Who: Poseidon and Amphitrite What: Reconciliation and redemption. When: Tuesday night, June 6, 2011 Where: Poseidon's penthouse Warnings: language
Poseidon stood by the bar looking out the window for Amphitrite once the sun went down and black cloaked the sky. Drink in hand he walked outside, the view of the bay laid out to his right as he stepped out on the lower deck. The penthouse itself sat on a high hill that looked over the bay, the city lights a view from afar.
He looked to his watch, a restlessness running through his system until she showed. It had been weeks, nearly a month, if not more since he'd seen her. Closing his eyes he stepped down a little further looking down into the bay, that seemingly good mood he'd been in the day before dropping with each minute that passed by. He was emotionally broken, he'd begged her in a manner that made him fragile inside. In return he'd broken the one that made her happy, that gave her the confidence to leave him so alone despite his calls. Perseus wasn't dead, he'd gotten off easy if only because Poseidon had already used so much energy, if not just in grieving but letting out his frustration. He looked at his watch again, downing the little bit of alcohol that remained in the bottom of the glass.
Amphitrite wasn't looking forward to seeing Poseidon. Not in the least. She had really wanted to tell him no, she wouldn't see him again. Not now, not ever. But he had been civil and considerably calm. And truth be told, she wanted to find out what he had meant when he said his mind had been "fucked up". She really had no idea what that meant.
Had he been so drunk he didn't know what he was saying?
No, he would have come right out and said it.
It was all a mystery and she was curious to know the truth. That didn't mean she wanted to see him. It was only an agreement that she would meet with him. Why of all places did it have to be the penthouse? She hated that place. It offered nothing but a cage in which to set the trophy wife who wanted to be more than that. She had delayed all day, had spent the better part of the day sitting on her own balcony and staring out at the busy street. It wasn't until after five that she decided to get it over with. So she dressed in jeans in a t-shirt (because this was nothing special and she would make sure Poseidon knew that). Her body was covered and if he thought she would bow down to him he would be sorely disappointed.
The trek to the penthouse went by much too quickly but when she got there it seemed time went by slowly as she rang the door bell and waited. She wanted to turn and run away but she had been doing that so much lately that it was time to face her fears head-on.
He wasn't a changed man, he was obsessively haunting her if to be just a looming shadow she'd never be rid of. He couldn't let her go so easily, even from his own mouth, words that he'd often thought but never expecting to profess.
After a few more lagging minutes he'd stepped back inside filling his glass again. The rim had just lined his lips when the bell rang and he sat he glass down.
When he opened the door she was dressed casually. He too wore jeans and a dark blue button up shirt. He cleaned up nice but he was still thinner than she'd last seen him. The wear and tear of grief, something he had never felt so personally before.
He let Amphitrite in closing the door behind her, that slow step behind her until she turned around to look at him. There was a solid moment of softness in his eyes. He'd missed her.
There was a wall up between them. A mental and emotional one. She had cried to him more than once. She had admitted things she would never admit to anyone (well, maybe Thetis). She had once been completely comfortable with him.
Now was different. Now she felt the distance. She could feel how much they had grown apart. Before she had witnessed over the years as they grew apart.
There was no smile or hello. She just wanted to get this over with. When she finally looked at him she braced herself for whatever emotional guilt trip he had in store. "You don't look good." She hadn't meant it to sound that harsh but that's how it came out. "You've not been taking care of yourself, I can see that." It was like a mother inspecting her child after a year at college.
He felt that wall, not unlike the wall she'd put up to get away from him when he'd first chased her. A wall they'd managed to crack when he found her in Greece. Had she forgotten that? Had she forgotten what he'd sacrificed of himself to find her?
His eyes stung. She spoke to him so distant as if he'd already lost this battle. He took a deep breath crossing his arms against his chest. "Oh you noticed," he bit back with a lowly growl. He went back to the bar where his drink sat, arms laid out as his hands gripped the sides.
She was torturing him.
A brow lifted a fraction, "It's not hard to miss when someone isn't taking care of themself. You've been known to care about your appearance so I'm a little surprised to see you this way."
She watched him, never moving from where she stood. It was a good, short distance from the door.
"You wanted to see me. Well, here I am."
His eyes moved back and forth to the counter top watching that drink and nothing else. Her presence alone was only making this pain cut him even deeper. His fist clenched hitting the marble counter. He would not let her see him crawl around on his belly like this.
When he turned he leaned his back against the bar, taking that drink letting it hit his system before slapping it back. "Sorry baby," his voice rolled with that deep undertone, "I'm not fucking sunshine and roses."
"Come closer," he instructed her, his head turned down, those devilish eyes looking from under his heavy brow. When she didn't that look turned warning. He held out his hand.
Amphitrite watched him closely. There was never any telling what he would do and she had become so accustomed to anticipating his next move. Now was no different. His actions seemed strange. She hadn't said or done anything that warranted his hitting the counter.
She smirked, "You were never much for either of those things. Don't speak to me like I have no idea who you are."
She just stared at him, "Why?" He could do whatever he wanted, she was not coming back so freely. And taking his hand would mean just that.
A small smile, teeth just showing from the curve of his upper lip. So much of her was back to the hard-nailed woman he knew. The one he wanted.
His hand closed at her refusal, his brows creasing in frustration, so he took a step forward. His head titled giving her soft eyes, his hands closing in around the frame of her face, a gentle and shaky touch.
"Amphitrite," he whispered, he would not say please. Not again.
For a moment Amphitrite believed he would crush her. Only because she had disobeyed and he had been so angry the last time she had seen him.
That feeling quickly subsided and she looked away in defiance. She didn't want to look at him. She couldn't. Maybe the bad outweighed the good, but there had still been good times. She couldn't deny that.
