Patrick Clark | Patroclus (borrowed_armor) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2012-07-23 16:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | achilles, helen of troy, patroclus |
Who: Patroclus and Achilles and Helen
What: Hawkward
When: May 15th
Where: Bri and Pat's apartment
Achilles was over and Patroclus was trying his best to find some level of civility in order to keep back the feelings that kept clawing to the surface whenever he was around his best friend. He was so close to finally breaking and screaming at Achilles for losing control, but in order to do that he would have to lose control himself. How did that make him any better than Achilles?
They were sitting in the living room, staring idly at the television while Patroclus fished for something to say. "So. How was your week?"
There was an awkward silence that still spurned between them since the events he'd put Patroclus through. A silence that used to be a comfortable one, but as months passed it only made Achilles more aware of the trust he'd broken. That angry side of him wanted Patroclus to turn and be nasty. To hate, to loathe him, to get angry instead of this forced politeness.
"It was a week, well enough." His attention stayed on the television set. "Why are you asking me mundane questions. You act as if you know not how to talk to me."
Patroclus turned to look at Achilles and he raised his eyebrows. "What? I...I just don't have much to say, my week has been pretty boring," Patroclus said nervously.
"That is not it," Achilles said with a sigh. "You hardly speak at all to me unless to ask ridiculous questions. Ever since," his voice trailed off and he shook his head saying no more.
"I don't know what you want me to say," Patroclus said with a shrug. This was hard. They had never struggled for things to discuss before. "Do you want me to talk more?"
"That's just it, Patroclus. It's what you don't say. It's what you refuse to say. It's what you refuse to do!" Achilles wanted to rile him, he wanted to see more than the forgiveness he couldn't even give himself. Achilles was always hard on himself when it came to forgiving his own heart.
Patroclus turned to his cousin, looking shocked this was coming out now. "What do you want me to do, cousin? I would do anything to make you happy." And he would, too.
"I'm not happy," he said shaking his head, there was a prick to his eyes. He was restless, this is what brought him into Hybris' bed in the first place. There was a void between them now, a blank wall that he couldn't break and Patroclus was someone he trusted, needed his council, and yet it was missing now.
"Be angry. Why will you not show your anger to me? Instead it is your constant wave that everything is okay. It's not okay, is it Patroclus?"
"I let go of my anger long ago, Achilles," Patroclus lied. "I don't know what else to say."
Helen had a way of showing up at just the wrong time (or the right time, take your pick). She had wanted to surprise Patroclus with a visit, not caring if there were others there or not. She just wanted to pay him a friendly visit and that's exactly what she planned to do.
Until she heard raised voices. She had been standing at the front door, about to knock when she heard them. Frowning, she couldn't hear what was being said but just knowing there was some sort of fight going on inside made her uneasy. There was no telling who it was or if Patroclus was even inside, but she knocked anyway.
"Just a second," Patroclus said to Achilles, and he moved to answer the door. When he found Helen on the other side, his eyes widened and he tried to cover his shock by giving her an uneasy smile. "Er...Helen, hello." He stepped aside to let her past him, knowing it would probably piss Achilles off. He hadn't spoken to Achilles about Helen yet...
"Come on in, Helen. We were just discussing a few things."
The vibe in that room turned another level of uncomfortable. Achilles eyes narrowed standing as Helen entered. He had his misgivings about her, especially seeing how she'd treated his friend before.
He'd had his speculations, her presence was only further proved how weak Patroclus was to let her back in so easily.
The look in his eyes was heavy, dark. He'd never held ill-will toward the woman before but she proved to be as changeable as before.
"Helen," he said in a thin-lipped greeting, if it could even be called one.
Helen raised a brow at the way Patroclus greeted her. Surely that smile of his would have been real had she shown up when Achilles hadn't been around. Or anyone else for that matter. She didn't dwell on it, however, and stepped inside. More like arguing.
Her curiosity was diminished when she saw it was Achilles who Patroclus had been arguing with. "Achilles," she said in a more welcoming way than he was showing her.
There was no telling where this might lead and her words, no matter how much Achilles might not believe them, still rang true. She did want to make things right between her and Patroclus. If having to be in the same room with him made it obvious then so be it.
Patroclus looked back and forth between them, wondering what the hell he should do now. "It's nice to see you," he said, stepping over to kiss Helen on the lips. "Achilles, Helen and I are together again." He actually believed Achilles wouldn't have known this already.
