WHO: Antichrist, Satan and Lucifer (come in whenever, posting order whatever) WHAT: Parents and kid WHEN: Saint Leprechaun's Day WHERE: Antichrist's new digs. WARNINGS: Most likely something.
He was back in New York city.
His apartment needed airing out and his bar needed re-stocking, but he had mostly settled back into his place. He loved the buzz of the city. It just made sense for the Antichrist to be in the biggest city in America. It had the most amount of people to turn from Jesus.
The goody-two-shoes.
Unable to avoid it any longer, lest he get told off by his parents, he sent them both a text message to tell them he was in town. He included the address in case they forgot where he lived. And then he waited for them to show, whiskey glass in hand.
Satan arrived first, strolling into his wayward son's home like he owned it. He ran a critical eye over everything before smiling at his son.
"Finally decided to crawl out of whatever rock you were hiding under?"
Joshua, as he preferred to be called, raised his eyebrows at Satan. He pointed his glass towards the whiskey decanter and the empty glasses beside it and then he finally said with a slight snarl, "hello, Mother."
"Hello, my little ray of sunshine," Satan said, pouring a glass for both of them before pinching Joshua's cheek. "You never call, you never write. What's a mother to do? Cheers."
He clinked their glasses together. It was, after all, a day for drinking.
Joshua sighed as Satan pinched his cheek and then he leaned forward, taking a sip of his drink. "Celebrating today, are we? I hear little Saint Leprechaun banished you. That can't possibly be true, can it?"
"Now which little birdie told you something like that?" Satan said, smiling blandly. "He banished me a total of four miles. Hardly a feat."
"He's a human being, he shouldn't have been able to do it at all," Joshua snapped back. "I leave the city and my mother loses a fight to a piddly saint."
"Then blame humans and their absurd little legends concerning snakes," Satan snarled back. "Though if you'd like to go avenge your family's honor, by all means. I believe he'll be getting drunk today, like every day."
Joshua didn't feel like bothering with Saint Patrick. And he thought it was funny that his mother had been banished, though he didn't like humans having powers like that. Humans were never meant to be powerful. They were cattle.
"Let him self-destruct," Joshua said with a shrug. "Tell me what else you've been doing that doesn't involve banishment."
"Well, your father spent the majority of Valentine's Day under some kind of spell and making eyes at uncle Michael, so I've been relentlessly mocking him for that," Satan said, taking another sip and glad to move the topic to Lucifer's recent humiliations.
Joshua choked on his whiskey and he stared at Satan in shock. "He what?! Please tell me they didn't spoon."
"I assume there was spooning involved at some point," Satan said, lounging back in a chair across from his son. "I walked into Lucifer's house to discover him cuddling with Michael on the couch. He explained that they were going to get along from now on, while glowing and smiling like an idiot. It was-" Satan drained his glass, "-an experience."
Lucifer knew he was running late because he could hear Satan recalling that little story. It was enough to make him want to toss his counterpart off something high. Preferably into spikes too.
"Remind me to tell the tale of when he was stuck as something Cthulhu gave birth to, oh and the time where he let the pagan river freeze his ass into being paralyzed." There was an edge of anger in his voice as he walked into the apartment, glaring angry daggers at Satan. "If we're sharing stories. And I'm burning that heathen for putting that on me by the way. Hello Joshua." He smiled to the younger man and walked closer giving him a once over.
"Hope you're here to pick up your slack lovely. We had to go create Buddy Christ to do it for you." He picked up a glass and filled it. "Last year this was such a funner day."
"Your father exaggerates so much," Satan said. "Joshua, you haven't met Buddy Christ yet, have you? He's a Jesus statue we breathed life into and turned into a killing machine. He's the best guard for Hell we've ever had."
Joshua nodded back to his father and he was close to saying something snarky when Lucifer brought up the 'slack'. It wasn't his fault God was taking his damn time bringing about the apocalypse. And until then Joshua didn't really have much to do beyond corrupting people.
"I haven't met Buddy Christ." Whatever it was, it sounded lame. "Are you a bit bored lately between cuddling angels and being banished by saints? You talk about my slack? Who do you think encouraged those idiot Phelps people to start spouting their anti-gay rhetoric. The crazier the Westboro Baptist Church looks, the more people turn away from Heaven."
Grinning he sipped from his drink. He liked Joshua, as much as he was capable of anyway, mostly because the being had some spine and tended to remind Lucifer of himself. "For shame. We'll have to make you see Dogma. If we won't, the Voice will."
Shaking his head he took a seat, half ignoring Satan. "Tsk tsk pumpkin. Unlike you two I can't corrupt people. I can give my best better to rule in hell speech but nothing like you. And most often that makes them not believe. We can't use that either."
Satan turned so that he could sprawl his legs across Lucifer's lap. "The Phelps clan was your doing? I might have to take back all the things I've been saying about you, they're my favorite."
"I don't give a shit what you've been saying about me. Every time they get a little too comfortable, I just amp up the Hellfire speak a little. They have no idea they're driving people towards us rather than away from us," Joshua laughed.
"And what is Dogma?"
He pushed at Satan's legs as best he could, unwilling to play footstool. It just wasn't dignified. "Off," he snarled before looking to Joshua, "only the best things. Only have one of you. But good on you for that."
He rolled his eyes, "Jesus Joshua get out from your rock. It's a movie. Watch it. Do yourself a favor or five. However we need you in this city. It has too many Saints and Virtues. Charity's mine though."
"I'd say your father is attempting to corrupt a Virtue with his penis, but I don't think that's even true," Satan said, rolling his eyes as Lucifer shoved his legs away. "I think he just likes spending time with her. Shameful. Maybe you can talk sense into him, Joshua."