Mary Magdalene (gospel_of_mary) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2012-03-29 08:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | judas iscariot, mary magdalene |
WHO: Mary Magdalene & Judas Iscariot
WHEN: Wednesday night
WHERE: A NYC street
WHAT: How far His beloved have fallen...
WARNINGS: Messed up sexuality and probably some messed up actual sex too.
Almost a month had Mary been back in America and back from the dead, but she didn't feel anymore alive. She'd spent a week with the women at the Church of Mary Magdalene in Chicago - and how depressingly unfunny that was as a coincidence - before heading back to New York City.
Mary didn't know why she was choosing to go back there though. She had no home there anymore - she'd given up her apartment and her stuff left at Huitzi's was likely tossed on some sidewalk somewhere. Maybe she went back because that was where John was, but if that was so why didn't she seek him out as soon as she arrived?
Maybe she went back because that's where the Aztec was and that was the best way to punish herself for straying the path - but if that was the case then why hadn't she looked for him?
So not knowing what she was doing, Mary fell back on that dirty old habit and handed her body over to whatever man wanted to give her a handful of notes in exchange for it. As an act it felt comfortable and familiar. It gave Mary value again, and in other ways it reminded her every single moment of how disgusting she was. The thing Mary sought to make herself feel worthy was the same thing that made her feel utterly worthless. But she hoped with every man that used her that she would find through them her salvation, because maybe there was love for her if she could only find. Jesus wasn't here - with him she had been the Apostle to the Apostles, but without him she was just the whore.
She leaned against the cold brick wall behind her, the streets more empty than she wanted them to be. The men that passed she caught the eye of, giving them a knowing smile and hoping they'd take the offered flesh.
[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 11:59 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas walked with his hands in his pockets. His tie was loose, because he'd been at work and Agatha was hiding away and he wanted to think.
He'd woken from a dream in the early hours of the morning, panting and confused. Mary had been in it, Mary walking alone and troubled. He seemed to hear a voice telling him to go to her, but he couldn't make out whose it was. It could have been Agatha, telling him to give to Mary what Agatha had given to him. Could have been, but maybe wasn't.
There was something nagging at him, calling for his attention, and he realised it was the tug of another immortal. He stopped, and looked up, meeting her eyes, seeing the false smile, and for a second his heart pounded, telling him to run, but he clenched his fists in his pocket and stayed there, not sure what to say.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 12:07 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
At first Mary didn't recognise him, all clean-shaven and well dressed in the shadows of the street. "Hi," she said, pushing herself off the wall, "Looking for some company?"
The smile faltered, and then dropped, as she realised who she was talking too. She could feel herself drawing back but she couldn't tell if it was a physically movement or simply internally recoiling from Judas. She just shook her head at him quickly, turning her face away.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 12:13 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas looked down at his shoes, shuffling a little awkwardly. The silence stretched out, until he cleared his throat and tried to speak. "I think-" He coughed. "Yes. If it's yours." Cough again. "I don't know why I said that. Where have you been?"
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 12:16 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Dead," Mary told him flatly. The usual anger she held for Judas couldn't quite be found tonight. It was still there, twisting beneath her skin, but Mary was too exhausted by life to express it, too low down to consider herself any better than him right now.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 12:30 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Join the club," Judas replied, looking up at a streetlight. "And how is your murdering boyfriend of late?" He didn't feel threatened by her right now. She wouldn't be out here if that mental aztec was still around.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 12:31 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary glared at him even though he wasn't looking at her. "He left me," she snapped. "Does that make you happy?"
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 12:43 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas shrugged apathetically. "Not really. I don't care, except to feel a bit safer walking around at night. Were you aware that he turned me into a Pez dispenser? I don't know how often you have had to escape from a morgue, but it's not the most fun time I ever had." He glanced at her, then shrugged again, softening. He should be forgiving, not rubbing it in. It wasn't Christ-like to act like this.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 12:46 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"You expect me to feel guilty?" Mary asked him, expressionless. "I don't do guilt." It was, perhaps, the stupidest lie she had ever told and to the person most likely to see through it. Everything about Mary's belief as a saint was built around guilt.
