|Zoe (history_repeats) wrote in nevermore_logs,|
@ 2013-03-05 12:40:00
|Entry tags:||greed, zoe hansen|
WHO: Greed & Zoe
WHEN: March 5
WHAT: These kids can't get their shit together
WARNING: More fights
The emotions were at an all time nuclear level high. It was only their second trip to a deadzone so it would still take some time to figure things out but even though this particular deadzone didn't strip Greed in one fell swoop, the gradual layers it peeled back slowly still exposed him to not only all his feelings but all of Zoe's as well. And Zoe was an emotional girl.
She went to bed and he'd joined her even though they didn't say or touch. She woke up in the morning but he kept sleeping... and sleeping. She checked in on him throughout the day to make sure he was okay but left him alone for the most part.
It was the evening of the next day and the cottage had little lived in touches already. There were fresh flowers in a vase in the living room that Zoe had picked when she went for a walk earlier. A book of hers was on the table. A blanket on the couch where she had been reading a few hours ago. Right now she was in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Her hair was pulled back but strands of it still fell and framed her face. Pasta was boiling on the stove and she stood on a chair on her tiptoes peeking into a cupboard to see if the cottage owners had left anything useful or edible for their tenants.
Greed collapsed on that bed and didn't get up until he smelled food cooking. It woke him from dreamland which had gone far better than the day they arrived. He couldn't take his emotions and hers all at once, it just wiped him out.
Lazily he slid out if bed, shaking out his shaggy hair and groggily heading to where the food smell was coming from.
"What time is it?" He asked with sleepy eyes and a yawn.
Zoe replied without looking at him, rummaging in the cupboard, "Around 6:30..." he'd slept for almost a full day. She glanced at him but that was it, he had no shirt on and it was obvious she noticed since she stumbled a little and grabbed on to the shelf in the cabinet. She focused on what was inside though lowering and re-raising herself on her feet on the chair to reach in the back as she found some plates. He had stubble too and looked run down but casual. He was spiffy dressed up but she always did like him best when he looked relaxed.
He was still yawning when he padded towards her. She looked like she was about to fall. "Got it?" He was still too sleepy-headed to help. At least his headache was gone.
He skid down to the stove with the pasta taking in a good whiff. He hadn't eaten in nearly two days.
She rolled her eyes when he attempted to make sure she wasn't going to die but didn't say anything. She held a plate out to him, "Help yourself. It's pretty much done." there were some cans in the back of this cupboard that she was determined to reach because she was pretty sure they had the words 'pudding' on them. Plus it gave her an excuse to not look or talk to him.
He took the plate but was more interested in what she wad trying to get her hands on. "Let me," he insisted tugging at her shirt to let him get to the back of the cabinet. He took her place, not needing the chair at all and grabbed towards the back.
She was avoiding him though, he could sense it. Once he grabbed a hold of the pudding he pretended that something had him.
"Oh my god what the fuck is that?!" He screamed before breaking out into a laugh and placing the pudding in her hand.
Zoe looked at him when he tugged on her shirt and then huffed and stepped aside to let him try. Without her heels she was shorter than him by a little more. She wasn't a midget but his body did kinda dwarf hers.
She jumped a mile when he screamed and put a hand to her chest as he scared the crap out of her. She took the pudding and slapped his naked arm, "Jerk...." she said with an annoyed look and started opening drawers looking for a can opener.
It was the first time Greed had laughed in at least a week. The horror on her face made him cackle and double over in his fit of laughter.
He put an arm around get shoulders, still laughing when he kissed the top of her head and then made a b-line for the pasta. It broke the ice a little, gave him an in when she had shut him down earlier.
Greed was still contemplating her gut punch, but he had better control of what he was feeling with the two days worth of sleep.
Zoe did not look amused at all and rolled her shoulders when he got off her. She stayed quiet and found a can opener and got busy on that. There really wasn't much left to say. Oh except, "There's a flight heading back to New York tomorrow.. but we have to call by 7 if we want the seats."
