WHO: Zoe & Greed WHEN: September 26 [Backdated] WHERE: Zoe's and Greed's apartment WHAT: Roomies WARNING: Panic attacks Note: The log reads backwards
He did stop when she asked but only because she was starting to cry so hard. He kissed her cheek and this time was the one telling her to look at him. He wasn't dead, he was still very much alive and not about to drop of a heart attack. It seemed the best way for him to get out of this panic attack was to focus on her because she was the one upset.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 5:33 PM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She was literally shaking with fear as he kept kissing her. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. "Stop.. stop.." she begged him quietly as tears kept streaming down her face. All she could think was he was going to drop again in her arms and if it happened a third time, she'd drop dead herself.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 2:27 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He remembered that sweet salty kiss when he was the brunette. How she'd hesitated then too, but she'd eventually given in. Neither one of them were really calm, they just needed something. Maybe it was a mistake, but Greed was good at making those. His lips stayed where they were, taking in tiny doses her kisses.
On Aug 9, 2014 4:58 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She made a brief sound of protest as he just went on ahead and kissed her. That was the other difference, if she didn't want something from Chance, the boy would back off without question. But Greed.. he always went full steam ahead because he knew sometimes, she ust couldn't. And left to her own devices, she never would. Her face crumpled when he kissed her, it was powerful because it was their first kiss really in months and she immediately started crying but she didn't pull away. She couldn't.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:48 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: She was scared he knew that from the pound of her heart. It didn't stop him, he wanted her to feel him again as him, not as the zombie boy who didn't even want to touch her. He brushed her lips again, this time he succeeded with that kiss.
On Aug 9, 2014 4:29 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: It was her turn to panic, her hand gripped his hair tight as he tried to finangle a kiss from her. She wanted to but she wasn't ready.. she didn't have any words, he stole them all by just brushing his lips against hers. All she could do was keep her eyes closed and shake her head. She could so easily kiss him and she was weakening to it but a kiss would change everything again. Either she wouldn't feel his love like before.. or worse, she would.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:25 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He nudged her nose with a plead of his own. Just one, just one kiss. The last time she had kissed him he'd felt a fire in his gut before dying in a demon's body. His lips just brushed hers, soft, inviting with a hint if urgency. He needed this. They needed this.
On Aug 9, 2014 2:42 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her lashes lowered when he moved and was so so close to her face. Her own heart started to pound and her lips parted but she didn't move. She didn't know what to say or do. This was Greed. Not the shell that had tried to hold her and been clumsy about it. The shell had become easier to refuse but it was always hard to say no to Greed. Not that he was asking anything right now.. "Greed.." she said his name in a small protest, barely audible. Please don't do this to me..
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 11:38 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Now that the panic attack had worn down he was hot and clammy. He was sticky. When she kissed him he couldn't resist, he turned his head just so their cheeks brushed each other, and their lips write just millimeters apart.
On Aug 9, 2014 2:29 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: It was irritating because he had wanted her gone months ago, "I won't... I'll stay right here with you, okay?" she kept up her gentle strokes and even kissed his clammy cheek.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 11:04 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "If I do you'll leave...." he was desperate, a terrible place to be in, but even Greed could go there. There were too many things swimming around in his head now that he'd settled nicely and comfortably back in his own. It was worse than Kansas and Lithuania put together, this still felt like he was dying and it was a horrible way to go. Bullet wounds were a walk in the park compared to this.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:55 PM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She stroked the back of his head with her hand soothingly and whispered to him, "Why don't you lie down..?" they were on the bed and he could use some sleep. She really didn't know if he was wiling to let go of her or not tho..
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 10:52 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He wasn't okay with it, she was pulling away. The panic in that was still in his eyes. If he couldn't hang onto her then he had lost his own game. He had lost her completely. That was the feeling that kept ripping him up inside in a new tornado of feelings every time. He was going to be sick.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:17 PM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She let basically her heart rate calm his down, it was silent and Zoe only relaxed a little when Greed's breathing came the same as her own. Well, this was gonna be awkward.. she didn't know what to do and kinda shifted in his arms to test if he was okay with letting her go now..
