Zoe (history_repeats) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2013-03-09 19:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | greed, zoe hansen |
WHO: Greed & Zoe
WHEN: March 9
WHERE: Lithuania, on a walk
WHAT: George =\
WARNING: pains and things
Zoe and Greed were wiped from the day before but it didn't stop them from being the rabbits they were because well.. it was incredible. But the next day they decided to go for a walk and stretch their legs, let the room air out (since it smelled of them), change the sheets, and get fresh air themselves. It was a gorgeous day but that could be just because Zoe was feeling really good. It was almost like being a real couple and part of her wanted to pretend it was forever instead of the meager days they'd have left. He wasn't made of money despite having a ton of it.
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There was a lot of built up tension and frustration they'd released on this trip. Six months of it. This had been a long time coming.
He'd showered, finally able to break out of his bed to stretch his legs. He'd put on some jeans and another plaid shirt. He'd only trimmed up the facial half since Zoe seemed to like it. He tucked in his shirt with a piece of toast hanging out of his mouth. They'd spent nearly a week here, eventually he'd have to bring them home before he left her stranded.
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Zoe wore a super soft oversized ivory sweater that kinda made her look like a baby seal since she had the big brown eyes to boot. She kissed Greed's cheek and took a bite out of the toast that was hanging out of his mouth and grinned as she chewed on it, "You ready to go? You take longer than I do to get ready."
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"I like dressing up," he smelled like mint scope, and just plain Greed. Her bite didn't go unnoticed, he growled like a dog, but let her have it. She was a very convincing teacher.
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"I'm sure the rabbits in the woods will swoon at your beauty." she grinned when he growled at her and scratched behind his ear, "Good puppy." she noticed that he still had scruff despite having the tools and time to shave it. She didn't comment on it but was secretly pleased that he did it for her.
She waited for him by the door, the sun shining on her soft hair forming almost a halo. She held her hand out to him for when he was ready.
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"If the rabbits all look like you, I'm golden." He petted the top of her head as he scaled by to go outside. Her hand didn't get passed up, he took hold of it greedily. It was good to get fresh air. Greed couldn't stay cooped up without getting fidgety.
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She grinned and twined her fingers with his loosely as they walked. She turned her face up to the sun and took a deep breath of fresh air and exhaled it happily. "I love this place. Less dreary than Kansas." though that probably also had to do with them having a rough time in Kansas and getting to finally get everything out here. But it was beautiful nature surrounding them and it wasn't a cramped bare room but a lovely cottage.
"Oh, so you don't freak out, I wanna take a souvenir back for Wrath, just something small." she wanted to get something small for Gabe and Ray as well and Wrath was now a friend. She didn't need to clear it with Greed on the other two but he was touchy about his sister. She still hadn't told him about George but didn't want to spoil things but it was eating away at her.
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"I still haven't seen OZ." Greed tugged her hand, pulling her in front of him and keeping her back pressed into him.
"I should get Wrath another pair of earmuffs." He fake gnawed on her neck when he noticed her mind wandering. "What?"
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Zoe chuckled when he moved her in front but she liked being close to him so she had no complaints. "I think this is better than Oz... but I know you have a thing for seeing midgets. We can see Wicked finally when we get back." they'd been planning that since December. She frowned and said curiously, "You do know I'm not gonna run off anywhere, right...?" since she thought he'd like some space on the walk, they were tied to each other in the bed.
"Another pair? You should get her something new. I kinda wanna get her something fun." she squealed a little when he fake gnawed her neck since she was expecting it, "What what?" she countered not realizing how transparent she was.
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"Yes, I do. I could keep one. Like a pet." His grip tightened on her as if he didn't believe her. "You might." He put his fuzzy chin on her shoulder, the soft stubble brushing her neck. "You're thinking about something," he stopped walking them. "Your mood just turned all sour." He could sense it.
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She gave him a look out of the corner of her eye but let him hold on to her. "You're a weirdo."
She tilted her head as he put his chin on her shoulder. She frowned, "It didn't turn all sour.. I was thinking of getting Wrath something and I thought of Saint George, that's all." she looked guilty and veered her eyes to the side, "I kinda ran into him last week.."
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"You what?" His tone changed drastically, it was possessive. Was the angel boy stalking her now? He was tired of people getting involved real quick. More importantly she had failed to tell him sooner which made his mood turn sour.
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She rubbed her temple, "I wanted to tell you earlier.. but you were moody and then we were already fighting so much and the last couple of days have been good.. there just never seemed to be a right moment." she turned her head to look at him, "What do you think of him?"
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His grip moved to her arms, always keeping a lock on her when he discovered something new about her. He became defensive easily. "Is he following you?" He'd become lax in their time together, they weren't as secretive as they once were.
