WHO: Zoe & Greed WHEN: October 18 [Backdated] WHERE: Madison House WHAT: Greed unable to deal with what he did WARNING: None Note: The log reads backwards
She sat up and looked at him, a crease over her own brow, "That's.. I don't know! You don't have a time machine.." she threw up her hands, "Why are you acting like you don't know me?" he knew what made her happy, what she liked and disliked. She felt like he was trying to buy a clear conscience. She threw the covers back, she needed food.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 5:25 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I'm going to be mad to be mad...." he poked his fat bottom lip out with a crease over his brow. "What would make you happy?" He hated admitting that. Not what did she want, but what made her happy.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 7:45 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe stared at him as he turned into an even bigger baby, "Are you really going to be mad at me because you feel guilty?" she sighed, "Of course you are.." because he was such a brat. It didn't help they hadn't eaten yet either...
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 4:36 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He didn't like when she called him out. It was like cyanide in his system, a poison to feel this kind of shame. He'd put it on himself, and he knew she was right. He wanted to shove it all on her, make it her fault but doing that never made it go away either. It was all on him, he had to deal with it. The pout on his face only grew longer.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 6:48 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She wrinkled her nose and said, "Greed... you're making this out to be like I'm trying to get something out of you. Like I'm the one that gave you guilt. I didn't give that to you. That's all you, Avaritia." and she poked him in the chest. She was not gonna take responsibility for his feelings.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 3:44 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "Something you like? Something you'd want?" He knew though this wouldn't be anything money could really buy. This had to be bigger didn't it? It wasn't about him, and that was the hardest thing to grasp.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 2:43 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: It was cute how seriously he was taking this and it was also really respectful. "If sex didn't work.. then what else can it be? Do you think maybe... it deals with more than sex?" trying to remind him gently that he had feelings for her, love smushy ones that he always forgot when he forgot her.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 11:36 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed looked down to his hand, which easily looked like he was grabbing her. "I dunno. Sex didn't work. I even had fun going down on you but I still feel bad." Sex should cure everything.
On Oct 28, 2015 12:32 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She couldn't help but let out a small laugh, "Ahhh so you're worried about destroying me cause you don't like feeling guilty. I seeeee...." she brought their joint hands to her chest and said, "How can we fix this...." and she looked deep in thought even if she was teasing a bit.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 9:28 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "And what happens when I do destroy you? The guilt will be worse..." This was the reason Sins and relationships probably didn't mesh. Was Wrath happy? What about what Sloth did to Digger? It was a very unhealthy mix.
On Oct 28, 2015 11:52 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She threaded her fingers through his to calm his shaking, "Doesn't that mean you should love me as much as you can right now?"
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 8:06 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I dont know..." and when he admitted that his hand started to shake. What could he do to take it away? "I'm going to destroy you eventually and I hate that..."
On Oct 28, 2015 10:33 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She hadn't been expecting that but was glad to hear it actually. "Yeah..." she didn't say he shouldnt feel guilty or he didn't hurt her, because he did. "You have any solutions..?" because she didn't.
On Wed, Oct 28, 2015 at 7:21 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I can't get rid of the guilt." He hated the guilt that was now plaguing him like a fungus. Nothing he did took it away. "I'm not supposed to hurt you, but I keep doing it." She should leave him now beforw he killed her. The self-loathe was kicking in, especially now in a deadzone.
On Oct 27, 2015 11:40 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She turned her head and looked at him when he kissed her shoulder, her hands still tangling with him. They had matching marks on their necks tho hers had started to get hints of black and blue to it. It was so rare to have silence with him but she didn't find it awkward. But she knew that his brain was never silent, "What's going on in there.." she asked softly.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 8:30 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Her hands were so soft. He kissed her bare shoulder, sliding his fingers in and out between hers. He liked that feeling---that feeling of protection. He was keeping her safe.
On Oct 27, 2015 8:40 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: At least they were together.. she wasn't pushing him away, he wasn't feeling hurt, she wasn't feeling forgotten.. it was a nice peaceful time. Even if it was weird to not hear Sammy snoring on his doggy bed. She thought she had things to say and ask... but she let the quiet dominate for a little while longer, still playing with his hand with both of hers. She pressed the palm of her hand against the palm of his, his hand dwarfing hers.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 5:36 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Of course it didn't fix anything, and he felt no less guilty than before. It was moments like now that he didn't mind the quiet, just watching her be content with him again.
