she wanted was Thanatos to be there. She didn't care that he was this terrifying thing, or that he'd kept that from her. Suddenly nothing mattered but belonging to him, being with him.
She'd dressed to go out to his work to find him when someone knocked on her door. Frustrated by their presence she went to open it to tell them to leave, but instead it was just who she'd been looking for.
"Thane," she said to him, her smile one of complete adoration. "You came."
He smiled at her. She was as radiant as ever. He was an idiot to stay away, to not keep her close and promise her that everything would be alright. He wouldn't hurt her.
"Of course I did." He gave her an awkward smile and held out the flowers to her, "I brought you these. I know I made it all wrong, but I had to see you Lyra. I miss you. It's not the same without you. You make me smile."
Lyra took the flowers from him, but she barely even looked at them. She was just watching him. Shaking her head quickly she said, "no, no, it wasn't you, I shouldn't have reacted like that. I-"
But there was a better way to say this, because words would never do. Lyra closed the gap between them and then kissed him, her lips warm and yielding against his.
He'd been abut to argue right back, on how all of this mess was his fault, but then she did the smart thing and kissed him. And all he could do was wrap his arms around her and kiss her back, hungrily and needingly.
Lyra drew back from the kiss eventually but she stayed close, her breath catching in her throat. "I love you," she whispered to him. "I'm sorry that I didn't say it before." She didn't know why she'd never said it, but it felt like before a few hours ago she'd never even thought it. How could that be?
"No. I love you too. I need you to know that. I would never hurt you Lyra," gently he brushed her hair from her eyes. He needed her to understand that, "that's never what I've been about. Fate decides how long anyone lives. I can't take anyone who is not destined to die that particular moment."
"I know, I know," Lyra assured him and then she smiled. "You have to come inside. This shouldn't be in the hallway like this."
She kept hold of Thanatos' hand as she led him inside, closing the door behind him. "I should never have reacted like that," she said, turning back to him again, desperate to always be close to him. If she stopped touching him or moved away then it felt like nothing could be okay again. "Forgive me for being afraid? Forgive me for hurting you like that?" She ran her hand across his cheek, tender and loving.
Smiling he stepped inside before he leaned into her touch, keeping his arms around her waist. She belonged there. "There is nothing to forgive." Smiling he kissed the palm of her hand. "I should be the one asking for forgiveness." He leaned his head against hers, letting his fingers roam along her back. "I did not show you something nice. I startled you. It's so rare I meet anyone like you Lyra. Someone that brightens everything around me. I need that sometimes."
"I need you," Lyra told him with a small smile, tearful with joy at being in his arms. With their foreheads against each other she felt at peace, her breath warm against her skin. "Whatever happens, just don't leave me again. You're all that I need. Just you."
Smiling he traced his fingers along her cheeks. "I'm not going to leave you Lyra. Not now. Not ever. I promise that. For as long as I stay alive I am yours."
Lyra couldn't believe how she felt, how amazing and wonderful it was just to be with him. She understood the cliche about people feeling like their hearts would explode with joy. She thought it was just a saying but right then, with Thanatos, she really did feel like her heart couldn't contain it all.
"Thanatos," she whispered, her eyes on his. "Will you come to bed with me?"
The question threw him off balance, but part of him had been hoping for it. He knew he wanted her. More then anything else he had ever wanted in his life. And that had been a long one.
Smiling he nodded, "if you'll have me. I'm terribly rusty though." Smiling he kissed her, slow and steady, before he drew back.
"I'll have you," Lyra smiled. "For as long as you'll let me." She leaned into the kiss and knew that no one else had ever made her this happy. No one ever could.
Then she took his hand in hers and led Thanatos towards her bedroom, closing the door quietly behind them before she kissed him again, wrapping her arms around him. Had she ever needed anything this badly? It seemed like every desire in her life paled in comparison.
Always," he promised her before letting her lead him into the bedroom. His heart raced. He had never felt anything this needing before. He felt like if this was stopped, then surely he would fade right then and there.
He returned her kiss, pressing her close and wrapping his fingers around her hair.
Lyra sighed into the kiss, her hands slipping cautiously beneath his shirt and finding warm skin beneath. Maybe he was Death, maybe she should be scared, but he was warm and alive and he was hers.
"I love you," she whispered again, her lips moving to his throat. "Thanatos, I love you."
"I know," he whispered against her lips, too busy to remove his shirt for her before going to remove her own shirt. "All I know is to love you." He wasn't very poetic, but he'd never been. He hoped she wouldn't mind.