He had just settled into his emotional rollarcoaster and she dropped him quick when she mentioned going back.
"I don't want to go back tomorrow." Greed had never wanted to give anyone anything in his life, and still in its simplicity it was a selfish thing for him to want to give her something to remember. He would ruin her for any boy in the future, but that was the point. They were so close, he wasn't turning back now because his head got the better of him or she pinned him down with a jungle of emotions. They both had already had a taste, he wasn't going home until they both took from each other what they came for.
Greed had no idea still how huge this really was, and he wouldnt until he experienced it.
She still didn't look at him, but she wasn't angry or sad, she was just... well that's that and what can ya do about it. She searched for a bowl for the pudding and easily responded with, "The flight on the weekend is more expensive." she just wanted to put this whole humiliating experience behind her.
Greed stuffed his mouth with a fork full of spaghetti. He was still chewing when he took a swat on the couch. "So," he mumbled and shrugged. "You already backing out?" He wasn't going to let her now.
Zoe paused and blinked several times. She dropped her chin down and pressed her lips together, "Let's see.. I ask you to come here. And not for the scenery. We come here. I kiss you. You tell me I make you feel cheap." she was pointing back and forth between them, she furrowed her brow and twirled the same finger, "Do you mind if I fast forward through the rest of the emotional crap that happened? Which brings us to now." she stuck a spoon in her pudding, "So no, I'm not backing out, there is nothing to back out of." her offer was off the table. He could spend the night with his hand or go in town and find a floozy.
"This is what you always do! You fucking back peddle on me when fuck Zoe, I'm sorry my emotional bar is way fucking up here," he gestured with his hand over his head, "when we land in a deadzone."
He finished off a huge roll of pasta off his plate. "I'm sick of going in circles," he rubbed his hands through his hair vigorously. "So, no don't throw up a wall again. Because you want a piece of me, alright I want to give it to you." For Greed that was huge. To give anyone anything.
Zoe eyed him, "You're lying. You were acting weird ever since I brought this whole trip up. And there is no deadzone in New York."
She shook her head, "Oh how sweet, but no, don't do me any favors. I don't want a piece of you. I'm good. I have pudding." she held up a spoonful of the dessert and then put it in her mouth, sliding out a clean spoon from between her lips.
"You drop kicked me when I told you I'd try to go clean before this trip." He wanted to do this for so long, it almost seemed like they were both putting it off regardless of how many times they said this was what they wanted. It would change things no matter how they looked at it. "It totally killed my mood, I'm sorry," he countered sarcastically, fisting his hand only to make the sore muscles cringe.
Zoe shook her head, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I had no business asking you to and I took it back, didn't I? It was unfair and I acknowledged that. I don't understand why you're making such a huge deal out of it." she was frustrated with him, she did everything in a way that she thought would suit him and he got upset by it.
"It's not that you fucking asked," he shook his hands out feeling stiff again. "It's that you decided for me.You told me not to after...fuck Zoe what are we doing?" He he stood to get all the frustration that was starting to build up again. It was the first time he put them in the sane lump. Not as a you, or I, but as a 'we'.
"I didn't decide for you, it wouldn't have been a decision at all if I hadn't brought it up. And we're not in a relationship and we aren't going to be in one so I don't know why I said and I already said I'm sorry!" she set the bowl down and ran a frustrated hand through her hair. Zoe didn't notice him say 'we' but subconsciously it calmed her down a little. "I don't know. You said you wanted sex then you want it with me as your girlfriend but you can't be my boyfriend and that in turn means i can't be your girlfriend and round and round and round we go and I just wanted.. I just wanted to stop that. I just wanted a few days with you where we don't have to deal with all that bullshit. I just wanted to put all the pain and all the problems on pause and just pretend. Just for a few days."