On Oct 27, 2015 8:31 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe wasn't expecting Greed to eat her out and it was a very sweet gesture, it provided some stress relief from the weekend and when they had sex.. it wasn't fucking, it was making love. It felt more like them and that also made her feel more settled. Afterwards while being naked in their bed, she just played with his hand like she used to, moving his thick fingers back and forth or tracing the tattoo on his wrist. She was quiet and things between them were better but it wasn't a fix all.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 2:46 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: The thing was Greed hated that intense guilt he felt in the pit of his stomach. He loathed it. So, when he made her feel good, she not only glowed, but it helped strip away that guilt. It made him do something that had a far more positive outcome. She never asked him to do anything to please her, so when he did it he meant it. He was prideful about a lot of things, but when he couldn't always get the right reaction from her through sex, he knew one way that always blew her mind.
The peach fuzz that had started to grow on his chin tickled her stomach as he kissed a trail all the way down and settled his face between her legs. This was his way of apologizing and stripping away that fucking guilt.
On Oct 27, 2015 5:34 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She lifted her arms so he could take his shirt off her and she closed her eyes as he kissed the horrid mark around her neck, it'd be a few more days before it would change colors and fade. When he asked her what else.. well the answer was, "Just you." it was all she ever asked from him, himself. His thoughts and feelings and heart and touch, she wanted him. She didn't want him to be someone or something else, she didn't demand he give her things, he was always enough for her.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 2:30 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He kissed nearly every spot that the collar had left on her neck, soft far more gentle than the the night before. When his chin stopped at the collar of her shirt, he leaned up to peel it off. He was doing what he should have done when they first got to Madison, giving her the attention she deserved. He kissed her lower and lower when he finally had a plethora or skin to touch. He leaned back to her mouth. "Tell me what else..." he wanted her to know he'd swung the door wide open.
On Oct 27, 2015 5:14 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her hands went from his side to across his lower back adn then upwards and at his question, she whispered back, "This." what he was doing now, loving her, being with her, it was all she wanted.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 2:10 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He caressed her face like he was seeing it again for the first time. More than anything else he always forgot how much she was willing to give him when she was happy and safe. When she felt that he was there with her, Zoe would do anything for him. He leaned down to kiss her neck, whispering in her ear to tell him what he could do for her now.
She loved feeling his weight on her , it was smothering in the best way. Her hands touched his sides, sliding gently up and down as he kissed her and when he asked, she wasn't sure either. "We've never been able to figure out what you can do.. I don't know if there is anything. I guess.. when you do remember, remember what we have. How much I love you. How much you love me." she said looking up at him. Because when he forgot her, he forgot them.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 1:32 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He rolled over so he was laying on top of her, slipping his fingers in and out of her hair. She was finally getting some good length to it. He'd also grown partial to the long bob. He kissed her again, his way of agreeing and listening to what she said. "What can I do?" He was as lost as she was on how to prevent this the next time.
On Oct 27, 2015 2:47 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: This was really all she wanted, him to hold her and love her and for her to feel protected. "I know... you care about what they think.. you can't help it... I know what it's like. As much as I don't want to care about what my dad thinks, I do. I care a lot. I want him to like you and I want him to tell me that he's happy for me, for us. But he won't. Ever. But I don't think I'll ever stop hoping for it. So I get it... but I don't ever want to let it blind me to us." which is what he always let happen.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 11:40 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I get so mad..." it clouded his judgement because it was a threat. Lust. The demon deal. When they baited him and riled him up he just snapped and even with Zoe there this time, he was so focused on impressions that he forgot she was there to be included. He curled his arms around her and smothered her in his chest.
On Oct 27, 2015 2:26 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: They'd been in that situation before and he'd told her to push hard to snap him out of it but she always froze or if she was too hurt herself she didn't know how to deal with him. "Neither do I..." she felt lost and curled into him, her smaller body a perfect fit against him. She closed her eyes when he whispered, she didn't want him to forget her either. But it was one of those very real possibilties that lurked in their future and she couldn't help but keep crying because just a couple of weeks ago they'd been talking about having a baby..
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 11:22 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I don't know what to do when I'm in that zone." He didn't. Zoe had taught him so much, but they hadn't figured out how to make him remember she wasn't just his toy to break. "I don't want to forget you," he said in a whisper.
On Oct 27, 2015 1:06 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: He was being very gentle and sweet and she was relaxing the more he did it. She closed her eyes in the kiss and stayed super close to him as she said, "I'm not scared of you... I'm scared you're going to forget me one day and not remember again." yeah, he forgot her for a moment... if one day that 'moment' lasted years, then what?