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 10:03 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He wouldn't let go, but eventually he was able to breathe more freely. This wasn't just a hug, it was a desperate one. But even that wasn't going to be enough to keep him calm. He wasn't sure he could keep her there with just a hug. Eventually she would need to breathe herself without him constricted around her.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 2:24 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: His grip was crushing and she found she'd missed it.. a normal person wouldn't be able to breathe and neither could Zoe but in a good way. She'd missed having him hold her close like he wanted to absorb her and she closed her eyes when he said he wanted her, she believed him but she believed him on a different level, like she was a toaster again and he didn't want to part with his collection. She nuzzled him, saying quietly, "Shhh... it's okay, we'll talk about it later." he could just hold her for now if that's what made him feel better.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 11:19 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: The tighter he held on the more she felt like she was slipping so he just squeezed her even more in his grip, a boa constrictor that had curled around her for it's feed. He knew if he let her go he was going to lose it again and this time he wouldn't be able to breath at all. "I want you..." he said that a lot but this time it sounded painful as if she was just squeezing out of his arms and never looking back.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 2:02 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She was so confused, "What--" she started to ask but then he just grabbed her. She didn't know what to do... so she just let him hold her. She closed her eyes and rested her head against him as he felt her, she kinda needed this as much as he did. Because she knew she wouldn't get it once he was okay.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:58 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: She was taking herself away again in her words and hurt. "Even if I'd been stuck there I'd still...." he just grabbed her. Her hands were holding his but she could always let go---and if she did he was left holding empty air. He needed something more solid. It still felt like he was going to pass out, and he had more to say now that all those feelings were settling in and bubbling up to the surface. It had been a long time coming.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:51 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her own eyes were getting misty as he rambled because he was right. It should have been his, and it was natural... but not for them. She couldn't give him something that was rightfully his, and that he put in time and energy into a relationship and didn't get that reward. But then he was saying the new face was good but he wasn't happy there either. Which.. she didn't know what to tell him, he was unhappy with her and unhappy with a new face. Well hell, maybe he'll be happy with his old face and someone else. She squeezed his hands, "You'll find something that'll make you happy.." she said in her best encouraging tone. She knew it was in his nature to never be satisfied but still.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:46 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He could feel his heart rate start to climb back down once he'd exhaled so he could finish talking. He was going in circles, each time when he tried to explain even if his breathing was labored, it lessened when she held onto him. "I didn't want to have rely on some stinking Virtue for something so natural....something that should have been mine..." he took in another breath, locking onto her eyes and squeezing her hands back as he went on. "And then I got a new face and it was curious and I wanted what was on the other side," because the grass was always greener on that other side. He shook his head a little more violently in a 'no' fashion, "and it was good but I wasn't happy there either." So maybe death was his own way of nixing the demon deal. "If I hadn't been in that body things wouldn't have ended that way," he swallowed.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:39 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She squeezed his hands so he could remember she was holding them and his words just made her sad. They were true, but still sad. "Breathe.." she said softly. "You did what you wanted to do, what you felt was right for you. There's.. there's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, everyone deserves that." she spoke gently, even if it hurt that his happiness hadn't been with her. "You'll never lose me completely, I'll always be around in some form.." maybe not his girlfriend, but it seemed like it was impossible to live without him. She made him exhale tho so he wouldn't faint.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:35 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Now his words just exploded cramming themselves into each other as he tried to talk and breath at the same time. "That I've completely lost you because I was being me and tried to fix things my way and it just turned into a big mess. I got cocky, restless and just fucked up. I'm a fuck up and now you're gone. Gone....gone, gone." He'd crushed himself in this massive collision.