She shook her head, "I thought.. you'd be happy with this way of doing things... isn't this how you do things with the other girls?" the ones that weren't left broken hearted, the ones that got to be with him.
He'd paced a little streak in the floor. He wasn't used to seeing things with a bigger scope. Greed handled things simple because he saw only what he wanted and how to get it. He clenched and unclenched his hand to break up the stiffness where he had nearly broken it the day before.
"No its not." He ran a hand over his face. He kept calm because she had calmed down as well. This was a lot of high drama. "So, forget all the bullshit for a few days. It's done." He was doing what she told him. Suck it up. Deal with it.
He leaned back against the couch. He was tired of going in circles. "Seems easier when we're just making out." He laughed stretching his arms across the back of the sofa.
"Then how do you do it with them?" she wanted to know, she was almost desperate to know. Why did he have fun with them and not with her? Why was it so painful with her? She sighed, "Now you wanna forget? That's it? We just poof and the last few days didn't happen?"
She gave a small sad smile that died fast, "Yeah. I don't know Chance, maybe we weren't meant for more than that..." it hadn't gone unnoticed by her that any time they were in a deadzone, he didn't want to touch her or kiss her. But when he was a Sin he was all over her. She wondered if maybe it was his Sin that wanted her..
"It's what you had with Mike. I get them home, it gets heavy and then its over." He didn't know what she wanted to hear. It wasn't romantic, it wasn't anything out of a movie. "Sometimes more than once, but I hardly see them again. We don't really talk," he shrugged, "don't really do much of anything." He leaned forward, settling his elbows on his knees.
"I don't like this Zoe. This distance." It made him feel out of his zone. "Would you come here?" Instead of her being on the other side of the room. "I want you to be here..." He spoke quietly, massaging the one damaged hand.
Zoe looked disgusted, and not by his description, though she wasn't thrilled to hear it. "That is not what I had with Mike." she couldn't really comment on the rest but added, "He and I talked..." they did, sort of. Not that it was riveting but they did. And they didn't get heavy. Much. The one attempt was horrible.
She had a weird look on her face as she leaned in the doorjamb and shook her head, "No, it's weird." and it was easy to see she kinda didn't believe him either. He was practically shoving her away yesterday. And this was all to weird. She had been willing to pretend and he ruined it and now it was all weird. She picked up her bowl of pudding again.
"Zoe," he hung his head, threading his hands over his neck. "Don't do this. Don't block me out." It was confusing for him, he had no way of knowing how to navigate when she tensed and cut him off.
He needed touch. He needed to feel like he wasn't there with a stranger. "Two weeks and six girls and I couldn't get a tenth of what it feels like being with you."
She sighed, "I'm not blocking you out you dork.." she started to move towards him and then stopped. She made a face, "Oh gross...." she shuddered and set the bowl down on the table, sitting in the armchair he had been pouting in the day before. Great, she didn't compare to a million girls. She should be thrilled. She gave him a dull look, "You haven't been with me." maybe they should just do it, get it over with and just see what was there. More likely what wasn't there.
"You are," he countered like a pouty little boy. His hands dropped from his neck, "They weren't all at once! You asked anyway." They hadn't been together but--"Well what about that fucking kiss? The one where you...and I had to leave..." This still could toyally be a trap, but no virtue would want to sit through letting a human girl screw him. "It was hot and---" he growled shaking his hands through his hair again. The emotions, the tension, it his body ache and his head pound.
Zoe still made a face, him saying they weren't all at once really did not help. At all. In all honesty, when he said what about that kiss, her first thought had been... which one? They'd had several kisses before coming here. She frowned looking at him like he lost his mind and then he spit it out, that one. Her face turned a little heated, it wasn't her proudest moment to have started dating someone and then kiss her ex only to have him walk out on her. "Well you burn up, I can't help that!" she said and pressed a hand to her temple. He always got so worked up over that particular kiss, she couldn't understand it. She was getting a headache of her own.