Gently he pushed her to the bed.
Lyra didn't need poetry. Thanatos was perfect just as he was and she only hoped that she could be everything that he needed and wanted.
She tried to get rid of her clothes quickly, too in love to worry about any of her usual insecurities. Beneath her clothes there was scars that littered her torso from the accident that had claimed her parents and almost taken her. Usually she hated people seeing the extent of them but this was different. Thanatos loved her, completely, and Lyra trusted in that.
His skin against her skin and Lyra moaned quietly at the feeling of it. She didn't know how she'd lived so long without having him like this.
He set her down on the bed once the clothes were off, tracing his fingers down her scars. His touch was almost like a devotion, tracing every part of her that made her, her and beautiful.
He looked up to her brushing his finger between her breasts. "You are beautiful."
Lyra's smile was adoring and she was drinking in his appearance as well. "When you say that I believe it." His fingers on her skin made her shiver.
He grinned at her, leaning down to kiss along her collarbone. He would make sure to always tell her she was beautiful. She deserved to hear it a dozen times over.
His smile was everything to her and she smiled as well, bright and joyful. She wished this had happened before. They could have saved themselves weeks of heartache. She ran her fingers through his hair, along his torso, wanting to touch every part of him and remember it forever.
He agreed that this should have happened so much sooner. IT would have made everything so much better, and so much easier. He would make up for lost time.
He shivered into her touch, kissing down along every inch of her skin that he could find. He wanted to worship her, find every piece that would make her moan or squirm.
Lyra was doing the same, exploring his flesh with her hands, her mouth, stopping only to kiss him properly. She felt like this could last forever. There was no clock in the bedroom and Lyra couldn't tell if they'd been lying there entangled for ten minutes or an hour. Everything was a happy blur.
He wanted to take his time with this. They had lost too much of that already. And he was good with time and patience. Good things came to those who waited, and he wanted to remember every last little bit of her.
Lyra kept saying it, kept whispering how much she loved him, how much she needed him. She couldn't help herself. She felt like the words would spill out by themselves.
Finally she whispered, "please, Thanatos." Her lips met his. "I want you inside of me."
He smiled into the kiss, because how could he deny her when she pleaded so for him? He settled his hand under her the back of her thigh, pulling her closer as he moved inside of her, biting her lip with a groan. Moaning in delight he began to move, keeping his eyes on her, wanting to see what he was doing to her.
Lyra arched herself against him with a half-gasp, locking eyes with him as he moved within her. This. This was exactly what she needed, the only thing. Forget the world because none of it mattered. She wanted nothing more than to make love to Thanatos like this forever, those dark eyes so intent on her. She smiled, feeling complete for the first time, and leaned up to kiss him, matching his rhythm.
Thanatos had always felt separate from the world. Like he did not truly belong. But now, like this, being so utterly connected to her he felt like he did not belong anywhere else.
He kept his pace slow, even though it was torture on himself, continuing to kiss her as he moved, wanting to feel everything, and yet part of him wanted to see her beg.
Each movement was more amazing than anything else she'd felt. She'd been with men before and she'd even been in love before - at least she thought she had. But it had never felt like this. This with Thanatos was true love and everything else was a pale imitation.
Against his throat Lyra moaned his name, her fingertips holding tightly to him, almost afraid he'd disappear from her now.
A growl slipped from his lips as she whispered his name into his skin, his fingers tightening onto her leg. Steadily he increased his pace, whispering against her skin.
Lyra could feel every inch of her skin humming, her whole body more alive than ever here in the arms of death. She turned her head to kiss him, the movement rough and messy and all-consuming. She just needed all of him, and she knew he needed her just as much. That somehow was even better than any of the rest of it.
He eagerly returned her kiss, using teeth and tongue all together. All he knew was her, feeling her underneath him and around him. His entire being seemed to just be her, and reaching for that perfect moment.
No other man had made Lyra feel like this, so utterly caught within the moment of it all. His name caught in her throat, desperate, pleading, a prayer for the only god she needed.
The sound of his name made him burn with pleasure. She loved him and it was all he needed to know. Desperately, his pace increased, needing more of this.
Lyra could feel the pleasure building within her and she arched against him more, whispering words that were hardly words at all, snatches of Greek caught up within them. "Please," she whispered to him. "Thanatos, please." She couldn't have told him what she was begging for, only the knowledge that if he stopped touching her she would surely die.