He inhaled deep, he just needed to be sure he could exhale that breath or pass out.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:25 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She didn't know what to say, he didn't lie. When he said he was unhappy, she knew he meant it and it'd killed her. She squeezed his hands and pulled them in to her chest, "Of what..?" she asked softly, still keeping her brow to his.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:22 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "But it's not fine..." he had meant it when he said it, but right now he was panicking and trying to say anything that kept her from leaving him. It was a tactic that he did use sparingly, and in this case he was losing a lot of blood to his brain. Everything was a fog and he wasn't in the best state of mind. "I'm scared..." it was a fear that wanted to paint him bright red and show him off in shame. He hated it.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:17 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She was confused at first but when he finally spit out what he was talking about, she looked away and went tense. She shook her head, keeping her priority on getting him okay, "It's fine. It's how you felt. It doesn't matter.. you have to calm down." trying to switch it back to him focusing on breathing.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:15 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I didn't mean it..." he said in a crushed voice, ripe with new tears. "I shouldn't have said that," he was speaking without keeping calm and that train revving back up to start this collision course all over again. "That I wasn't happy with you---" he shook his head again swallowing what felt like a fucking boulder down his throat.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:09 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She squeezed his hands hard and was at a loss, "No, no, come on... what is it? You were doing good. Breathe.. inhale.." she seriously was debating taking him to the hospital again even though this was unlike anything he'd gone through before.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:07 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: As she kept listing off the myriad of things that made him happy, he wasn't nodding in agreement. He felt his throat constrict a little and one of his breaths became labored. He shook his head side to side because the one thing he could see wasn't something she wanted to be and that made him panic again.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 1:04 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She looked in his eyes and with every breath she took, she squeezed his hands to get him to take one too, "Horror movies.. Romcoms... pizza... shopping...ties.." she named off all his favorite things that made him happy, purposely avoiding herself or anything related to her. He didn't seem happy with her right now.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:01 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Her grip was the only thing that told him she was there, because her words were far from him. She was unsure, she still put some distance in her words and all he could think about was her. He stayed hooked in those brown eyes trying again for another small breath, and then another. It was slow but he was finally able to gain some control of his own body.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 12:56 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She could feel him trembling and kept the solid grip on his hands and his sweat was rubbing off on her since her nose still touched his, "Like... your car, think of Serena. And.. zombies... video games... egg rolls.. yellow.." she squeezed his hands as she took another breath with him.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 9:53 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com>wrote: Oh holy fuck this felt like it was taking hours, when in reality only a few minutes had passed. Each time she told him to breath he shook his head trying and each time not being successful. Now it was just that horrible gasping for air as if he were swallowing water to get to the surface. He broke eye contact only for a minute, his voice flat out pathetic. "Like what?" he couldn't focus long enough to actually get a visual image in his head, let alone something happy. He was going to die and this time it hurt.
He looked up to the ceiling and then finally swallowed, choking down some of that fear so he could take one tiny breath.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 12:46 AM, Lucky L. <neverluckymore@gmail.com>wrote: She removed her hands only to take his again, gently getting them to uncurl from the sheet and then she gripped them in hers. She touched her brow to his and said, "You need to breathe.. so come on, you can do this. Breathe with me, okay?" she kept her eyes on his and took a deep breath in, "Think of something happy." she let the breathe out and then took another one in again to show him to copy her.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 9:43 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He was drowning wasn't he? He shook his head again but she held him there with her tender words. He was afraid that when he tried to swallow it wasn't going to go down, everything felt completely unreal. Was his body rejecting him? What was happening? He had no idea as this train hit him head on in a collision. He still looked into her eyes, only his became lost in the wet tears.
Was he ever going to get a fucking breath again?
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 12:33 AM, Lucky L.<neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her thumbs stroked the apple of his cheeks as she stared into his blue eyes and spoke soothingly to him, making him focus on her, "It's okay... it's okay... you're okay... I got you." she touched her nose to his, still speaking softly, trying to get his breath to come back and his body to calm.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 9:29 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He was going to crack right down the middle and turn to jello in the worst possible way. He had no structure at all right now, just wibbly wobbly all over the place. He tried breathing without looking at her, his brows forming in an upward slope indicating he was not okay. His brain was practically exploding and everything else was following suit. Is this what dying was really supposed to feel like?
He gripped the sheets in his hands refusing to look at her until she cooed softly for him to open his eyes. When he did, it was the first time she'd looked at him all day. He was already coated in a sheen of sweat, his eyes just desperate pools of blue trying to find focus, even if the dam was about to break open and send him in a flood of tears. Usually he was doing this to keep her calm. He'd never reacted so strongly like this before. He'd also never felt fear quite this intensely.