She crossed her arms, a gesture both defensive and against the chill night air.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 12:52 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He opened his mouth to reply, then sighed and held out his hand. "We all do guilt, and you and I more than most. I forgive you anyway. Come on."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 12:57 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary wanted to splutter something about him having the nerve to forgive her but then he held out his hand and Mary looked at it as though it were some exotic disease. "What," she asked, "are you doing?"
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 01:04 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"We're going to go and get a drink," he said. "I'm not going to leave you here." He held his hand out a moment longer, then shrugged and put it back in his pocket. "If I can get a haircut and a job, you can tolerate me for a drink."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 01:09 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary studied him for a moment, her head slightly tilted to one side. She should have hit him. He was the betrayer, the murderer, the one who had made a mockery of everything they were.
But she too was a betrayer and she'd done the worst thing she could imagine to the memory of their friend. She'd stopped mourning him, even if it had only been for a matter of months. That guilt of that ate away at her. She'd been happy in the arms of her Hummingbird and had forsaken the Son. She was just as bad as Judas.
So she shrugged finally and moved away from the wall. "There's a bar around the corner," she told him.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 01:16 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Okay." Judas walked next to her, not too close, but close enough. The bar was nothing flash, but it was dark enough that nobody would look at them. Judas sometimes felt like everyone was looking. He ordered their drinks and tried to think of something to say.
"Thomas gave me a job," he said, making shapes out of a puddle of beer on the bar. "And Agatha gave me a chance. People are being good to me, for once." Now that he was letting them.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 01:23 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary drank her beer, trying to work out how she'd gotten here. "Agatha the virgin?" Mary asked with a look of disgust. "You're fucking the virgin?"
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 01:28 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas looked at Mary a moment, wide-eyed. "What!? No! I- No! She's a virgin martyr, Mary, what part of that implies sex??" He made a face but he was slightly embarrassed. "No, she gave me a chance to get myself back together. Gross."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 01:30 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary couldn't help but look a little smug, because his discomfort was something more fun for her than her own misery. "Bet you think about it though," Mary said to him. "Don't pretend you haven't."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 01:36 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He rolled his eyes, sliding her a sideways glance. "And what if I have? Not like I've got much else going on." He knocked back a gulp of beer. "I've thought about a lotta things with a lotta people. Doesn't mean I'm ever gonna get there."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 01:39 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Great. Back to depressing.
Mary stared at her beer, turning the glass slowly on the table. Then she said, "I went to Jerusalem." She frowned deeply at the tabletop. "It's all tourists and idiots. There's nothing there."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 01:43 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas frowned. "Why? Why bother? We only have what we carry with us these days. We only have Him with us in our heads." He shook his head. "Agatha may have been tortured, but she died pure. We have to live our torture for all eternity. What's the damn point in chastity anyway?"
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 01:51 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall beside her. How much of Jesus did Judas actually carry around with him? Mary didn't really wanted to ask. She couldn't deal with the idea that Judas might somehow not be as lonely as her.
It had all been so easy once. Judas her been her brother then, her closest confidant, the only man that understood her as clearly as Jesus had. Sometimes she thought she hated him less for what he'd done to Jesus and more for what he'd done to them.
She opened her eyes and looked at Judas across the table. Then she drained her beer and asked seriously, "do you wanna get out of here? My apartment's upstairs." She hoped she was being clear enough for him.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 01:56 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas looked at her, considering. Not like last time then. On even terms. He nodded and finished his drink too, getting up from the bar. "What the hell. No aztecs to chop me up this time." He gave her a smile to show he was teasing her. She was still alluring, like always, of course. He'd never not wanted her.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 01:59 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary didn't match his smile. Mary was stone and iron but maybe he could warm her just for a little while.
She didn't know where this desire for him had come from - half of it she wanted to blame on whatever crazy interpretations mankind had come up with, but half of it was that he knew her better than anyone, that he had been there with Jesus. And that Judas couldn't judge her.
She grabbed his collar as soon as they were outside and dragged him against her, her lips crashing into his.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-28 02:11 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Her hair smelt good and her body was warm against his. He didn't want to punish himself this time, so he met her halfway, bruised lips pressing hard against hers. They both needed human contact right now. "Where-" he tried to say, hands going to her waist to pull her shirt out of her waistband.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-28 02:16 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary moaned against his lips. She hated him, hated him so much. He'd taken everything from her and destroyed their world, but right now she needed him.