"Just let go. Let me see you," he breathed it into her ear, moving his fingers in between their bodies, not wanting to give into the rush of pleasure before she had.
His fingers made her draw sudden surprised breath and her mouth opened, her words becoming more unintelligible now. She tried to keep her eyes on his even as her body felt like it was stretching to its edges. Her skin was on fire, her hands shaking, and then Lyra cried out, pushing her head back into the pillow behind her with an almost pained whimper, fingers digging into his arm and his waist as she flooded with pleasure.
Seconds after, he let himself go, allowing the pleasure to flood him and make him cry out. For the longest time, he felt nothing but bliss. When his head came down he nuzzled her throat, kissing along her skin as he regained his breath.
Comfortably numb, Lyra ran her hands over Thanatos' back. The both of them were damp with sweat and flushed, his chest against hers as they both slowly caught their breath. "I love you," she whispered against his ear. "Forever."
He smiled to the whisper, drawing back enough so he wouldn't be hurting her before sliding down beside her. He kissed her shoulder, using one hand to brush her hair from her eyes. "Always. Until time ends."
Lying next to Thanatos she smiled, ridiculously happy. She couldn't stop touching him, her fingers ever searching for more of him to stroke. She leaned in closer to him. "I'll wear pretty dresses for you," she promised, remembering that horrible argument. It didn't matter now though. They were together.
That made him smile and he curled close to her, keeping his arms around her. "I think I would like that."
Then she would. She'd do anything to make him happy. She drew herself closer to him and she thought she'd say something else but instead she slept. Sometime in the night she woke, still happy and safe in his arms, and they made love again.
The next time Lyra woke it was in mid-morning light and she blinked against the day, feeling groggy and a little confused. Someone's arms were around her and Lyra remembered suddenly and horribly the night before.
She sat bolt upright with a gasp, yanking the sheet against her naked chest and staring wide-eyed at Thanatos.
Thanatos had slept better then he'd ever had. He'd felt warm, secure, and like he belonged. It was a good feeling.
But then he was jerked awake because the person in his embrace had suddenly jerked back like he was on fire. When his mind finally connected all the dots and forced him awake he blinked. He remembered last night. Vividly. He didn't know how to feel. As a rule, he should stand above that. So whatever it had been it must have been powerful. OR he was older and more forgotten then he thought.
Calmly he removed his arm from her and cleared his throat, glancing aside. What did you even say in situations like this?
Everything was so clear, so horribly clear. Finally Lyra gathered herself enough to ask, fearfully, "what did you do?" Because this had to be him having done something to her. She remembered how utterly in love she'd been with him last night and this morning... this morning she was just Lyra, embarrassed and ashamed.
He frowned to that. She had a right to ask, but it still didn't sit right. "Nothing." He didn't want to spook her so he made himself sit up and turn away from her to preserve her dignity.
"I am in no way, shape, or form able to make you feel like that. I was under the same influence as you were." He sighed. This was just getting all the more complicated. Half hidden by blankets he pulled his pants back on, keeping his back to her, before getting up and shrugging on his shirt. "I am sorry."
Lyra had not moved at all apart from sitting up. She remained almost statue still, clutching the sheet like it was the only thing keeping her steady. "But... something... that wasn't right." She knew that much, but she also believed him when he said he hadn't done it. She didn't know why, but she did. "Who did that to us?"
He shook his head. "I'm not sure. Eros, I imagine." He wouldn't put it past the Love God to certainly try. He'd have a word with said God. He didn't like his emotions toyed with, and he liked it even less that Eros may have done it to Lyra. The woman had done nothing to deserve that.
But Olympians had a strange view of things. "I'll let you get dressed."
For the first time Lyra moved, shifting on the bed as though she meant to reach out for him. She didn't though.
"You-" she said and then licked her dry (and slightly bruised, she noticed) lips. "Are you leaving?" she asked him. Despite what had happened she found she didn't want that.
Her question made him frown and glance back before looking back away from her. "Not unless you want me to." He had expected she would want him to leave, but if she didn't he was in no hurry to get anywhere. He wanted to make sure she would be alright.
"Take your time," with that, he walked out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to let her gather her wits. Figuring he ought to make her some breakfast he set about making her some pancakes.
In the bedroom Lyra worked on composing herself as much as she could. The events of last night were still so fresh and vivid in her mind, and Lyra pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes so hard it brought white spots into her vision but it didn't dim the images of Thanatos over her, or the sensation of his lips against her skin.