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 10:01 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Her tears could always burn a hole straight through him. The only woman that could bury herself in him like that. For her to be scared of him again, he hated that feeling. "I don't want you to be afraid of me." She was opening up, not beating him against a wall and he was always fearful when she pushed him away. Zoe was delicate. Humans were delicate, but this one was his. He gave her an Eskimo kiss with his nose and another sweet kiss. He was sorry, he just couldn't say it in words.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 12:50 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: It hurt but was a relief to hear him admit it and when he kissed her, she put an arm around him and held on to him. Tears still slid now and then down her cheeks and when it broke she kept being honest, "I think that scared me more than she did..." Lust's actions had been horrific but Greed's reactions to her actions, afterward, those really struck Zoe hard.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 9:39 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "For a moment I did. I didn't mean to." As much as Greed didn't want to hurt her he always did. He slid a finger down her cheek where it feathered her bottom lip. He curled his thumb under her chin and gave her a sweet, satisfying kiss.
On Tue, Oct 27, 2015 at 2:50 AM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She could understand that.. he had a bad habit of doing it, going 100 mph ahead and she couldn't keep up. But she'd been a mess, she hadn't had the frame of mind to deal with him not being there. "I felt so alone... like you forgot me." she admitted, her voice breaking. The only thing that had really kept her mind from falling apart was the fact they were in Madison, their home.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 11:46 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I was still reeling ahead, I couldn't stop." He hadn't slowed down for her, he'd left her behind. It was why she couldn't see him when they got there.
On Oct 27, 2015 2:40 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She wasn't quite so stiff with him anymore as he continued being loving and said, "I know.. But after..." that's where she was getting lost. Because everything he was saying was understandable while they were there.. but Lust couldn't see them after they left. And he still hadnt been angry, he had been the same.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 11:36 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I was wrapped up in my own head...making sure Lust didn't catch on to anything..." he kissed her neck, her cheek and the tops of her eyelids. "I get mental around Lust. I was so focused I left you behind..." saying it made him see the horrible realization. "She still used me. She backed me into a corner and I let her and I hate that."
On Oct 27, 2015 2:26 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She closed her eyes again at his gentle kisses and touches, feeling more like him. "I know you said you were playing a part... but you weren't angry even after we left..." and that had hit her hard. That he had said he was faking it but there was no reason to fake it in Madison but he was the same.. which only meant he hadn't been faking it at the club, in her mind at least.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 11:22 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com>wrote: He kissed her temple, his hands curling into her hair. He was still on Lust's puppet strings, and he could see it now. He wasn't as broken from her as he'd hoped, and it was still digging into his relationship with Zoe. "I should have been." He should have stood up for his things, because what kind of Sin of Greed was he if he couldn't hold on to his prize in front of his family?
On Oct 27, 2015 1:48 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She accepted his unspoken apology because she needed him. She burrowed into him and told him exactly how she felt, "I wanted you to be angry.." she said quietly. "When my dad had let Poseidon break my arm and not done anything, you were so mad.. and this time..." he hadn't been angry. He hadn't been stomping around like a lunatic like he normally would. He had been resigned.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 10:45 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com>wrote: He didn't say the words, but his kiss was a delicate 'I'm sorry' to forgetting her in this big overvlown charade he'd pulled.
On Oct 27, 2015 12:02 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She closed her eyes as he showed her some tenderness and shifted closer to him even tho there wasn't much room between them. She needed comfort and he hadn't been able to provide it. She was still seeking it out, needing love and kindness and warmth.... everything his sister had sucked right out of him.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 8:59 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Damn her leaky eyes. He nuzzled her nose softly, a small kiss to follow. He always forgot that part when he was wrapped up in himself. She wasn't going to do what the rest of them did.
On Oct 26, 2015 10:10 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She looked hurt at that and said, "Because I'm not cruel. Because I love you. Because I have to believe you love me too or there is no reason for me to have a home and a life with you despite what happened with your sister." she had a stony resolve but her eyes were wet because she felt like he was poking her with a needle when she was already so raw.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 7:00 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "And why not?" He threw back her own question. It was how a child pushed back when he was in pain. He didn't want to admit that she'd been right or that he'd done wrong. He didn't want to think he had but he did and that's what was eating away at him.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 9:53 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She stayed quiet for a few moments and then said, "I can't control your siblings... but you are NOT a joke to me. You never have been. You are the man I love and want to be with. Yes, you hurt me, yes I feel abandoned and uncared for, yes it was all very shitty... but none of that makes you a joke. And it's insulting you'd think I could ever think that of you."
