Who: Roger and Gwen What: Roger telling Gwen he's been baaaad Where: Gwen's home Warnings: Making oooouuut and Roger swearing
For the record, Roger had never bought any woman flowers. The closest he ever got was a cactus he picked up for Max when Amanda was born, but that was it. Still, here he stood at Gwen’s door with the strangest collection of flowers a man could purchase. Tiger lilies, giant pink daises and fluffy white carnations all tied together with a red ribbon. It might have looked as if he hadn’t tried to create an appeasing bouquet, but the mind-power he actually spent on it was baffling. The amount of money he shelled out was horrifying.
Roger got strange looks all the way up to her door. His typical tough guy outfit completely clashing with the delicate flowers he grasped in one hand. What was the point? Gwen was just going to beat him senseless with them anyway and then he wouldn’t be able to get the floral smell off him for days.
He knocked on her door and wondered how to order the two items of bad news he had to give her. Kissing some girl at a party was bad, but being in correspondence with her estranged half-sister who wanted to hurt her was just a whole new bag of kittens. Angry, feral, rabies infested tiger kittens. Roger’s face paled as he decided to just look at his boots until she opened the door.
Gwen frowned from the other room as she heard the knock on the door, looking around for a quick moment to see who was in the house. Wren was out and she quickly called out to Darwin, on the off chance he was here and lurking invisibly like he sometimes did, but there was no answer. She pulled the comm out of her ear and left her computer to head toward the door.
Things had been surprisingly quiet, though she assumed it was more due to people still recovering from the party. Other than two standout encounters and a few colorful drinks, her evening had been largely uninteresting, but still she took the quiet time to relax more than usual. When she saw Roger’s familiar mop of hair through her door peep hole she immediately let him in. She was all sleepy smiles when she opened the door, a loose green shirt that came off one shoulder and a pair of grey shorts, clearly not expecting any visitors or expecting to go out on patrol that night.
“Hey,” she said and let her eyes fall to the bouquet in his hand. “Those are for me?” Her words started out with a warm laugh as she took in the strange but clearly well intended bunch of flowers he was holding. Then a moment of doubt as to why he had it seeped in toward the end. “I thought you were more of a takeout kind of guy.”
Roger gave an awkward laugh that stopped short just as her tone changed. He handed them to her and opened his mouth to say something, but it took several seconds for anything to come out.
“You know I really- I care a lot about you, right?” He narrowed his eyes, acknowledging how crazy guilty he was already sounding. “I mean. Right, usually take out. But, I thought-” Roger’s mind drew a funny blank and left him grasping for something to say that didn’t make him sound like such a dumbass. A hand ran through his hair as he glanced past her inside the apartment. “Can I come in?”
“Yeeeah…” she trailed off as she opened the door wider for him. “Everyone’s out so come on in.” She didn’t exactly sound sure of herself, like she was questioning whether it was a good idea. But if he wanted to be an enclosed space while he told her something that warranted flowers, that was his decision.
Once he was inside she took the flowers, ready to go and find a vase for them. She took a step away before turning back to him, giving him a quick kiss to reassure that this was fine. This was going to be a normal, nice, conversation. Though who she was reassuring more, him or herself, she couldn’t exactly tell. “How’ve you been?” she asked as she turned to go to the kitchen.
Roger returned the kiss guiltily and followed her into the kitchen. “I went to that party. The crazy one.” He sighed, deciding the best route was just to get through it. Prolonging the pain was a mistake. “I went as some army guy. Spent most of the night lookin’ for you, but I had too much to drink and lost control a little.” He leaned on her kitchen counter, one hand propping the rest of his body up as he watched her. “I kissed this girl I was dancin’ with. Didn’t mean shit. Didn’t have my mind in the right place. I’m sorry.”
He watched for a reaction, tilting his head while his body braced for physical impact. Roger was willing to take whatever anger she had to throw at him. He’d prefer that over the pain he was about to cause.
Hearing his news made her drop the plastic vase she was holding, the sound of it clanging against the sides of her sink filling the air between them. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, her attention momentarily focused on having dropped it than what made her do it. Once righted, she filled with water, and then put in the flowers, arranging them and rearranging them just to give her a reason not to look at him.