"He's nosey, that's what I think."
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She squirmed in his lockdown embrace, "Greed..." she gave him a pleading look, wanting him to ease up.
"No, he's not. After we went to the travel agency, I ran into him on the street." she chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully, "Wrath always made him sound so nice. Have you ever talked to him?"
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He couldn't help the grip, he eased up very little as if at any moment she would turn into a ghost.
"I have once. He tried to buy my attention in pretzels." Greed was not interested in someone trying to dictate what he wanted. It felt like an intervention now.
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"He said he'd get me a coffee but we didn't get that far..." she wriggled her arms free so he'd be grabbing her around the waist instead and it didn't feel like she was in a vice. She put her own arms over his and leaned into him, asking again instead of telling what happened, "What did he say to you?"
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He still felt a little invaded. He was even jealous of her spending time with Wrath. If Lust were in on it, Pride, Sloth or any of them he'd feel like they were there to take away what was his. Just because George was Wrath's didn't meant he was automatically on his good side. Greed had had beef with him before.
"He asked about you mostly. Telling me if I hurt you he'd intervene."
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Zoe didn't say anything and shifted in Greed's arms as if she felt a spider crawling on her skin but it was just the memory of the conversation of George. "He's a hypocrite."
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He didn't like her shuffling, it felt more like her trying to get away. "What did he want to know from you? Does he know? That we're here?" He was uncomfortable about this now, a knife ready to stab him in the back.
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She hung her head a little, "He saw the tickets... he doesn't know where we are, I'm pretty sure he doesn't anyway." she settled in his arms and said quietly, "He thinks I'm going to wind up hurt or dead if I stay with you. I told him we weren't together together but he says it amounts to the same thing. That something will happen to me."
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His expression was livid, a good thing she couldn't see it from her angle. "I'll die before anything happens," which sounded like a romantic gesture, but for Greed it was plain possessiveness. She was not going to end up in someone else's hands. He would die to keep her. She knew that.
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"I know." she said softly because she believed him. She rubbed his arm idly and said, "I told him he was with Wrath so... I thought he'd understand." how crushed Zoe was by her encounter with George was apparent in her voice, "He said it was different because he's immortal. So I asked him if he suddenly was mortal, would he stay with Wrath..." Zoe had hoped that her question would have made George realize... she turned in Greed's arms, nestling into his chest, "...he said no."
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Zoe was more delicate than a immortal. She didn't come back to life unless they found some magic immortal juice. She had some help on her side being that she was a quarter Greek and that Greek side was linked to Theseus and Poseidon. It didn't make it all better though.
He was crushed to hear that because a lot of Greed's ideas on relationships, love and the like revolved around what Wrath had with George. It made him think it was possible. Though, what she had given him this week, was very obvious that it was not meant for him. That heavenly moment where he felt as if he really could touch God and heaven was never meant for him to experience. He let her hold him, but it most definitely stunned him.
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Zoe curled her hand in his shirt and was afraid he'd let go of her. She knew that Greed had only gotten as far as he had with her because of what he'd seen with Wrath and George. He functioned by wanting what others had. It was a way to lay a foundation. Now that foundation had crumbled and they didn't have Wrath and George on their side. They truly were unique... and on their own. "Please say something..."
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Greed didn't know what to say. His voice was hoarse when it finally freed up. "I'm not meant to have this," he sounded as crushed as he felt. That was a sledge hammer to the world he'd built with her. He was human here, he could experience the world on a human level. The rest of the time, it was no wonder his body rejected it. It hurt to hear George wasn't on his side anymore. It had been George that told him he thought the Sins were capable of love.
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It had hurt when George said it but hearing Greed give up like that was like a burning knife through the heart. She pushed away from him gently, "I shouldn't have told you." she had ruined the whole trip and wished she hadn't said anything in the first place. She didn't know why she felt so hurt. They had decided this didn't mean they were together and now he was saying.. she didn't know what he was saying.
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That moment when a child was told Santa wasn't real was one of the crushing blows of growing up. But Greed wasn't that innocent, his Christmas morning was just ruined.
He felt her shove off which caused him to instinctively latch on again. He could feel his ribcage close in on itself and his heart choke up when she did that. He remembered when Josie broke free and went running. That memory was close on his heels and he wasn't ready.
"Don't..." His voice sounded shattered, "don't run." He wasn't giving up, he just realized he wasn't going to get to hold heaven forever and that hurt.