She tried to steer them towards the alley and the fire-escape that let up the side of the building to the awful apartment she'd made her home. She released him because it was impossible to climb those stairs and get in the window otherwise but once she was inside she was unzipping the side of her skirt and grabbing for him once more.
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he wishes he was as buff as the guy in her icon
[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 03:20 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Why did she live in such a weird place? It wasn't that important but Judas did have time to wonder as he scaled the fire escape. He unbuttoned his shirt as he went, trying to pull it off once he was in the window and nearly choking himself on his tie. He wasn't going to do this almost fully-clothed again. He let Mary grab him and steer him towards what he guessed was her bed, sliding her skirt down her thighs as he kissed her.
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THAT'S TOTALLY HIM, YO.
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 10:38 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
That he needed her was important. Sure, she hated his guts and he hated her, but right now Mary could only think about how Huitzipoctli had rejected her. Her! She'd gone against everything she knew about herself and settled down and look where that had gotten her. What was she worth if even a heathen could get rid of her?
But Judas wouldn't - Judas who had his hands pressing into her flesh, whose hungry mouth wanted to devour her, whose erection was pressing against the inside of her thigh.
When she broke the kiss for a moment her expression was fierce and animal - a dangerous, wild smile and dark lustful eyes - and yanked her singlet off, the bra already unclipped with one of her own hands.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 11:36 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas wanted to have his mouth and his hands on her skin now already. He wasn't gentle in getting her onto the bed and he hurriedly kicked off his trousers and joined her, fingers pressing into her flesh, trying to get some kind of reaction out or her. His teeth were sharp on her neck and breasts.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 11:44 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Those teeth reminded her of the Aztec and she moaned in pleasure, arching against him and reaching down between his legs. She was glad there was no gentleness here, no romance. Mary didn't want that and Judas was the last person she'd ever want it from. All she wanted right now was to fuck and forget anything else.
She probably wouldn't even charge him.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 12:01 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
There was no preciousness about it. It was a flurry of gasping and pushing and sweat and taking what they needed. Judas had no idea if what he was doing was doing anything for her, he was only purposed towards getting himself off.
He gasped and jerked his way through his orgasm, sweaty forehead pressed into her shoulder, pulling out half-way through in a belated realisation of a lack of prophylatic and dribbling messily down her leg. He looked down at her a moment, then kissed her and rolled off to stare wide-eyed at the ceiling. What the fuckity fuck was that?? Why'd he go and kiss her for?
Well that was fucking awkward.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 12:09 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary lay on her back, breathing heavily as what she'd just done properly settled upon her.
You stupid girl, she berated herself, squeezing her eyes shut angrily. You stupid, hateful girl. She licked her bruised lips and then sat up on the side of the bed, her back to him and her dark hair sticking to her shoulders.
"You have to go," she said quietly, her voice flat.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 12:17 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas groaned, not really feeling like moving. "So soon? I thought we could cuddle. I'll be big spoon," he said, using sarcasm to cover up the awkward. How did she look so desirable all the time? She had a good back.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 12:25 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary glared at the wall across from her before turning to look over her shoulder with a coy smile in Judas' direction. She crawled slowly over towards him on the bed, her voice melodious in the darkness. "Do you wanna curl up together, baby? Whisper some sweet words about how we don't actually hate each other at all?"
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 12:33 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas eyed her, a little wary for the bite behind her sugary words. "I don't hate you," he replied, his tone even. And he didn't, not really. He resented her getting her boyfriend to kill him, and all the years she'd hated him, but he wanted her to hate him. It validated how much he hated himself. Just, less killing.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 12:41 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
That false sweetness dropped away as quickly as though she'd torn off a mask and she sneered, hating how calmly he lay there. Hating that something inside her still wanted him even as she wanted to murder him. She drew back, kneeling on the bed and wishing she had the strength to do what she wanted to do to him.