“You kissed someone,” she said flatly, her voice surprisingly even and controlled. Probably due to the fact that the leaves between her fingers were bearing the brunt of her anger. She knew she couldn’t be mad. She had been at the party, she knew that she hadn’t exactly felt like herself. But that didn’t make the angry turn of her stomach easier to handle, and the lack of control over her emotions only made her even more furious. “You kissed—Who? Who was she?” Kissing anyone else was bad enough, but on the list of people she absolutely didn’t want him kissing, a few names came to mind, and one unlucky carnation stem broke between her fingers.
He didn’t move, watching her throttle the delicate flowers between her fingers. “It was just some girl. I didn’t even know her.” That didn’t exactly make the situation better. “I drank too much. I was lonely.” Roger didn’t want to admit it, but that part was true. Booze was where he crawled when he wanted to feel something good and he just took it miles too far. “I’m sorry. Christ, it didn’t mean anything.” He stood up straight took a step closer to her, his hand moving to touch the place between her shoulder blades on her back.
“Lonely? You’ve been lonely?” She gaped down at the flowers in her hands, trying to find something to say and coming up short. Despite what was going on between them, he was still feeling lonely. Great. When he touched her back she didn’t start, nor did she relax. She knew it meant nothing. This was just one of those bullshit byproducts of being near Creations. She certainly had experienced her own share. So Gwen just shoved it down, all the unhappiness and uneasiness that came with his confession. She just locked it all away. “Okay.”
It was like touching a statue. No tension or release, just the sort of indifferent void he was afraid of in people. “Don’t-” Roger started, moving his hand down her arm as he stepped behind her and pressed his body against hers. “I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length, Red.” It took talking to Max for Roger to understand it. This whole time he was afraid of pushing Gwen, when really pulling back was what would hurt her more. “I’m crazy about you, but I don’t want to scare you off.”
She inhaled softly as he touched her arm and when she exhaled she relaxed against his chest, but only slightly. She couldn’t quite decide if she wanted to kiss him or punch him or do both and the indecision left her spine almost as ramrod straight as it was before. “Scare me off? Right. Because you’ve got a lot I should be afraid of.” There was a laugh on the tip of her tongue but it was without enough humor and when she turned to face him she didn’t back away, still pressed up against him but now looking at him instead of at the flowers.
“Look, if there’s one thing that I know it’s that I scare people.” Whatever control she had before that kept her from spilling her insecurities all over Roger was gone now. “So just say it. I’m… whatever it is, that’s you pushing me away. Too busy with work. Too accessible at work. Too closed off. Too mean. Or hell, just say that being with me isn’t as awesome as you thought it might be but you don’t want me saying ‘I told you so’ or bearing the brunt of people we know who might be angry because I’m pissed. I haven’t sent anyone after my ex yet so your odds are looking pretty good.”
He smirked down at her as she rattled off all the flaws she saw in herself. After working with her both in the police force and as vigilantes, he knew those were things on the surface. That people could accuse her of and maybe rightfully so, but Roger never saw anything wrong with how she was. Fighting crime was just as important to him and without someone like Gwen around he could lose himself in it. Become a mess that didn’t have much of a life outside of running around as Nightwing.
Roger moved his hands around her waist and shook his head. “Come on.” Like she had to be joking. “I’m way worse than you. I’m angry all the time. I can’t be taken anywhere fancy without breaking shit. I pick fights with The Bat.” A pause as his voice dropped to a whisper. “I wear my heart on my sleeve. All terrible, life-threatening qualities for a boy friend to have.”
A little bit of the fire slipped away when he slid his hands to her waist, though she kept hers by his chest, the fingers on his shirt still cold and damp from filling the vase with water. “I dunno. I happen to like those qualities,” she replied indignantly before conceding slight. “Okay, maybe I’ll take someone else to fancy dinners,” she teased, a fond smile tugging at the corners of her mouth before she shook her head. “And you aren’t angry all the time. At least not with me.” As she said it, she realized it might have had something to do with that ‘scaring away’ business that he spoke of, and she frowned, staring down at her hands that were toying with his shirt. “Why have you been holding out on me?”