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 6:32 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I don't want to look like a joke to them and to you! How can I show my face in a church when I feel so shitty?" And the dark cloud looming over his head finally burst open and let all the rain pour down. He'd gotten exactly what he wanted. He'd gotten the humiliation that she'd felt and was lashing out.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 9:28 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe looked cross because he was being such a brat, "Then what do you want?" she asked him because she really didn't know anymore. He was so far in his head and up his ass, she couldn't reach him.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 6:26 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed let out an agitated huff. "Because I don't want to!" Did he have to dig around and give her more than that? He didn't want to give her more. He wanted to stick with being a brat. He wanted as far away from reality as possible where he didn't have to face the fact that he was just constantly tripping over his own two feet to hold his crown on his head. It wasn't there anymore, he'd lost it, and the one he'd made for her to be his queen.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 9:20 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: And the thing was Zoe had a lot of patience, much more so than his siblings so she kept following the loops, trying to close them, "Because why.."
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 6:18 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "Because..." he had no real answer that wasn't a childish one. He continuously looped her around in circle after circle to avoid answering the question because he flat out didn't feel like it. He was a joke again, but this time to her.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 9:15 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: When he squeezed her, it brought her closer to him, her nose bumping into his, "Why not.." she pressed.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 6:06 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He hadn't yet opened his eyes, he just wiggled his nose. He was just a lonely shithead that couldn't do anything right. Maybe she deserved to hate him. Being with him only brought sadness and pain. Why would she want it. He squeezed tighter as she asked him again the reason he wasn't going to church. "I don't feel like it."
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 8:41 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She wriggled around so she could turn to face him, "Why." she said even tho it was a question. It's not like she was fun right now that he wanted to be with her.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 5:38 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "Now." He was being a brat, he didn't care how childish it seemed. He wanted her to know he hurt too. They both were wounded soldiers without a means to mend each other and it was just a cycle of uncomfortable sadness that neither of them would address.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 8:25 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: "When are you ever not in the mood to go to church.." she said and opened her eyes. But she was facing the wall so she couldn't see him. He sounded depressed but she was still pretty wounded too so didn't know if she had the energy to take care of him.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 5:07 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "Not in the mood." It was rare when he wanted to curl into a ball and just lay there in his own mess. This was one of those times. She'd seen him depressed (really depressed) one other time, and this was right up there with just wallowing because he couldn't fix what he'd messed up---and he couldn't figure out how to fix it.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 8:04 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She frowned, "Why not...?" she'd known him for three years and in all that time she could count on one hand the days he missed church.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 5:00 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com>wrote: "Not today...." his voice tapered off, not even in a whine, just defeated. She'd managed to hit where she always did, right where it would hurt the most. Right where his ridiculous human feelings vibrated off each other.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 7:56 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She stretched her body, her toes pointing and when her foot settled back, it was hooked around one of his legs. Her eyes were still closed as she said, her voice hoarse with sleep, "So you have church."
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 4:54 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "So?" he mumbled, his eyes closed as he kept himself curled with her, not wanting to move from the warmth of the bed outside of the house. They'd wasted time in Madison just butting heads with each other. He didn't feel like wasting the time away from her. He didn't feel like doing anything, he just wasn't in that bouncy, bubbly mood.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 7:51 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe heard the alarm but drifted back to sleep too but when she stayed warm with Greed's big body curled around her still, she wriggled against him, "Greed... it's Sunday." she murmured. Her leg moving backwards between his legs.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 4:46 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed couldn't leave her completely alone. His feelings were hurt, he felt like shit, but he didn't want to leave her alone their whole weekend in Madison. He snuggled up to her, keeping her warm and at least pretending for a while that things were okay. He could pretend couldn't he? Or was he not allowed anymore? He knew better, he knew Zoe didn't say he couldn't do anything---except yesterday she had. She had completely flipped him off his feet and made him look like the ass. Now who was really humiliated? He was too depressed that morning to get up and go to church. He slept through the alarm. It was at least an hour later and he hadn't budged out of bed for anything.
On Mon, Oct 26, 2015 at 6:59 PM Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: They avoided each other most of the day and Zoe worked upstairs, wallpapering the room across from theirs. Thinking of how it'd never be a nursery. When night came, she changed into one of his shirts cause it smelled like him and crawled into bed, feeling very alone and still hurt and sad. She was half asleep when she felt his weight on the bed and his arms go around her from behind but she was too sad to push him away. She just put her arm over his, her hand on top of his and pressing down gently to thread her fingers with his before she closed her eyes.