On Sat, Aug 9, 2014 at 12:13 AM, Lucky L.<neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe was now close to panic and she put her hands on his cheeks, "Look at me, look at me..." she made him look in her eyes, those warm brown bambi eyes, "C'mon, breathe. Slow breaths. Inhale..." she took in a deep breath, "Exhale..." and she let it out, wanting him to copy her. If the storm was taking him, then she'd be the center so he could focus.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 9:09 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "I can't...." he said as his chest constricted tightly. It wasn't like when he'd fallen over with a semi-heart attack. This was a far more violent reaction, like a tornado swooping in from above and spiraling down to destroy him. It was getting out of control and he actually wasn't sure if he was going to land back on the ground.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 11:57 PM, Lucky L.<neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe was actually kinda worried about him. She wanted him to feel what she did but she never could stand to see him in pain. "Breathe..." she said more as a command than anything else. He was freaking her out, "What's wrong?" she actually meant it this time, he seemed to be having some sort of physical reaction.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 8:54 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He shook his head, digging his fingers into his hair so that he didn't have to hear her talk any longer. "Noo....stop. I don't want to hear anymore." He literally could feel his throat start to tighten up and there was this irrational fear that the world was dumping on him and he didn't like it. When she tried to peel his hands back he reacted badly. If he could feel like he was actually dying and never coming back, this felt worse than that.
Fear was not a color Greed wore well, and Zoe had pulled out the worst in it. "Stop talking. Just stop talking..." he could feel himself actually pull away as if he really was in the wrong body now. Death hadn't felt this bad. Greed actually started to shake.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:44 PM, Lucky L.<neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She took his hands and tried to pry them off his ears, "Why? What's wrong?" she asked innocently but her face was dead serious. He had been such a liar when he said he got it earlier. He didn't get it. NOW he was just starting to understand.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 7:41 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "Stop...just STOP!" He let go of her hands to cover his ears. He didn't want to hear anymore it made him ready to puke. He could already feel the acid rise up his throat.
On Aug 8, 2014 9:12 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: "Because it's the truth. You understand don't you? You can't give me what I want so maybe I should see if I'll be happier in the world with someone who can give it. It's not really you, it's just the situation." isn't that basically what he'd been saying? "It's not a big deal... I'll go out and marry someone, maybe have a couple of babies, see how that makes me feel." she let his hand go.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 6:09 PM, Lauren Christensen<prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: She was literally using him as target practice. Gutting him from the sternum down until everything just fell to the floor. "Why are you saying that?" His voice cracked, she was murdering him. He couldn't tell that she wasn't serious.
On Aug 8, 2014 4:32 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She squeezed his hand, "I hope you understand. But I just feel less like myself around you. And I want to see what else is out there. So I can be happy." she knew her words were like hammers at his heart but she needed him to actually feel what he put her through. What it felt like to be crushed and dumped so easily by the one person you loved more than anything. To not be wanted, to be put aside, to be put on hold.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 1:30 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: In his head he started to panic...clearly she was trying to destroy him. He felt like he was dying all over again, only this time from the inside out. What kind of game was she playing??? He was going to vomit.
On Aug 8, 2014 1:55 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She took his hand again because she wanted him to see how much more it hurt when the break up was gentle, "Even if it wasn't Derek... I don't want to be with you because I'm not happy. I want to leave you because maybe I can find someone I can be happier with. Someone who can give me marriage and kids." which was what he couldn't give her just like she couldn't give him sex. "It's not that I don't care for you. But maybe something out there is better." the words were harsh but it was the exact break up he had done to her.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 10:51 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com>wrote: She wouldn't ever say that though. Dick face tried to kill her. But she was serious... If he hadn't been sitting upright his legs would have give out from under him. He just shook his head, jerking his hand from hers as the hurt washed over his face. Unlike Chance there was life in those eyes.
On Aug 8, 2014 12:40 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She shook her head and moved so she was sitting across from him on the bed, "No... before the violence." she took his hand and said, "How would you feel if I told you: Greed, I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm going to marry Derek and see if life with him makes me happier." she said the words like she'd have meant them even tho it was obvious she didn't.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 9:19 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: She was punishing him now for a deal that had reversed itself, but no less still left damage in its wake. "I would hate it and probably react as violently on him as he reacted to me." It made sense then that Greed had pumped Derek up with so much greed that it had resulted in his kidnapping. Greed had put Zoe in the way of danger again without even realizing it.
On Aug 8, 2014 10:10 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She pulled away from him, "If you apologized a million times, it wouldn't be enough. You know when Derek took me... all of that was less scary and painful than you breaking up with me." yes he did die for her, it was why she was sitting here with him but it didn't erase the initial pain. "Do you remember that nightmare you had a few months ago? Where you dreamed that I left you for Derek and married him and had Ava with him?" she finally looked at him, "How would you feel if it'd been real?" because that was what had happened to her, her worst nightmare had come true.
On Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 6:46 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He did understand she just wasn't giving him the chance to. "Zoe, I never said I didn't get it....I just don't know how many times a person can apologize for being stupid." How could he fix things if she kept shoving him out? Did people really do this apology thing all the time?
On Aug 8, 2014 12:25 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: "Ugh, Greed! I don't know! If you don't know what to say then I can't help you. And I'm tired. I'm so tired of you hurting me. I'm exhausted trying to get you to leave so if you want me to be a doll, then fine, maybe I'll just do that. Maybe it'll be easier to just let you wipe your muddy boots on my face. Because you don't get it." she took a breath, "And the thing is, I can't even turn the tables to try to show you my side of things because we feel differently." she couldn't show him how much his rejection hurt her because he didn't want her as much as she did him.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 9:21 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed couldn't have expected his shadow self to follow his footsteps when his own had walked away from Zoe. He'd been asking way too much of just the human self with so little an imprint left to have known what to do with himself. Greed had only pushed a doppelganger on her that had had no idea how to be with her.
"What else can I say?" All she could see was his shadow self, not him at all. She was just protecting herself from further rejection. He could understand that now.
On Aug 7, 2014 11:58 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: “Why? You didn't want me." she shoved at his chest as tears stung her eyes. "Why do you think he'd want me when you dumped me yourself? Do you know what it's like to get rejected twice?" first his heart rejected her then his body, it completely shattered her.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 8:55 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: It didn't take a stroke of genius for him to figure out she needed the whole package to be with him. It wasn't just the billboard body, it was all the gooey bits inside, or it just made things meaningless. Greed used to enjoy meaningless sex, but the challenge had disappeared and it made it hollow. It simply wasn't fun.
"I thought being a part of me he'd want you." Butt being just a shell, Chance had only looked to find something familiar, but it was as equivalent to someone waking up with memory loss---even the most usual things were foreign.
On Aug 7, 2014 11:49 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She took a breath and then continued, "Now imagine... imagine I made you feel like that." did he get it now? Chance was him and wasn't him but he was enough him to make Zoe feel like shit.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 8:43 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He squeezed get a little right once she started to speak. He wasn't the same empty shell Chance had been. He was full of warmth and he was real. "Yeah..." He was starting to piece it together, but he couldn't imagine why his zombie self had no attachment whatsoever, as if he wasn't ever a part of Greed at all.
On Aug 7, 2014 11:04 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She felt nauseous and just uncomfortable and she knew details wouldn't really help even if he wanted to know. So she tried something else, "You remember how you said those women made you feel? When it was just sex? How cheap and used you felt. Like they didn't care about you, just wanted your beef..." she trailed off so he could understand where she was going.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 8:00 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: It was a little creepy, it was like she had been with someone else entirely. At the same time it was a part of him. He couldn't blame her abs he'd told her as much. "Yes I want to know."
On Aug 7, 2014 7:57 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Of course he wasn't going to let it go, because he was Greed and a jerk. She tensed at his words but didn't look at him, she stayed where she was in his arms and asked in a deadly quiet voice, "Do you really want to know...? Do you want to know how he touched me? How he kissed me? What this other guy did to me and my body? With his hands? His lips?" Chance might have been Greed's body but it was the equivalent of having a piano and knowing how to play it.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 4:54 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He chose to hold her. He waited until she was calm again, letting her rest into his chest with his face buried in her hair as he whispered calm things. "He didn't hold you like this did he?" She might have refused to tell him, but he didn't refuse trying to analyse it.
On Aug 7, 2014 7:47 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She was stiff in his arms and at his question, she struggled to get free, "NO. You either get to ask questions or you get to hold me, you can't have both." it was his choice.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 4:46 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He curled her into him when she gave him the okay. She was foolish if she thought he was just going to stop questioning her reasons. "Tell me what happened."
On Aug 7, 2014 7:30 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: "Maybe I just don't want you to touch me." she shot back, still looking away with her back to him. At his second question she shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it. You can stay here and you can even... cuddle me," she said the words with disgust, "As long as you stop asking questions."
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 4:26 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He didn't lie, he just bent the rules a little bit. He tried to hang onto her but she met him with such disdain. "Why won't you let me touch you? What did he do to you?" He had no idea why it rattled her so much.
