WHO: Natalie & The Red Baron WHEN: Thursday midday (2011-01-14) WHERE: Baron's apartment WHAT: 'Dude, you need a shower.' WARNINGS: probably nothing.
It had been a month since the Baron had crashed his plane and as much as Natalie was trying to be the gentle friend easing him back to life, it just wasn't working. What this needed was a more Natalie approach, it was clear. She'd been by twice a week since then, often just sitting with him, listening to him when he needed to talk, drinking with him when he was doing that (a lot), feeding the dog when he seemed to forget.
Today though it was going to be different. Today was the day he needed to start living again.
She unlocked the door to his apartment and let herself in, greeting Moritz (excited as ever to see her) and then heading straight for Conrad's bedroom. There she yanked open the curtains violently and let the daylight flood in.
"It'd afternoon, Con," she told him and then turned to pull the blankets off him. "Up! You've having a shower."
Manfred had hardly seen time pass. Every day felt like the next. If it hadn't been for Natalie coming in and out he'd sleep through a few days without ever getting up to eat or shower.
He laid in that guilt, imagining in his head what each and every one of those passengers felt before that plane spun down from the sky. It was heartbreaking. The Baron could feel his chest tighten at that thought. There was no pain like guilt to suffer through. It was worse than taking any life by fault. He could go on for months like this. There was nothing left of his license. He had been terminated from the airline, that not so perfect record tainted once again with innocents.
His eyes shut tightly, rolling over as that bright sunlight filtered into the window like a beacon. Then she stripped the blankets and it felt cold. He couldn't hide anymore. Why was she doing this? He didn't once look at her, just stayed right where he was in pajama pants and a tank, staring off into the wall.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-14 07:04 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie exited the room so she could start the shower running, letting it heat up as she went back to Con. "Get up," she told him seriously, grabbing his arms and pulling. She'd drag him into the shower if she had to. "Don't make me undress you and put you in there myself."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-15 05:12 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select "Natalie," he voiced in a very broken voice, sitting up when she pulled. He gave her an annoyed look. "I'm tired, I don't feel like getting up today, dear." The sun was still far too bright and he squinted as it peered through the windows.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-15 06:13 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select "I know," Natalie said seriously. "You don't feel like getting up any day." She yanked his tank top off, a gesture with nothing sexual at all in it. This was one friend getting another friend the hell out of bed. "Which is why I'm making you. You stink, you're getting skinny as fuck, and you're a mess. You're going to have a shower, you're going to shave, and then I'm making you lunch and coffee. Don't argue with me on this."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-15 06:26 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select He hadn't even realized how gaunt he'd started to look. His pants just barely hung on his hips, and that scar on both sides of his body from his bullet wound was more visible than ever.
It seemed as if it hurt to move. So when Natalie took off his tank he slumped back into that same sitting position. He didnt deserve to be here when so many others couldn't come back and live life like he could again and again. It crushed him and he'd spoken of as much to her in the last few weeks.
"Natalie," he shook his head looking up at her with sad and dull eyes. He'd burried himself in a rut like this before.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-15 07:04 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie put her hand on his cheek and looked at him seriously, although her expression was sympathetic as well. "Manfred," she said, eyes on his. "You are getting up."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-16 03:56 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select She was pressing him when he wanted nothing more but to wallow in his guilt. He shook his head, ignoring any advances she gave him to move off that spot on the bed. Not even the whimpering of Moritz could get him to move.
When the Baron became low on himself, he sunk low. He wasn't remembering who he was or using his arrogance to pull himself back into a higher place. Right now he felt as if he should have gone down with that plane. It was a thought that rolled in his mind like a record player scratched, stuck and repeating the same line.
He was Conrad right now. Not Manfred. Manfred was gone.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-16 05:35 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie wanted to growl and yell at him, but she knew if she'd taken down a plane of passengers she'd have been impossible to shift from bed. (Hell, she'd probably have thrown herself off a building and never let anyone convince her it wasn't her fault.) But, dammit, she knew in that case that Con wouldn't have give up trying to get through to her. So Natalie wouldn't stop either.
So instead Natalie unbuckled her own belt with determination and then yanked down the top of her jeans just enough to remind him of the tattoo there. "Manfred," she said, repeating that freaking amazing name because it was his, because those words etched into her flesh were his. "Read it. You read it and don't you dare tell me that it's not true anymore."