"Well, not right now I won't!" It's why they were here. They could do whatever the fuck they wanted and they hadn't touched each other since they first walked in and he'd had a headache. It was like going through withdrawals. He really had no idea how or what would happen but they actually had to start something to know.
Zoe let out a frustrated noise. How was it possible that they actually got further sexually in New York? Was it because they knew they couldn't go further? She didn't know what else to do. Ugh, he was as cuddly as a cactus right now. "Fine! Then I don't know, take your pants off." she gestured wildly with her hand.
It did seem easier in New York. He was starting to think these deadzones just made him undesirable. That would be all kinds of pathetic.
Greed stood to take off the jeans as she'd asked, rolling them into s ball that he launched at her. He took his seat back on the couch in his boxers. He threw his arms out with a slap back down. "Now what? How about you drop something." It was strip poker without the poker.
Zoe's mouth dropped open when he actually did it. She jumped and held the jeans in her hands after they hit her and she opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. Okay, so she hadn't expected him to actually do it. But she wasn't going to back down. "Now what? You're seriously asking me? What were you doing with those ten girls these past two weeks? Playing chess?" she threw his jeans on the floor and huffed, "I don't need to drop anything, I can just pull them down a little." but she wasn't budging to do so.
Zoe was different than those ten girls. It was Zoe. Greed chuckled a little, waving his finger around. "No, no, no. I lose something, so do you. You can start with that hoodie." He made a zip down motion with his hand. "Come on now. Take it off." He wanted to at least see the package. "Then the shirt." He still had socks on, he was making a game of it.
Zoe was incensed. She glared at him and then zipped the hoodie all the way down and angrily took it off, hurling it at him. She crossed her arms over her chest, "I don't see you dropping anything else." she mocked him. She was still relatively fully dressed compared to him.
Greed leaned over and pulled off a sock throwing it at her like the jeans. He gave her an expectant look like she had no choice now.
There was no way to tell where this would end up. They were still snippy with each other.
Zoe gave him a death glare when he threw the sock at her and then pinched the toe of her own sock and took it off, tossing it at him. She raised her brows in challenge to him because it was his turn and he was running out of items faster than she was.
It wasn't what he'd been going for, so his sock was tossed down. She was playing the asshole hand because he knew she would go for the other sock on her foot. Now he had just the boxers left and she was still covered up. "You know in some countries showing off the ankle is sexual." As if she didn't know that little tidbit.
Zoe did go for her other sock and now had bare feet. She looked at him and then stretched her long jeans covered leg out and let the ankle of her foot drop onto the arm of the couch next to him so he could get an eyeful of her ankle. She gave a sarcastic smile, "You know in some countries you'd be considered charming and not a total asshole. Those countries still have yet to be found but I'm sure they're out there."
She still had her arms crossed across her chest. His move.
He launched at her, fingers out to tickle her sides. "What was that? Are you being funny?" He reached under the backside of her knee to grab it and make her squeal. "Gonna play dirty huh?" He dragged her out of the chair by her legs, continuing to torture her ticklish areas.
Zoe went wide eyed because that was cheating. She squealed as he pulled her out of the chair and squirmed in his hold, involuntarily laughing when he tickled her. "Ugh, you're horrible!" she said amid laughter and tried to grab hold of his arms. "Stop stop stop..." she put her hands on his broad naked shoulders and looked up at him. What the hell, why not, she pulled him down to her and kissed him. Now he didn't seem to care about anything but actually doing it so why not. She did want him and love him, she'd get into it hopefully.
The tickling ended when she planted him with a kiss. Yes! Finally! Only, it felt so off. He'd never had to deal with moods before. He just jumped in.
The kiss had all the right details. Lips, tongue, but something was missing. Greed got up after a few minutes, breaking from her lips and looking disturbed.
"Am I broken? I feel like my sexiness just got zapped right out of me." That was a horrible feeling.