On Aug 7, 2014 6:57 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe couldn't help it, she started crying, she covered her mouth for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt him hold her. Her mind was as wrecked as her heart as she said in a broken voice, "You said you wouldn't, you lied!" he had agreed to no kissing and she didn't want him to, it just had felt like nails last time.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 3:45 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: It wasn't even her natural response to him. It gutted him to see her so afraid to even touch him. She already couldn't look at him. She had said no cuddling, butt this was an emergency. Surely this would be ok.
On Aug 7, 2014 6:30 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her heart started to race as she watched him under her lashes come closer but the second his lips brushed hers, she choked out the word, "No!" on a sob and turned her face away, her hands pushing at him. She wasn't sad tho, she was terrified as she pulled her legs to her chest. The last time those lips kissed her, she felt like such shit. She couldn't deal with it again.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 3:27 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He leaned off his elbow, sitting up sui he could hold her face. She might not be the big eyes seal at the moment, but she was desperate to feel something. Right now she was the shell he'd left behind. He leaned in, his lips just a ghost of a kiss.
On Aug 7, 2014 4:53 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She was still half asleep and her eyes closed as he wiped her other cheek, "Because I can't see through your eyes anymore.." she said quietly. She'd told him not too long ago that he looked at her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world and she'd started to believe it. But now, even that felt hollow. She'd been seeing herself through Chance's eyes and he had not wanted her at all.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 1:29 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: "Why are you hiding your sprinkles?" He wiped off another cake of foundation from the other cheek. He really had messed up. He'd made her doubt herself, and that had never been the goal.
On Aug 7, 2014 2:25 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her lashes fluttered and her eyes cracked open and she looked up at him but her eyes mostly closed. To wipe the powder off her nose and cheeks it was not delicate and those swipes definitely woke her up.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 11:15 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He rubbed his fingers together, the powder just like a grease coated over them. He wiped it off on the pillowcase brute swiping her cheek. There were those hidden gems, those little freckles he missed. Why was she hiding them?
On Aug 7, 2014 2:05 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: At the kiss to her cheek, she turned her face a bit more toward him, even in sleep she gravitated towards him and he knew it. By the dim light in the room, it was hard to tell but with her face open like that, the freckles on her nose were dull and practically invisible except where he had ran a finger down it earlier. She had powder on her nose from going to interviews during the day, she hadn't washed her face even when she got back, just changed and crashed. She had lost the self confidence he had built up in her over time.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 11:00 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: It was still soft. The haircut didn't turn her hair to straw. He liked the way it covered part of her forehead, it opened up her eyes abd frames her face. She had gotten a whole new frame job on her face, and the bangs seer the matting. He was so entranced that he kept fondling it. To show her he liked it he kissed the apple of her cheek.
On Aug 7, 2014 1:30 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her leg tangled with his behind her and if anything, she seemed to relax a bit with his touches and explorations. She was used to sleeping and having him fiddle with her. With Chance.. he'd hold her and they'd sleep but that was it. She hadn't realized she missed Greed's insanity touches to intimacy till they were gone. It was so very him.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 10:25 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He was barefoot since he'd changed into comfortable clothes. Greed couldn't help but smirk. She couldn't deny him in her sleep. Old habits due hard, especially the ones they'd formed together. Once he had finished with those caresses in her neck he propped his chin in his hand, his elbow deep in the mattress. He just watched her under thick lashes, tracing a finger down the bridge of her nose where the little button nose sat at the end. Now her cheeks were open with just a hint if her bangs sitting in shadow just above. He wiggled his fingers abd for the first time got a feel for the new haircut. It was kind of growing on him.
On Aug 7, 2014 12:20 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She squirmed under his ticklish kisses and her foot moved backwards to rub against his, an old habit to check to see if he was wearing his shoes to bed. It was one of those moves that only happened when you were in a relationship with someone because random hook ups didn't care about stuff like that.
On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 9:17 AM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: There was that soft kiss of coconuts on her skin. At least the girl had started cleaning herself up and bathing again. She also didn't smell like a local bar. His breath ghosted her neck, nose to her cheek as he planted more tiny kisses on exposed skin. He couldn't help it. He'd missed being able to have that sort of contact with her.
On Aug 7, 2014 3:11 AM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe let out a soft hum, pleased with the small kiss but that was it.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 10:46 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed didn't stop with the fingertips tip-toing across her shoulder. He leaned down blowing circles in that same spot just before he let his lips press a soft kiss in its place.
