Elizabeth Tudor (gloriana_) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2012-11-28 20:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | elizabeth tudor, richard the lionheart |
WHO: Elizabeth & Richard
WHEN: Sunday, late morning
WHERE: Elizabeth's office
WHAT: Panic! Flail! Rescue!
Elizabeth in life had always been prone to panic attacks. She could remember vividly on one occasion she had been walking in procession to chapel and suddenly could go no further with the panic and horror that was overwhelming her. It had been so shameful to her at the time that her courtiers had had to help her back to her rooms, and she had been sure that all who saw her that day were overcome with disgust for their Queen.
She wanted only to be strong and unstoppable, but fear so often cut her down. That fear had been creeping in slowly since she spoke to Mary but today she excused herself from a meeting with clients and near-ran to her office. She closed the door behind her but couldn't bring herself to lock it, not without imagining that she was trapped within. Her fear of enclosed spaces, of being locked away, of being imprisoned, was even stronger than the sheer panic that stole her breath. She threw open the window and pushed her head outside, dragging deep ragged breaths that made her light-headed.
Mary was here. That monstrous woman who had locked her in the Tower. Two months she had been a prisoner and Elizabeth wasn't sure she'd ever wept with more fear than she had during that time. The walls in there were filled with whispers of her mother and of Katherine Howard.
Elizabeth clutched the windowsill with white knuckles and her sobs were tearless but ripped from her throat hard enough to hurt. She told herself to breathe, to stop being a silly little girl, that Mary was powerless, but nothing she told herself helped and nothing she demanded of herself made her own heart stop thundering with shaking terror.
With shaking hands she fumbled for her phone and dialed Richard's number.
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-27 12:39 pm UTC (link) Track This
Richard's answer to Mary was the same answer he'd given her when she'd turned out to be a maniac with a love for fire. It was ignoring her and refusing to answer her calls or even give her council. He'd left court then and now he planned to just ignore her.
But he didn't work on Sundays, and thus when the phone rang he half imagined it would be Aaron. "Hello?"
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-27 12:52 pm UTC (link) Track This
"Richard," Elizabeth said roughly, her back pressed against the wall where she'd slid down to sit on the floor. "Richard, I need you."
Maybe it was because, in some way, Richard could understand the pressures of being a monarch. He'd never been held to the standards that Elizabeth had, of course, but still he'd been a King and a King did not show weakness.
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-27 01:22 pm UTC (link) Track This
He frowned because he never liked listening to Bess in trouble. She was as close he'd get to having Joan back and she was dear to him. And if she was calling him, it had to be bad. She showed weakness as much as he'd had. "Alright. alright. Take it easy. I'll be right there."
He grabbed his keys and his jacket. "Alright where are you? And I'm switching to my cell so call that. I'll be there right away."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-27 01:30 pm UTC (link) Track This
"My offices," Elizabeth swallowed, pressing her hand against her forehead. "I can't- I just don't know what I'm doing. I can't handle this."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-27 09:46 pm UTC (link) Track This
"Easy now. I'm switching to my cell." He hung up only to call her again on his cellphone, as promised, and waiting until she answered. "I'm getting in the car." He'd juggled more things so driving and talking to her wasn't that bad.
So it took him hardly any time before he came to her office and made her way to hers, pushing the door open and walking to where she was. "I'm here now Bess."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-27 10:59 pm UTC (link) Track This
Elizabeth ran her hands over her hair and looked up at Richard, trying to gather her courage. But every time she blinked she saw locked doors and chains and darkness.
"Mary's here," she told him, swallowing the lump in her throat. Her voice wavered. "She's here. In the city."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-27 11:04 pm UTC (link) Track This
He settled down beside her and went to wrap his arms around her. It seemed the only thing he could do. "I know. I saw." Gently he took her hands from her hair and gave her a smile. "I won't let her hurt you Bess, you know that."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-27 11:08 pm UTC (link) Track This
"I'm stronger than her, I know that," Elizabeth said firmly, angrily, mostly telling herself. She was frustrated with her own weaknesses. "She's half-forgotten but everyone knows my name. I know I shouldn't fear her and yet just one conversation with her and I can barely breathe!"