Natalie leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. "'To the last beat of the heart'," Natalie whispered, eyes closed. "Mine beats for you."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-16 10:01 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie was doing exactly what he would have for her in a time of need, he would have been persistent and reminding her of how to keep going. His eyes had yet to meet hers when she peeled down the jeans on her hip far enough for him to read those words.
His fingers drifted against the skin, soft and feathery, taking in each word. It made his eyes sting. He felt his heart pump again, actually skipping a beat at her last words. It was perhaps the most affectionate thing Natalie had ever spoken to him. His breath caught in his throat, forehead against hers, eyes closing.
His chest felt tight.
Shaky hands sat on her waist, sliding up to embrace her. He smelt of cigarettes, alcohol and a few days unkept. It didn't matter, he needed her to hold him.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-16 10:07 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie hugged him tightly for a long time and kissed the top of his head. "Get up for me, okay? I promise things are going to get better but not until you get up and start trying."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-16 10:21 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select He didn't want to let her go, he just wanted her to hold him like that until his arms got tired. After a few moments of willing himself up, Conrad got on his feet even though his legs felt like deadweights. He hadn't been up in days.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-16 10:22 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie nodded to him, pleased with that effort, and gave him a little smile. "Shower," she commanded. "I'm making coffee."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 03:36 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Conrad didn't give her any voice in complaint, only taking a deep breath and padding into the bathroom while she went into the kitchen.
The water was warm against his back, easing muscles and nerves. He felt sick to his stomach. His forehead rested against the tile wall, letting the water cascade until the skin on his fingers and toes went wrinkly. It would be a good twenty or so minutes before he'd gotten out, draping a towel around his thin waist while he cleaned his face of the mangy stubble that had formed. It covered all those softer features of his face.
Finally cleaned up and in a fresh pair of clothes, Conrad entered the kitchen, his feet still dragging with him.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 03:41 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie knew he'd take his time. Who didn't like the linger under the hot water when they felt like shit? She'd certainly spent enough time doing that sort of thing in her life.
When he finally appeared Natalie had made eggs and bacon and coffee as well as cleared up a few things and put the heating on. Moritz had been fed and was lying across the kitchen floor, mostly getting himself under foot annoyingly. Natalie let him. Poor thing just wanted some attention.
"Better," Natalie said when she looked at him. "Sit down and don't make me force-feed you" She put a strong coffee down on the table.
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 03:46 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Moritz looked up as his master walked in, his ears perked with a light whimper as he crawled over to Conrad's feet.
The Baron was still slow and listless, the smell of food hitting his nostrils. It was enough to make a man sick no matter how much he enjoyed it before.
"Natalie," he started, "I'm not hungry." He took hold of the coffee mug, finger curling around it's handle to take a light sip. It smelled horrible. Then again, everything did.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 03:49 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select "And when was the last time you ate?" Natalie asked, sounding incredibly matronly about it. She'd be his bossy nursemaid forever if that was what was needed. She grabbed a piece of bacon and chewed on it. "Immortal or not, you have to eat."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 03:57 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select He'd filled his stomach with more alcohol over the last few weeks than he had anything of substance. "Few days maybe." His hands hugged the mug, not at all as precise as he usually was when making his caffeine. Nothing in the entire apartment was as tidy as it was normally. He had lost that flare for keeping order, more in disarray as he'd been before.
He turned his head away from her gaze. Her persistence was starting to irritate him.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 03:59 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie didn't look away from him. "Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen," she said firmly, hands on her hips. "I'll make you dry toast if you can't handle eggs and bacon, but you will eat something and I'm not leaving here until you do."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 04:21 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select She'd said his full name and had he been his usual self he would have been impressed with her. He rolled his eyes, ignoring that stance and continuing to drink his coffee.
"Then I suppose you'll be here all day." He was being defiant.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 04:26 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie looked over at the clock. It had been an empty threat as she had to fly a group to Seattle in six hours.
"I suppose so," Natalie said, crossing her arms as she watched him. "But if our positions were switched you'd be right here pissing me off by telling me how it wasn't my fault and that I can't give up because of it, and so I'm not giving up either, because I fucking love you and I can be just as god damn stubborn as you are."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 04:32 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Conrad huffed, raking his hands in his still semi-damp hair in frustration. This wasn't the first time he'd fallen victim to depression. When it came to his own hands, flying, lives in danger, he took this very seriously.