"I think you've lost your mind. Have you seriously forgotten everything you've said?" She said, still holding her ground.
One hand stayed clutched to the side of her face, the other sliding through her tresses from the crown of her head. There was very little force in his grip even though she clearly showed disgust. It made his stomach drop.
His hand started to shake but continued it's sliding caress in her hair. "I know what I said," his voice far more strong than his body. "I meant what I said. If only so you'd feel something for me. Even hate."
Forgetting him was not an option even in the face of her freedom, her happiness.
The gods were a very proud group. Each and every one of them. Even those who were supposed to hold reign over some from of humility or what-have-you. Amphitrite most certainly proud. But perhaps Poseidon was more than any of them. That it took all this time for him just to admit the reason for saying those things.
"I don't understand. I've given you every part of me. Every good year of my life, children, warmth." She paused, "Love. And yet it was never good enough for you. When I made it a point that I had no intentions of leaving you turned around kicked me out. Why? Because you were paranoid that I was off on my own to think? I was gone, cooling off because of what our son told me. I didn't know what I'd do when you came back so I just kept that distance."
She sighed and took a step back, making his hands fall away from her. She didn't want to be touched. Not right now.
Poseidon was never happy with just what he had, it was in his making, and he wasn't sure even Amphitrite could ever cure it. Despite that she was what held him together, pull that thread away and he unraveled.
She dropped from his grip and he clenched his eyes closed, opening them again only when the urge to hurt passed. Even then he growled under his breath, taking a seat on the couch nearby and slapping his own head in frustration. This wasn't east, not for Poseidon. So much of his soul felt drained as it was. His hands slid down on his neck, gripping at the base of his head.
"I was paranoid," he turned his head cracking his neck from the tension, hands now in his lap. "Zeus' little bitch, Delusion made sure of that," Ate whom he'd been tricked to sleep with just for that purpose. Zeus was playing games and Poseidon stepped right into it. Once that paranoia kicked in, Amphitrite hadn't been his only mistake.
"Did you love me?" he asked that question for the first time, slight bitterness in his voice knowing time and time again what rejection felt like. What Demeter's had felt like, and what he didn't want to feel again and again from Amphitrite in the same way. He couldn't hurt her the same. "I took you because I wanted you. I wanted someone that could love me," his voice quieter as if saying it so loud made her that much more powerful. Yet, Poseidon didn't know how to hold on to love, so he crushed it.
Amphitrite could remember a time when she was completely happy. Being a sea nymph had been enough. She was content then.
Lately she had slowly been turning back into that person. Now it had been suddenly halted. Stopped by a metaphorical brick wall she was trying to chisel away.
She watched him quietly. Even to Amphitrite there was no hiding the fact that he was crumbling. It stung to watch but she couldn't save him. She couldn't try fruitlessly to help someone who didn't want to be helped. Begging her to return to him was for his own selfish wants and desires. She nodded slowly. Big bad Poseidon, who always thought he was stronger than everyone else, fallen because of one goddess who he most likely thought was too weak to do anything to him. It was bittersweet.
The question came as a surprise and she let out an involuntary laugh. "Of course." She quickly bit back the laugh, even though it was devoid of any actual humor. It might come off as ha ha you lost me now let me rub it in your face and that wasn't how it was meant. Maybe she had come in hopes to tell him off in some ways, but hearing this made her decide against it. Clearly he was broken and she didn't need to do anything that might break him more. "I learned to love you, and I did. Completely. But you also abused that love because of your own selfishness. Now listen," she said before he could interrupt, "I'm not here to berate you even if I'd like to but I don't kick people when they're down. I don't know if things could ever work between us again, simply because you can't trust me. You pushed me away over the years. I've never understood why I'm not enough. If you love someone you give everything to them, that's why I thought you never really loved me. Because I wasn't good enough."
There it was, that biting pain so deep inside that the emptiness only reminded him that there was only himself. It was like a knife slicing him down the middle to the point where he felt that physical pain. He slid down off the couch to the floor clutching his stomach, that heavy dry cough barking from his system as if he was about to be violently sick. Teeth gritted he shook his head, closing his eyes so tight that when he opened them again, tears had pricked their lining.
"Don't," he whispered, head shaking again, "don't say that." As he had seen Demeter the week before, the same would happen of him. Completely desolate of feeling, it would be lost if she never came back to him.
"I loved you with a fire," his voice hoarse, a whisper still. It was obsessive his love, but for her it was real. Since the moment he'd laid eyes on her. "I still do." Words that he was sure he'd never said to her, not easily, not ever. Not even Aphrodite could have cooked this up, not in the way he so brokenly admitted it.
This whole scene was starting to feel very surreal. Poseidon did tend to be very dramatic in the things he did and this was over the top. His best performance yet, even if it wasn't meant that way.
She took a deep breath and finally allowed herself to step more closely. She sat down on the couch, though still didn't touch him. The things that had happened all seemed a mistake now, because he was opening up and telling her things she had never heard. Things she had never known. Although she still didn't regret the things that had happened lately to make her so happy. She had been given the chance to feel something she felt she deserved. Something others seemed to think she deserved.
"I can't come back to you if you refuse to let me help you. You need it, that's obvious. That you're even telling me all of this shows you can make changes. It's up to you to from here."
He ran his hands over his face and through his hair to shake away this desolation. It was pathetic really, but for her could he be willing to try? It seemed as if his mind had made that decision even if the rest of him violently fought it. Proving to himself that the smallest hint of good had not left him yet, not completely.
He clenched his jaw, eyes closed again feeling her presence there even if she refused to touch him. He merely shook his head, grabbing her hand almost desperately. As he had the day he'd been on his knees asking her to marry him.