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She furrowed a brow in confusion because she hadn't planned to run. "I'm not going to run.." she said quietly. She looked at him as lost as he was, not knowing what to do. She put her hands on his cheeks and then kissed him because she needed it, they both did. It was a sweet kiss, all honey and fire. She wasn't going to run, she was afraid he would. If she stopped believing, would they fade away?
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He clung to that kiss as if he were glue on her lips, a little whimper in his throat at the thought that this was a temporary thing. They had built their fort and now it was getting torn apart.
His fingers dug into her hips. He wasn't going to let this go, it had opened a door that was forbidden for him to see. As with any true sin, it could wear the guise, but it could pretend to be good. "It's not fair," his voice was shaky as he tried to talk, "I get to see heaven but I can't keep it." She should know how special she really was to him.
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Zoe kissed him again briefly after the kiss broke and she rested her hands on his chest, "It isn't fair." she agreed, "But I don't think we were ever meant to get this far. And we did somehow. For some reason."
She looked at him, "Most people don't ever even get to see heaven. I feel like we should be grateful but I really don't feel that way." she sighed, "Can we just.. go back to pretending that everything is okay and normal and wonderful until we have to leave?" their problems would be waiting then. Whether they dealt with it now or later. She didn't want to deal with it at all though. She didn't want to hash out whether they could be together or not. Why couldn't they just have this and... she didn't know what. She just wanted this.
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"I don't care. I don't care if I'm not supposed to have anything. I will have it." Greed would never stop wanting no matter what it was.
His own hands gripped at her shirt. It was when he was this stripped that he didn't want to go back to being a Sin. Where he wanted to stay more human. But he couldn't or the world would be off balance without him.
They'd just left the cottage and he wantd to tangle in bed and stay there. That was their new fort.
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Zoe smiled sadly and smoothed out his shirt under her hands, "You won't remember.." she said just above a whisper. He'd been full of feelings in Kansas and when they got back to New York they faded but were obliterated by Lust. He forgot. Everything that happened would stay as a permanent mark on Zoe but she knew no matter what, Greed would eventually forget.
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She wasn't helping his crushed foundation. She was making it worse. His Christmas wasn't ruined it had been fucking pissed on by Satan himself.
He was determined to find a way to remember if he had to scar his body to do it. That was when the lightbulb in his head went off.
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When he didn't say anything, Zoe assumed he agreed with her. She put on a brave smile and looked at him, "It won't be so bad when we get back to New York." for him anyway. She had to live with the knowledge of what happened. "We should... talk about.. us when we get back. Your thinking will be different then." she had a feeling he'd readily agree to anything right now with long promises filled with hot air that he had every intention of keeping while his Sin was in a cage.
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"There's somethin' I wanna do when before we go back." Didn't these places have a tattoo parlor anywhere. If not he would draw on his hand everyday until he had drew blood with that tattoo design.
There was a touch of pink skin stained with a faint gray from the permanent marker he'd used for weeks to sketch in that dove he'd shown her before.
"Think there are any tattoo parlors out here?"
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Zoe narrowed her eyes wondering if he had heard a word she said but she blinked several times and looked to the side and shrugged, "I guess.. I mean it's not like people wouldn't get tattooed here...." she looked at him, "Really? I mean.. we're talking about this and you're--" she stopped talking and let out a breath, "Why don't we walk into town and ask around?"
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"I'm listening to you," he was, this had everything to do with what they were discussing. "This is important." He was on a mission, she couldn't intervene when he had an idea in his head. "If not, the moment we get back to New York." He'd dig it out with a tree branch or a fork if he had to before then.
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She kept looking at him as if he was crazy, "On a scale of one to insanity, how badly are you going to obsess about getting a tattoo right now?" She squirmed and took his hand instead so they could start walking. "And tattoo of what?"
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"Insanity." He was completely serious. There was no way he was coming off this trip, here or in New York forgetting what he'd experienced. There was more tugging at his Sin self than he'd experienced in Kansas. Kansas had the wash of feelings. Lithuania had physical things he could touch and remember. Just in case his mind decided to go the route of an etch-a-sketch he'd have something else there.
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She sighed, "Thought so. You don't do anything half way." she squeezed his hand since the conversation seemed over for now, "And what is this sudden urging for a tattoo of?" she asked again since he had that look in his eye.
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"Something to make me remember. Otherwise I've got forks, knives and a lighter." He'd brand it one way it another. "You said those doves come in pairs. You have one.I want one."
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Zoe was still confused until that last line. She stopped walking, her grip tight on his hand so she could stare at him, her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head, "Are you crazy!?"
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"Whatya looking at me like that for? I'm serious." She didn't understand how long he'd wanted to have a taste of heaven, of the other side. He wasn't losing it no matter how much Lust pumped him full of her and into a sex coma. There was this, it was something he could do to keep this moment.