On Aug 6, 2014 11:44 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her shoulder moved, the skin quivering under his touch but she didn't turn towards him but she also didn't push him away. She'd had dreams like this while he was gone, that everything had been a nightmare and he would come in through her window and touch her the way he used to and wake her up from it.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 8:42 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed scooted a little closer until he could actually touch that starry shoulder. It still hung out from her sweater, inviting him in with silent pleads. She said no, but didn't that sometimes mean yes? ? That pillow couldn't possibly be as comfy.
Greed reached out, ghosting the tips of his fingers down that caramel slope.
On Aug 6, 2014 10:12 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe just sighed in her sleep when he picked her up effortlessly as always but once he lay her on the bed, she turned her back to him, her arm going around her pillow. She'd gotten used to sleeping alone, even if the sleep was shitty.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 7:09 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He picked her up gently, his chest her new pillow, his arms her blanket. Samson followed closely under his feet as Greed carried Zoe into her room. He could have set her down and walked into his room but he saw this as a potential cuddling time. She wouldn't be able to resist his warmth.
On Aug 6, 2014 9:48 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: If Zoe had been awake, she'd probably have told Greed to not stare at her but the truth was it was something she found she missed. When she'd slept with Chance, he never really looked at her and certainly never in the way Greed kinda just gazed at her, memorizing parts of her that she didn't even pay attention to.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 6:44 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed's brows flattened over his eyes. She was just being a brat. He'd drink that whole out of tea and leave nothing for her. No fruit loop tea for her to indulge in.
He watched her until he'd finished off the last drop, his eye spying that little cluster of freckles on her shoulder. He was imagining skiing down that slope of stars and down her back. He tilted his head to the dude a lot like Samson did when he heard his name. If she was going to sleep then the bed wad a lot more comfortable in the bed. They barely fit on the couch, he wouldn't squeeze in there.
On Aug 6, 2014 9:11 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Her nose twitched like a rabbit's at the steam from the tea but she groaned lightly and turned her face into the cushion. She didn't want to wake up. She didn't want to face reality, all the problems were in reality.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 6:07 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: He let the tea sit while he scoured for some comforable pants and a tank top. He knew her weakness for his arms, he was only putting them out there as a tease.
The tea whistled loudly as it steeped. He fixed a big cup and hovered it under her nose. The smell of earl grey abs him had to jumpstart something.
On Aug 6, 2014 8:44 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: She stirred a little when he got in close, she could smell that expensive cologne he loved to wear, it made her nose twitch but she didn't wake up.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 5:42 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: She looked like she hadn't moved in hours. He had to really get close to be sure she was still breathing. He'd seen her practically dead before, so she couldn't fault him for a momentary panic attack in his head. He clicked on all the lights, rustling around on the kitchen to start a pot of tea. It was too quiet in this place, except for the pitter patter of Samson's feet on the tile floor.
On Aug 6, 2014 7:25 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe made a small sound of protest at his annoying poke but stayed asleep. Her clothes from the day were in a pile next to the sofa along with her heels. Clearly not a good day of trying to find a job or anything else. Her depression also made her tire easily so it was no wonder she was zonked.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 4:23 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed nudged her once just a little. When she didn't move he poked her even harder but he didn't even get a squeak. Just a dog that barked happily every time Greed even looked at him.
On Aug 6, 2014 6:53 PM, "Lucky L." <neverluckymore@gmail.com> wrote: Zoe tried to ignore Greed for the most part or stick to her room but she never liked staying in there for long. Tonight she had fallen asleep on the couch in her plaid jammies and an oversized old sweatshirt that hung off one naked shoulder with no hair even to cover it. The bottom PJ leg was pulled up enough to show the marks on her leg from where Derek had grabbed her, the nail dents not having faded yet. Samson jumped around in front of Greed wanting attention.
On Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 3:49 PM, Lauren Christensen <prettykozi@gmail.com> wrote: Greed had settled in his stuff pretty easily. He liked decorating more than his room with all kinds of nicknacks, paintings, expensive things that were very definitely Greed. He didnt stay over every day, but tonight when he got off work he swung by.
It was surreal to have an actual key in his hand. He didn't have to pick a lock to get inside. When he came in Zoe was a lump on the couch, Samson hopping down to greet his new favorite person. Greed still refused to be slobbered on.