"And I suppose that makes you better than me, doesn't it?" she demanded, clenching a fist at her side. "Judas Iscariot, too pure for wrath."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 12:52 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas sneered right back. "I am not better than anyone," he said, sitting up. "Everyone knows it. Thomas gave me a job out of plain old Christian virtue, not because he wants to have me around. Agatha gave me a chance because she likes getting the difficult assignments. Even you fight me because you want someone to blame that He's gone. Well you know what, I am filled with wrath, Mary, but it's not directed at you. You wanna hate me? Hate me. I want you to hate me. Kill me again, we all know how fun that is. I won't even stop you." He glared at her, naked on the pillows, propped up on his elbows.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 12:56 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Since Mary didn't know what to really say in the face of all that - because she kind of enjoyed that he felt miserable - she said nothing at all. Instead she took the fist curled at her side and punched him in the face.
"I can't kill you," she spat.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 01:00 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Ow! Fuck!" Judas held his face, dabbing at his nose to see if it was bleeding. "Fuck, Mary! Why'd you have to hit so goddamn hard!" He glowered at her. Well that was his buzz ruined. He was too sober for this shit.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 01:03 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"I don't know," Mary shot back, wrapping her hand around his throat and shoving him against the wall behind the bed. She leaned in towards him, her lip curling. "Why you gotta be such an insect?"
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 01:12 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He rolled his eyes skyward, mostly still angry, and ever so slightly turned on. "What can I say, it's my thing," he replied croakily, looking back at her. He smirked then, his hand gripping her thigh. "We were made for each other," he murmured, fingernails digging in slightly. "We'll never love anyone as much as Him."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 01:19 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
The hand on her thigh didn't shock her and it didn't hurt her, but his last words fell harder than any physical blow could have. Already she could feel threat of tears in her eyes.
"Don't," she managed, her hand dropping from Judas' throat as she recoiled. If it was supposed to be a command on Mary's part, it came out more like a plea. She couldn't sit here in the dark, the two of them still naked and smelling like each other, and talk about Him. She couldn't think about how nothing would ever make her feel complete again.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 01:32 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Don't what? Don't think about how it feels to be cast out into the cold without Him to guide us?" Judas pushed, not sensitive enough to her change of mood. "You're not the only one who feels alone and forgotten." He frowned, still too wrapped up in his own emotions to notice hers. "Your name isn't the one synonymous with betrayal."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 01:39 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"That's because you're the one who did it!" Mary shouted at him, almost throwing herself from the bed, his fingernails scratching her thigh as she moved away. At the end of the bed she pointed a finger accusingly at Judas. "You took him away from us! You destroyed everything!" She was crying now as she raged, her voice thick with anger and bitterness and pain.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 01:57 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"He wanted me to do it! None of these cretins would be saved if it wasn't for me!" Judas snarled back, but he stopped when he realised she was crying. He hadn't intended for her to get so emotional. He groaned and covered his face with his hands. Couldn't they get back to the hate sex? He'd almost thought they could have got a second round in, but now there was no chance. "I miss him too," he tried, but he had to blink back tears of his own suddenly. Wouldn't do for them both to fall apart.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-03-29 02:02 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
This was the last thing that Mary wanted and she turned her face away from him, closing her eyes. "Get out," she whispered between her teeth, but the words were barely audible. So she glared at him through blurred vision and shouted it instead: "GET OUT!"
She felt like she was seconds away from completely collapsing and refused to do that in front of him. He'd seen her cry plenty of times before. He'd been a man she'd turned to when times were hard, but they were no longer those people. She moved the few steps that would take her to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, sliding down to sit on the floor to wait for him to leave, keeping her crying as quiet as she could.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-03-29 02:29 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas lay back and covered his face with his hands again, feeling angry and sorry and miserable. "It's not my fault!" he moaned, and pressed the heel of the hands into his eyes. "It's all my fault. FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK." Blindly he got up, searching for his clothes, putting them on awkwardly and aiming for the window at the same time. He stumbled out, and his loose shoe caught on the window ledge so he tripped out- and over the edge of the fire escape.
One startled yell later and he was on his back on the concrete, his lungs failing to work and his whole body numb from the shock. He managed to cough up a gaspy sob as tears leaked down his face. "...not fair..." What was the damn point anyway.