“I’ve lost a lot of things.” He said simply, watching her hands leave small, wet marks across his shirt. “My parents, New York, my job. I didn’t want to add you to that list.” Roger knew what it felt like to be alone. But, since he moved to Seattle, that ache was dulling as people filled important roles in his life. If he let Gwen too close and she didn’t like what she found or decided that he was too much work, then she’d just go back to being a faceless girl on the other side of a communicator. Roger couldn’t live with that.
“And that’s why you’ve been keeping away?” She couldn’t help a little laugh at that, though it was more incredulous than anything else. She shook her head and she leaned back slightly to look up at him, fingers still at his chest, done playing. “You don’t want to lose me so you keep me at arm’s length?” She had heard a speech like this before and she had understood it even less now than she did then. She was there; she wasn’t going anywhere. And yet people were so afraid of supposedly losing her that they were pushing her back or leaving her in the dust. It made her want to scream and it looked like she was on the verge of it.
“I never said I was smart, Red.” He leaned down to touch his forehead against her’s and closed his eyes. “The farther I keep you, the less it hurts when you leave.” An abandoned puppy theory that only worked in practice when the other person really didn’t give a damn. Gwen wasn’t just any girl he’d pick up because he needed company. Whether he liked it or not, she knew him. Maybe didn’t understand him sometimes, but saw who he was beyond the joking, rugged act he put on for just about everyone.
She let out a soft laugh, a muttered tease of “That’s for sure,” and a little sigh as he leaned against her. “I’m not going anywhere, Roger. Like it or not, and more likely not, you’re stuck with me.” And that was more of Gwen’s worry. That he would grow to resent her, like others, since their lives had grown so intertwined that he wouldn’t be rid of her like he wanted. “Dating me is probably the shortest straw you’re ever going to get. If you want to do this then we can do this. If you want to go slow and you can kiss other people without buying me flowers, you can do that too but that I means I get to too. And if you don’t want any of this, then I’m going to throw you out of here right now at least you’ll have that. But I need to know what you want. Do you want me?”
He slipped his hand across her neck, moving his fingers past her red hair and gave out a soft chuckle. To him, it was a ridiculous question. Roger had dutifully played the good friend and partner in crime fighting for months before getting the chance to express his feelings. He silently vowed to never let her question the fact that he wanted her ever again. “I just want you.” A raspy, stern sort of whisper so she understood he wasn’t only saying it to ease her mind. Dipping his head down he exchanged a look with her and then kissed her lips suddenly. A sort of bold, urgent kiss that sent a thrill through him like jumping off a building.
Her pulse only had one short moment to skip a beat before he was suddenly kissing her, wiping away any last bit of doubt. Cold fingers slid to his waist before snaking up his back, pulling him up against her and finally closing the last bit of distance between them a sigh. She returned his urgency in kind with a fierce kiss of her own. She didn’t have to say it aloud but she needed him to know how she felt too. She wanted him, wanted to be with him, and wanting nothing else held back anymore.
Roger wrapped her up in his arms, holding her close to him as he deepened the kiss, his fingers gripping the fabric of her shirt. Something in the back of his mind reminded him about Lilith and the promise he made, but he quickly swatted it away. There wasn’t a reason to ruin the mood tonight. Not when they finally met at some kind of understanding. Not while Gwen was in his arms, not while she was holding him just so he understood what she wanted from him.
“I think we should take the night off.” Roger smirked, kissing her again before pulling a little at her bottom lip. He was always planning on going out as Nightwing, it was his ritual, and he knew that she was falling into the same routine. He figured with all the other masks running around, they could keep the city relatively intact.
His immediate answer was a soft gasp at the tug on her lip, a quick murmur before she kissing him once more. A part of her wanted to protest, that they had work to do and couldn’t slack off no matter. Dinners were one thing, so were an early night out, or a long night at with their other jobs. In the end they still always had to come back for patrol or surveillance. A few hours off maybe. But the night? Just a night all to themselves?
“They can do without us,” Gwen agreed with a laugh on her lips and a smile that curved against his mouth. With a quick thought she turned her comm in the other room to silent and slipped her hands beneath the back of his shirt. “We’re very busy.”