She shivered, unsure of how she felt. Confused, scared, violated. Although as she dressed she realised she didn't feel any of those things about Thanatos. He'd said Eros had done this and she knew enough mythology to know that happened to a lot of people.
Finally she emerged from the bedroom, dressed in jeans and long sleeves, feeling like he'd already seen her too naked in every way. "Hi," she said from the doorway, not quite sure what else to add to that.
It was never right when Olympians played like this. He'd been used the same way, and he felt like he'd used Lyra's trust against him. He had no idea how to help her though. All he knew was how to comfort someone when they lay dying.
His siblings would be no help, save maybe Elpis. When he heard her he turned and smiled at her. "Hello." He motioned to the plate near him, "it's the only thing I know how to make well." Quietly he set the plate on the table, "eat something."
Lyra sat silently and looked at the pancakes for a moment before starting to eat them slowly. She felt a little sick but it seemed rude to refuse. (Which seemed a little strange to feel rude about after what had happened.)
She said nothing for a very long time, instead just sitting and chewing as she thought of all the things that couldn't be said but might need to be. Eventually she said quietly, "does Eros do this a lot?" without looking up from the plate.
He sighed to the question, "yes. He thinks he's helping people when he uses their emotions against him." He shrugged, "Don't ask me to explain it, but it's how he works. That, or he does it out of spite or revenge. I imagine you know the tale of Daphne? That was revenge. Fortunately most he seems to do looks to be temporary. It doesn't make it any better though."
He leaned against the kitchen counter, keeping his distance from her. He didn't think she'd want him near. "Whatever else, I'll have a word with him. It won't do anything, but it's needed."
This was all still over Lyra's head. It isn't right, she wanted to say, but that much was obvious. Gods existed and they could do whatever they liked.
Lyra stared down at the half eaten pancake. The silence grew long and uncomfortable before Lyra said, very quietly, "I've missed you."
He knew it wasn't right, but he wasn't in a position to do much about it. He could only do what his duties said he could.
He barely heard her but it made him smile. He ducked his head and let it go before nodding. "I missed you too. And I promise you Lyra this is not how I wanted us to re-connect. I will do all I can to put this to right."
Lyra looked up at him, pulling her sleeve down over her hand a little further as though any show of skin at all right now would be too much. She nodded to his words, a little unsure but wanting to acknowledge them.
"I believe you," Lyra told him instead, her voice still a little lost. "I trust you when you say this wasn't your fault."
"I know you believe me. I still feel bad." Not that he'd been able to help himself either. Eros really needed to stop that. Even Thanatos, and he considered himself a very calm being, wanted to strangle the Love God for this.
"I wish I could help Lyra. I don't know what to say or do. Can I get you anything?"
"I just-" Lyra shook her head, messy curls dancing around her cheeks as she did. "Can we just pretend that last night didn't happen? Because I just can't-" she lifted her hands to press them against the sides of her face as she took a deep breath. "It's too much."
"Alright, I can do that." He doubted he would forget it, but he could pretend for her sake. Smiling he walked to the table to sit in front of her. "Anything else?"
Lyra looked up at him, expression lost and upset and then suddenly she snorted with laughter, covering her mouth and sure it was about to turn into distressed tears. But she managed to calm herself down and shook her head, her smile resting somewhere between amused and traumatized.
"Is it always like this with you?" she asked him, resting her forehead on her hand now as she watched him. "Have I signed up for constant madness?"
He shrugged, "I don't know. I now I did wrong by you by not letting you settle into the idea, by breaking it to you in a less then kind way, and I apologize for that."
He reached his hand out to settle it on her shoulder, "I will do what I can to keep you safe. This will not happen again."
Lyra didn't shrug him off, although she wasn't sure about the contact right now. Not because of what he was, but because of the touches still in her mind from the night before. She nodded a little. When she raised her eyes there was still caution there. "I think maybe you should go," Lyra said to him quietly. She needed time with all of this. Again. "But... can I come see you at the hospital? I need... I just need some time right now."
"Of course." Smiling he released her hand and rose. If time was what she needed, he would give her that. He had plenty of it, and he was a patient being. She would come to him when she needed it.
"You know where to find me." He paused for a moment, "and I meant what I said. Influence or not." He smiled to her before moving to leave the apartment.
Lyra couldn't even begin to form a response to that. She opened her mouth as though she would but all that came out was a small sound of confusion and slight alarm. But then she closed her mouth and Thanatos was gone, leaving Lyra alone with her apartment full of memories.