Zoe felt stung when he moved off her and she felt angry and rejected. "You're cracked in the head!" she shoved him as she sat up. "I kissed you yesterday and you shoved me off. I kiss you right now and you still shove me off. But you tell me oh Zoe, let's just fuck. Well Chance, it's hard to do that if you keep stopping it. I don't know what you want anymore. I don't think I ever did. I have tried. I have tried so hard to give and do whatever it is that you want but you know what? I've had it. I'm done. I quit." this was ridiculous.
She threw her hands up and got up off the floor, "And did it occur to you that maybe your sexiness isn't zapped as much as maybe you only want me as a Sin? Because any time you're human, I become the least desirable thing on the planet and I'm using you and being insensitive and hurting you. You know, allll the bullshit you do to me on a daily basis but I just have to deal with if I want to still be around you and kiss you without exploding into a million tears." she took a breath because she hadn't meant to explode like that but there were only so many slaps she could take.
"It's not about you Zoe!" Greed didn't know how to take all this in. "The mood isn't right. Fuck..." He just threw a tantrum right there like a little kid. "It's not you," his voice broke this time, eyes feeling glassy and his throat tight. "It's all this," he scrambled his hands around his head. "You, you look incredible. Your little freckles, lips, body. I don't think you want me?" He was so unsure of himself. He just wanted the same things. With the barriers gone it made this tough.
"Zoe, I don't know what to do," he pointed at his chest hard, that was a difficult thing to realize.
Zoe scoffed, "Right, because when is it ever about me.." she gave him a look. Now he cared about mood?
She kept her arms crossed over her chest and looked at him, "Why can't you just pretend I'm one of those other girls? I'm sure it'd come to you then. But wait no, you want more than that. I'm not special enough to be your girlfriend, but I'm too special to fuck. So that leaves us with nothing." she ran a hand through her hair and was as lost as he was. She kept coming back to maybe they just weren't meant to have sex.
"No I can't! Because you aren't those other girls! You're Zoe. You're my Zoe, not some girl who just spreads. It isn't you. I can't..." He slumped forward with his head down. He rubbed his hands over his face, flopping onto the floor, scooting to lay his head in her lap. He looked up at her with lost blue eyes, scanning her face for something.
There was a feeling that dominated all others in his head. Love. He didn't want her to walk out, for some reason that worked him up.
Zoe looked down at him, his face upside down, amazing blue eyes, and she missed his smile. "If you can't... then that's that. And it's okay." she said softly. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, "We always said that we have a hard time making and keeping friends and here we are, we're friends. You're my best friend. So maybe it's not a bad thing that we don't. Maybe we missed the window but in the long run it's good." she'd never have his heart and she didn't want him to add her to a collection, play with her when he felt like it. She put her hand over his mouth so he couldn't say anything as she took a deep breath, "And I don't think we should talk about it anymore. Not tonight." she was gutted enough already.
She uncovered his mouth and tried to smile, "It's beautiful here and you've been cooped up since we arrived. We missed the flight for tomorrow so how about we go for a walk in the morning? There's a lake and the woods and flowers and... it'll be good." she gently tried to move him off her so she could stand.
He calmed down, closing his eyes from the brush on his forehead. He was exhausted already, emotions were a drain on his body. The little Sin that was left was writhing around in knots, cursing him for doing this to him again. It made him a little queasy.
He had been cooped up for days, like a wild animal he needed fresh air. "Alright." He clasped her hand with his, getting up slowly.
Zoe nodded and used his hand to stand herself. She went and got ready for bed, changing into jammies and tiredly crawling inbetween the sheets. She wasn't sleepy but she was tired. And she didn't want to say or hear another word. She curled up on her side and hugged her pillow under her arms.
That bed had been attached to him since they got there, but when he invaded it that night he climbed in beside her curling around her, with his face nestled in the crook of her neck. He stayed there until the next day, sleeping more peacefully than before.