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"So am I! Are you nuts? Did you hit your head when I wasn't looking?" she was starting to freak out, "You cannot get my tattoo. You just can't." she needed to calm down and process this in a more logical way, she was sounding as ridiculous as he was.
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"I'm not joking" he looked at her like she was crazy. "Why can't I? It's yours. It's you." He motioned over her. "If you'd rather I use a lighter, I could do that too. Burning is just a little more irritating."
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"I don't want you to use a lighter, I don't want you to use anything. When you were doodling it on you that was fine, that wasn't permanent. It.. I mean.." she paused and looked at him, "Why do you want it?" it was hers, it had meaning to her. Did he want it because she had it or did it mean something to him? Because to her it was a huge commitment, it was making her a part of him and she didn't know if that's what was happening.
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"Because it reminds me of you. You said they needed pairs. For Josie I have her bracelet. For you I have the dove. I won't forget if its on me." He pulled up his sleeve to show the faded image that was a few washes away from being gone.
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Zoe still looked forlorn but it was really sweet what he was saying, "Greed..." she said gently and twined their fingers together as she looked at the faded image, "Please don't get here. I don't want you to get it and regret it when we get back to New York and don't say you won't because you don't know how you'll feel when you get there and don't say you know because you don't. I'm honored that you want to do that... but I really want you to think about it before you dive in. It's not something to be taken lightly... so just, I know you hate to, but just wait till we get back and see how you feel then." it wasn't just about him taking it lightly to put on his body, she didn't want him to treat it as just some passing fancy. Her turtle dove with flames tattoo meant a lot to her, she wanted to share with Greed.. but the meaning behind it went so much deeper than he realized. She didn't know if he'd be willing to embrace it.
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He huffed with a whine because it was a brilliant idea. He had other tattoos, she'd seen them all now. "You don't understand," he still sounded like a little boy that needed to express everything in the only way he knew how in a grown up world. "I can't forget," he was upset again because it was a frame in his shattered world. He was trying to build back all the pieces.
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Zoe shook her head, "Maybe you're not meant to remember..." it hurt saying it but she looked at him tugged on his hand so they could keep moving, "I want you to be really sure, because that bird with fire is more than just some stupid doodle. You don't know what you're suggesting by getting a tattoo of it. It's more than a memory that you'd get."
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The only reason she was able to sway him was because he was mostly human and his Sin was boxed up inside. Greed wouldn't have been able to walk on without carving it out with his fingernail. He followed as she tugged him along, back toward that trail they'd been on before. This time they were headed to the lake. He looked at her a little lost because he still wanted it, but he wasnt all over himself demanding they find some shaddy guy with ink and needles. He was certain though that by the time they returned he wasn't going to change his mind.
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"Don't look at me like that." she eyed him. "It's just a lot of heavy stuff. Tattoos and relationships and all this other stuff. It's a lot to deal with when we get back. You'll be different then and I..." she paused and then fuck it, might as well say it, "It might feel really good now but we won't be able to be together in New York like we are here. I won't be able to give you that." he'd still need sex, crave it. But she would physically not be able to give it to him. It would throw them right back to where they were months ago with the same problem.
She sighed, "This is my fault for telling you about George.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." but she never could lie to him. Just like whenever she knew he was putting on a face, he knew her well enough to know when something was bothering her. "Can we forget it?"
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"Do you think we would have made it this far if I wasn't who I am?" He was still unsure since George wasn't even there, but it crushed his little world. If they were just this typical human couple, would it have ever made it to this point? "I don't think so." It was because of who she was that she could even see him in a way his own family didn't.
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Zoe grinned a little, "Why're you asking me then if you know the answer?" she kicked at a pebble in their path and thought on it, "You would have given up long ago. You wouldn't have come that night when the wolf was after me. You wouldn't have stayed. All the times I cried and yelled, you never would have ever come back. And I probably would have thought you were just a douche and you wouldn't have this.. special view of the world. You wouldn't have all these things that drive me nuts but I adore at the same time. If you weren't you, we wouldn't be an 'us'."
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It was the reassurance of a child. He knew the reasons he just wanted to hear it from her, to be sure George hadn't condemned her to leave him. He would hate his sister's saint and would not be friendly the next time he saw him. He was already walking a fine line for involving himself already. Greed liked him, he wanted to keep liking him, but not by pressing buttons on Greed's things.
"Wanted to hear you say it," breaking up this over-emotional moment with a soft smile. It still hurt, he hadn't bounced back completely, he hadn't bounced back at all...but he didn't want to spend any more time arguing. He wanted to enjoy what he had left of this trip before he got thrown back home.