Elizabeth looked at her hands and held them up in front of her. "Look at me, I'm shaking and it's pathetic."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-27 11:12 pm UTC (link) Track This
Gently he set his hand on her head, pulling her into a loose hug. "It's alright. You're allowed to be a little intimidated by the woman who held the Damocles Sword over your head for so long. It's only natural." He set his arm around her shoulder. "You are not the only one with fear Bess. You never were."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-27 11:17 pm UTC (link) Track This
Elizabeth remained stiff for a few more moments before finally letting out a breath and softening into Richard's embrace. She dropped her cheek onto his shoulder and sighed. "I feel as though I am the only one entirely composed of fears." It was too easy right now to remember anything strong about herself, the edge of a panic attack still lingering so near.
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-28 12:21 am UTC (link) Track This
"You hardly are," he had his own fears and nightmares but his own imprisonment hadn't been all that bad in the end. He hadn't had a death sentence hanging over him like she'd had to endure. "She can't get to you, I won't let her for one, and she isn't going to hurt you. Trust me."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-28 08:40 am UTC (link) Track This
"I do," Elizabeth said as she looked at Richard and gave him a small shaky smile. "I always have." She sighed. "I just wish I wasn't sisters with a psychopath."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-28 08:54 am UTC (link) Track This
He kept his arm around her and shrugged, "it wasn't like my own family was roses and sunshine. We spend years fighting each other and in between all that we tried usurping our father. I was forced to behave on the threat of seeing my mother hurt. Royal families are fucked up Bess."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-28 09:09 am UTC (link) Track This
Elizabeth didn't feel like bringing up her father right now, but she felt she might win with that card. "Let us hope things remain as un-fucked up as it is possible for them to be then. Mary causes pain wherever she goes," Elizabeth frowned deeply. "I have no power to send her away."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-28 09:13 am UTC (link) Track This
"I have no power to send John away," it was different and he knew it though. He just had so few other things to say. He wasn't always great at this. "You can avoid her and if you think she means harm there are ways to go about making sure she can't go near you. Restraining orders work."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-28 09:18 am UTC (link) Track This
"No," Eliza said with a shake of her head, pulling herself to stand up and setting her hands on her hips seriously. "No, I must meet with her in person," she decided. "I must make it known to her that I won't abide her games here. This is my city."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-28 09:21 am UTC (link) Track This
He remained seated and just watched her. "You must understand she may not want to cause any havoc. And this isn't your city any more then it is mine. Neither of us have the right to say who can and cannot live here. You must endure her presence Bess." He picked himself up. "It's all we can do."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-28 09:26 am UTC (link) Track This
"I have the right," Elizabeth said, turning her serious eyes on Richard. She was famous for her stubborn arrogance and this was a monster of a woman they were talking about, even if she didn't have the power of the throne behind her. "When it comes to her, I have not only the right but the obligation to see that she doesn't hurt anyone."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-28 09:36 am UTC (link) Track This
He should have suspected she would react like this and he honestly couldn't stop her. If she was set on this, she'd do it even if he suggested otherwise. "Alright Bess. Alright. I'm just glad you're feeling better."
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[info]gloriana_
2011-11-28 09:39 am UTC (link) Track This
"Anger is better than fear," Elizabeth told him, but mostly she just sounded tired. She dropped herself down into the seat behind her and rubbed at her temples. "I worry for the saints. They're uncomfortable with her here and I can't blame them."
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[info]heartoflion
2011-11-28 09:48 am UTC (link) Track This
With a smile he walked to her and set hsi hand on her shoulder, "hey now. I know George. He'll worry and fret but he'll be alright. I'll call him and make sure. They are Saints Bess, and you don;t have to run after them and try and keep them safe."