There had been a period in his first life that he had done the same. After that first shot that put him out of commission for a while. He'd sat back, listless with the only company of his friends and his mother. It was that period that had changed him from the arrogant young man he had been to the far more subdued and thoughtful gentleman he'd turned into.
Now he was regressing. He sighed heavily, brows crossed. She was frustrating him terribly, stubborn as an ox. "I've been terminated Natalie, there's not much cause for thinking I'll be flying again anytime soon." Not that he was gung-ho to do so now anyway.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 04:38 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select "Then we'll get to that later," Natalie said, all serious and business. She'd fix that, but she had no idea how. It wasn't as though she had any special powers there. But even if wasn't allowed to fly commercially anymore - which, okay, probably wasn't very likely - they couldn't keep him out of the air all together. He had his plane and he'd always have the sky, no matter what happened. People like them didn't just stop. It was their blood, the sky.
"But right now," Natalie said, coming around the counter to him and sliding her arms around his shoulders. "I just need you to be okay. And if you can't see any possibility of that ever happening, then I'm going to be selfish and ask you to just try for me." She looked down at him gently. "Cause I need you, okay, Baron? You're my fucking hero and if you can't get up then I don't see much hope for me."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 04:48 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Why couldn't she just let him have a broken spirit for at least a little while longer? Even he was entitled to that.
His jaw tightened, feeling that burn in his chest at her words. She was being amazing and he was letting her down. "Sometimes people let you down," he said softly.
"I'm not some hero on a pedestal, Natalie. I'm just a man."
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 04:53 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie looked at him sadly before leaning down to kiss his lips, a movement soft and lingering. When she drew away it was mere inches. "You've never let me down," she whispered.
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 05:08 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select "Stop saying that," he said in a whisper, feeling his heart crush all over again. "This isn't like you." He tried to laugh but it came out a little choked up.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 05:13 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select She smiled at him a little, drawing back enough so that she could see him properly. "Well, this isn't like you so maybe I was feeling left out." Her tone was gentle and teasing.
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 05:22 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select There was a smile then, no matter how small. "You're trying to be charming," he shook his head.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 05:24 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select "Hey," Natalie said, running her hand through his hair. "If it'll make you smile then I'll try charm the effing pants right off you."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 05:27 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select His head hung lightly as if to hide what little she made him smile again. She was attempting to get him to come out now, and despite his attempt to ignore her it was working.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 05:28 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie ran her thumb across his cheek and with a sad smile she said, "eat something? Just a little, for me?"
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 05:31 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select He took a moment to think, eyes closing to collect himself. If it took what little ounce of strength he had, he'd use it. Natalie was his energy more than she realized. She'd been brought to him by her adoration, it helped keep him alive. Her belief, her perseverance, her love.
He breathed in and out again giving her a nod of agreement.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 05:33 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie smiled and then kissed him again. "Thank you," she said, knowing he was doing it more for her than for him. "I'll make something less full of dead pig."
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 05:39 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select He went back to his coffee, still feeling heavy inside and drained. She slipped from him again to cook, this time he grabbed her hand lightly, pulling her back towards him.
For a man that wanted to be left alone, he wanted her close by.
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[info]bornincrossfire 2011-01-17 05:48 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select Natalie didn't mind, nor did she moved away from him. She held Conrad close against her, kissing his temple. She wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, but she wasn't sure he'd believe her.
"I wasn't lying," Natalie finally said, still with her arms around him. "You still are my hero, and it's not just because of who you were. It's who you are. You're a good man, Connie. The best, and I love you so much." Another kiss on the top of his head and she left her face there in his still damp hair.
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[info]the_red_knight 2011-01-17 05:56 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select She was so warm, he could feel the beating of her heart. Much more steady than his own. She was being so openly honest with him, he wanted to hang onto those words.
It made his breath catch a little.
His eyes closed again at her breath so close, that kiss on his head, it was a simple moment that wouldn't last. He'd remind her of these things she'd said and she's probably deny them later. Hands sat against her arms. She was a much better girl than she gave herself credit for.