"Clearly," he noted refusing to move from his position to give any lighter greeting. There was an ice cold air around them as Achilles threw daggers with those eyes.
He threw his head up high, tilting it arrogantly. "I don't approve." When it came to Patroclus, his best interests were at heart and nothing Helen had to say could change his mind on his opinion of her right now. She was every bit the schemer and foolish woman he'd come to believe her to be.
She smiled fondly at Patroclus after he kissed her. But at Achilles Helen could have countered with something along the lines of Achilles just being a lonely ass who was jealous that he couldn't find someone to be with. Or that his expectations were too high for him and that he would never find someone with as much of an ego as him.
At that she gave him the I don't give a damn what you think look. "Achilles, we've been over this. You said you wanted me to prove to you that I'm not here to hurt Patroclus. Well, here I am. I have nothing to explain to you and if you think I do you're sadly mistaken. Whether you approve of us being together or not doesn't matter." She'd said it once and she'd say it again, she wasn't afraid of Achilles.
Patroclus took Helen's hand in his own an he turned to Achilles. "Cousin, why would you say that? I'm happy. Can't you see she makes me happy?"
"Because she has foiled you before!" He was stern, shock washing over his face that Patroclus would be so blind as to listen to her lies of folly. She had used him before and Achilles did not wish that again on his cousin.
It made his heart sore.
Perhaps Achilles was lonely, in such a way that one would perceive him lashing out in rebuke. Perhaps he wanted to rile his cousin to unleash that anger he suppressed. Perhaps Achilles had been too long kept in this mundane existence since he'd sat back quietly from Hybris' attack.
Helen's jaw clenched and as much as she wanted to strike Achilles she didn't. Instead she squeezed Patroclus' hand. Maybe to show she was actually somewhat nervous about this.
"Yes, Achilles, I did. But you have no idea what was going on in my life at the time. I've told you once and I will only continue to tell you that I have nothing to explain to you. I didn't want things to turn out the way they did but they did and now I am attempting to make up for them. I don't give a damn if you don't trust me, it's Patroclus I care about. Not you."
Helen had nothing more to say to Achilles. Not about this. She had said her peace and he was just being a stubborn ass.
Patroclus looked back and forth between them, his jaw clenched so hard that it ached. It was a grim reminder of what Achilles had done to him. "Achilles," Patroclus said quietly, "please don't forget that just a few months ago you hurt me far worse than Helen ever did. And yet you expect me to give you a second chance. Why not Helen?"
Achilles own jaw clenched, his hand on the side curling already taking the defense.
"She is a breaker of hearts," she made men pitiful. When Patroclus posed the question there was a huff of annoyance and yet relief. There it was, that spark of anger Achilles wanted to see. The guilt slapping him right in the face.
At hearing Achilles had hurt Patroclus she faltered in her glaring at him and looked at Patroclus suddenly with surprise. She didn't know what had happened, but she glared back at Achilles. So he had hurt Patroclus and was being a hypocritical asshole.
"No. Whatever hearts have been broken by me was not my fault. That goddess is the one who started it all. Promising me to someone she had no right to give me to. You may not think it's important, but it has everything to do with why I hurt Patroclus, and not intentionally. Believe what you want, say what you will. At least I'm not too stubborn to admit that I made a mistake and am at least trying to make up for it."
"I believe her," Patroclus said, leaning in to kiss Helen's forehead. "I believe her just as I believe you want to make up for what you did to me, Achilles. But of the two of you, you are the one who broke my heart. You nearly killed me, cousin. I won't have you insulting Helen."
Patroclus still held back and even as he spoke the truth Achilles would not listen. He would not let Patroclus falter to the hands of this woman again. One he did not know if he could trust again. To know Patroclus held even deeper sorrow at his own hand cut deeply.
His teeth gritted tightly.
"She will make you fall again!" he shouted.
Helen stared stony-faced at Achilles. She was used to both being protected and being blamed. Yes, she had done some pretty stupid things in her life but why wasn't she allowed to make up for them?
She held herself high as she looked at Achilles, "I will not stand here and be insulted. Think whatever you want of me and remember when you said you expected to see my change. All you have to do is watch and wait, accept it as it comes." She turned toward Patroclus and kissed his cheek. "Now if you'll both excuse me, I have absolutely no desire to remain and be insulted any further." She made way for the door, not giving Achilles another look.