|Natalie Godfrey (bornincrossfire) wrote in nevermore_logs,|
@ 2013-05-08 10:59:00
|Entry tags:||natalie godfrey|
WHO: Natalie Godfrey [narrative, but open to Conrad]
WHEN: Tuesday night
WHERE: Conrad's apartment
WHAT: Late night wakings and thinkings
When Natalie and Conrad were both in the city, she often slept at his place. (Being a pilot meant that more often than not she was elsewhere overnight, and dating a pilot made that situation even worse.)
The idea of moving in with him had been considered, but Natalie needed her own space and she was happy to pay for an apartment if it meant being able to retire there when she needed to be alone. Her job was stressful and people-orientated and sometimes she just needed to be by herself for a night without the interruption of other human beings. Even Con.
But on those nights she slept with him, some nights - like tonight - she woke with a brow creased in worry and found him in the darkness of the bedroom. It wasn't a fear that he wasn't there, but a fear that he soon wouldn't be there. (He'd grown sick of her moods and insecurities when it came to him and their relationship. He'd find someone less difficult, more beautiful, more right for him. He secretly couldn't stand her. He was only joking. He'd grown tired of her but hadn't yet found a way to break it to her.)
It was ridiculous how sure of herself she could be out there in the world, but when it came to love she felt like a lost child. Looping a Fokker Dr.I a low altitude wasn't scary, love was scary. Of the two pastimes it was the one that was more unpredictable and dangerous. Flying could only kill her or break a few bones - love could do so much worse.
It was the first healthy romantic entanglement she'd ever had and in some ways that put her on less stable ground now. At least she had a plan for the terrible dates and the awful men. It was this good guy who treated her well that confused the hell out of her psyche.
A crack of street light slipped through the curtains and drew a line across his bare chest, and Natalie watched it slowly rise and fall. Then she moved, pulling closer to him and laying her head there instead, squeezing her eyes shut.
Part of her wanted him to wake (because it brought her comfort when he held her) but the other part wanted him to sleep on (because he was happy sleeping).