Zoe (history_repeats) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2013-01-08 09:54:00 |
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Current music: | Black Lab - This Blood |
Entry tags: | lust, zoe hansen |
WHO: Zoe then Lust [Narrative]
WHEN: Jan 1st - Jan 5th
WHERE: Zoe's apartment, Lust's apartment
WHAT: Lust wins, everyone else loses
WARNING: You have been warned
New Year's Eve had gone amazingly well. She and Greed had managed to last as friends for mere days. This time it had to be different, right? He'd shown her he'd chosen her. He knew how important this was to her. She'd told him they couldn't do kisses and be friends like they had before so.. did this mean something?
She’d gone to bed with a smile on her face and even slept in. She tried to hold off on calling Greed right away when she woke up but by the afternoon had given in. Voicemail. She didn't leave a message, figuring he’d see the missed call and call back when he had a moment. But she didn't hear from him the rest of the day. She didn’t let it bother her too much and by the next day, Wednesday, when she still hadn't heard from him, she remembered what he’d said he wanted and so went to work. Home made éclairs. Round ones. She packed them in a box and texted him again.. when she didn't hear from him still, she put the box in the fridge and the next day took it to the post office, making it a nice parcel to send to his house. She felt like she was being clingy and ridiculous, it’d just been a few days and she hadn't heard from him so what? She promised herself this would be the last text, the absolute last one. Just to let him know she sent the box. An hour later her phone alerted her to a received text.
She was surprised how she jumped on the phone but what she saw on the screen made her feel like someone kicked her in the chest. Her face fell as she sunk onto the sofa, throwing the phone to the side. She put her feet up, knees to her chest. Shaking hands covered her face, her eyes were wet and she waited but the tears wouldn't come. She moved her hands up, smoothing back her hair and paused them. Could it be she was finally all cried out? Had she spent every single tear on him already? Well ever since the break up to now.. counting Kansas.. maybe she had no more tears to give. Or maybe she just refused to give them anymore. She closed her eyes and let her head hit the back of the couch. Greed didn't care. He could pretend for short bursts but that was it. Talking to him did no good. She tried that, over and over again, and each time she landed right back here on the ground with a kick to the gut.
Her skin ached. Her heart physically hurt. This was her fault because she didn't learn. He smiled at her, made her laugh, made her feel like maybe he understood, and then kissed her and she was gone again. She was so stupid. She had to take a different approach. Because telling him he was killing her meant nothing to him and if this continued she would be destroyed. So maybe lying was the best way. Not lying.. no, just repeating something and believing something till it was true. Greed wouldn't help her with this, she’d have to do it without telling him. She didn't love him, she didn't, not anymore, she was going to move on, get through this, it’d be over before she knew it and as the thoughts ran through her mind, tears slipped past her closed eyes. If she didn't see them, they didn't exist.